Naruto (c) Masashi Kishimoto
My wounds cry for the grave! My soul cries, for deliverance! Will I be denied?Christ! Tourniquet! My suicide! — Evanesence
"Sir, you have to let go of the body," the paramedic said, kneeling before Itachi, he rested a comforting hand on the Uchiha. "You need to let go of the body now," the man said. Itachi was shaking his eyes, wide; he was still in shock, in denial about the entire thing even happening. "Let go of the body now," the medic said, when Itachi didn't respond the medic took Shisui's lifeless corpse away from Itachi. The paramedic was surprise that Itachi was so limp and unresponsive as his cousin's body was removed from his embrace. The medic gave a sad smile at Itachi before placing Shisui's body in a black body bag.
Itachi didn't remember standing up, but apparently he had and he was staring over Minako's shoulder at a point only he could see. "Did you see who did it?" Minako asked. Itachi blinked, totally zoned out. "Whoo-hoo, Itachi," she waved a hand before his face.
"Akatenshi Hidan," Itachi stated dully. "He fired three shots," Itachi added.
"Okay-dokay," Minako scribbled it down on her note pad. "Itachi, I think you should go home and get some rest," Minako added. Itachi didn't respond, he just continued to stare at nothing. "Itachi, go home, eat, shower, relax, just…don't think about what happened for a bit," Minako said. Itachi looked at her.
"Hn?" he blinked.
"Go home," Minako stressed.
"I'll take my son home," Fugaku said, placing a hand on Itachi's shoulder.
"Awesome!" Minako blew a bubble before going off to interview more witnesses.
"C'mon son," Fugaku said, leading Itachi away from the scene of the crime.
Fugaku drove silently towards Itachi's apartment complex. "Itachi, we'll catch Hidan and put him away for a very long time," Fugaku aid.
"Shisui's dead," Itachi whispered brokenly.
"Yes, but try not to dwell on it for now," Fugaku replied.
"Shisui's dead," Itachi repeated in disbelief. Fugaku sighed. "He… he pushed me out of the way… Hidan wanted to kill me," Itachi whispered. Fugaku pulled into the parking garage of the apartment complex and parked the car.
"Itachi," Fugaku's voice was stern, causing Itachi to look at him. "Shisui knew what he was doing. He wanted you to live," Fugaku said.
"Why?" Itachi breathed.
"Because he just did!" Fugaku snapped. Itachi visibly flinched, shying away from his father. Fugaku sighed, his expression softening. "Itachi, Shisui always looked at you as a little brother he never had, he wanted to protect you," Fugaku said.
"Dad," Itachi whispered.
"You would've done the same thing for Sasuke, Shisui wanted to protect you, because you were his precious person," Fugaku said. "Now, buck up, I'm sure Hana heard about something happening, put on a brave face for your girlfriend." Fugaku gave Itachi a weak grin.
"Shisui's dead," Itachi whispered as he got out of the car.
Hana looked up when she heard the door open. "Hana," Fugaku called. Hana stood up and walked briskly over to see Itachi, a blank lifeless expression on his pale face and Fugaku in his police chief uniform.
"Fugaku," Hana began as Itachi walked into the apartment, staring at everything with a zombie's rational. Hana glanced at her boyfriend, noting the blood on his hands and clothes, then back at Fugaku. "What happened?" she asked.
"Uchiha Shisui is dead," Fugaku stated apathetically. Hana's eyes grew wide and looked at Itachi.
"Itachi," she breathed.
"As you can see, Itachi is still processing the information." Fugaku gestured towards his son. "I hope… I hope you can help him through mourning," Fugaku stated.
"Y-yes, of course." Hana nodded.
"Well, good day." Fugaku gave a Hana a curt nod before closing the door and leaving. Hana turned around to look at Itachi before slowly walking up to him, treating him like a wild animal trapped in a cage.
"Itachi?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Itachi turned to face her, the lost and utterly broken look on his face made Hana's heart shatter.
"Shisui's dead," Itachi whispered.
"Itachi." Hana hugged him. He buried his face into her chest, sobbing, holding onto her tightly. "I'm so sorry Itachi," she whispered.
"He's dead because of me," Itachi sobbed. Hana pulled out of Itachi's death grip and grabbed his face, forcing the man to stare at her with teary black eyes.
"No Itachi, love look at me," Hana whispered, holding his gaze. "Shisui died protecting you, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself," Hana kissed his lips lightly, "never blame yourself for something you couldn't've stopped."
Itachi looked down at their feet, tears falling onto the ground. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Itachi, you have nothing to apologize for," Hana smiled. He shrugged dispassionately. "Hey, I'm gonna heat up some leftovers for dinner, we have that cabbage salad too, do you want some of that?" she asked.
"Hn." Itachi headed off towards the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower," he muttered, not bothering to wait for Hana's response.
Itachi stared at his reflection; he was still trembling. Shisui's blood now black and crusty, was a stark contrast to Itachi's ghost white skin. His black eyes were hollow voids they mirrored and now just as lifeless. Itachi splashed some water onto his face but it failed to do anything, but send him into a coughing fit that soon made him start to gag. He vomited, but all that was in his stomach was stomach acid. The vile taste of the bitter bile flooded Itachi's mouth as he swallowed repeatedly has he struggled to get some semblance of control back. Snot and tears ran down his face; he could taste the salty slime mixture on his tongue and lips. He gulped before vomiting into the sink again, gripping the faucet for dear life. If he could just forget the fact that his best friend is now dead, he'll be able to deal with the world in a somewhat normal fashion. He jumped when someone knocked on the door. "Itachi are you okay?" Hana asked.
"I'm fine," Itachi forced out.
"Are you sure? Because… well, the food's done," Hana said.
Itachi looked at his gaunt reflection. "I'm not hungry," he muttered. Truth be told, he didn't think he'll be able to keep food down.
"Okay." Hana left. Itachi sighed and pulled his shirt, pants and socks off before slipping into the shower. He began the painful task of scrubbing his skin raw in an effort to get the feeling of Shisui's blood off him.
Hana looked at the bathroom as Itachi walked out in a pair of pajamas. Any other day, she would've giggled and seduced him, but not today. She stood up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders. "Hey, do you want some ice cream or chocolate?" she asked.
"No, I just want to forget this day ever happened." Itachi rubbed his forehead against her shoulder. Hana gave a vulpine grin.
"I can help you forget," she purred.
"No sex. I don't want sex," he shook his head dejectedly.
"Then how about we just cuddle?" Hana asked.
"No… I don't know." Itachi pulled away staring at the Mickey Mouse clock over the stove.
"Itachi," Hana asked.
"Hn?" He looked at her. She slipped her fingers into his hand, and gave him a comforting squeeze.
"C'mon." She tugged him towards the couch. They laid down together. Hana snuggled into Itachi's chest, weakly smiling at him. "Everything will be okay, I promise," Hana whispered.
Itachi grabbed her hand that was toying with her hair; he kissed her knuckles lightly before flicking lifeless black eyes at her. "Promise?" he sounded like a lost child.
"Promise," Hana kissed him. He returned it. "C'mon," she whispered against his lips, her hands roaming his muscular chest, "lemme make you feel better." She gave a wolfish grin.
"No sex, please Hana, I'm not in the mood," he sighed.
"Okay, we'll just lay here like this." She smiled. "I don't mind, as long as I get to feel your touch, I'm fine," she said.
"Then let's stay here, just like this," he breathed, nuzzling her.
"Okay." She cupped his face, before pulling the throw blanket onto their bodies. Hana rested her head on Itachi's chest. Hana was soon asleep, her breathing soft, even and gentle; Itachi found it difficult to keep his eyes open as Hana's breathing lulled him to sleep, his eyes fluttered close and finally he gave in and fell asleep.
Itachi jerked awake, his eyes snapping open and he panicked when he saw the darkness that was pressing in around him. He struggled to sit up when he felt something heavy on his chest. Hana's soft moan was like a lifeline that pulled Itachi back down to reality. He looked down at his girlfriend who was now slowly waking up. "Itachi?" she whispered sleepily, blinking at him.
"Sorry, nightmares." he looked away, ashamed that he admitted a weakness.
"Oh, okay." She rested her head on his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly.
"It's… what happened today, it's like on repeat, and I can't turn it off." Itachi slammed his fist against the couch. Hana didn't respond, causing Itachi to look down at her. He sighed as he shook his head at his sleeping girlfriend. "Hana." He wrapped his arms around her and forced his stubborn mind to think happy thoughts as he slowly fell asleep.
The water was cold. Itachi shivered as he sat there, clothes soaking wet; he held the kitchen knife in his left hand and stared at his right wrist. He remembered Hidan telling him to cut horizontally across the wrist, not vertically otherwise you'll die. Itachi bit his lip before pulling the sharp blade across his wrist.
Blood blossomed and then colored the water red. Itachi stared at the blood, the pain was dull, but it didn't quenched the pain in his soul. "Damn it," he grumbled and etched a few more cuts into his skin, staring dispassionately at his blood as it splattered and swirled down the drain. The cuts throbbed dully but Itachi easily pushed the pain out of his mind as he cut himself repeatedly, trying to amass enough cuts to equal the pain in his heart. He felt dizzy and realized it wasn't working. He turned the water off, both wrists bleeding, and stood up.
He stepped out of the shower, setting the soiled knife on the sink's counter; he slowly headed out into the living room, and then the balcony. Uncaring that he was leaving a trail of blood that dripped down from his hands.
He didn't hear Hana come home, but her scream as she noticed the trail of crimson regret, but he didn't care, why should he care anyways. He looked over the balcony, calculating how badly he'd be injured if he jumped from the second story balcony. "Itachi!" Hana's voice sounded panicked. He turned to look at her, wondering why she appeared to be so much shorter. Then he realized he was standing on the railing. "Itachi, please, get down, don't jump!" Hana begged. Itachi blinked looking at her and then at the drop.
"Itachi please…don't jump, I'm begging you," she took a few bold steps towards him. He sighed, the wind whipping his hair. "Itachi," she reached out, ignoring the drying blood on his hand. "Please, don't jump, if you need help, I can set up an appointment with a grief consoler," Hana whispered. "Just don't jump!" he squeezed his hand. He looked at her then at the drop.
"Hana," he whispered, sound lost, broken and so very, very far away. He calmly got down and Hana latched herself onto him.
"Itachi, Itachi, Itachi," she repeated his name over and over as if it was a magic spell that would make everything better. She pulled away and stared into his cold dead eyes. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!" she hissed. He hung his head.
"I don't need a shrink Hana." Itachi looked at her. "I'm going to be fine," he forced a smile to his lips. He cupped her cheek. "I promise." He kissed her gently.
"I don't want to lose you," she whispered, holding his hand to her cheek.
"You won't," he replied. Hana looked at him, staring deep into his eyes.
Why do I get this feeling, she wondered as he pulled away and detachedly entered the apartment, which they lived in, that I have already lost you Itachi?
Itachi winced as Hana cleaned the cuts before rubbing an antibacterial ointment onto his ruined flesh. "My brother's slutty girlfriend moved into his place, I keep telling him condoms of cheaper than babies, but he won't listen." Hana looked at Itachi. "I get that line from Anko, she's the bartender at the club, she's Ibiki's girl." Hana smiled quickly as she finished bandaging Itachi's wrists.
He looked at her handy work. "Good job," he complimented. Hana beamed.
"I wanted to be a vet when I was a girl, I would spend my spare time finding lost animals and nursing them back to health," Hana said before getting up and walking over to the answering machine. "Did anyone call?" she asked, pressing the button.
Hello? Itachi, its Mom, anyways are you doing okay, sweetie? Do you need something or me to come over? You haven't been showing up at work or answering your cell phone. Itachi, we're worried about you, please call father, your Sasuke or me. Tell me if you need anything, please, we love you! Mikoto's voice said.
"Your mother called, I see." Hana pressed the button again.
Niisan? Itachi are you there. Hello? I've been texting you but you aren't answering back and been calling your cell, since you won't answer either, I'm calling your place. Are you okay? Naruto maybe able to score some Three Days Grace tickets, doesn't Hana like them? Why don't you take her or something, I can give you Naruto's number, if you want. Gotta go, class is about to start, later. Sasuke's voice ended.
"I do love Three Days Grace." Hana smiled at him as she pressed the button again.
Son, pick up the damn phone! And why aren't you at work? It's been two weeks! Fugaku's voice died as Hana deleted the message. She listened to the other messages, mostly from Itachi's family, a few from Kiba and one from her.
"You haven't been answering the phone, why?" Hana asked. Itachi shrugged dejectedly.
"What's the point? I don't need help, I just want to be left alone," Itachi mumbled.
"Itachi, sitting around and moping isn't healthy! Your family is worried about you! I'm worried about you!" Hana shouted.
"Hn." Itachi curled up on the couch, wincing slightly as he brushed his bandaged wrists against the couch.
"Please Itachi, we just want to help you," Hana walked up to him. Itachi snorted. "Itachi, don't do this to us, to me," she whispered. Itachi uncurled himself and stood up to glower at her.
"What if I don't want help?" he asked. "Ever thought I don't want or need help?"
"Itachi." Hana shook her head. "I know that you don't want to be like this, you are a happy person, you… you aren't like this," Hana said.
"Fuck you," Itachi growled, "you know nothing about me."
"That's because you still refuse to let me in! Sure, you told me about your scars, but nothing about your childhood, what you did after getting clean! I pretty much gave you my autobiography!" Hana shouted.
"Because you are a naïve little girl, wanting solid ground because she's too ashamed of being a whore!" Itachi snarled. Hana clenched her fists as she marched up to him; she slapped him.
"Bastard!" Her eyes glittered like hellfire. "I'm not afraid of my past or am I ashamed of what I had to do to survive! I hold my head up high and I have some pride, because I fucked better than the other girls, because I knew if I didn't fuck better than the other girls I was gonna die! I took pride in what I did, and I survived!" Hana snarled. Itachi blinked at her for several long moments before hitting her across the face, detachedly watching her tumble to the ground.
"Fucking whore," he grumbled, "don't hit me! You are ashamed of what you did Hana; I can see it on your face! You realize that all you'll ever be good at is just fucking!" Itachi seethed.
"Fine, if you want to be like that fine! Go ahead and kill yourself! I don't fucking care!" Hana snarled as she pushed herself up.
"Good, I'm glad you don't care! Because I don't care about what you think anyways!" Itachi snapped back. Hana narrowed her eyes.
"I gave you my body, my heart, I loved you truly and completely Uchiha Itachi! I'm trying to help you! But if you don't want help fine by me," Hana began heading towards the door.
Itachi's eyes widened slightly. Hana… love… I hit Hana? I hit Hana! What have…Shisui's dead! Shisui is dead! "I never did!" Itachi shouted as she slammed the door shut, he frowned. "You'll be back! I know it! You have nowhere else to go! So you'll come crawling back to me on bloodied knees!" Itachi shouted.
Itachi snorted again as he stared at the door, before the feeling of having an ice-cold bucket of water dumped on him flooded his system. What have I just done? The thought echoed in his mind. "Hana! Wait, I'm…" he stopped, realizing he had no regrets, well maybe he did, but he was too stubborn to acknowledge them. He looked down at his wrists as he closed his eyes. "Fuck them, their dead," Itachi growled walking to his dark windowless bedroom. He closed the door before opening his closet, pulled free the lose floorboard where his secret stash was and pulled out a small metal box.
Itachi opened the box as he slid the closet door shut. He grumbled slightly when he realized he only had three needles. Itachi sat down against his bed and picked up a needle. He shook it, making sure the hydrochloric acid and heroin mixture didn't solidify. Thankfully, it didn't. Itachi grabbed the tourniquet, tied it around his left arm and made a fist, causing the veins in his arms to pop up, purple-green-blue lines in his arm. He felt for a good useable vein, smirking when he found one. He picked the needle up between his fingers, pulled the cap off with his teeth and spat it across the room.
He felt for the vein again and pressed the needle's sharp tip into it when he found it, but suddenly he paused. He had to think about Hana, about what she would think if she ever found out. "Fuck her," he slid the needle into his skin and injected the drug into his system. He didn't have to wait long as the floating happy rush of euphoria took his body away from reality, from the pain; it was almost like being half-asleep. He undid the tourniquet as his breathing slowed; his limbs felt heavy and weak. Itachi felt warm all over and a bit sleepy as he walked through La-La Land that the high induced. He gave an insane slightly lazy grin as his head lolled from side to side, his right hand holding the now empty needle. He closed his eyes with a soft madman's chuckle and sat there against his bed, riding the high.
"Itachi?" Hana called. Itachi groaned, his head pounding. He forgot that what goes up must come down, eventually.
"Fuck," he muttered. Itachi looked at the two used needles.
"Itachi, I'm back, I'm sorry… I got so angry," Hana called. Itachi scooped up the two used needles, dropped them into the tin box, and slammed the lid shut, before pushing it under his bed. He looked at his left arm, the fresh needle marks glaringly noticeable. He stood up, a bit dizzy, and grabbed his jacket, pulled it on before walking out to great Hana; swallowing several times to get his mouth moist again.
He smiled weakly at Hana, before hugging her. "I'm sorry Hana," he whispered, rubbing his nose against her scalp, inhaling her scent.
"You surely changed your tune," she whispered. He pulled away and stared deeply into her eyes.
"I cooled down, and realized how much you mean to me." He smiled, trying to suppress the shiver. Heh seems like I'm still addicted or maybe was never clean in the first place, Itachi thought as Hana cupped his cheek.
"Are you cold?" she asked, running her thumb up and down his cheek. He sighed contently at the touch.
"Hmmm, not really," he sighed, a small relaxed smile on his lips.
"Okay," she pecked his lips. "I'm gonna take a shower." She let go of him and Itachi wished she didn't have to bathe; he enjoyed her touch so much. Sighing, he went to the bedroom, slipped into his pajamas, crawled into bed and frowned.
"Tomorrow," he muttered to himself, "I'll find Deidara and get more." Itachi closed his eyes. "He shouldn't be too hard to find anyways." Itachi smirked. Hana joined him a short while later and he habitually pulled her close to his body. He was surprise at how perfect they fit together, her slim curvy body against his muscular one. He buried his face into her neck, getting a heady scent of coconut shampoo. "Love you," he muttered sleepily.
"Love you too," she half turned and kissed his lips lightly before falling asleep. Itachi stared at the woman in his arms for a long moment, pondering many things.
Why do I need heroin when I have Hana, who is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me? Was the last thought before he fell asleep.
And so ends Act V.
I never done illegal drugs in my life. All the effects Itachi is going through is what I read on Wikipedia when I originally wrote this fic. From reviews of the original posting I pretty much hit the nail on the head.
The original song for this chapter was Metallica's Fade To Black, but I felt Evanescence's Tourniquet fit better.
For those that are interested, there will be a prequel story of sorts in the coming months, titled Chances. It features Sasuke and his own journey through the bowels of the underworld. It will be SK. I just haven't figured out what topic I want to explore. Probably runaways. It will take place during the seven years prior to this story. Minako is just an Uchiha OC.
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Cheers!
-Nemo