Chloe's p.o.v.
Fuck ! Have I... done it with Rebecca ?! I can see we are both still wearing clothes but that doesn't mean anything because we are also both wearing a dress. I really don't remember clearly what happened but I do have a memory, of me kissing Rebecca, and she kissed me back... then I can't remember. Man. Have I really done this ?! If I have, I won't be able to face her at this moment...
I get out of bed slowly, careful not to wake her up and head downstairs. Emily and Benji are sleeping on the sofa, cuddled up together, Emily on top of him, and Aubrey and Uni are pretty much the same but on the carpet. The others seem to all have gone into the guest room. I am torn. On one hand I want answers as to what has happened last night, but on the other hand, I am afraid of what I might find out. And still, I don't know wether to stay or not for our extra homework.
I decide to be brave and wake Emily and Aubrey up to ask them about last night. I am careful not to wake Benji and Uni up along with them and they follow me to the kitchen, where Em pours three glasses of water and hands each of us one before she sits up onto the counter.
"What's up Chlo' ?" she asks, clearly not completely awake.
« Yeah babe, you seem to be a little upset, is something wrong ? » Aubrey asks, concern written on her face.
"Guys... do you know what I did last night ? It's all blurry to me and I'm afraid I did something wrong..." I explain. They think about it for a minute and finally Emily replies.
"Well... I was pretty busy with Benji but, I remember you getting pretty wasted... Then I saw Be... uh, Reb leading you to the bathroom, almost carrying you as you could barely walk straight. About ten minutes later you two came out hand in hand and went straight upstairs. That's all I can tell you. Reb looked worried..." Emily finishes.
« Yeah, I mean, I remember seeing Rebecca going to see you when I was about to, you were drinking alone on a chair and I thought maybe you'd work out your problems so I stayed with Uni. You seemed to be pretty trashed though and I remember Rebecca looked frustrated and still a little upset when you winked at her at some point. That's all I can remember… » Aubrey adds.
"Crap... I was hoping you could help me more..." I say looking down, even more stressed by what I could have done.
"Why ? What is it that you're afraid of ?" Aubrey asks, concerned. I debate wether or not to tell her, and decide against it, way too ashamed. At least not right now, not in front of Em. I need some fresh air.
"N-nothing... I-I need to go." I stutter as I grab my clothes and go out.
*2 hours later*
I'm currently sitting on a bench in the nearby park. I have denied already 10 of Reb's phone calls as I receive a text from her. I hesitate on opening it and finally I do.
"Chloe, I don't know what you think happened last night, but you need to come back. Everyone is gone, and we need to work. I'll tell you about last night if you want, I wasn't drunk, I remember. Please come back."
Seeing that she hadn't drank last night releives me, I am thinking she can't have taken advantage of me unless she had alcohol in her system, and after what happened yesterday, I owe her a chance to explain, so I head back.
Beca's p.o.v.
When I woke up earlier today, Chloe was gone and I had had another nightmare, always the same one... I went down and Emily told me about the chat she had had with Chloe and Aubrey this morning, I therefor quickly understood what she might have thought and after everyone helped cleaning and left, she would deny all my calls, so I sent her a text and waited.
15 minutes later, I hear the front door open and Chloe enters. She closes it behind her and looks anywhere but at me, rubbing her left arm with her right hand. I am sitting on the couch and I indicate for her to do so as well, and she does, just as far from me as she can.
"Chloe, what do you think happened last night ?" I ask as she still doesn't look at me.
"Well... I can't remember a thing about last night, except for one single moment..." she says, fidgeting nervously with her fingers.
"And what is that ?" I ask, really wondering.
"I remember... kissing you... and so when I woke up in your arms this morning I just..." she starts to explain, finally looking into my eyes but I cut her off.
"You just assumed I had taken advantage of the state you were in." I state, slightly hurt, looking down at my knees.
"NO !" she exclaims. "I thought that maybe, you were just as drunk as I was and that maybe we had... you know..." she trails off.
"But that's not what happened." I reply.
"Then what really happened ?!" she asks, on the edge.
"Well, you were completely wasted, so I led you to the bathroom to give you some water. But you started hitting on me, so I tried to stop your flirting but you were so drunk... I don't know, I guess you were trying to make me forgive you for not telling me, but anyway, you kissed me, and at first, I have to say, I couldn't help but kiss you back. After about 30 seconds, I finally gathered enough strenght to pull away. I led you to my bedroom for you to rest, but you got it wrong. You pushed me onto the bed and went for it but this time I didn't let you. You started crying, saying I didn't love you anymore, I comforted you, you asked me to stay, cuddled up to me and that's it." She listens carefully and when I am done, she nods her head.
"God... I'm sorry I was such a mess..." she apologizes.
"It's alright, happens ! You wanna get to work ?" I ask to try and get in a more comfortable atmosphere. She nods again.
We've been working on feminism for about an hour and a half when Chloe made a comment.
"They're right ! Males rule a phalocentric society ! Men are so not worth our time. Females are much more interesting..." she states thoughtfully.
"Yeah, who are you telling ?" I reply which makes her chuckle as we reach for the computer at the same time. Our hands brush against one another so I quickly pull away, afraid to make her uncomfortable and look down at my hands, playing with my numerous rings.
From the corner of my eyes, I can see her looking at me while she reaches for my hand and takes it. I look up at her, a questionning look on my face. She holds our hands in front of my eyes, as if to show me it doesn't bother her.
"Now does it hurt ?" she asks me, and I can't tell if it was sarcastic or serious. I frown at her, confused. "I didn't mean physically... I meant, touching me. Even being around me, or what I've done last night... Did I... Do I make you suffer ?" she asks quietly and obviously concerned. I wasn't expecting this. I look down, not wanting to tell her the truth, that yes, all this makes me suffer because it isn't her fault. But she puts two fingers under my chin and lifts my face to look back up at her and she's pleading me with her eyes to be honest.
"It depends..." I answer honestly. "Sometimes, I have to struggle hard not to give up on my behaving, it's like an inside battle. And when you kissed me, you can imagine that yes, it hurt to stop you, and myself. When you talk to me about you boyfriend, it hurts too, but at the same time, I don't want you to stop cause I wanna at least be your friend. But some other times, it just feels heavenly to spend time with you. When I'm not reminded that you'll never be mine..." I say, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"Say it." she says gently.
"What ?" I ask, not knowing what she meant.
"I think you'll be a little releived if you let it out..." she continues, cupping my cheeks with her hands and leans a little closer. "Say you love me." she whispers. Wow. Could I do that ? I do have feelings for her but love ? Yes. It is. But wouldn't it mean betraying Bridgit ? Maybe Bridgit wouldn't want me to remain stuck in our love forever... Seeing my hesitation, she says "You've been bottling it up for so long, Reb, just let it out." And I can't take it anymore. I grab her hands that are still on my cheeks and hold them in mine as I look in her eyes.
"Chloe, you're such a talented, smart, funny, caring, sweet and beautiful girl... I love you. And I know you're straight but, I am deeply, uncontrolably in love with you. There, I said it." I blurt out with a sigh of releif. She is smiling.
"You're right. I might be straight, and I might not feel the same way, but I still can do something for you..." she says.
"What is it ?" I ask. She places one hand on my cheek, and the other one on my lap and leans in. I shiver as she gently places her lips upon mine and gave me a light kiss before pulling away. I am so surprised that I don't say anything, and she is the one to speak again.
"I may not be in love with you, but unlike last night, this time it meant something." she states.
"W-what does it mean ?" I stutter, still shocked.
"I don't know yet... but just know that I don't go around kissing people meaninglessly when I'm not drunk. And I most certainly didn't do it out of pity..." she replies thoughtfully.
All of a sudden, she looks a lot more confused, and as she grabs her stuff, she says "I have to go, my dad will be there any minute." and with that she heads towards the door.
"Okay, bye.." is all I can mutter. She mumbles a barely audible "See ya" and leaves. I am left there, on the couch, almost numb. I replay the past couple of days in my head to try and make some sense out of this. I coan't though. What the hell has just happened ?
Chloe's p.o.v.
Oh my God. OH. MY. GOD. What… why… Argh ! I need to call Aubrey. Like now.
« Aubrey Posen.
Aubs, come pick me up please ?
Hum… yeah sure… Be there in 5. »
Sure enough she's here 5 minutes later. And I know I'm gonna have to answer some questions.
« Okay babe, you know I love you, but I'm confused there. First you run off this morning for no apparent reason, but obviously upset. And now you call to have me pick you up when your dad isn't supposed to come for another hour. Mind explaining what's happening there ? » she asks me calmly.
« I-I-I… I don't… I'm… Oh Gosh… What did I do ? » I whine.
« Well that's precisely what I keep wondering. So. Let's begin, from the start. Why where you all riled up this morning ? » she starts. Aubrey Posen, always the organised one, even in the messiest situations.
« I woke up… In Rebecca's arms, like, cuddling up to her y'know ? And I… You know how smashed I was last night so I couldn't remember anything really, except for one thing… » I trail off, hesitating.
« Chloe, honey, you're gonna have to help me there, I don't read minds. What is it you remembered that was so bad you freaked out so much ? » she asks.
« I, well apparently, I started hitting on Reb when she took me to the bathroom and I… I kissed her. And I just remembered that she kissed me back. » I start explaining.
« Wait, wait wait. You… Kissed Rebecca. You initiated it, you're sure about that ? »
« Yes, Bree, I'm sure. So, when I woke up in her bed, in her arms, I just thought that maybe… I had done something I shouldn't have… » I keep going.
« Just to be clear, you mean sex right ? With Rebecca. » she states.
« YES AUBREY ! Now will you let me finish ? » I ask, frustrated and she nods, making a zipping motion on her mouth. « Good. So when you and Em couldn't fill in the blanks I panicked and I left. Rebecca kept calling me but I didn't pick up, that is until she texted. She said she was sober last night so at that point, I was pretty sure she wouldn't have done that, y'know ? So I went back, because we had work to do. She explained, how she had to keep stopping me from sexually assaulting her and stuff… Don't laugh. Anyway. At some point after we started working, I could feel how tense she was, to be around me, so I told her to just… open up and tell me what she feels. And she did. And Bree, you have to understand that it was… the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me… » I trail off, not quite ready to tell her about what happened next. Drunkenly kissing a girl, I can. Not drunkenly kissing the same girl… ain't the same.
« So ? Chloe, same as 5 minutes ago, still can't read minds. I'm not going to judge you babe, I know there's more to the story. You can handle her feelings. So what made you run out of there again ? » she asks, nicely.
« I might have… kissed her again. And told her that it wasn't meaningless. And then I bolted out, when I realized… When I realized it indeed meant something because I just don't know what it was ! » I exclaim, now deeply frustrated. Aubs exhaled loudly and thought for a moment.
« Oookay. I'm not gonna lie, I don't really know how to handle that situation. So… I'm gonna ask you some questions, and give you some advice, but I don't want you to answer the questions, at least not now. Okay ? » she tells me and I nod. « Alright, I want you to think about why exactly you got smashed last night, and if you'd have done the same thing had you had a fight with anyone else. Also, about why you kissed her but most of all, about what it is exactly that you feel for her. And as for the advice : just, take some time, to think. She's not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere. You've got time. Alright ? I know her, she won't come asking for answers. You good ? » she finishes.
« Not at the moment but I will. Thanks Bree. You're the best. Really. I don't know what I'd do without you… » I tell her.
« Freak out all the time, most likely. » she deadpans.
« Shut up ! » I giggle, nudging her before we change the subject.