Hey guys! New chapter! I know, I know, took me forever to do this one. My bad, but I was having major writers block so I had to take my time on this one. But I hope it was worth the wait. Also, next chapter is going to be the last chapter of this story, but after this one is an AOT fic that is going to be very thought out, long, and hopefully super awesome. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul or the characters used. The book in the story is by Stephen Chbosky. Enjoy.

The hospital smelled clean. Like lemon bleach mixed in with sterilized air to disguise the smell of sickness. But it didn't work, because you know how when you see something that sometime's you could smell what it might be? Well that's what Kaneki was dealing with for the past two months Hide was in the hospital. He smelt coughs, inhale monitor beeps, and exhaled nurses perfumes. That was one of Kaneki's favorite smells mostly because it was always different. When Kaneki was by Hide's bed and the nurses were making it while the doctors checked on him in the meantime, they liked standing so close. He'd get a wiff of their breasts and they smell like brown sugar. Or as they walked in and Kaneki was standing in the doorway, their hair would smell like coconut water.

And their scent brought on by the streets, smells of granite and pollution pierced the cleanness of the air. Intruding on it like a common criminal trying to leech off the area. The nurses always smiled at Kaneki, like it was a mandatory thing. Never a scowl or any trace of a bad day. But how could these men and women look so happy while a mother is next to her nine year old son with leukemia? Stroking his pale bald head while next door a girl who's bones show and is being force fed through a tube because she doesn't want to eat. Because she wants her skin to become so thin and her ribs to poke out more so maybe her heart has a chance of escaping the destructiveness of her mind. How can doctors and nurses keep a smiling face while older people are starting to lose their memories and are locked back into a time of black and white. Where their family members that sit by their bed are now strangers. It would be more human if they frowned.

Kaneki was staying in the hospital so much since Hide's first surgery. The doctors had to remove the blood from Hide's lungs. There apparently was a lot. They cut him open, next to the childhood and Juvenile scars. Now he would complain about the ache in his chest and how the stitches stuck to the bandage.

Kaneki had jackets he left there. Books that he would read for later stacked on Hide's end table, sometimes he would find himself putting on his uniform in the morning at the hospital because he fell asleep in the little chair by the bed that started to become surprisingly comfortable.

Right now, the doctors said that Hide was getting close to the crucial and hardest part of the condition. He was given the same color light blue pants and a white tee shirt. Hide had to take mandatory walks outside, no matter how frail he was. The heat of July now didn't help much, most the time he would need some puffs of his inhaler. Hide would still, for some reason, laugh at Kaneki's hair. He had gone pure white, he needed to laugh over some stressed out piece. One that wasn't his own, Kaneki would sit Hide down by the cheap garden of the hospital trail. A stone bench that hurt their asses, Kaneki's hand stayed on top of Hide's. Kaneki would kiss Hide's skin, neck, cheek, lips… Everything that showed he would kiss while Hide told him about the day. His day, where he tried to stretch everything out to make it look like it was more busier than it actually was. Kaneki wouldn't speak as much, he just wanted to listen to Hide's scratchy voice from him coughing more often. His skin pale and under his eyes blackish grey.

Kaneki wondered if Hide might be mad that he brought him to the hospital. This was not a safe place for Hide, even though it had helped him for countless times. But it was fear. Sadness. Utter fear for him. That maybe he'd never go to a haunted house again. Or another surgery. Another jello cup.

Hide laid his head in Kaneki's lap, like always. He had a small teddy bear in his arms with a big red bow that Kaneki brought him. Hinami and Touka got it for him, 'It's a bear you talk to when you're alone' is what Hinami told Kaneki. She was always so sweet. So caring. She understood this from her father being a doctor and her mother letting Hinami visit her father often at the hospital he worked at. Hide felt Kaneki stroke his hair, he covered his mouth before coughing.

"What's your favorite movie?" Hide asked.

"Breakfast Club."

"Why?"

Kaneki shrugged, "I watched it when I was fourteen. I had just started started high school which was a pretty shity time. It just kind of gave me hope. Like maybe I'll find a misfit just like me and we can all be friends in detention. But I never got in trouble."

Hide giggled slightly and squeezed the teddy, "You nerd."

"Hey," Kaneki smiled and teased Hide's hair, "I'm not a nerd. What's your favorite movie then?"

"Mmmm….," Hide thought for a moment, "Okay, but don't laugh okay?"

"Promise."

"Corpse Bride."

"Really? Corpse Bride?" Kaneki laughed under his breath.

"Oh shut up, Mr. Bender," Hide said and lifted up his head, "It was the only 'scary' movie I could watch at like, thirteen, fourteen, because my parents thought I couldn't handle a R-rated movie," Hide breathily laughed and rubbed his face, "They were so protective of me… Drove me fucking nuts… Guess that's why we don't talk anymore. They only ask me about my health. Never 'How's school?' Or a 'Work treating you well?' Just always about my health. I don't think they ever really knew me well."

Kaneki held Hide's cheek and kissed him softly, "They love you. They just wanted to keep you healthy."

"Yeah… But I wasn't really healthy or really happy," Hide's eyes widened, "But I mean, you make me happy, even when you worry and protect me."

Kaneki kissed his cheek and ran his fingers through his hair, "Where is your favorite place to be?" Kaneki asked, changing the subject.

Hide sighed, "Our house," Hide said, "I miss sleeping at home. Can't I leave? I mean, they did the surgery on my lungs. Can't I just come for a check up here and there now?"

"Hide," Kaneki tucked hair behind his ear, "Don't lie... I know you sleep most of the day before you can't breath and the nurses have to stabilize you. You aren't the same. One surgery isn't going to fix you."

Hide couldn't create an illusion for knew too much. Kaneki had seen him more than anyone had everyday. How could he lie about things Kaneki was seeing?

Hide pouted and rolled his eyes, "Well it's not helping me just being here."

"Yes it is," Kaneki sighed and turned back, "Since your surgery you haven't been coughing up blood now."

"But I'm throwing up now. Sometimes I puke blood."

"That's just because of the medicine. It won't last forever."

"Kaneki, nothing has happened."

"What if something does happen one day?" Kaneki breathed, holding Hide's face, "What happens if your heart gives out? Huh? And maybe there was a way to save you."

Hide licked his lips and held the teddy bear close, "Then I'll be dead…"

Kaneki frowned, his breath shivered, "Hide-"

"Well that's the truth isn't it?" Hide said, coldly, "You think a hospital is some miracle workshop but it's not always, Kaneki. People die everyday in here. I've seen people die in here already. And who knows. Maybe I'll die here too."

"They helped you before, didn't they?!" Kaneki exclaimed, holding Hide's face , "They'll help you again…"

Kaneki looked down and bit his lip. Denial. Denial is what gave Kaneki hope. But it's also what festered inside him. It's what made him lose sleep, not eat enough, it was that conversation he had in his head everyday. "What if he's not fine. What will happen?" countered by "No, he has to be fine. People are helping him all the time. He's doing better. I know he is." It was eating him away, licking his insides and rotting his brain. Denial was a beast with fangs but slender soft arms of comfort and he was taken by this romantic idea.

Hide picked up Kaneki's face and kissed him deeply. He pulled back and stroked his cheek. Hide had seen this face before. In the face of his parents. He hated that face.

"My favorite place to be is under that tree in the park," Hide whispered, "Remember, we'd go there all the time. I think that's where we really fell in love."

Kaneki looked at Hide, he smiled sadly and laughed, "Yeah… I really love that tree too."

Hide swallowed and smiled "Maybe one day we can go back to that place."

"Maybe."

For once, it felt like the first night Hide was alone. Kaneki went home once he thought Hide was asleep. But he liked staying up at night. He'd sleep in the day because he let himself believe the air was harder to swallow so it exhilarated him more, making his heart work harder. But at night, the nights' air was filled with whispers. Hushed breaths of others, he truly believed his lungs expanded more. That his heart found a steady pace. He'd stay up, watching the late night shows lowly on the small tv screen, trying not to make too much noise or just getting his phone and putting in his head phones. He liked to read, Kaneki still brought him mangas that he was reading. Hide would sometimes reread the cards he had gotten. They started to build up in his end table. Cards from the detectives he frequently delivered packages to or a few that the girls from his colleges sent him.

Hide would study their penmanship like a good book. He liked seeing how clean the girls in his classes handwriting looked. How they ended the letters. 'Get well soon, Hide!' Or 'Miss you around the office. See you soon'. Soon. Soon. It would usually end with a soon. Hide bit his lip, he shoved one of the cards back in the end table and put his knees to his chest. How did everyone have so much faith in him? It's not like Hide was ever that strong. Just lucky. Hide groaned and clenched his chest. He scrunched his eyes; chest pains. Hide looked over at the best Hinami got him. He picked it up by the stuff stomach and looked in the teddy's buddy eyes.

"So you'll listen to me, right?" Hide whispered, "Anything I say you'll just sit and listen."

Of course the best didn't reply. Why would it? Hide knew it wouldn't, it's a listening beat for a reason. But why was Hide even talking to this bear? He had plenty of lonely, flirty nurses that talked to him. Sick kids who loved playing dolls or trucks with him. Even the anorexic hooked up with a feeding tube, Ai, would have tea with him here and there. Tons of people, real people to talk to. Yet he wanted this bear to listen to him.

"So, yeah… I'm gonna talk about my day I guess… Yeah that's a good place to start," Hide crossed his leg having the bear sit across from him and his hands in his lap, "So, today I woke up and the nurse checked my stitches. She said it's healing up well. Kaneki brought me the new issue of Attack on Titan and let me tell you. Shit. Is. Going. Down. Like, Armin? He's totally fucked. Touka and Nishiki came with him and we all had some coffee. The hospital's' coffee is so weak though. They were all pretty smiley which is weird. Don't get me wrong, I like smiles it's just…. These looked forced. Like, I wish they knew they don't have to smile at me. I know I wouldn't want to smile at someone sick like me."

Hide sighed, he ran his fingers through his hair, "I like when Kaneki smiles at me," Hide whispered, "He doesn't do it as frequently and they're not always happy. Sometimes their sad smiles you know? Scared ones. So I know they're real. They're still good."

Hide licked his lips and looked the other way, "He's so worried… He still reads you know? Those medical books. Sometimes it just annoys me so much, like right now he's reading, um…," Hide looked over in the visitors chair and picked up the book Kaneki left, "The… The Psychological Problems Dealing With Loss…. Jesus," Hide gripped his bangs. He didn't know how bad it had gotten,"He's preparing himself for the worse and you know what, I don't blame him. Hell, I don't think I'll last much longer here… But some days I do. Some days I don't have chest pains or I can go on longer walks… Last week I got pneumonia from not drying off fully from a bath and it was chilly outside when I went for tea…" Hide giggled, "Said I could have died if doctors hadn't seen me so soon. I'm not strong...Funny how things work, I should be lucky right? But a lucky person wouldn't be born like me…"

The teddy stared back at him, unblinking, no movement. Hide leaned down really close to the bear, "You want to know something? I'm scared… I'm really scared. I don't want to die," Hide picked up the bear and at up on his knees. He held it close to his chest and closed his eyes, "I'm afraid of what I'm gonna leave behind… About what I'm going to do to him if I go."

Hide opened his eyes faintly, tears bubbled up, "He did the stupidest thing he ever could do… And I did the same thing. I'm just as stupid. I fell in love with him."

Hide dreamt that night that he was stuck in the dark. His breath sounded moist as he walked through the darkness. He kept hearing this echoing beep. Beep…. Beep...Beep… slow and steady. They sounds the bottom of his feet made slapping against cold ground made the soles ache. Somehow, his breath came out in white puffs like smoke, but it wasn't cold. Hide felt incredibly hot as he heard these distant voices. The beeping was getting louder. Hide felt like his lungs were closing up, like not only in the dream but in reality.

Doctor, he isn't responding.

Hide flipped his head, he tried to find the voice that sounded like a nervously- calm women. Like she had seen this before. But how could Hide find something in the pitch black? Something crashed down, it rocked the whole dark world and let off a light. Hide ran towards it, becoming out of breath. A teddy bear flash light, like the ones children have.

"Oh thank God…" Hide hushed.

He took a look around, nothing… Nothing but a trail of books. All with the same cover.

The Psychological Problems Dealing With Loss. Hide raised an eyebrow.

Get him into the emergency room. Now!

The voices were louder towards the direction of the books. Hide started to jog, panting hard. He found it so hard to breath. He trotted on pills and envelopes, they hurt his feet.

Come on, make it into the room at least, where's the oxygen mask?!

Hide now felt an absolute burning in his chest and in his feet. He stopped and shown the bear flashlight on his feet, Hide's eyes widened as he gasped. His feet were bloody and cut, Hide's hand shook as it covered his mouth. It's like the pills and paper broke skin.

We need his heart rate to be lower.

We need to worry about letting oxygen flow.

We'll worry about that when we get his heart rate better again!

Hide flipped up his head, he rubbed his eyes and quickly started to walk again, now limping. He started to see the change on the ground. Now there was birthday cards, cards from years ago. One with fire trucks that said Happy Sixth Birthday on it. Some dating farther back with little snippets of Get Well snuck in the card. He started to find broken crayons of the same color along with the panic voices. Little drawings that looked so familiar, childlike.

A crude sketch of his mother. Not showing how soft and blonde her hair was. And how her figure looked that of a princess to him. His tracks started to bloody the papers, the pain in his chest started to grow. The drawing started to look like huge blue tear drops. Drawings of his parents outside of Hide's old hospital room crying while his father held her. Hide paused, everything was spinning. The voices were roaring now, screaming. The flashlight started to flicker on and off, he started to cough, things actually coming out of his mouth. He put his palm up to his mouth, he looked in his quivering hand. It wasn't blood but water. He kept coughing and started to fall to his knees. The beeping stopped.

Hideyoshi…. Mr. Nagachika

Nagachika, open your eyes.

Can you hear us?

He's becoming stable.

Nagachika, you have to open your eyes.

How would he be able to open his eyes in pure and utter darkness? But Hide did it. The brightness of the rooms lights hurt his eyes. He felt the oxygen mask on his face, he felt the teddy bear paw in his hand as nurses and a doctor toward over him. It hurt to lift up his chest to breath. Hide looked all around the room, confused. He analyzed the space. Hospital acquitment surrounded him.

"Ah… Wha…?" Hide mumbled.

He turned his head and closed his eyes again.

Hide's eyes crept open. Seeing a blurry vision before it became clear. Kaneki sat in the chair beside the bed, a worried pain look on his face. Hide smiled tiredly and raised his hand to Kaneki's cheek.

"Hey, Kaneki… Nice to see you," Hide mumbled, "Tell me what time it is?"

"Three in the morning… I came down as soon as the doctors called me that you were stabilized."

"Stabilized? What happened?" Hide groaned as he started to sit up.

"Your heart started beating too fast and your lungs started to close. You were about to be oxygen deprived is what the doctor told me. You could have died."

Hide looked down at his feet. Like he was making sure no shattered pills were stuck in the skin. He put his knees to his chest.

"Oh…. Shit."

"Oh shit? That's all you can say?"

Hide shrugged, "It's not like that hasn't happened before. Hmm, been awhile. Maybe since I was…. Eleven? Yeah, that sounds about right."

Kaneki's brow scrunched up, "Still, it's scary isn't it?"

"Well yeah… But it's just expected now. Now more than ever. So I guess it's not as scary?"

Kaneki sighed and rubbed his eye, "I don't get you sometimes," Kaneki leaned back in his chair, "I was really scared."

Hide laughed softly, "They called you after I was stable. You should have been happy they got to me… You were right about me staying in the hospital. I'm gonna be all good by tomorrow morning. They'll give me pills, fresh air, and I'll be fine."

Kaneki licked his lips. He swallowed and leaned over to kiss Hide, "Talk to me," Kaneki said, "What does it feel like to be… like that."

Hide tilted his head, "I don't think I understand what you're trying to ask here."

"I mean… You've been through that kind of situation before. What's it like?"

Hide hummed and moved closer towards Kaneki. Kaneki put his hand on top of Hide's while he turned the chair to where the back of it was against the wall. He put his arm around Hide while Hide put the teddy back in his lap. He started to touch the bow around his neck.

"Well, teddy is here… So I guess I can talk about it."

"That bear is for when you're alone. I'm here. You can talk to me about anything."

"Yeah, but teddy has been easier to talk to- okay this is getting off topic, you want to know what it's like when your body is rejecting you."

"Rejecting is rather harsh don't you think?"

"Sounds accurate to me. But anyway," Hide continued, only looking at the bear, "But I guess I dream a lot during it. I think the first time I wasn't able to breath and my heart would race like that was when I was six. It was the night before my birthday and my mom told me she heard wheezing and my monitor was going nuts. Apparently I was unconscious but I can still remember what I dreamt about. I was at the beach cause I read about seashells earlier, and I got caught in a wave… My lungs filled with water.. I couldn't breath and I only heard crying. I soon figured out it was my mother crying while my parents took me to the hospital. They usually have to deal with water and me choking on it."

Hide turned his head towards Kaneki, "Weird, right? What do you think it means? Like today, it was all dark and I went through some other shit and then I just started coughing up water."

"Well, I once read an article about dreams and they usually are made from how your state of mind is currently. Maybe you feel like you're always drowning. Is that what it feels like when it's hard to breath?"

Hide shrugged, "I mean, it's not a good feeling," Hide started to feel slightly uncomfortable, "Like it feels like I'm dying obviously… But in a weird way I'm familiar with it. Like you know when you have those random leg spasms that last for like a second?"

"Yeah?"

"Well you know you have to deal with them every-once-in-awhile. I know I'll have to deal with my body literally shutting down on me. Just all throughout my life."

Kaneki's throat tensed up, "Does it… It still hurts right?"

"Of course it does. It's painful. It sucks," Hide giggled lightly, "You just kinda… Not get over it but that's like the only way I know how to explain it."

Hide lowered his eyes and scrunched up more into a ball. He didn't notice that his sweat pants and tee shirt were changed out into a generic hospital gown till now. He tugged at the stiff fabric.

"I hate gowns. They always smell and never fit, always too big… I hate this place. Always have. I thought I'd have a group of angsty sarcastic teens I could relate to like in the movies when I was a teenager. That's what I always hoped for some reason," Hide turned his head away from Kaneki, "When I was little I tried to make friends… But they always left. I never knew what happened and why they never tried to see me. I realized that they got out one way or another… And if they were lucky they never wanted to come back here."

Kaneki tilted his head and leaned in to kiss Hide's neck. Only gently, only slowly his lips moved to plant kisses. Hide closed his eyes while he felt Kaneki's lips brush his skin.

"Would you have ever stayed here if it wasn't for me?" Kaneki breathed.

Hide inhaled deeply and squeezed the bear, "I don't think I would try to take care of myself as much as I have without you. I know I wouldn't stay here at all if it wasn't for you. And I know I'd only come for my check ups like I always have. I wouldn't change much."

Hide's skin tingled, Kaneki placed his fingertips on the side of Hide's neck. His other hand ran over to his chest. The side of his chest where his heart laid. He pulled at the gown.

"You make it seem like being you is really awful."

"When you can't even sleep at night without landing in emergency care, yeah it does kinda suck."

Kaneki's eyelashes fluttered on Hide's skin, "When you were younger… Did you… Did you ever think of just… Ending it?"

Hide clenched his eyes and moved away from Kaneki slightly. He swallowed hard and rubbed his arm. Hide chewed his cheek.

"I don't want to talk about it." Hide mumbled.

Kaneki opened his eye slowly, his lips slightly parted as he pulled back.

"When my mother left I thought about it… Because of my power and my eye I thought I'd never find another person who would ever understand me like my own mother," Kaneki ran his fingers through his hair, "But I did. I actually did the impossible somehow," Kaneki smiled, "You. And I'm glad it was you. Because you're so strong and… And I'm really not."

Hide flipped his head and eyes widened, he put his hand on Kaneki's jawline. He took off Kaneki's eyepatch before kissing him deeply. Kaneki closed his eyes and put his hands on Hide's lower back. Hide pulled back and kissed Kaneki's eyelid. Hide didn't understand what Kaneki meant that he wasn't strong. Kaneki was stronger than anyone he knew. He took the information of Hide's sickness with thick skin, understand that he was getting worse. Knowing the truth but he still found hope, light in a dark tunnel. Kaneki would stay in the place that brought pain, that brought truth. Painful, painful truth. The kind that cut him and bled him dry as it added things such as stress and worry, depression, panic, what kind of weak person would stay in a deteriorating just for another person? Another person who had a life way before he met him. Yet Kaneki endured it. He was cracking, yes, but doesn't mean he wasn't standing.

"Stop time for me," Hide said, "I want to get a couple more hours of sleep."

Kaneki brushed Hide's hair, getting rid of the tangles. His hair was getting so long. So was Kaneki's.

"Sure."

"Thanks."

Hide pulled the covers up and the teddy bear to his chest. Kaneki put his hand on Hide's head before everything went silent. Frozen sounded quiet.

Today was the day. Hide called before his surgery that he loves Kaneki and he hopes he has a good day at work. And he did, Touka and Nishiki wasn't loud as usual. Hinami stayed to clean up with him while quizzing him over words she found in her book again. She got difficult books that she didn't quite understand yet so she could be puzzled. He headed to the hospital at around nine thirty-two. He tried to remember what surgery Hide had today.

But he started to get them jumbled up. Was it a blood transfusion or one where they cut him open. Vaguely, Kaneki didn't really hear when the doctors spoke to him about the surgeries now. He wanted Hide to just talk to him. That was success. Hide was now switched out of his pants and tee shirt to a full day gowns with the same paper towel design on it. If he was lucky he would be able to sleep shirtless in sweats. Hide was advised to not walk a lot right now due to the irregular heart beat.

Hide felt better to sit up after a surgery, no matter the pain. He stayed close to the bed, papers scattered. College papers and note from watching online lectures. There was nothing else to do. School was now busy work.

Because at this point it didn't matter. This slim chance didn't matter to him, so he just wanted to learn. He sat up in the bed, shirtless and sweats on, watching whatever was on tv. Kaneki walked in with a plastic bag, smiling before closing the door.

"Hey, Hide. You're up?" Kaneki said.

"Huh?" Hide looked up, "Yeah, I can't sleep well at night."

Kaneki laughed slightly, "You can sleep through the day but not at night?"

"My chest starts to really hurts at night. It's hard for me to sleep. And my monitor is starting to annoy me. Hate being hooked up to this thing all the time now."

Hide waved his finger with the connector on it. Kaneki sighed and kissed Hide's forehead, "I bought some leftover pastries from the shop. Want some?"

Hide rubbed his eyes, "Sure, I'll have one," Hide said as Kaneki sat down, "They want me to have another surgery soon already… But I don't think my body can handle it."

There were fresh scars and bandages all around Hide's body. His hand clawed at his pec ever so slightly. He ran his fingers through his bangs. Kaneki liked his lips and pulled his chair over.

"You're in pain." Kaneki said.

Hide nodded, "Yeah…"

"From the surgeries?"

"From living," Hide chuckled "I mean… I take medicine, I throw it up. I have a surgery, I'm aching all over. I literally cough, then I can't breath, I mean what can I not do to feel pain."

Hide started to rummage through the plastic bag between his legs. Kaneki teased his hair and slicked it back.

"It'll be all worth it in the end."

Hide shrugged and took out the plastic container, he opened it and took out a scone, "I'd be in pain if I was home or here."

Kaneki sighed and reached towards Hide's lap, he got a stale chocolate pastry, "How's Ai doing?"

Hide looked up as he chewed. He swallowed, "She got to her goal weight."

"Doctor's goal weight or her goal weight?"

"Her goal weight. Forty kilos."

"I thought they give her forced feedings through the tube. Like the liquid pouches."

"They do, she also purges through the tube. Counter productive you know?" Hide looked down, "Doctors say she's gonna have a heart attack if she doesn't start eating. That scared her for sure. She asked for a couple cups of applesauce."

Kaneki's eye widened. Hide pushd the bin to the side and laid on his back. Arms spread out looking at the light like he wanted to be caught up in it. Wishing that some diseases could be fads.

"She tells me that she wishes she had went out more before she was sick. Then Ai would have more visitors than just her dad."

"The disorder really has her."

"The disorder is the only thing she has. That's her friend."

Kaneki scratched his cheek, "It's not a very good friend. And I thought you guys were getting along."

"We are. But her best friend comes first..." Hide chewed is scone again, "Ai likes telling me about birds. She really wants to go bird watching. Too bad she doesn't think she has the body for it. I'd love for you to take her one day."

"What do you mean me? You'll come too."

Hide laughed slightly, "I don't think I'll be up for bird watching anytime soon," Hide swallowed and put the rest of the scone back in the bin, "I'm not even hungry." He sighed.

Hide groaned and closed his eyes tightly, "What's wrong?" Kaneki asked.

"Chest hurts…" Hide seethed, biting his lip, "It'll pass in a second."

"Hide…"

"No, no, don't worry about it," Hide said, waving his hand, rubbing his head, "Hey, Kaneki," Hide put his hands to the side, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"It's Friday. What would you be doing on a Friday night without me?"

"Uh," Kaneki looked confused, he crossed his legs, "Well, I might see what everyone at the shop is doing. Maybe go out. Then I'd go home, read a little, watch a movie then go to bed. Nothing special."

"Hmm. Sounds peaceful. Now on a Friday you come to the hospital and see me," Hide smiled, it didn't last long and wasn't genuine, "You don't have to see me every Friday you know?"

"I know but I like to. I don't mind seeing you, I love to do it actually."

Hide chewed his cheek and looked over at the wall, "Kaneki you could do so much more for yourself. You can study or see friends. Have a night to yourself, I don't know… It's just… You're just wasting it being here. Just like my parents. They lost friends because they spent time with me… One time my dad lost his job because he spent so much time with me when I was in the hospital. Just… I don't know I'm rambling."

"No, you aren't. You're telling me how you feel," Kaneki mumbled, "You think you're a waste of time don't you?"

"Well it's not like I'm productive or anything. I just wait in bed until doctors tell me what they can do for me. I'm living on borrowed time. You got other things better than me."

"Like what? What could I possibly have better than you?"

"Living, Kaneki your're gonna grow up, graduate college, buy a home. Kaneki you're going to live. And you're going to make such a big goddamn impact in this world it will be unbelieveable because you're able to live. You're going to stop time for other people. Not just because of… Me,
Hide bit his lip softly, "Kaneki you'll meet someone after me. Everyone is waiting for you to make a move and all you're doing is spending time is a hospital with your loss cause boyfriend," Hide looked over at Kaneki, "Kaneki, you brought this joy in my life and that's all I can ask for. But now you have people in shadows and you have to be that light. Because if I could go out there right now I would want to be that light."

Hide caught himself going on again. Ranting. But talking inspirational. Inspirational bullshit spewed in school. This isn't what Hide wanted to say, but he wanted Kaneki to have something. Something worth his time. Hide sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Kaneki… I love you. I love everything about you. But I shouldn't be everything you need."

"But you are," Kaneki held Hide's hand, "You're what makes me so happy."

"How? Kaneki I'm what makes you worried. I'm what makes you sad, I'm what keeps you up at night. And I shouldn't be the thing that keeps you up at night it should be a test or what job you'll get after college…"

"But I want to think about you. I'm not always thinking about you being sick. I'm thinking about you when you come back home. And where you'll be with me."

"Bullshit. You and me both know that's not happening. You keep taking your time with me… And I don't need it…," Hide pulled his hand back and looked away, "I don't need you to start praying for me yet."

Kaneki bit his lip, "Don't worry…" Kaneki whispered, "I gave up on religion along time ago… But, I've called love God sometimes… So I will love you."

Hide's eyes widened as he turned his head to look at Kaneki. He put his hand on Kaneki's cheek. He understood worry as love… But he wouldn't like it. He would have to tolerate it or else he would be alone. And not just alone for one Friday night.

"It's sad… That they don't make hospital beds for two."

Kaneki stood up, Hide started to move to the edge of the bed. Kaneki laid in the bed and wrapped his arms around Hide's waist. It was a snug fit but they got in.

"I will love you always… And I will worry about you because I love you…"

Kaneki kissed the back of Hide's neck, Hide closed his eyes. Kaneki squeezed him. And with that squeeze. Time stopped.

Kaneki moved off of Hide. He picked up his body. His hand hinged under his knees and the other hand on his back. Kaneki picked up his tee shirt. He held him close to his chest and started to walk out of the room to the silent hallway. Nurses stopped, wheel chair no longer being pushed, or the awful sounds of pain. Kaneki felt some kind of comfort, because he did believe it helped Hide still. Maybe he did spend too much time here. Hide didn't want to be the burden like no one ever wants to be. But Kaneki never saw him that way. Kaneki walked out of the hospital. Walking down the quiet street, passed all the lonely people paused on the sidewalk.

Hide's eyes opened from feeling a rough texture on the back of his head. He groaned and rubbed one of his eyes. He felt kind of cold, maybe due to the small breeze. Hide licked his arms together and looked around as his eyes began to focus. He gasped and flipped his head quicker.

"Whoa, shit! I'm outside?!" Hide exclaimed. He pulled up grass and looked in his palm, "Wait, why am I outside? What that fuck?"

Kaneki came walking forward, Hide looked up. He was smiling. He had two travel cups of coffee and a book in his arm.

"Kaneki? What are… We…. You stopped time…?" Hide asked, somewhat panicked.

Kaneki nodded and sat down next to Hide, picking up his chin and kissing him, "Look at where we are," Kaneki said, "It's familiar."

Hide looked around. He saw the little blue bench that older people would watch the children play and wish they could have their youth. The little playground and swing set children would launch themselves off of and see if they could touch the sky before banging their knee. Hide swallowed, he felt the dirt under his nails. The scent of nurses who walked through the grass as a shortcut to the hospital. The night sky, shattered with stars filming everything beneath with darkness.

"We're…. At the park? We're at the park!" Hide exclaimed and grabbed Kaneki's jacket sleeve, "Are we-yeah! We're under the tree, oh my God. The tree!" Hide started to stand up, he put his hand on the bark, "You took me to the tree…."

Hide smiled. Resting his forehead on the tree. He started to fall to his knees, his eyes closed. His nose nudging the tree and taking in the scent of earthy smell.

"I brought coffee," Kaneki said and held out a cup, "Two sugars and a splash of milk. Just like always."

Hide grinned and sat down, crossing his legs. He took the cup and sipped the coffee. Hide sighed, his cheeks becoming warm. He was just so happy. Insanely happy. Kaneki took off his jacket and put it over Hide's shoulder.

"Kaneki, why did you do this?" Hide asked, "Aren't you afraid?"

Kaneki nodded, "Of course I am. But I can't let that get in the way of what I care about most. I realized that today. I won't waste time with you anymore. I'll make it meaningful."

Hide's eyes glowed, the bold scent of the coffee tickled his nose. His eyes scrunched up as he smiled, his lips quivering.

"I brought Perks of a Wallflower, thought you might like it if I read it out loud for you." Kaneki said.

Hide scootched over, Kaneki put his arm around Hide's shoulder. They cuddled up together as Kaneki opened the book. He flipped up his patch and cleared his throat.

"August twenty-fifth, ninety-ninety one. Dear friend, I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have…."

So I hope you enjoyed. Review, follow, and favorite if you did. See you next update.