Disclaimer: You know the drill. Not mine.

Chapter 22 - Disarray

EPOV

The weeks following my return moved too quickly for my liking. It wasn't that the days were horrible and needed to be put behind me; it was just the opposite. Each day I got to spend with Masen was more incredible than the one before it. I felt like I was living in a fantasy world, and with each new day I wondered if that would be the day the rug would be pulled out from under me.

Though I could have probably spent every day with my son, I still had other responsibilities. Emmett drove me to Seattle one afternoon after my return to help me purchase a car, seeing as I had sold mine. (I did want to live green, but I sure wasn't planning on riding a bike everywhere.)

Emmett was all for the purchase of a bright yellow Hummer or silver Mustang Cobra (which we both test-drove through five o'clock traffic). But I went for practical and safe (very dad-like) and ended up with a sleek black Tahoe hybrid. (There was my "living green" contribution.) I'd promised Masen he could be the first one to ride in it, but it turned out that by the time we got home, he'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting.

"You won't let anyone else ride in it, will you?" he asked sleepily as I put him in his bed.

"I promised," I sighed as I tucked him in. "You'll be the first one tomorrow when I take you to school."

"I love you, Dad," he mumbled into his pillow.

Bella sat on the bottom step waiting for me after I'd tucked Masen in. I took the spot next to her and nudged her with my shoulder. She shoved me back weakly and I laughed.

"We'll see you in the morning?" She yawned and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Yep," I acquiesced and felt her nod. I resisted the urge to rest my cheek against her hair, to smell her shampoo or run my fingers though the long silky locks. "I should go," I whispered and stood up holding out a hand to pull her up. Her hand slipped into mine, soft and warm, and I tugged gently until she was standing. I let go quickly and shoved my hands in my pockets. She opened the door for me and I watched my feet as I walked out.

"Goodnight, Edward." She leaned against the door and watched me walk to my car. I gave her a brief wave before climbing in. I started the engine and took in a deep breath of leather and new car smell. As I rested my head against the steering wheel I reminded myself that it would be a bad idea to go back inside the house, no matter how much I wanted to. That Bella was engaged, for fuck's sake, and that maybe even huggingher goodbye would not be appropriate.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. Everything had happened so quickly that I couldn't help but be confused. I couldn't have been happier about being back with Masen; we had grown so much closer in the short time that I'd been home. And Bella… Bella and I spent most of our time skirting around the bigger issues that surrounded us. Like how it was myself instead of James at Sunday dinners because he refused to be in the same room as me. Like the way the small touches and glances and smiles that we shared made my heart beat a mile a minute. I was fairly certain Bella was unaware of that certain issue.

I'd spent most of my time away from Forks very, very lonely. I was in Australia to work, not meet people. And now- now I was around friends every day. Old friends, new friends, family…it was all so overwhelming and wonderful.

Except for being around Bella. Because no matter how amazing it was to be in the same room with her, to feel her hands brushing away my hair, her lips kissing my cheek, her fingertips grazing my skin gently… I knew that the feeling would always be fleeting. She wasn't mine any more.

I'd made the decision to stay away when I found out she was engaged. I would not break up a relationship, even if I wanted nothing more than to be one big, stupid, ridiculously happy family with her and my son.

If Bella was happy then I would accept it. No matter how much I fucking hated it. Masen was my priority, my reason for being now. And he was where my dedication was.

xXxXx

I spent my weekdays in Port Angeles at my little satellite office of Schneider & Associates picking out furniture and ordering supplies. When I wasn't doing housekeeping, I was pouring over résumés and conducting interviews for receptionists, assistants, and architects.

Alice had taken the job of decorating the house while I was busy setting up my new office. I gave her free rein over just about everything, because I knew she wouldn't do anything too extravagant. Of course, when she was finished, the house looked like the love child of Pottery Barn and IKEA.

I took Masen to Seattle one weekend and let him pick out his own bedroom furniture and linens. It was the first day we'd spent all alone with each other out of the house and out of Forks.

It was incredible.

We left semi-early on Saturday so I'd figured he would have fallen asleep on the car ride. I couldn't have been more wrong. In between singing every song on the radio he kept me locked in conversation about anything and everything. From his new favorite book Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus ("I mean, who would let a pigeondrive a bus?") to playing football with his uncles and fishing with Charlie, to his shoelaces. It was an extremely entertaining drive and I couldn't help but wonder where in the hell his voice came from. Neither Bella nor I were ever ones to strike up a conversation with strangers or talk incessantly, unless it was with each other. We were both always too shy to do so. Our son, apparently, was not. Maybe he was blessed with a watered-down version of his uncle Emmett's boisterous friendliness.

We stopped at a small diner just outside of Seattle for a late breakfast. I ordered myself a coffee and Masen a glass of chocolate milk from the pretty redheaded waitress and watched him stare at the menu.

"Puh – puh – puh – puh," he muttered to himself, eyes squinted in concentration. "P says 'puh'."

"'P says 'puh'?" I asked and he looked up with a frustrated sigh.

"I can't find pancakes!" he cried. I chuckled and leaned over to him pulling the menu from his hands and setting it on the table in front of him. I took his hand and guided it over the menu until we finally found 'pancakes'. We both ordered pancakes and continued to read the menu while we waited for our breakfast. He pointed out words and letters that he knew and I beamed with pride. My kid could read. It was awesome.

"Here you go, boys." Maggie (that was what her nametag said) set two plates in front of us and smiled.

"Thank you," Masen and I both responded. Maggie laughed.

"I bet your wife has her hands full with the two of you, huh?" she asked jokingly.

"Mama and Daddy aren't married," Masen told her as I cut up his pancakes. My hand slipped at his remark and I nearly spilled my coffee. "Well, Mama is getting married, just not to my dad."

"Masen!" I attempted to scold him, but found it impossible to be angry at his hilarious lack of filter.

"I'm sorry." Maggie blushed. "I just assumed…"

"It's not big deal," I laughed and waved my hand.

"Let me know if you boys need anything." She touched my shoulder softly and I raised an eyebrow as I watched her walk away, her hips swinging differently than before.

"These are so good!" Masen said through a mouth full of pancakes. I smiled and agreed. Maggie came by to check on us a few moments later and a few moments after that… and then three more times until Masen had finally finished his milk and she actually had a reason to come over.

"She's really nice," he said as I tried to wipe his face with one of those little wet-naps they leave on your table.

"Uh huh," I agreed, wondering how in the living fuck this kid managed to get so much syrup everywherebut his mouth.

"Have a great day, guys," I heard Maggie say as she placed the check on our table. I glanced up briefly and smiled.

"Thanks, you too." I tossed down the wet-nap in defeat; he still smelled like pancakes. I reached for my wallet and flipped over the check and nearly laughed out loud. I took Masen's hand as we exited the diner, leaving some cash, and Maggie's phone number, on the table behind us.

We spent most of the day in Pottery Barn Kids trying out different beds and ignoring the weird looks we got.

"Do you like this one?" I asked for every setup we saw.

"Which one do you like?" he would counter.

"It's your choice, buddy," I'd explain and he would run off to another one. We finally settled on a set of light wood bunk beds and furniture, striped bedding, and superhero sheets. After I'd paid for everything and sorted everything out for the delivery we made a quick stop at the mall for one of those giant slices of pizza.

"That can't be good for you." With dubious eyes, I watched Masen lift the entire piece of pizza almost over his head so he could take a bite of the soggy, greasy dough.

"It tastes good for me." He grinned through a mouthful of cheese.

"Your mom is going to kill me," I muttered. He simply shrugged and continued to eat. After he was finally finished we browsed the mall. I don't know what kind of little-boy magic Masen worked on my wallet, but I found myself leaving the mall with a Wii, the entire Rock Band setup, three new Mo Willems books, and a very sleepy little boy.

It was just after dark when we finally returned to Forks; Masen was fast asleep in the back. The porch light came on as soon as I pulled into the driveway. Bella opened the door as I carried Masen up the walk.

She smiled in greeting and gently touched Masen's cheek as I walked by. "Hey."

"Hi Mama," he muttered.

I found Bella in the kitchen after Masen had fallen back to sleep.

"Big day, huh?" She handed me an opened beer and leaned against the counter.

"It was amazing." In the dining room I noticed the table had been set for two and I felt the sudden urge to vomit. "Ah… I see you have plans. I should go." I set my still full bottle on the counter and headed for the door.

"They were cancelled, actually," she said after I'd taken about three steps. "James' TA had some sort of crisis with grading papers or something… I don't know. He had to go to Port Angeles."

"Oh. Um… sorry?" I shrugged and she shook her head.

"No big deal." She smiled. "Want to finish that beer?"

"I should get home." I watched her face fall as she nodded and felt a familiar ache in my chest. I wanted so badly to stay and talk to her about our day. I wanted to tell her how amazing our son was and share little stories about him. But…then my eye caught the table setting in the dining room again and I remembered that I would be her second choice of company for the night.

I sighed and retraced my steps until I was standing in front of her again. My hand cupped the side of her face and I gently kissed her forehead. "Goodnight," I said against her skin. She let out a shaky breath and I turned, not meeting her eyes; if I did I knew my resolve would crumble.

I drove home with my mind, as always, in another place. I was so distracted that I didn't notice the ancient Ford Bronco in the driveway, nor the fact that someone else was in my house.

"Alice?" I called as I tossed my keys down. I heard muffled voices in the kitchen and made my way to them.

"Hey!" my sister cried breathily as she smoothed her hair.

"You okay?" I asked as I stepped into the kitchen. She nodded and her eyes darted across from her, then I noticed why and groaned softly. Jasper stood across the kitchen from her with an empty wine glass in his hand and Alice's lipstick on his face.

"I'm fine." She bit her lip as her face turned red.

I nodded to Jasper as I walked passed him to the fridge. I opened a beer with the hem of my shirt and leaned next to him.

"That's a nice color for you, you know." I said, my gaze set on my sister. I saw him wipe his face out of the corner of my eye and I smiled. Alice watched me worriedly. "I'll be in my office… you kids stay out of trouble. Be sure to respect Alice's curfew."

"Yes, sir." Jasper mock saluted me and I punched him in the shoulder. I ruffled Alice's hair as I walked by and she beamed at me, whispering "Thanks, Pinky".

Upstairs, I finished up my supply order and prepared bids for prospective clients, leaving my sister and Jasper alone to get to know each other. Just as I sent an email reminding my new receptionist to show up on Monday there was a knock on my office door.

"Come in," I called and Jasper's head poked through the door. I laughed to myself and for a moment imagined that I knew how my father must have felt like, sitting here poring over his medical books while Alice or I timidly poked our faces in, just to talk to him.

I greeted him with a nod, and he took a seat in the leather chair on the other side of my desk.

"Listen," he began, diving right into his speech, "I just came looking for you and the boy. I thought you would've wanted to hang out. I didn't know she was going to be here. Nothing happened, man, I swear-"

"Jasper!" I finally interrupted him. "It's no big deal."

"Really?" he asked, arching a skeptical eyebrow as he leaned back in the chair, a little more relaxed than he had been.

"Sure." I grabbed a pencil and flipped open a sketch pad. "Ali's a big girl. She can do what she wants."

"It doesn't bother you? At all?" I almost laughed again at his refusal to believe that I wasn't upset. I let my fingers think for themselves as they moved across the paper, lines and shadows appearing and taking form.

"Do… you, uh, want it to bother me?" I inquired. "I mean, I can pull an Emmett and react like an angry bear if you really want…"

"No! I mean… she's really cool," he mumbled as his face turned red. This time I really did laugh.

"That's sweet, dude." I tossed my pad down on the desk and leaned toward him. "Like I said, Ali's a big girl. You're a nice guy. And you know, if anything every goes wrong I'll fucking kill you with my bare hands."

He nodded emphatically. "Of course."

"Emmett will help."

"Can't be any worse than when I hit on Bella." He laughed and then stopped abruptly, seeing my raised eyebrow. "I mean, not that I hit on her, I just– um… I asked her out before I knew she was his sister."

I laughed. "Emmett hit me when he found out I was dating Bella," I said, and Jasper relaxed a bit.

"Really? I thought he'd be happy for you two."

"He was, is, really protective of her. I mean, I guess he should have been..."

"Ah, you can't think like that, son," Jasper reassured me and I shrugged.

"Nothing I can do about it now," I smiled.

He stood up and walked to the door. "I think you're doing fine," he told me as he walked out.

I saw a lot more of Jasper after that night. He and Alice took their relationship slowly and for that I was grateful. He came to dinner a few nights a week and family dinners at Charlie and Sue's place. I jokingly asked Alice to at least not have sleepovers while I was at home. She in turn, blushed furiously and stumbled out the door on a breakfast date with Jasper.

xXxXx

Emmett was having trouble balancing work and coaching Masen's T-Ball team with his and Rosalie's wedding fast approaching. He asked me to take over and I gladly accepted, thoroughly excited at the opportunity to spend even more time with my son. Seth graciously agreed to be my assistant coach, considering that, as a first time father, I was going to have trouble with more than just my own kid.

Coaching was fun, though I had more trouble with the single moms than I did the kids. They were like vultures. It was frightening. Phone numbers would come in the small hands of shy kids, then collect themselves in the center console of my car.

"Dad?" Masen asked as we loaded the equipment into the back of my Tahoe one day.

"Yes, sir?" I tossed the helmets into the truck and turned to him.

He laughed before asking his question, always amused when formalities were used for him. "Why do those kids keep giving you notes? I don't like it." He frowned as I helped him into the car.

"What do you mean 'you don't like it'?" I asked as I buckled him in.

He thought about it for a moment before speaking again. I watched him in the rearview mirror but his eyes were trained out the window. "Because you're my dad," my son grumbled and I held back a laugh. He was right. I threw the numbers away.

I hadn't thought much about more than the immediate future until that day. Usually I was worried about our weekend plans since Masen had started spending Fridays and Saturdays with me. I was constantly thinking of things to do, desperately afraid that he would get bored with me and want to go home. That surprisingly never happened. I discovered a ton of old toys and games in the attic one day, only because Alice swore that our mother had left a pair of vintage Ferragamo heels up there, and she was dying to wear them. As it turned out, there were no shoes, but there were boxes and boxes of stuff. Games, Legos, pictures and old clothes. Alice and I brought a few of the boxes down and went through them one weeknight. When Jasper came over he began digging out the games and making sure they had all the pieces and set them on a shelf in Masen's room. I was reallystarting to like him.

Jasper had shrugged when I asked him why he was making such an effort. "He's a cool kid." I had to agree, though it also made me a little sad knowing that Jasper had been in Masen's life longer than I had.

I'd struggled with jealously more times in the months since I'd returned than I had in my entire life. Everyone knew Masen's little quirks and I was still trying to learn them. Like how he only ate grape jelly because he didn't like the seeds in the strawberry. There was a small scar on the back of his head where he slipped and busted it open earning himself a nice amount of stitches. He could sit for hours drawing and loved to tell jokes and give hugs… but, like any only child, he was pretty spoiled and demanded attention from everyone most of the time.

Everyone except Bella. Masen's attitude changed completely when he was around Bella. He worshipped her and she was the same way with him. I'd only gotten to see bits and pieces of their relationship my first time in Forks but now…it was amazing.

I wanted that, too.

Slowly, my relationship with my son began to develop in a similar way. When Masen started staying weekends with me he began to understand that I would be every bit as strict as his mother. Just because I was new at the "dad" stuff didn't mean I was outright stupid. Bella and I had numerous conversations before he stayed the first time. We talked about the foods he ate, when he went to bed, everything down to the type of toothpaste he liked. I also made sure to stock up on first aid supplies (and boy Band-Aids, thank you very much) and snack foods.

I was amazed at how much a kid actually needed, and eternally grateful that I didn't have to figure it out alone.

It was odd the way everyone got along, but I shouldn't have been surprised. We weren't kids anymore and, well, the only actual "kid" involved was the most important one. Alice and Rosalie had become fast friends and Alice immersed herself in the finishing touches of Rosalie's wedding planning. I was glad that Alice and Bella had seemed to mend things; I knew how devastated they had both been and I knew it was my fault. Alice had been like me for the past five years, immersed in working and not having much of a social life. Well, unless you counted the fashion industry that she was tangled in, but there were no friends like Bella. Also, having Alice around seemed to make Rosalie hate me less. A little bit, at least. I saw proof one night after T-ball practice when I took Masen home.

"Hi, Mama!" Masen cried as he threw open the door. He kicked off his little cleats and dropped his hat on top of them before running into the dining room where Bella, Alice, and Rosalie were sitting.

"Hey, baby." She kissed his sweaty face and tried to smooth down his mop of hair, though we both knew it was pointless. "How was practice?" she asked me over his head, laughing as he tried to burrow out of her too-snug embrace.

"Good. Really good." Masen removed himself from her grip and proceeded to hug Rosalie, then Alice, earning huge smiles from both of them before he headed back to the kitchen.

"Get any more, uh… notes?" she asked slyly.

I simply shook my head and ignored the scoffing sound Rosalie made. "These your dresses?" I leaned over Bella and pulled a magazine with a marked page toward me.

"Gross!" She put her hands on my chest and shoved me away from her. "You smell awful!"

"I've been chasing sixteen kids around, what did you expect?" I tried to wrap her in a headlock but she jumped up and pushed the chair between us.

"Stop it right now, Edward Cullen!" she pointed at me and I held up my hands in defeat.

"What's going on?" Masen asked as he ambled back into the room with a Capri Sun dangling out of his mouth.

"Your dad smells." Bella wrinkled her nose and he shrugged. Masen took a few steps toward me and buried his face in my shirt, breathing deeply. He stepped away and pulled the straw out of his mouth before lifting up his own arm and smelling himself.

"He's not so bad." Masen shrugged again and strolled out of the room.

Bella snorted before taking her seat again, and I simply shook my head.

"Such a weirdo," Alice and Rosalie muttered at the same time.

"Hey! He's quirky." Bella defended our son.

"Back to business," Rosalie said with a small laugh. "I think these would be great if you're planning on November. The colors are great for fall."

"You just like it because you'll look great in them," Bella chuckled and Rosalie tugged her hair affectionately. "Anyways…" She went on to say something else about the dresses and it didn't take me long to realize that they were not, in fact talking about Rosalie and Emmett's wedding.

They were talking about Bella's.

I stood and listened for a moment before clearing my throat. It had become incredibly tight all of a sudden and I wanted to make sure they knew I was still in the room.

All three pairs of eyes turned to me but I only met Bella's.

"I'm going to give the kid a bath and put him to bed," I told her softly.

"Okay," she replied quickly before turning back to the table. I watched her for a moment, talking with Alice before I tore my gaze away from her. As I looked up my eyes caught Rosalie's and I was stunned by what I saw. She wasn't glaring at me like she normally did. This look was different and I wasn't sure I liked it. Her blue eyes were soft as she watched me with a small, sad smile on her face. I knew why she didn't like me and I didn't blame her for that. But in that moment it was as if she knew what I felt, like she could see the war that was raging between my head and my heart. I nodded curtly and gave her a tight-lipped smile before turning my back on the wedding plans.

I had no desire to be a part of that.

I started a bath for Masen and went downstairs to find him but ran into Rosalie just outside the bathroom.

"I'm sorry." She gently touched my arm.

I smiled and moved to let her in the bathroom. "No big deal."

"I mean about-" she started but I cut her off.

"I know." I nodded and she smiled again. "Not a big deal."

"Edward…"

"Thank you, Rose. I mean that." I squeezed her shoulder softly and turned away, eager to find my son.

Eager to find my only solace in the world.

Eternal thanks to killerlashes and messynachos and especially to all of you who have rec'd, reviewed, added to favorites or alerts. I don't always reply to reviews but I love each and every one. Thank you all so much.

The adorable Edward/Masen time is dedicated to oscar519. I less than three you, h00r.

The rest of you on Twitter and ADF (you know who you are), you're all amazing.

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