Disclaimer: Steph owns the names and things and well... you know.

Chapter 23 – Let it Go

EPOV

Once Bella and I finally settled into a routine with Masen, things started running much more smoothly. He spent Friday and Saturday nights with me and I saw him at T-Ball two nights out of the week. She never talked about her wedding plans or even mentioned if they had actually set a date, but after that night around the table, Rosalie had become a little less cold toward me.

Being a part of the Swan/Clearwater family meant you had to take a turn cooking dinner or cleaning up. When my turn came to cook, Rosalie insisted on helping me chop up vegetables and sauté meat for fajitas. She even helped to usher a wary Charlie out of the kitchen each time he poked his head around the corner.

"That man." She said with a laugh. "He's worse than Emmett. So set in his ways."

"You've seen that too, huh?" I scooped up the green peppers she had cut up and tossed them into the pan.

"Oh my goodness, you should have seen it when they moved out of the house!" She continued chopping vegetables as I stirred them around. "Sue and Bella had to practically pack up in the middle of the night and throw things away so neither one of them would try to save them."

"When we were ten, Emmett had a Band-Aid collection. A used Band-Aid collection." I told her and she pretended to gag.

"That is disgusting!" She turned to me and I grinned.

"He kept it under his bed so Charlie wouldn't find it." I explained.

"Charlie probably would have tried to frame it!" Rosalie replied. I shook my head, part of me feeling like she was absolutely right. A comfortable silence fell over the kitchen as we continued to work together to finish dinner.

"Where did you learn to cook?" Rosalie asked as we set the table.

"Five years living alone." I laughed dryly.

"No hot little tarts to cook for you?" Rosalie asked and I nearly dropped the handful of silverware I had.

"Uh… no." I began setting out knives and forks, eager for a change of subject. When I looked up again she hadn't moved from her spot, a stack of plates still in her hands.

"Really?" She asked incredulously as she slowly set down one of the dishes.

"Really." I mumbled.

"Hm."

"What?" I asked as I made my way around the table carefully setting out utensils.

"Nothing." She busied herself with the plates finally and moved away from me.

"Tell me what you were going to say." I said quietly.

"I just – it would be easier to hate you if I knew you were over there gallivanting with other women, that's all."

"Gallivanting? Really Rose. Who even says that?" I teased her and she huffed and glared at me.

"Listen -" she started but I held up a hand to silence her.

"I didn't go to Australia because I didn't love Bella. I've been in love with her since I was seventeen." I told her, hoping she would understand.

"Dinner almost ready?" Bella asked as she passed through the dining room.

"Yeah." Rosalie whispered her eyes trained on me. "Almost."

"You okay, Rosie?" Bella's question pulled Rosalie from her trance. She turned and smiled reassuringly.

"I'm good B." She nodded and Bella looked at me questioningly. I simply shrugged and took the plates from Rosalie to finish the table. "Thanks." She said softly and I nodded.

"Want to fill the cups with ice?" I asked as she turned towards the kitchen. She stopped a few feet away and turned back slowly.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I asked warily.

"Did you mean that you…?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so."

We finished setting the table and called everyone to join us. Masen kept everyone entertained by glaring at Jasper in what was supposed to be a menacing way. Apparently he was having trouble with their relationship, it was hilarious.

"Dude, what gives?" Jasper finally threw his hands up. Masen finally broke his eye contact and shrugged. His eyes were trained on his plate but I could see a small smile on his face.

I was going to tease him but the doorbell rang and he practically jumped out of his seat.

"I'll get it!" He yelled as he ran. I followed after him, grabbing him around the waist and throwing him over my shoulder.

"Stranger danger, kid." I patted his backside as he giggled uncontrollably and wrapped his arms around my middle. He dug his tiny fingers into my ribs just as I flung open the door and I swear I nearly dropped him, but not because of the tickling, because James was standing on the other side of the door.

"Hey." I gave him a brief nod in greeting and righted Masen in my arms. He nearly clawed himself out of my grip and ran back to the dining room.

"Cullen." James refused to make eye contact as he stepped through the door.

"What's going -" I heard Bella's voice before I saw her being pulled by our son into the foyer. "What are you doing here?" She asked her voice quiet.

"Family dinner right?" James said with a small smile. I watched as Bella's eyes filled with tears before she stepped forward and hugged him tightly.

"Come on weasel," I muttered ushering Masen back to dinner. They joined us moments later, entering the room hand in hand. Everyone greeted him before turning back to their own conversations. Alice reached under the table and patted my leg softly; I smiled at her, grateful that she was here with me.

Jasper and James volunteered for cleanup while the rest of us scattered around the house or yard. Seth and I let Emmett relive his glory days by tossing around the football in the backyard. Rosalie and Bella watched from the back porch, Masen snuggled in between them. I watched the three of them and found myself happy that my best friend had found someone like Rosalie. She was a tough as nails, no nonsense, woman and that was good for him.

Of course all my thinking got me was laid out by Seth as he jumped to catch a pass.

"You okay?" He asked through gasps of breath because he was laughing so hard.

"Fuck… you." I managed to wheeze as I righted myself. I all but crawled to the porch and took a seat next to Rosalie. She nudged me softly with her shoulder and I smiled to myself. Dammit, I liked her.

"You okay, Dad?" Masen moved from his spot between the two girls and buried his face in my neck.

"Daddy's too old for this stuff," I laughed and held him tightly.

"You're not old." He yawned.

"You're tired."

"You're tired." He mumbled against my chest. I laughed again, constantly amazed by his sense of humor.

"Alright. I'm tired. Let's get going." We stood up and he hugged Bella tightly and kissed her cheek.

"See you in the morning, Mama." He said before holding his hand out to me, a smile on his face.

"Goodnight baby," she whispered as we walked away. I didn't look to see her face. I knew things changed tonight when James showed up. He was making an effort to be a part of the family and they all saw that.

Even me.

xXxXxXx

It wasn't too long after I put Masen in his bed that he stumbled downstairs, his face sheen with sweat, dark circles under his eyes. I jumped off the couch and ran to him as his little body swayed on the bottom steps.

"Daddy, I don't feel good." He mumbled. I placed my hands on either side of his face, his skin was on fire.

"Shit. Shitshitshit." I picked him up and carried him into the kitchen, setting him on the counter. I scrambled around opening cabinets until I found the children's Tylenol I'd purchased. "Alright, kid. You'll be fine." I muttered more to myself than to him.

I measured out the right dosage and tipped it into his mouth then fixed a glass of cold water for him. Before I could even hand him the glass he vomited. Tears were rolling down his face as I lifted him off the counter, puke and all, with one hand and the water in the other. I carried him upstairs and stripped him out of his pajamas, putting a clean pair of boxer shorts on him and grabbing some towels from the bathroom. I settled him in bed with a garbage can next to him.

It was the longest night of my life.

Masen was up, dry heaving, every thirty minutes with fretful doses of sleep in between. I sat on the floor in his room with my head against the bed, too afraid to lie down or close my eyes.

At one point I changed my own clothes and threw our dirty ones along with a few towels in the wash. When the sun started to come up, my son began to stir again.

"I'm hungry." He said pitifully. I carried him downstairs where we had dry toast and ginger ale for breakfast. His fever had subsided, thankfully, but the loss of sleep had finally caught up to both of us as we sat on the couch, wrapped in an old blanket, and fell asleep.

I awoke a few hours to my phone buzzing on the coffee table beside me. Cartoons played quietly on the television and Masen was sleeping on my chest.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was irritated. "Where the hell are you? You were supposed to have him back at ten!"

I glanced at the clock and groaned. It was after eleven already.

"I'm sorry. He was up all night puking. He's finally sleeping." I explained.

"Why didn't you call me?" She cried, angry now.

"What do you mean, 'why didn't I call you'?" I asked, trying to keep my voice quiet.

"My son is sick and you can't even pick up the fucking phone, Edward?"

"In case you've forgotten, he's my son, too. And I'm perfectly capable of taking care of him."

"I'm coming to get him." She said with a tone of finality.

"He's sleeping. He needs to rest."

"Edward -" she started to argue with me but I stopped her.

"Bella. He was up all night. His fever is down; he's eaten something and has plenty of fluids. He needs to rest." I told her as sternly as I could without raising my voice and waking him up.

"Fine. Call me when he wakes up." And then she hung up on me. I tossed the phone on the rug and smoothed down Masen's hair.

It suddenly dawned on me what it felt like to be a divorced parent. I wasn't too fond of it.

Bella was cordial enough when she came to pick him up a few hours later, but still seemed angry that I didn't call her.

"Look." I said to her after I'd put Masen in the back seat. She turned to me, her hand still on the door handle. "He's my son, Bella. You have to give me a chance to prove that I know what I'm doing."

"I know that Edward, I just -"

"You just get all worked up when you're not in control." I finished for her. I mean, I knew that's not what she was going to say, but that's what came out of my mouth.

"Don't be an asshole."

"I'm not. I'm being honest." I turned from her and stalked back into the house.

The tension between us didn't die down and it seemed like everyone noticed, especially Masen. Of course, a lot of the strain on Bella and my relationship had to do with James being around… a lot.

He had thankfully dropped the charges of our grocery store fiasco but had taken to annoy me in other ways.

Showing up at games and family dinners; picking up Masen from practice and having beers with my best friend. Not to mention he was spending almost every night at Bella's. I hated that guy.

I could have shown my ass and demanded that my son not be put in the situation where a strange guy was waking up at his house everyday, but I didn't. Again, if I were being honest with myself, James had been in the picture longer than I had been.

I saw too much of him for the next couple of weeks, it was tiring to try and be civil to him all the time when I really just wanted to rip his throat out for, well, having everything I wanted.

Thankfully, by the time Emmett and Rosalie's wedding weekend rolled around I was granted a break. We'd all taken Friday and Monday off, preparing for celebrating and of course recovery from the wedding, which would take place in Seattle. Rosalie's parents had money, and lots of it, so they'd set us up with rooms at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel in Seattle. The ceremony would be held in one of the ballrooms and the reception in a large hall in the same venue. Emmett and Rosalie had been there all week, with Sue and Alice in tow, to help with the final preparations.

Emmett joked that half the town would be gone, but he was partially right. Many of our friends from high school would be joining the festivities, just proof of how well loved their Chief of Police was.

Bella and James had decided to ride together and I would be taking Jasper and Masen. Charlie and Seth had gone up already to visit Leah at WSU and look around the campus. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. When I arrived at Bella's on Friday morning, her and Masen's bags were sitting on the front porch, Masen leaning up against them.

"What's wrong weasel?" I took a seat next to him. He left his post against the bags and wrapped his arms around my forearm and stared up at me with sad green eyes.

"Mama's yelling." He sighed. I looked back toward the open door and frowned.

"I'll be back." I untangled myself and headed inside, wondering with who and why she was yelling. I found her staring out the back door.

"Months!" She cried, raising her hands. "You've known about this for months, James!"

She was silent, listening to his explanation.

"I don't fucking care if you're at school! That's the point! I asked you three months ago to take the day off!"

I watched as she pressed her face to the window pane of the door and shook her head.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter." Were the last words she spoke before snapping her phone closed and turning around. "Oh!" Her hand flew to her throat.

"Sorry." I muttered. "I didn't mean to scare you." She nodded and bit her lip and my heart ached as I watched tears pool in her eyes.

"It's okay." She sniffed and bowed her head. It took me all of three seconds to cross the room and wrap my arms around her, my animosity toward her flying out the figurative window.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair.

"It's fine. God, I'm so stupid." She pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"Why would you say that?" I grabbed her hands and forced her to look at me.

"I don't know." She muttered. "Just so much is going on right now and I really expected him to be there."

"He should be." I said softly. Her eyes met mine and I felt that 'you're in way over your head, Cullen' burn deep in my chest and I smiled.

Because I was in over my head.

Because I wanted to make her feel better in ways that should be outlawed.

And because, of course, she was with him.

"So." She cleared her throat. "I'll just ride with you boys?"

"Yeah." I nodded and headed out the front door.

"Edward?" She called just as I reached the foyer.

"Yes?" I stopped but didn't turn.

"Thank you." Came her reply. I simply nodded and stepped outside where Masen and Jasper were waiting.

"Let's go kids." I grabbed the luggage off the steps and made my way to the car. They all followed and piled into my Tahoe and we headed to Seattle.

After about an hour on the highway, Emmett called Bella and told her something that thoroughly upset her, though we only heard her side.

"When did this happen?" She asked her voice tight with emotion. The other things that fell from her lips were mumbled, "Were you going to tell me? I can't believe you, Emmett!"

She hung up abruptly and stared silently out the window. Neither Jasper nor I said anything from the front seat.

"Mama?" Masen's voice filled the uncomfortable silence. "Mama, why are you crying?"

"I'm fine baby." She reached over and smoothed his hair and touched his face lightly.

"But you're sad." His little voice was full of sorrow for her.

"You don't worry your pretty little face, okay?"

"I don't have a pretty face!" He cried, offended.

"You do so! You have the prettiest face I've ever seen!" She tickled him and the sound of his laughter filled the car.

"Boys can't be pretty, Mama!"

"Aw, sure we can kid," Jasper piped in from his seat.

"Only you." I shook my head and Bella laughed quietly.

"See?" She tweaked Masen's nose and placed a hand on Jasper's shoulder. He squeezed her hand and smiled.

"You going to tell me what that was about?" He asked.

Bella sat back against the seat and sighed, her eyes focused on the passing scenery.

"Nope."

"Iz…" he said softly.

"Nosy…" she muttered in a singsong voice and he laughed.

"Please?" He pleaded. Her eyes flickered to the back of his head then to the rearview mirror. I met her gaze for a brief moment and saw the pain reflected in them.

"Renee."

July 1989

"Daddy!" Isabella yelled out the back door. "Daddy, Emmett won't let me play Duck Hunt!"

Charlie tore himself away from the lawnmower he was trying to fix and wiped his greasy hands on his faded jeans.

"Emmett Swan!"

"Aw, c'mon Dad! Me and Edward are playing a game! There aren't enough controllers!" Emmett defended himself. The Swans had recently purchased a brand new Nintendo and the kids were allowed extra time on Saturdays to play with it.

"But Alice and I want to play, too!" Isabella stomped her foot and Alice nodded in agreement.

"Boys," Charlie sighed and gave us an exasperated look. Emmett and I knew that the girls always won, especially with Charlie.

"Why don't we play something else, huh?" I shrugged, always the peacemaker. Plus, Alice would tell on me if she didn't get her way. Charlie ruffled my hair, smiled, and went back outside.

"Fine." Emmett sighed. "Hide-n-Seek, Isabella's 'it'!" He cried as he ran off. She glared at him as he made his way up the stairs then hid her face in the side of the couch. I turned as she started counting and promptly tripped over a large red suitcase. Renee took no notice of me sprawled out on the linoleum of the kitchen. Her eyes were trained on Isabella's small frame leaning against the old couch counting loudly.

"23… 24… 25…" Her voice came soft and muffled.

"Isabella." Renee spoke quietly and she turned quickly. "Go get your father." Isabella went, her brown eyes wide, something in Renee's voice frightening her. It was at that moment that she realized I was still on the floor beside her.

"Up you go, Edward." She smiled a tight smile as she helped me up. I stared at her, her behavior and the suitcase worried me.

"Renee?" Charlie wiped his hands on a rag and stepped into the kitchen. Renee made no attempt to move to him, instead she stayed rooted in her spot and grabbed the handle of the very suitcase I'd tripped over. "What's going on, baby?"

"I have to go Charlie." She spoke the words and we all looked on, confused. I saw my best friend come down the stairs, no doubt wondering what was taking his sister so long.

"Go where?"

"I don't know Charlie. I have to get out of this house, out of this town." She shrugged and looked around as if daring him to find something to make her stay. Isabella's hand slipped into Charlie's and I saw, at eight years old, the strength of a man who would become a second father to me.

"You do what you need to do, Renee. These kids stay here with me." His voice was firm. Emmett moved to his father's side and I locked eyes with my own sister standing behind the three. Tears pooled in her too wise for her age gray eyes. I stood silently beside Renee, waiting for her reply and praying that she would not take my two best friends away.

"Of course." Renee replied curtly as if she were insulted that Charlie would even think she wanted to take them with her. She let go of her suitcase and held out her arms to Emmett. He went, though unwillingly and hugged her.

"I love you." She whispered and he merely nodded. "Isabella?" She looked to her daughter, but the little girl didn't budge.

"Tell your mother goodbye." Charlie tried to relinquish her grip but she stood strong.

"No." Isabella said quietly.

"Isabella, come here." Renee demanded.

"No!" Isabella yelled as she finally let go of Charlie's hand. She ran passed Renee and I and out the front door. I followed after her and found her under a tree in the corner of the yard. Her face was buried in her knees but she looked up when I approached; tears stained her cheeks.

"Isabella -" I said as I sat down next to her.

"Don't call me that!" She yelled and pounded a tiny fist into my chest. I caught it, though I wasn't much bigger than she was at the time and pulled her to me, hugging her tightly. "It's a stupid name. She gave me such a stupid name." The little girl in my arms sobbed and I tried not to cry. Boys weren't supposed to cry. Boys were supposed to be tough. Instead I patted her head and let her ruin my favorite Mariners t-shirt.

I heard Renee's car start and watched it drive down the street with Isabella's face still buried in my shirt.

She didn't come back.

And Isabella wasn't 'Isabella' after that day.

I watched her for a moment, her eyes dry but sad, staring out the window before I put my gaze back on the road. No one pressed the issue, unsure of what to say, so we let it drop. I would talk to her about it later. If Renee was coming to the wedding, there would no doubt be a ton of tension and awkwardness. I had a feeling this weekend was going to call for a lot of alcohol.

xXxXxXx

BPOV

I didn't care that much that my mother was coming to the wedding. What made me so angry is that Emmett had been in contact with her without telling me. Renee had been absent most of our childhood. We got the yearly birthday and Christmas cards, but that was it. I hadn't seen her in person since my high school graduation. When I found out I was pregnant with Masen my dad insisted I call and tell her. He had eternal hope that Renee would be happy about her first grandchild. Sadly, he was wrong.

Renee insisted that I had plenty of options and offered to pay for anything I chose to do with the baby. After all, having a baby so young would surely ruin a person's life… like having my brother and I ruined hers. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her since, so the prospect of seeing her at Emmett's wedding hadn't even crossed my mind.

According to Emmett, she had called the station and asked for Chief Swan, hoping to speak to Dad. Of course, the only Chief Swan these days is Emmett. He told her about Rosalie and Masen and said she seemed enthused and apologetic. I didn't really give a shit how she seemed. I didn't want to see her.

When we'd finally arrived at the hotel, Edward pulled in front. We unloaded ourselves and bags, then he went to park. I grabbed my suitcase and Masen's hand as Jasper took hold of everything else and we made our way to the front desk.

"Hi, I have a reservation for Bella Swan; it's part of the Hale-Swan wedding." I told the clerk at the desk. She pulled up my room and prepared everything for me while Masen wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my shirt.

"I'm hungry, Mama." He whined as the woman handed me our room key.

"I know baby, as soon as your dad gets back -" I started to explain to him but when I turned around I was stopped, absolutely dead in my tracks.

Wide hazel eyes met mine and everything blurred quite suddenly. I blinked away the tears that had formed but they just kept coming as two arms enveloped me and the soft scent of lavender filled my senses.

"My beautiful, beautiful Bella." The voice whispered in my ear. I could only nod and force my arms to surround this woman, hugging her with all I had and hoping it would be enough and that she would take it as an apology for everything that had ever gone wrong.

She pulled away and looked at me, caramel colored hair framed her flawless porcelain skin and Esme smiled.

"I'm sorry." I choked out, so overcome with the fact that she was here. Esme Cullen was a living, breathing, standing-in-front-of-me person and I was not hallucinating. I was fairly aware of the tugging on my blouse, but I didn't dare take my eyes off her for fear that she would disappear.

"Oh. My." The words were spoken softly as her eyes moved to my side. I stayed frozen as she bent down to be eye level with the reason I'm sure she was here in the first place.

"Look at you." She whispered to Masen. He looked up at me and I gave him a watery smile. I forced myself to look away from their meeting and was met with Edward's anxious gaze.

"What are you doing here?" He asked with a muted voice. Esme straightened herself and turned to him, tears in her eyes.

"There you are." She touched his cheek softly and he smiled, his body relaxing. "I've missed you, silly boy."

"And I, you." He said as he kissed his mother's cheek. "I'm assuming a little birdie told you we'd be here and that the good doctor is around also."

"You know I hate to miss a good party." A voice said from behind me, chuckling.

I froze, afraid to turn around at the risk of waking up from this wonderful and nerve-wracking dream. I did turn, though slowly and was met with dark blue gray, the same shade as Alice's, crinkled slightly at the sides because of the huge grin on the doctor's face.

"Carlisle." I breathed before launching myself at him. He laughed as he hugged me and I could feel myself grinning.

"Still the same, Izzy." He held me at arm's length to exam me. He looked the same as I'd seen him last, impossibly handsome and young, just like his wife.

"Of course." I whispered and he smiled.

"Mama? Dad's here, can we please get something to eat?" Masen's voice pulled me from my Carlisle induced trance and I turned to see him, already situated in Edward's arms.

"I think lunch sounds perfect." Esme said, her eyes trained on Masen's face.

"I like you." He said to her. She beamed while Edward laughed.

"I like you too, Masen Charles." She tapped his nose lightly and he frowned.

"How do you know my name? How does she know my name?" He asked the first question to Esme, the second to Edward.

"She's my mom. She knows all about you." Edward explained. I admired his ability to simply tell it like it was.

"And that's your dad?" He pointed to Carlisle, who was still standing beside me.

"Yes. That's right." I watched Edward's eyes moved to Carlisle and saw the silent exchange between them. Carlisle took a deep breath to steady himself, his eyes shining like the pride he was feeling would quite literally set him on fire from the inside out.

"So… they're like Nana and Pop?"

"Your grandparents, yes."

"And I'm dating your daughter. So, what's for lunch?" Jasper's outburst caused us all to turn to him where he was standing outside our little circle. Edward and I laughed while Jasper awkwardly introduced himself, clearly wishing Alice were there to help him.

After Edward checked in and we took our things to our rooms, we met in the hotel restaurant for lunch. It was quiet, though mainly because Edward's parents spent most of the meal talking to Masen instead of the rest of us.

It was strange how comfortable it felt to sit and talk and eat with the Cullens, though I shouldn't have been surprised. I had, after all, known them my entire life. Masen sat between Esme and Carlisle, completely smitten with Esme's short stories about Edward as a child and Carlisle's infamous magic tricks.

I watched Edward as his eyes were trained on our son, a breathtaking smile on his face. I didn't feel joy that everyone else felt, only sadness and guilt; guilt for robbing my son of having these amazing people in his life.

"Excuse me." I mumbled as I left the table and made my way to the ladies room before the tears that were in my eyes threatened to spill. I hadn't been in the bathroom very long when the door opened and Esme entered.

"I'm sorry." I told her as my tears fell.

"For what?" She asked softly as she smoothed my hair.

"You know what for." I whispered.

"The only thing I know is that I have a beautiful, healthy, happy grandson. I'm a grandmother for Pete's sake!" She threw her arms up and smiled. I tried to return the smile but the effort was fruitless.

"Listen to me." She took my face in her hands and commanded my attention. "Mistakes were made. It's time to move on. For everyone's sake."

"I know." I nodded as she dropped her hands.

Esme was right. The only way to get through the guilt and the pain was to move on. We rejoined the boys moments later, dry-eyed and fully composed.

"Look Mama!" Masen bounced excitedly in his seat and pointed to something on the table. "Dad made if for me! It's a swan." He carefully held up a cloth napkin that had been origami folded into a swan. "A swan like me and you. Get it?"

I watched him, so excited over a folded up piece of cloth and felt what I saw on Edward's face earlier. What I'd forgotten in the past few months of having everything Edward and I'd put each other through drawn out again. I felt the absolute joy of seeing my son smile and I knew my reason for forgiving.

HUGE thanks to sah4004 for substitute beta-ing for me while the loverly killerlashes is off gallivanting in NYC.

And to messynachos of course, for just being you.

Thanks to all of you who are reading, favoriting, adding to alerts, and reviewing.

If you're in the USA have great Forth of July! Anywhere else, well... enjoy your weekend :)