Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all things Twilight.

Thanks, as always to killerlashes and messynachos. I love you sluts.

Your reviews are love. Thank you.

Chapter 16 – Pictures of You

"Pictures of you, pictures of me,

Hung upon your walls for the world to see.

Pictures of you, pictures of me,

Remind us all of what we could have been."

-The Last Goodnight

I couldn't breathe. The weight on my chest was too great; it was suffocating me.

I struggled to open my eyes and groaned when I finally did. Two huge blue eyes were staring expectantly at me. I shoved EJ off my chest and rolled over, burying my face in the pillow. Just as I drifted back to sleep I felt his nose poking its way up my forearm until he finally shoved his face against my cheek.

"Fine!" I cried, throwing the comforter off me and shoving myself off the bed. He mewed at my heels and circled my feet as I filled his water and food dishes. He didn't wait for me to place it on the floor, but instead chose to jump on the counter and have his breakfast there. I glanced quickly at the clock on the oven to determine that it was, in fact, still breakfast time before I started a pot of coffee. It was ten-thirty but I was still fucking tired. I scratched EJ behind the ears as he snarfed his food and laughed out loud after a moment. He stared up at me, ears flattened on his head and I laughed harder. He looked like Skippyjon Jones. Of course, he was slightly fatter and not a drawing from a child's book, but still.

I gave EJ one last good scratch before rushing back to my bedroom. My phone was sitting on the nightstand, still connected to its charger. I brought it back with me to the kitchen and dialed Bella's number as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Hello?" My son's voice filled my head after two rings.

"Hey, buddy!" I cried, my throat thick with emotion.

"Edward!" he yelled and I laughed.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"Mama! It's Edward!" I heard him say distantly. His voice returned, loud and excited in my ear a moment later. "I've been waiting for you to call!"

"I know… I'm sorry," I sighed.

"It's okay," he replied and I hear the smile in his voice. I could imagine him sitting at the little kitchen table, phone in hand, feet swinging just above the floor. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making some coffee and hanging out with my cat," I explained, taking a sip and letting the liquid warm me.

"You have a cat?!" Masen cried and I laughed softly.

"Yep. And you'll never guess what kind," I challenged.

"A Siamese cat?!" His voice rose an octave.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"I just did," he giggled and I felt a grin spread across my face. I could listen to him laugh all day. It meant he was happy. And that made me ecstatic. "What's his name?"

"I call him EJ," I answered, and EJ's ears perked up at the sound of his name. "But my sister named him Elton John, after a famous singer."

"Well, I've never heard of him," he stated simply.

"Ask Grandpa," I told him.

"Okay," he vowed. "We are going to get ice cream, can I call you later?"

"Of course," I told him, sad he was hanging up.

"Okay… can you send me a picture of your cat?" he asked seriously and I laughed. "I just want to know what he looks like."

"Sure thing."

"Awesome!" he cried, then I heard Bella's voice calling to him. "I hafta go," he mumbled.

"It's fine, Mase. Go get your ice cream," I said softly.

"Okay… bye."

"Bye," I hung up and turned to EJ, still seated on the counter, licking his lips. I took a picture and sent it to Bella's number before trying to scavenge breakfast for myself.

I quickly gave up food as a bad job and decided I should probably make a trip to the grocery store. My day was spent shopping and cleaning, finishing my two weeks' worth of laundry and getting everything situated at home. Masen called again, somewhere between my trip to the grocery store and my mountain of laundry, to tell me goodnight. It was a quick conversation, but I couldn't help but wonder if I would get to do it every day.

After everything was in order (curse my mother for my obsessive-compulsive cleaning genes!) I laid my plans out on my work station. I was meeting with my project manager the next day, traveling to the hospital site, and hopefully starting preparations for the building I'd been working on. It was a big deal, and I needed to know my shit backward and forward.

I spent the remainder of the day poring over my plans, tweaking things here and there and making sure everything was refined for my meeting. It was common for most interns to leave the firm after their graduation, but I felt the fact that I'd stayed on board meant a lot to the partners.

Of course, after the past couple of weeks… I couldn't decide if the job still meant anything to me. When I'd left Washington, I was determined to immerse myself in my work and not worry about anything or anyone else. It was selfish, but it did help me get through five years without Bella. When I had every detail as I wanted it, I took myself to bed, anxious for my first day back at work since meeting Masen.

~*~

I got to work early the next day, spread everything out at my work area, and perused it again for good measure. I'd only been standing there a few minutes when I felt someone watching me. When I looked up I saw Larry, who I shared the work space with, staring at me a little too intently. I raised an eyebrow and he looked down, embarrassed.

"You okay over there?" I asked.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Cullen? I thought you were dead," he whispered, a shocked look crossing his face.

"What?" I stifled the laugh threatening to come out.

"Yeah. I mean, you just disappeared. It was fucking weird." Larry shook his head and I didn't fight the laugh this time.

"Sorry," I chuckled and went back to my work.

"So, where'd you go?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Um… Washington. I had some… unfinished business there," was my reply. I didn't look up from my desk.

"Get them all worked out?" he asked, and I nodded silently. "Good. Ready for this meeting?"

"I think so." I finally looked up at him. Larry was a bit older and had been with M&M for a few years longer than I had. He reminded me of Charlie. Maybe that's why I'd found it so hard to talk to him in the five years I'd known him. "I mean, yeah. I am. It's going to be great," I said with more enthusiasm, and he grinned at me.

"That's the spirit, kid," he winked as he sat down. "Knock 'em dead."

I felt a bit more confident after our brief conversation. Of course, that all flew out the window of my project manager's fancy car as soon as we got into it. His name was David and he was extremely close to becoming partner, as soon as one of the Morgan brothers retired. Needless to say, he scared the shit out of me. Whenever I was around him I felt completely inadequate, like I hadn't studied, lived, and breathed architecture for the latter part of my life. The man was a legend.

He made small talk as we drove to the hospital, our building site. A hospital representative met us at the front lobby and took us on a quick tour before we ended up in the existing children's wing. It was small and cramped, tiny rooms that only allowed for one bed and chair, and one small common play area where the kids could seek respite from the knowledge that they were in the hospital. The playroom had tall glass windows and you could see right into it, for observation, I assumed. There was only one little girl in the room, sitting on the floor with a ragged-looking book in her hand.

I slipped away from the talking men and stepped into the playroom. She didn't look up as I entered or even when I took a seat next to her.

"What are you reading?" I asked softly.

"Charlotte's Web," she replied, turning a page.

"Is it any good?"

She looked up at me, her blue eyes wide. "You've never read it?" she asked incredulously. I laughed.

"I have. I just wanted to know if you liked it," I said, and she smiled.

"It's my favorite," she whispered, her eyes glowing.

"Samantha?" A nurse appeared at the door and the little girl looked up, her smile disappearing. "Time for your meds, sweetie."

Samantha made a face behind her curtain of hair and slowly got up from the floor. I stood up with her.

"What's your name?" she looked up at me curiously.

"Edward," I replied.

"It was nice to meet you, Edward." She held out a hand and I shook it gently.

"It was nice to meet you, Samantha," I replied as she turned to the door. She walked past the nurse and turned the corner, heading to a room I couldn't see. The nurse turned to me, an odd look on her face. Fuck, I was tired of people looking at me like I was an idiot.

"Can I help you, sir?" Oh great, she probably thought I was a freaking pedophile.

"Huh? Oh – um, sorry. I'm one of the architects working on the expansion." I stepped toward the door. "I just saw her sitting here alone… I was curious. I'm sorry," I mumbled, no quite sure what I was apologizing for. To my surprise the nurse smiled.

"Samantha has leukemia. She spends a lot of time here," she said sadly. I was shocked—she'd looked so healthy.

"Oh. Are there very many…?"

"We have quite a few regulars, different illnesses though," she shrugged. "It will be good to get the new building. Though some of them won't see it." With that statement she shook her head and took the same path that Samantha had.

I stood there a moment, a strange aching in my chest. The little girl I'd just met was at least eight years old. I couldn't imagine what her parents were going through. Or, rather, I could imagine… now. The thought of anything like that happening to Masen was not something my mind could fathom, and I'd only known him a total of two weeks.

I regained my composure and joined the conversation again. We went over a few more details regarding when we would break ground, then left. I was eager to be surrounded by the solace of my little work space. As we drove, my phone buzzed impatiently in my pocket. It was a picture mail message from Bella. It said:

Good morning!

But underneath the message was a picture of my beautiful son, still sleeping in his SpongeBob pajamas, his hair wild and mouth hanging open, surely taken that very morning before she woke him up for school. I laughed out loud. David glanced at me and then at the phone in my hand.

"I didn't know you had kids," he mused and I didn't have to ask how he knew the child in the picture was mine.

"Me either," I said quietly. He chuckled and I looked over at him. A bemused expression crossed his face as he turned back to me.

"Care to explain?" he asked.

"It's a long story," I sighed.

~*~

I gave David the Cliff Notes' version of my situation as we drove back to the office. We hadn't ever talked about anything but work before, so it surprised me that he took such an interest. He wanted to know what plans I had made to keep in contact with Masen and how often I would be visiting him. At first I thought it was because he didn't want me missing work when we were getting our building up and running, but it wasn't.

"I've got three boys, did you know that?" David asked as we got into the elevator, finally back at work.

"No sir, I didn't," I replied.

"Yep. Oldest just turned thirty… and my first grandchild is on the way." His face lit up when he mentioned a baby.

"Congratulations," I told him.

"Thank you, thank you," he said, and waved his hand dismissively. "I wasn't always around to be the 'good dad' though", he said as a frown crossed his aged face.

"Uh…" I opened my mouth but closed it quickly, not knowing what to say.

"Here's the deal, kid. You gotta think about what's really important to you. Sure, you've worked your ass off at this job. I know you have; I've been watching you for years. But the kicker is that a building isn't going to keep you warm at night. I mean, unless it's got good heating." He grinned and I chuckled softly; he glanced up and noticed we were nearing our floor. "Point is, you need that boy just as much as he needs you. And it's hard to do it from way the hell over here."

The elevator opened as he finished and we both stepped out, silent.

"Thank you," I said quietly. He nodded.

"Anytime, kid." And he walked away. I stood there for a moment wondering if David had really just told me to quit my job after all the time I'd put in with the company and the project. Shaking myself out of a daze, I slowly found the way back to my desk.

"You all right over there?" Larry asked as I sat down. I turned to him slowly and nodded. "Want to grab some lunch?" I eyed him for a moment before agreeing.

"Sure." I stood up again, knocking a sketchpad and pencil cup off the desk as I did. Larry bent down to help me pick everything up. He grabbed my sketchpad, which had opened to one of the pictures I'd drawn of Masen.

"Wow… these are good," he said, flipping briefly through a few pages. I gently removed the pad from his hands and closed it, resting my hand on top of it for good measure.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "Ready?"

Larry nodded and we made our way to a small diner around the corner from our office. We talked, mainly about work, while we waited for our orders to arrive. Just as our food arrived my phone rang. I could feel my face acting of its own accord, breaking into a smile when Bella's name showed up on the screen. I excused myself and stepped outside to answer it. My conversation with my son was brief: he was helping Emmett make spaghetti for dinner, a girl tried to kiss him at the park, and Bella had bought him a new Skippyjon book. We said goodbye and I felt lighter than I had all day, just from hearing my son's voice.

BPOV

I watched and listened as Masen talked to Edward, pacing around the kitchen, waving his free hand excitedly as he spoke. I wanted to laugh but couldn't. Truth was, I didn't like to see him like that. Sure, he was happy, but what about when the phone call ended and he was back to my sad little boy?

Edward had only been gone for three days, but it felt like so much longer. This was partly due to Masen crawling into my bed the past few nights and me waking up with his head or feet in my back. But mostly… mostly it felt like longer because he was different. Masen had woken up three days in a row looking like I'd just told him Jake, (his hermit crab, not his uncle), died.

Emmett tried everything to cheer him up that weekend. They went to the park, a movie, and even took a trip to the arcade – nothing worked. Nothing, except talking to Edward, of course.

"Here, Mama!" Masen stood in front of me holding my phone out, a huge smile on his face. He turned and skipped across the kitchen to where Emmett was standing at the stove. "Can I stir the sauce?"

I smiled as Emmett picked Masen up to let him stir but I couldn't help but wonder how long his jovial mood would last.

EPOV

"Good call?" Larry asked as I sat back down.

"My son," I replied, unable to keep the smile from my face.

"Really?" He set down his fork, mid-bite.

"Yeah. That's where I've been the past couple of weeks," I explained fishing around for my wallet and pulling Masen's picture out of it. "He'll be five in August, his name is Masen."

"Cute kid." He handed the photo back to me and I tucked it back into my wallet. "How 'bout his mom? Are you two…?" He gestured vaguely with his hands. "You know. Together?"

"Ah, no. We haven't been together for five years. Since I moved over here." I pushed my food around my plate. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"You do what you gotta do, Edward. Whatever that means," he said, chuckling. "You'll find a way to make it work."

After Larry gave me his advice we turned the conversation back to work and more lighthearted topics. We talked American baseball and I told him stories about my high school football days, though they were nearly as harrowing as his rugby tales. After a while we found ourselves back at the office and I sat down to answer some emails.

Before I left on my "vacation" I'd been working on a few bids for new jobs. It was part of my plan to get promoted and work my way up at Morgan & Morgan. I clicked idly on a random email, not really looking forward to sifting through the forty-plus that were currently waiting in the inbox. The one I chose, however, was not from a client. It was from Leah.

"Ed-

Emmett gave me your email address. I thought you might like these. Hope to see you again. Soon.

-Leah"

I scrolled down the message, eager see what she sent, my heart catching in my throat as I did. As if the picture Bella had sent and the recent viewing of my sketches weren't enough to make me miss Masen a thousand times more than I already did… what Leah sent had me teetering on the edge of a breakdown in seconds.

The message held photos of the night spent with the Swan-Clearwater family before I left. Leah was amazing with candid shots, and these proved it. There was one of Charlie and Sue sitting at the dinner table, heads huddled together, grins plastered on their face. Their intense love was blatantly obvious in one picture. The other pictures included Seth and Rosalie in an intense discussion about the Redskins, and Bella and Emmett eyeing each other over a game of gin rummy. Then there were the ones of Masen, my beautiful boy. Laying on the floor with a pile of Legos, reading a story with his Pop, getting a kiss from his Nana… sitting on the couch, snuggled up to my side, smiles on both our faces. We weren't looking at each other or the camera; we were simply staring forward, content with the company surrounding us.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I just walked out on an entire family… again. In five years I hadn't felt as horribly lonely as I did in that moment. I'd lost touch with everyone when I left Washington, my own parents and sister included. What had happened to me? Where were my fucking priorities? This job? I was a damn good architect. I was creative and had plenty of initiative. I could fucking work anywhere.

It took me about thirty seconds before I picked up the phone on my desk and dialed Mr. Morgan's office.

"Sir, it's Edward Cullen," I said when he answered.

"Cullen? Come to my office, I need to speak with you," he replied and hung up. I stared at the phone dumbly. I was going to ask to meet with him. I placed the receiver back in the cradle and walked through the maze of work tables, down the long hallway to his office. I knocked once and he called me inside.

"Have a seat, son," he gestured to the armchair in front of his desk. I sat, silent and waiting. "David Pierce is incredibly impressed with your performance."

"Thanks." I nodded, wondering where he was going with that information.

"So impressed that he thinks you should be project manager," Mr. Morgan smiled and I opened my mouth to speak. "But I told him 'no'."

"Sir?" I nearly squeaked the word.

"I want you to finish this project as a designer. I've seen your work and it's amazing. This is your first building and I want you to enjoy as an architect, not an overseer," he explained. I nodded and tried to swallow.

"There are a few things coming up that I think you would enjoy being in charge of, however," he went on and my body suddenly felt very, very cold. I couldn't do that. I couldn't take anything on. This wasn't what I wanted anymore.

"I can't, sir," I mumbled.

"What's that, son?" He stared at me questioningly.

"I can't. Sir."

"Cullen… you've been with us a while now. You've earned this responsibility," Mr. Morgan replied, mistaking my rejection for nerves.

"I know I have," I replied, reaching for my wallet and Masen's picture for the second time that day. I placed the photo on the desk in front of me. My boss picked it up and smiled. "Recent events have shown me that I have… different responsibilities to tend to," I explained.

He looked up from the picture of my son with an odd, almost fatherly look on his face.

"Close the door, son. We have some things to discuss."

~*~

Senior Year

"Edward, when are you going to get these applications filled out?" my father asked one night after dinner.

"I've already been accepted to Washington State, Dad. Why do I need to keep applying?" I asked, flipping idly through my Calculus book.

"Because you could easily get into Stanford or Columbia, so why are you selling yourself short?" He closed the book in front of me, forcing me to meet his glare. His blue eyes were livid.

"I'm not selling myself short… this is what I want," I shrugged. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his thinning blonde hair.

"Is this about Bella?" he asked, eyes still closed, his nostrils flared.

"What?! No, Dad. This is about me." I shook my head. It wasn't a complete lie. WSU was closer to her than the other schools and Bella would join me when she graduated. Sure, we both could've gotten into any school we wished… but we wanted to stay close to home and close to our families. It was part of the future we had talked about so very often.

"I just don't want you to let your relationship hold you back from your potential, son," he said; he opened his eyes and met mine once more, only this time they were sad.

"Dad… are you sure this isn't because I don't want to go to med school?" I asked, a smile threatening to show. He laughed against his better judgment.

"Edward, I gave up on you being a doctor when you insisted on carrying around your Erector Sets everywhere we went." He reached across the counter and flicked the hair that had fallen into my face away. "I love Bella like she was my own daughter. I just want this to be for you," he said softly.

"It is, Dad," I promised, again another half-truth. It had been years since I'd made a decision fully based on my own needs.

I left work after my meeting with Mr. Morgan, my thoughts on a conversation I'd had with my father more than ten years ago. It stunned me to realize that I was more selfless at eighteen than I was now. While growing up with Emmett, Bella, and Alice I'd always done my best to make sure they were happy, especially after Renee left. If my childhood best friend had the role of 'protector' in our tight-knit group, then I would have been the 'appeaser'. I was always settling arguments and compromising with others to make things easier on everyone.

I had a feeling that was why I was so adamant when I decided to move to Australia. It was something for me and only me, my dream. It was, of course, why I was so incredibly angry when Bella refused to go with me, because it wasn't in "our" plans.

EJ greeted me at the door when I arrived back at the apartment. I greeted him with a quick scratch and a scoop of food in his bowl. After grabbing myself a beer I settled against the counter in the kitchen, contemplating my next move. I thought of my father again, the most compassionate and caring man I'd ever met. He was selfless enough to take in a child that wasn't his to fulfill a strange woman's wish. I could feel the guilt bubbling in my chest and up my throat like bile. I'd always aspired to be like my father, but living thousands of miles away from my own son wouldn't help me do that. I pushed myself off the counter and pulled out my phone, dialing my father's cell and taking a long pull from my beer.

"Edward?" he asked and the sound of his voice, so similar to my recent daydream, had the guilt churning in my stomach again.

"Hey, Dad," I mumbled, ashamed that he was surprised that I'd called. Proof that I'd been far too wrapped up in me.

"It's nice to hear your voice, son," he replied. I could practically hear him smiling.

"I'm sorry – I just -" I attempted to explain.

"Edward," he said my name with a tone of finality and I stopped my stuttering. "I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I'm not angry at you, I'm simply glad you called. You're mother can only tell me so much about your situation…"

"Thanks," I said, my voice catching in my throat. I suddenly felt like that eighteen year old kid all over again.

"Well… to what do I owe this call? I hope you are going to share some information about my grandson." The way he said the last word sent shivers from my head to my feet. It was reverent, proud even.

"Ah, actually, no," I replied.

"No?" he asked, disappointed.

"No. I was actually calling with a real estate inquiry." I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice.

"Really? Real estate?" Now, he was confused.

"Yeah… how much would you ask for the house in Forks?"

Leave me something :)