A/N: Hello again. It took me awhile to get back, but finally here it goes. Hopefully we'll wrap up this long story shortly and then maybe get to some distant future, if anyone would be interested in it. So here goes some Ianto sorting things out finally.

Spoiler alert: To the Last Man

Beta-ed: TattoedLibrarian (thnx for sticking around for a ride)

When the day came to wake up their frozen soldier Ianto felt different. Something mellow was inside of him. It took him awhile to admit to himself what it was exactly, that feeling. It had been growing inside of him for some time now, but he avoided naming it. Dodging its name became increasingly difficult as the day developed.

Watching Tosh talking to Tommy and caring for him made the feeling all the more clearer. He enjoyed watching two of them. It corresponded with that mellow feeling inside. When the time shift began he could feel their sadness because he knew the sorrow that came with loss of love or even the chance of one.

That gave him the word for it, for his feeling. It would be stupid to pretend any longer, at least to himself.

When he finally named the feeling for his own thoughts he withdrew. Like he tried to hide his eyes from Toshiko in the moments when he looked at them too long, now he hid himself from his Captain. Luckily Jack had work to do and he wouldn't reprimand him the lack of attention and contact.

Now he understood why he tried to fiercely to establish some kind of distance to Jack, any kind, to keep his dignity. He was trying to avoid this feeling spreading across his chest and establishing a permanent camp on his grounds.

Of course all that was a futile attempt to make Jack less Jack. Because face it, he was just as his mother said, in love with the man for who he was and what that man did became less important, but he won't be her. Not ever. Even if he did feel that infamous feeling towards Jack, the one that made him crazy when Lisa was gone, it didn't mean he would ever be enslaved to it.

That was an easy thing to tell yourself when you're sitting alone on the Torchwood couch sorting things out. He knew that when Jack came into sight it would be impossible to hide such a feeling. But even if it's there, easy to see, it can easily be mixed up with similar feelings that are more acceptable. Like admiration, desire, respect, fondness, warmth. There were enough of those that could pass as casual enough not to alarm the dear old Captain. Because Ianto had no doubt that Jack would have big issues with dealing with such a declaring and claiming emotion. It was hard enough to make him act with courtesy throughout the day and stay a bit longer. To make him submit like that, or even just accept that Ianto is his to dispose of as he wishes.

That thought made him stand up and finish his chores. Everyone had left for the day to get some sleep, but he couldn't really go home with such load on his chest, because it was a burden to carry. A burden of desire to reach out and not just touch Jack, but to give in, to find what he needed the most and acquire it for him.

It wasn't just the question of his damn weakness in his body that could allow Jack to have him whenever he wanted, but a much larger scale of needing to be there, to envelope him into safety.

He knew he was just being silly. There was no safety for any of them. Tonight had been the night to show that more clearly than any other. That made him to go and find Jack, to see how he could behave now, to see if there is anything Jack has to offer to Ianto. Maybe the smile or a wave of his hand which would say go home, not now. That was the option he expected the most because he had seen the look on Jack's face that he had been moved by small romance before them too. For him it was a more entertaining sight, but still. Ianto still couldn't make out how Jack would respond, he could be sitting dwelling upon some sad memories.

Of course Jack knew he was approaching. He raised his voice not turning around. That could have been Ianto's cue to say 'I'll be going now', but his heart was somewhat drawn by his upright silhouette and his broad shoulders. So he lifted his shoulders knowing it wouldn't protect him much, that he was exposed as he could be, but he pressed forward ignoring Jack's banter, answering honestly. He would miss him.

He leaned on Jack's desk imposing on his personal space without invitation, knowing he was jumping in the unknown where welcome is uncertain. Jack's eyes looked in the past as he explained himself. Ianto nodded as he started to talk about his loved ones. Of course he had loved before, Ianto was sure he had loved a lot, he was that kind of a guy. But then there was a pause and Ianto instinctively looked up to find Jack's eyes staring at him, acknowledging him there in the line of love, like someone who belonged there, close, at the edge of his desk, poking into his inner turmoil.

"And I wouldn't change that for the world" he finished with conviction, transmitting some emotion through his eyes letting Ianto see that he was welcome here on the verge of seeing in him some similar emotion. Was it care, fondness, warmth, Ianto didn't care. It was enough. Enough to throw himself off that edge where it was harder and harder to keep his balance. Luckily Jack was an experienced hunter so he was there to catch him and to take everything that was offered. There was no hesitation in taking Ianto's offering so he poured in that kiss all that he felt, all that he was. Jack took it all.

Afterwards Ianto laid there amazed how he didn't feel fear now that he finally let go. After all, this was still Jack and he could disappear on him at any moment, but he didn't fear that anymore. Now the only thing that scared him was that he'd make Ianto sit on the side lines without the possibility to do anything real. That's why he tried to withdraw, but Jack simply held him.

"Stay" he pleaded and Ianto relaxed into his touch. He wasn't a part-time-shag anymore, and Jack did come back for him, he came back for something more than just few shags by the way.

Ianto understood that his feeling couldn't ever be reciprocated in the same amount, or meaning, because it was Jack, and besides his oldness and incapacity to die, he was always moving forward, pushing life to move along. And that was ok, because soon Ianto would be gone, his death, or something else, would be very soon for Jack. Ianto liked the fact that Jack would go on and do his thing somewhere else. That was comforting and it allowed Ianto to pour all the love that he had for Jack right now into him, he only hoped it would last long enough until someone else found him and loved him.

For now Ianto just let himself dive into his warmth while his fatigue caught up with him. As he fell asleep he decided that there was no need in telling Jack the name of this feeling. He can take care of Jack without burdening him with the responsibility to be his best self with Ianto. There is no need for that, not any more. Ianto could carry that burden himself. It's the least he could do for Jack.

reviews, as always, are appreciated