Author's Note: There's a nod (or two or three) to that amazingly insane fic, Ice on the Rhine by IamInferior inside this update. Also, kudos to Dicta Licence for the Catholic schoolgirl idea, which still has yet to leave my brain.
Warning: Contains juvenile jokes, attempts at crude sexual humour, and tastelessly bad puns. You probably already knew that if you're here, reading chapter 4, in which case it's your life and you decide what you want to do with it.
Elsa woke bright and early the next morning, immensely grateful for the hangover that did not pervade her senses. As she climbed out of bed, she glanced at the tangled mess of limbs, bedsheets, and auburn hair that was Anna.
It groaned on cue. "My head," sighed a foot, "ow."
Elsa found a hand and placed a bottle of water into it. "Drink up. I'm buying breakfast, and after you've eaten you can take an aspirin," she recited. Anna was a consummate party animal, and the blonde's experience of nursing her friend through a hangover was far more vast than the other way around.
Amidst noisy drinking, Elsa got dressed and headed out, not bothering to even look at Cindy's bunk; if Anna was barely functioning, she didn't even want to guess at Cindy's condition.
"I know it's not every day you pole dance in front of a leering audience, but you didn't really need to drink your weight in Budweiser afterwards," scolded Elsa lightly. Anna moaned softly in reply, massaging the bridge of her nose.
It was late afternoon, and after the most peaceful morning Elsa had experienced in recent memory, Anna was coherent enough to be brought out in public. According to the guidebook Elsa had purchased, Corona was known for its hidden sidewalk cafes; presently, they were seated at one of the most obscure places the blonde girl could find (she had actually gotten lost en route to her actual destination but would rather die than admit it to Anna), waiting for their late lunch.
"Now, isn't this a lot nicer than getting ridiculously drunk in a bar?" said Elsa cheerfully.
"Too. Much. Sun." Anna pulled up the hood on the jacket she was wearing. "Hurts."
"You're not a vampire. A little sunlight won't kill you."
"No, but skin cancer might."
"Yes, the glass is half-empty, isn't it."
"That's a disgrace if it's alcohol we're talking about."
It was all Anna's fault, really, thought Elsa. She shouldn't have insisted on deciding what they'd do next. She shouldn't have insisted on reading the map. And she really, really shouldn't have asked for directions.
"The Kaiserin Rapunzel Imperial Museum? You're in wrong part of town. See! You walk to end of this road, left, and walk past the statue of Eugene I."
"That's what the last guy said," grumbled Anna, "and it took us ages to find another English-speaking person after him, please don't make us search again..."
"Lost?" The speaker was female; a petite young woman with flaming scarlet hair. Anna ran up to her and seized her arm, all social propriety forgotten in her relief. "Yes!" she wailed. "Hopelessly lost!"
The newcomer spoke in rapid German to the man; he nodded, tipped his hat to them, and went on his way. "He thought you were looking for the Kaiserin Rapunzel Imperial Palace," she explained.
"Everything is named after Kaiserin Rapunzel in Corona," grouched Anna.
The girl laughed. "Well, she is the legendary Lost Princess, and she also turned out to be the greatest ruler in Coronan history."
"You're pretty knowledgeable about Coronan history," said Elsa. Now that they were no longer trudging aimlessly around the city, the spring had re-entered Anna's and Elsa's step; even Elsa was willing to be social.
"I'm currently on exchange from my university; I've been here for a couple of months now. I'm Ariel."
"So you're majoring in Marine Biology?"
"Yep," said the redhead, "I grew up beside the sea. Can't imagine doing anything else with my life."
"You're lucky." Anna heaved a long-suffering sigh, and downed the last of her orange juice (having been expressly forbidden by Elsa to order anything else). "I spent ages before I finally figured out what I wanted to do with myself."
Elsa smirked. "She changed majors more frequently than I changed clothes."
"Just clothes? So coy, Elsa. I believe the first time I told you that, you mentioned pant –" The blonde girl slammed a hand over Anna's mouth. "Mmmmf!"
"Excuse her," said Elsa, her eyes shooting daggers at Anna. "I think she's had a bit too much to drink."
"Excuse you, Elsa Brundtland," growled the redhead, peeling Elsa's hand from her mouth. "I could drink you under a table, do a bloody Sudoku puzzle, and be up for another round of Jagermeister bombs."
"Any idiot can do Sudoku the way you do it; just fill up the little squares with numbers and make sure they're not letters."
"You think you're so funny," growled Anna as Ariel hid her laughter with the rim of her coffee cup. "But that has nothing to do with the conversation!"
"I know, I'm just making a point!"
"You two are really cute," said Ariel brightly. "How long have you been together?"
A stunned silence fell over the table. Both Elsa and Anna turned fuchsia and instantly let go of each other.
"We're not – "
"Anna isn't – "
"Whoa, you're not – my goodness. I am so sorry."
"It's fine, really." Anna rubbed the back of her neck a little self-consciously. "We usually get told we act like sisters, so that was a little unexpected..." Elsa was so red, she looked like she was about to spontaneously combust.
Ariel glanced in between them, noticing how they were studiously avoiding each other's gaze. "I have six sisters," she announced by way of changing the subject.
"Six...? Wow, I can't imagine that..."
"We fought over everything; the bathroom, makeup, clothes. Daddy had the hardest time keeping order." The redhead snickered suddenly. "He thought he'd seen everything – diapers, carpooling to ballet lessons, science fair projects – but then my eldest sister entered puberty. He panicked and rushed out to buy pads at 2am in the morning."
They all laughed.
"Seeing that you appear reasonably well-adjusted, I assume he coped somehow?" said Elsa.
"Put it this way: when I was accepted to college, he practically sent me off with a royal fanfare." Ariel sighed happily. "He still worries about me, though. My sisters are all married or in long-term relationships, and I only just started dating Eric last year."
"All parents worry. It's part of their genetic makeup."
"Tell me about Eric!" demanded Anna, leaning forward.
"Eric's wonderful, but sometimes I feel awkward being with him – like, being with him. Like a fish out of water, you know what I mean?"
Elsa nearly choked on her water. She pushed the glass away, deciding that in the light of where the conversation was headed, it wouldn't be safe to take a drink for now. "O-oh." Anna blinked slowly. "... Not really..."
Ariel smiled slyly. "Innocent one, aren't you? Here's a hint: I went to an all-girl Catholic school. There's a reason why they call them the fairer sex..."
Anna coughed. "Wait, what? Are you – "
"Bisexual, yes." She said it very calmly, as though talking about the weather.
"... oh."
"Don't get me wrong; men are lovely, but us girls? It's something else altogether. It's like that Disney song says!" She leaned forward conspiratorially, a devilish smile playing on her lips. "Darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!"
Elsa felt very fortunate to have abandoned drinking altogether, because Anna did a spectacular spittake, and it could easily have been her in her friend's position. "People like you shouldn't be allowed to watch Disney," said Elsa dryly as she rubbed Anna's back.
"Well, I'm sorry. She got those legs and the whole package that comes in between. Don't tell me she didn't explore under the sea."
This prompted another round of hacking from the auburn-haired girl, and it was all Elsa could do not to roll her eyes. Her mouth was dry, but she didn't dare take a sip of water. Not while Ariel was still smirking at them both.
Once Anna had calmed down somewhat, she looked up at Ariel, eyes still watering. "I have to ask," she began, "do you still have your Catholic schoolgirl uniform?"
"I can't believe you!"
"... What?" Anna trailed after Elsa like a lost, confused puppy.
"I didn't – I never – " huffed the blonde.
"But it was a legit question. I'd never seen a Catholic schoolgirl uniform before; I was wondering if that sweater vest-blazer-tie combination from my ex-boyfriend's porno collection was a real thing..."
The last part was lost as Elsa left the room.