Hey Guys. I know I have a million other stories I should be updating but this wouldn't leave me alone. This chapter is un-beta'd, I am looking for one but so far no takers, anyone interested?
TRIGGER WARNINGS: This story is focused around depression and self-harm, so if you are affected by triggers please becareful or just don't read.
Kurt blinked his eyes open as his alarm clock went off. He sat up quickly but soon regretted, he let out a high pitched cry of pain. His ribs were bruised from yesterdays beating. Azimio and Karofsky had cornered him after glee club and pinned him against the wall and proceeded to hit him. Kurt didn't think his ribs were broken but they hurt like hell.
Kurt started his rigorous skin care routine and did his hair in his usual style. He then chose some random clothes to put on. He used to care about what he wore but recently he didn't care, he put enough effort into his outfit so people didn't notice something was wrong.
Once at school he tried to keep his head down, focusing on his lessons. Ignoring the insults whispered as he walked down the hall, avoiding the slushies that headed his way. He was only shoved once or twice which made a particularly good day.
Kurt's last lesson was glee, as soon as he got into the room he felt different. He felt safe. Well safer. Sure he was safer in the choir room; no one physically assaulted him there. But sometimes being constantly shot down hurt. Mr Schue didn't treat him the same as the others, the boys didn't see him as one of them and the girls only really saw him as fashion advice.
He sat next to Mercedes as Rachel went on about solos and Finn whispered to Puck about football. Kurt knew Mercedes was trying to talk to him but he couldn't bring himself to focus. He rubbed at his stinging wrists, he'd cut too deep last night. He hadn't meant to, he had just got lost in the pain and the red running across his pale skin.
Then Mr Schue walked in, his bright happy walk he did whenever he had a new idea.
Please don't make it another journey song
Kurt thought as Mr Schue wrote something on the board.
"Mash ups guys" He said cheerfully "I know how much you enjoyed it last year so I thought we would do it again, boost morale and promote a little friendly competition. Girls verses boys, you perform at the end of the week"
Dread built in Kurt's stomach as mutters of excitement ran through the New Directions as they split into groups. He didn't want to spend a week with the guys, who he knew would pick some heavy rock song and force him even further into the background due to how high his voice was. He slowly edged his way towards the girls, hoping Mr Schue wouldn't notice, but without even turning around:
"Kurt, with the boys"
Kurt sullenly trudged towards them and sat down on the outskirts of the group, tuning out as they spoke to each other about which song they should do and how many electric guitars could they fit in. And then they began discussing who should sing lead, Sam though Finn should but then Puck thought it should be Artie, Mike wanted Sam to sing lead and Artie wanted it to be Puck. Of course nobody thought about Kurt, his voice was too "girly" for all of the songs they wanted to sing. They didn't even bother asking his opinion.
Sometimes Kurt hated his voice, sure he loved to sing but everybody either hated and teased him for it or dismissed him as a joke. It drove him crazy to realise that the only time he would get to sing would be in group numbers trying to harmonise with the people around him. Sometimes Kurt wished people would notice him, he wished people would notice how amazing his voice was. How wide his vocal range was. But at this school, at McKinley, he would be nothing more than the gay kid that everyone can't get rid of. At McKinley, he was less than nothing. He was worse than the dirt on everyone's shoes. Sometimes Kurt thought it would be better if he just disappeared.
Tell me what you think in the comments. If anything is wrong, in this chapter or later chapters, please let me know. And again I'mm looking for a beta.
Thanks for reading
Lyna Laufeyson