Chapter 27

Dear Sister

A couple of weeks passed and Olivia was relieved that Amanda seemed more comfortable and at peace with herself. Since the intimate talk they had, Amanda was more open and at ease. Of course she still had some down moments and would completely shut down, especially after a nightmare involving her father, but they were less frequent. The blonde was healing and still had a long road of recovery, trust and self discovery ahead of her but she didn't have to face it alone. Olivia was there. She was always there, even the times when Amanda snapped at her or said something hurtful, she was still there. Sometimes it bugged Amanda slightly. Olivia was like a rubber band, when she sensed that the blonde needed space she kept her distance but never went too far away. When Amanda needed her again, asking for proximity or not, Olivia quickly sprung back and stayed by her side until she was certain that she was alright and safe.

Sometimes it confused Amanda. She didn't know what she had done to deserve Olivia's kindness and understanding. Especially after an argument, that Amanda usually started, when the blonde felt like she had lost everything, including Olivia, the brunette was never out of reach. Unconsciously Amanda was trying to push the detective away, thinking she would be better of on her own like she had always been, but Olivia knew what was going on and would never let the blonde sink too deep into herself or build her walls completely back up again. She knew Amanda didn't mean the things she said when she got agitated and scared. She also didn't know if Amanda was aware that she was shutting the brunette out and trying to push her as far away as possible.

Olivia, however, was no stranger to this kind of behavior. She had seen it so many times and never took it personal. It didn't matter to her right now if Amanda was conscious about what she was doing or not, she would still be there for the blonde no matter what.

Amanda spent a lot of time with Kim at the hospital. She knew how strict they were with visiting hours so when the time came and she had to leave, she would hide in the bathroom and come out later on when she knew it was safe to do so. She was caught a few times but she would just play stupid and say that she didn't know what time it was or that she had fallen asleep.

Kim was on a variety of different medications and it broke Amanda's heart when she could tell that Kim was no longer the Kim she remembered. The meds had side affects, like nausea, drowsiness, feeling lethargic, decrease or increase in appetite, depression, anxiety and so on. It was not fair, on anybody, to go through such awful things when all you wanted was to feel better.

It was a struggle to watch her little sister suffer even though she said she was fine. Amanda knew better and could tell when she was lying. She also knew that it was important that she stayed on the medications for awhile longer to see if they suited her. It could take up to four to six weeks before a significant improvement could be seen, if it did, and Kim was now on her third week.

Amanda had found her own ways of getting into Kim's room, visiting hours or not, she didn't care. It had been three days sinse she had last seen her and she missed her baby sis so much. "Hi baby." she poked her head in through the doorway and was met with a smile.

"Manda, I missed you." Kim held her arms out for a hug and Amanda engulfed her in a loving embrace.

"Im sorry I didn't come to see you for the past couple of days but I thought I'd lay low for a while since I got caught the last time and the nurse almost had a fit."

Kim giggled. "That's Judy. She's okay but slightly annoying. Always comes in to see if I ate all my food, specially the vegetables." she lowered her voice and continued in a whisper. "The broccoli here is so overcooked its like eating baby food and sometimes the potatoes are almost raw in the middle and the tap water tastes like dirt."

Amanda made a face. "Urgh, that doesn't sound good. I'll get you some bottled water next time."

"And McDonald's?" Kim asked innocently, batting her eyelashes.

"And McDonald's." The older blonde added. "You look like you're feeling good. It's nice to see you smile and so relaxed. How are you feeling?"

"I can't remember last time I felt so at peace. I admit, the first week or so was awful but now the side affects seem to have disappeared and I feel stronger every day." She didn't mention how she was getting on in therapy which Amanda had full respect for. It was a private thing and if Kim didn't want or didn't feel ready to tell her then that was fine. Hopefully some day maybe Kim would share her ordeal but for now it was still fresh andbraw.

"And you, my dear sister, are holding out on me." Amanda looked at her little sister, confused. "What's going on between you and Olivia?" The older of the two tried to act completely oblivious to what Kim was referring to but she wasn't fooled easily. "Come on, Manda! The way she looks at you, the way you look at her. She's only come to see me twize in your company and I can already tell that she's crazy about you."

Amanda could feel herself blush and knew there was no use in hiding it or trying to turn it into something that wasn't true. She simply shrugged her shoulders and sighed in defeat. "I don't know what to do kim. I mean I like her. I like her a lot... like a whole lot but something is holding me back. I know I'm mad, not to let her in, but I'm scared and... and... and stupid for not doing so" She sighed heavily again, "I just don't know."

"Manda, you've got to relax and let someone in. You've always taken care of me and you've always been looking out for other people than yourself. It's time the favour is returned. Olivia seemes amazing and she cares about you. Don't let your stubbornness get i the way. I know your scared about what might happen but if you don't try or give it a shot you will regret it. It might turn into something beautiful." She smiled at her older sister, a big grin showing her that she really ment what she said.

"You've gotten wise my dear sister. Since I'm the older one, by far, I should be the one telling you these things and as much as I hate saying this, you're probably right."

"No," Kim replied, giving Amanda a gentle nudge in the side, "I know I'm right." Then she burried herself inside the older woman's arms. "I missed you. I missed you so much."

Kim's doctor, dr Desiree McKenna, walked in and spotted the two blondes in a sisterly hug. "Am I interrupting something? I can come back?" she stated.

Amanda pulled away and wiped a stray tear that had leaked down onto her cheek. "No no, it's fine. We were just talking."

"Okay," she nodded, "It seems that I have lost my ability to tell the time because I thought visiting hours were over. But I know better than to try and kick you out Ms Rollins, since I know you'll find your own way back in."

Amanda could see a hint of a smile on the doctors lips and knew she wasn't in trouble. "Um, yeah sorry."

"It's okay, I actually just came to give you both some good news. It seems that the medication is working and working it's magic. I think another week in this place and Kim will be ready to leave. Of course as an out patient." She turned towards Kim and continued. "You still need regular checkups and therapy but everything is looking good so far, unless anything out of the ordinary comes up but I doubt that will happen."

Kim's face brightened up about a million times and she flung her arms around her sister once more. "You hear that, Manda? I get to go home."

The taller blonde couldn't contain her tears any longer and let them run freely. "That's great news, sis. I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much dr McKenna." she held her sister for a long time, even after the doctor had left they were still wrapped around each other, crying tears of happiness and relief.

Amanda was nervous. A complete and utterly nervous wreck. It was dark outside and Olivia was on her way back from work. She had decided to listen to her sister's advice and let the older detective in and and let her physically see Amanda for who she is.

The bed was made, candles were lit, making the room warm and soothing with it's dim lights. Amanda was placed in the middle of the king sized bed, trying to calm her wracking nerves and ease her shaking. Two minutes passed and she heard the front door open. "Amanda? Amanda honey, you here?"

She heard Liv roam about, hanging up her jacket, locking the door and place her handbag on the kitchen counter. "Manda?" Olivia questioned in a low voice as she opened the door to her bedroom. What she saw made her heart stop only to reaume in double speed. The pretty blonde was sitting on top of her bed, hair hanging loosely over her shoulders, dressed in a very short, revealing satin night dress. The candlelight made her features soft and smooth, making her look younger and the shadows from the flickering lights danced seductively on her glowing skin. Liv took a step closer, licking her suddenly dry lips.

"Hi." was all she mustered, not trusting her voice fully as she walked over to where Amanda was sitting. "Um, can I... sit?"

The blonde was justvas bad as Olivia about not trusting her vocal skills and just nodded. She felt the bed shift and Liv sat down close to her side but not touching. The brunette just smiled and looked at the nervous woman in front of her. "You look absolutely beautiful, Amanda." she tucked blonde hair behind her ear, feeling her body warm up at the precious sight before her.