Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
I'll see you at the bottom.
Chapter 25 – Something Borrowed
EPOV
"I want some waffles," I heard through the drilling that was going on in my brain.
"Waaaaaffflllllleeeees!" the voice said again, before a pillow smacked me in the face.
"What the fuck?" I cried, sitting up in my bed, completely disoriented. It took a moment for me to realize that I was in my hotel room in Seattle and a few seconds more to turn and see my best friend in the next bed.
"Dude… enough." I fell back onto the pillows and yanked the covers over my head.
"I'm getting married today." Emmett's voice was muffled. I turned back to him and found him turned on his side, clutching a pillow and staring at me with wide eyes.
"Yeah you are." I smiled an encouraging smile.
Emmett only closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh. My. GOD. What was I thinking? Married? I don't want to get married!" he moaned as he covered his face with his hand.
I sat up again, concerned now. "What – Em, of course you want to get married!" And I don't want to face the Wrath of Rose if she hears you.
"Of course I want to get married, you asshole!" he yelled and another pillow came flying at my head. I dodged it neatly and set my feet on the floor and pushed myself out of bed; I realized I was still in the same clothes I'd worn the night before and that I'd slept on top of the covers.
After the karaoke bar we'd circled back to the hotel, but not before a round (or three) of shots in the bus. When we finally got back Rosalie refused to let Emmett in their room, not for any old-fashioned superstitions, but because she (in her words) "didn't want to do the peepee dance for half an hour tomorrow morning while he uses up all the hot water". He'd stumbled down the hall with me, his arm around my neck as I practically held him up. I heard him rambling on about something but I couldn't reply. All I'd been able to think about was being in that disgusting bathroom with Bella.
"So where did you and Iz go after your heartwarming rendition of 'Total Eclipse'?" Emmett asked as if he were reading my mind.
"Ah… we just talked a little." I stared at my hands and picked at my fingernails, refusing to look at him.
"About?" he pried.
I looked over at him but he wasn't staring at me, which was fine with me. "Stuff." I shrugged and he snorted.
"Nice." He stretched and rolled over, burying his face in the pillows. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him that I'd pretty much spilled my guts to his sister last night – but I was interrupted by knocking at the door.
I stood; the room spun a little, but I made my way to the door without face-planting. I couldn't keep the surprised look off my face when it opened. James was standing at the door, a garment bag in one hand and Masen's hand clutched in the other. Masen smiled brightly up at me, and my surprise was quickly taken over by the smile that always came when I saw him.
"Hi, Daddy!" Masen grinned and then looked up at James. "Bye, James." He gave James a fleeting hug before attaching himself to my leg.
James smiled at my kid in that way that made me extremely jealous that he'd known Masen longer. "Uh, Bella wanted me to give you this. She said he needs to be downstairs by one o'clock." His smile disappeared as he handed me the garment bag and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Oh. Okay. Did he have breakfast?" I asked James but looked at Masen.
"No. We just got up," James explained.
"Go wake up Uncle Emmett. He wants waffles." I mussed his hair and gently pushed him in the direction of Emmett. "Thanks, man." James nodded curtly before walking away. I tried really hard not to hate the guy who the girl I was in love with went to bed with the night before. God, my fucking thoughts didn't even make sense anymore.
I shut the door and followed Masen's laughter back to the room, where he was jumping in circles on the bed around Emmett, who was swiping lazily at him. He finally caught Masen's legs and he fell onto the mattress in a fit of giggles.
"C'mon!" Masen yelled as he climbed on top of his uncle. "Waffles! I'm starving!"
"Well, if you're starving!" Emmett lifted Masen off and sat up while I pulled a clean shirt out of my suitcase. "Tell your dad to hurry up and make himself pretty and we'll go."
"Hurry up and put your makeup on, Dad!" Masen yelled as I entered the bathroom.
"Ha, ha." I rolled my eyes at them and proceeded to brush my teeth. Yup. Masen was definitely blood kin with Emmett. "Keep that up and no waffles for either one of you." I waved my hand dismissively before pulling on my clean shirt.
"Daa-aad!" they chorused in unison, and then laughed.
"Let's go." I stood by the bed and Masen all but climbed me and situated himself on my back.
"You smell funny. You both do," he said, wrinkling his nose as he buried his face in the back of my neck.
"It's called 'desperation'. You'll learn about it when you're older," Emmett chuckled as we made our way to the elevator.
BPOV
"Leah, I can't do your makeup if you don't take off the damn sunglasses," Alice growled, menacingly brandishing a fluffy blush brush and looking daggers at my stepsister.
Leah flipped her off and set her head on the table. "The light hurts my eyes," Leah moaned into her arms.
Alice sighed. "No one ordered you to drink so much," Alice quipped and patted her gently on the head.
"You drank just as much as I did!" Leah accused as she lifted her head and removed her glasses, squinting at the light. "And you're practically a midget!"
I covered my laugh with a cough but Rose snorted unabashedly.
"I'm perfectly proportioned for my height, thank you very much," Alice huffed as she steered Leah to a chair in front of a mirror. "Now. Sit up straight."
I laughed and went back to setting Rosalie's hair in hot rollers. We were in a small room off the banquet hall that was set up just for weddings. There were vanity mirrors and plush chairs and long tables for spreading out the massive amount of things it took to get ready for a wedding.
The only weddings I'd been a part of had been relatively small compared to this one. Dad and Sue were married at the courthouse, and Angela and Ben had a very small ceremony at the church we all grew up in. Jessica and Mike eloped.
I ran my hands through Rosalie's hair and thought about my own wedding. When I was younger I had a perfect picture of what I wanted. There was a garden next to the church in Forks that was always in bloom, but was especially colorful in the springtime. I'd already dreamt up my perfect dress, simple and white A-line. And I'd walk barefoot, of course.
"You can't wear shoes for an outside wedding," I used to tell Alice when she would argue with me.
"Well, what if your husband wants to wear shoes?" she'd counter and I'd roll my eyes.
"If he loves me enough he won't care."
I laughed quietly as I wrapped Rosalie's long hair around a roller.
"What's funny?" she asked and looked at me in the mirror.
I frowned as I met her eyes. "Just thinking."
"About?" She gave me a look that clearly meant she knew me better. And she did.
"My wedding," I muttered so Alice wouldn't hear me.
"To James?" Rosalie whispered. I shook my head minutely. "Him?"
"Yes."
"Were you… did you ever talk about it?"
"All the time." I focused on Rosalie's hair while she frowned at me.
"What did he mean last night?"
"We got into a fight because he wanted to get married… soon. I had just started college and I wasn't ready. I loved him but… I wasn't there yet. That's it."
"Bella, what do you want?" she asked, her voice almost exasperated.
"I don't know. What if it's not the same as it used to be? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if we go for it and we never really forgive each other and end up hating each other when we're forty or fifty?" I rambled on and didn't notice how loud my voice had gotten. Alice and Leah stared. "Sorry," I mumbled.
"Tell us how you really feel, Bella," Leah said with a hint of a smile.
I rolled my eyes. "You all know how I feel, Rose pointed it out yesterday. But, the truth is that I really do love James. And as much as I care about Edward… I just – I don't want to end something good for something that could possibly end in disaster. Does that make sense?"
"No," the three of them chorused instantly, then laughed. I groaned.
"We get it," Alice nodded. "We do."
"Kind of." That was Leah.
"Great. So. Enough about it. This is about you, my darling." I smiled down at Rosalie while the other two went back to makeup. Tanya showed up not too long after, followed by Sue and Esme, who had practically become joined at the hip.
"Does Masen have his tux?" Sue asked as she opened the garment bags that lined the wall so we could prepare to dress.
"Edward has it, yes," I replied.
"Where are my boys today, Bella?" Esme asked as she examined the bridesmaid's dresses.
"Oh. Um… James dropped Masen off with Edward this morning so he could go help Dad pick up flowers. They should be here around one," I said as all eyes turned to me. They looked surprised, but shit, that's how these things worked.
"James is here?" Sue asked as she moved to help Leah into her dress.
"Yeah. Late last night." I shrugged and finished pinning one of Rosalie's platinum curls to her head. "Done." I smiled at my handiwork and finally let her look in the mirror.
"Oh. I love it." She smiled, looking every inch the radiant, blushing bride, and squeezed the hand I rested on her shoulder.
"Alright, Rose – after I finish Bella's makeup I'll get yours, okay?" Alice said as she put the finishing touches on Tanya's flawless face.
"You're amazing at this, Alice, what do you do again?" Tanya asked as she examined her face. Really, it was perfect.
"I'm trying to start up my own design label, actually. High end looks for a reasonable price, you know? I've been meeting with some smaller retailers so we'll see -"
Alice stopped abruptly and looked toward the door. I turned and followed her gaze, only to find Renee standing awkwardly in the doorway.
"I don't want to intrude," she said with a small smile. "But I have a gift for you, Rosalie."
"Oh… really?" Rosalie didn't try to hide the surprise in her voice. Renee laughed softly, obviously not offended.
"Strange. I know," she said as she came toward us. I gave her a small smile, remembering our conversation from the night before. "These actually belonged to Charlie's mother." She held out a small box. Rosalie took it and opened it slowly, and then smiled up at my mother.
"They're beautiful, Renee," she whispered, and removed the dangly sapphire earrings from the box. She took off her own diamond studs and replaced them with the sparkly blue ones and smiled. "Thank you."
"Consider it your 'something blue'." Renee smiled.
Rose nodded. "And borrowed," she added, but Renee shook her head. "Keep them. This is your family now," Renee said, and though she meant it to be encouraging, the sadness in her voice was not masked. "I should go."
"Stay," I said before I could stop myself. She stopped at the door and smiled at me, grateful.
"It's okay. I think I saw some old friends out there," she said before closing the door behind her.
I watched the door for a moment, hoping she would come back and wanting her to experience this with us.
"Do you want me to go and get her?" Sue touched my cheek softly and I felt my frown melt away.
"No. She knows what's best," I said softly as I smiled at Sue. "You're a good woman, Sue Swan."
"Eh, that's what your dad keeps telling me." She shrugged. "C'mon. Let me make my girls more beautiful than they already are, alright?"
"Fine." I sighed and held out my hands for my dress.
Carlisle was right. Renee may have left, but Sue was my family's saving grace.
EPOV
"Why do you do that?" Masen asked as he climbed up onto the sink in my hotel bathroom.
"Shave? Because I have to." I took another swipe at my face and rinsed the razor under the water.
"Can I shave?" he asked as he watched me.
"Not yet, buddy." I laughed quietly, trying not to move for fear of nicking myself.
"Can I help you shave?" He was hopeful and I eyed him carefully.
"All right." I lifted him up so he was standing on the toilet and eye level with me. I put the razor carefully in his hand and guided it to my face, watching in the mirror the whole time. He bit his lip in concentration as I helped him shave a few lines down my face.
"That's not so hard." Masen smiled triumphantly and I couldn't help but grin back.
"Good job." I helped him down and finished shaving. "Go put your black pants on and I'll help you with your shirt," I told him as I rinsed my face.
"Okay." He ran out of the bathroom and grabbed his clothes. "How come you're not wearing a 'xedo?" he asked, concerned, as he took in my dark gray slacks and undershirt.
"Because I'm not in the wedding, remember? We talked about this yesterday. I'll be sitting right in front of you in case you get nervous."
"Right." He nodded as I buttoned his little white shirt. It was hard to believe they made stuff so small. I helped him with his belt and shiny black shoes before I took him back into the bathroom and set him on the counter, frowning. "What's wrong, Dad?"
"Your Mama's going to want something done to this hair," I said as I ran my fingers though it. "You certainly got that from me."
"She always just says it's 'floatless'. But I don't know what that means." He shrugged and I laughed.
"I think you mean 'hopeless'. And we'll see about that," I said as I grabbed a tube of gel and a comb from my travel bag. I squirted the gel in my hands and ran them through his hair then parted it on the side and combed it flat.
"Not bad." I admired my handiwork at making sure my son didn't look like he just rolled out of bed. "What do you think?"
"It's okay." He shrugged in a noncommittal sort of way. "What about yours?"
"Well, it's only fair that you do mine, right?" I asked and he grinned and held out his hands.
Twenty minutes later, my light blue oxford was buttoned and covered with a thin black tie, my shoes were on and my hair matched Masen's perfectly. I grabbed our jackets off the bed and led him out the door, too afraid to carry him and wrinkle his suit. As we walked through the lobby we earned ourselves a few curious looks, which was normal considering how alike we looked.
We walked past the hall where the ceremony would take place and down a small hallway to the room Bella had told me she would be in. I knocked and Masen smiled up at me. God, I loved him.
"Who is it?" a voice asked from the other side.
"It's Masen Charles Swan and his dad Edward," Masen answered with a grin.
"Well, why didn't you say so?" The door swung open and Leah stood in front of us. Her short, dark hair was in soft, finger-curls around her face and pinned back at the sides. The dark pink of the bridesmaid dress was beautiful against her dark skin.
"You look… wow," I said and she smirked. Of course.
"Not too bad yourself, Cullen." She flicked my tie and opened the door all the way to let us in.
"There's my handsome boy," I heard and turned around to make some sort of ridiculous comment to my mother but she had already pulled Masen into her arms.
"It seems I've been replaced." I mock-glared at my mother but she only smiled.
"A newer, updated version of you is available. Like the iPhone, only better," Alice quipped as she smoothed my tie. I playfully swatted her hands away and she laughed. "I don't think you've ever combed your hair." She eyed my head appreciatively.
"I have… once or twice." I shrugged.
"It was never any use when you did." Bella came from around a small corner where she'd been dressing. "It was hopeless," she said and Masen looked at me and smiled.
"We've tamed it today." I nodded to Masen and Bella followed my gaze.
"You match," she said with a playful smile.
"It was only fair." I shrugged.
"Daddy let me fix his hair. And I helped him shave," Masen said as Bella pulled him to her. She knelt in front of him and re-tucked parts of his shirt that had come undone while I took in her appearance.
The dark pink of the dress she, Leah, and Tanya wore was a stark contrast against her pale skin, the complete opposite of Leah.
The dress was short, stopping at the knees and the chiffon flowed around her body in a way that should have been illegal. Intricate beading covered the straps and the neckline plunged to reveal just the right amount of cleavage.
I didn't realize I was staring until Leah smacked my shoulder.
"What?" I muttered innocently.
"Pervert." She shook her head but smiled anyways.
"All right, kid, I gotta go." I took a step toward Bella and Masen as she straightened herself. Don't look at the boobs; don't look at the boobs…
Masen held his hands out and I lifted him into my arms. He tucked his head into my neck and rested his hand on my chest.
"What's wrong, baby?" Bella asked softly as she smoothed his hair. She was close enough that I could see every freckle on her nose. I wanted to touch them.
"I'm scared," Masen muttered.
"I thought we talked about this yesterday." I sighed and he wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his chin on my shoulder facing away from Bella. She frowned.
"So?" he shrugged.
"You did great last night. And if you get scared you can sit with Daddy." She rubbed his back gently and he pulled back to look at me. It took me a moment to respond because my eyes were glued to Bella's soft gaze. Her usual term when speaking about me was "your dad", and it stunned me that she didn't put the "your" in front of it. I don't know what made it different, more personal, but it was… and I liked it.
"Yeah. Yeah, you can sit with me. I'll be right up front, just like last night."
"Promise?" he whispered. I smiled and placed my hand on his back, forgetting Bella's was already there. I simply placed my hand over hers and gave it a small squeeze.
"Yeah. I promise." I kissed his cheek and set him down before I gave a quick glance around the room. Everyone was finishing dressing and fixing makeup and hair, oblivious to our little exchange.
"Listen, I'm sorry about last night." I placed a hand on Bella's hip and pulled her to me gently. She looked down at Masen before looking at me, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
"You have nothing to apologize for." Her voice was quiet.
"Bella, c'mon."
"Edward." She breathed my name as she shook her head. "Stop apologizing." Bella looked quickly around the room again. "I'll be right back," she said to Masen before grabbing my hand that was on her waist and pulling me out the door. She dragged me around the corner from the room and pushed me against the wall.
"I can't do this today, Edward." She placed both hands on my chest and rested her forehead against my chin.
"I'm sorry…" I muttered and she laughed before slipping her arms around my body and moving her head to my chest. I willed my arms to stay away from her but they didn't listen, traitorous bastards.
"Stop it, please."
"I don't know what you want me to say." I rested my cheek against her hair, gently enough so as not to muss it.
"Nothing. I don't want you to say anything. I just want us to be normal again." She sighed and it was my turn to laugh.
"Were we ever normal?" I asked and she pushed herself away from me, just enough so I could see her face.
"No," she admitted with a small smile. "I just - I want to start over. No more guilt and anger. No more apologizing."
"Bella, we can't just – I can't just… do that." I tried to run a hand through my hair but remembered the gel Masen had lathered in it.
"Can we try?" she pleaded with me, her brown eyes wide.
"Yeah." I nodded and kissed her forehead. I wanted to try. I wanted to be free of the guilt and the anger because all it did was fuck up all the happiness I felt when I was with my son.
"Okay." She hugged me again and placed a chaste kiss on my jaw. "He did a good job." She smirked as she turned and headed back to the room where the girls were.
I made my way back to the hall where the actual wedding service would take place and found a seat in the front row reserved for family. Emmett and the rest of the guys emerged a few moments later (I gave him a thumbs-up; he flashed me the finger guns and winked) as people began taking their seats and soft music started playing.
All eyes turned to the back of the room as Tanya stepped gracefully into the aisle, followed by Leah with Masen at her side. She held her bouquet in one hand and grasped his hand in the other. He smiled shyly at the crowd, a little white pillow perched in his free hand, two gold rings on top of it. They reached the end and stepped in front of Tanya and he gave me a thumbs-up before turning back to the aisle. A smile lit his face, and it was so reverent and beatific that I couldn't stop my own from forming.
I followed my son's gaze to Bella and watched her walk down the aisle, the same coy smile on her face that Masen had worn. Her eyes met mine briefly and my breath caught in my throat as I imagined her walking down the aisle in a different dress while I waited at the end.
Bella took her place by Leah and reached for Masen's hand, which he gladly surrendered. She bent and whispered to him quickly and he kissed her cheek before they both straightened up. As everyone stood I glanced quickly at my best friend, mainly to make sure he was still standing there. Of course, I needn't have worried about him; his face told me that. His eyes were glued to Rosalie's as she made her way down the aisle on her father's arm.
She was stunning and classy in her white strapless gown, her hair piled into soft curls on her head. Emmett took her hand when she finally reached him and it was if no one else in the room was there. Their vows were simple, traditional, though there was nothing simple about the couple who said them.
They were perfectly matched in every way. I couldn't have been happier for my best friend. After they were pronounced man and wife, Emmett swept Rosalie in for a passionate kiss, dipping her backwards and pressing his lips to hers. He straightened them then kissed her again, softer this time, before they faced the cheering crowd and walked down the aisle.
As they walked, Masen tugged himself away from Bella and ran to me. I lifted him up and kissed his cheek.
"How'd I do?" he asked with shining eyes.
"Uh-ma-zing." I drew out each syllable of the word to let him know how proud I was.
"Really?" he asked as he held my face between his hands.
"Really." He gave me a winning smile before wrapping his arms around my neck tightly.
We moved to the reception where all the usual wedding traditions were upheld. There was the first dance and cutting the cake, the tossing of the garter and bouquet (which went to Seth and Tanya, respectively). The only snag was when it was time for the mother/son dance. Sue stepped graciously out of Emmett's grasp to let him dance with Renee. I stopped her before she could get back to her seat.
"You know, I'd really like to know the Chief's secret," I said as I wrapped an arm around her waist and took her hand in mine.
"Secret to what?" She pretended to be confused.
"To marrying someone like you," I whispered and she laughed loudly.
"He got very, very lucky." She pinched my cheek and then rubbed it softly. "You'll know it when you got it."
"Ha," I said, laughing a little hollowly, and she shook her head.
"Things will work out the way they're supposed to. You know that, right?" She squeezed me a little bit tighter and I let my eyes travel around the room. I'd spent most of the time catching up with old high school friends and avoiding Bella and James. When Masen wasn't eating, dancing with anyone that would have him, or torturing his Uncle Seth, he was attached to my side.
It was James who caught my eye as I ended my dance with Sue. Masen was in his arms, fast asleep, and Bella was leaning up to kiss him. She touched his cheek softly then did the same to Masen before leaving the banquet hall with Charlie following close behind.
"Where are they going?" I took Bella's elbow and turned her to me. Her eyes were devoid of any emotion as she looked up at me.
"Dad's taking Masen to bed. James is leaving." She grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing tray and tipped it up.
"What do you mean? Where's he going?" I asked as she walked away from me. I followed her across the crowded dance floor until she finally stopped at the bar.
"Can I get a shot of tequila? Make that two. And I don't know, I assume he's going home." She ordered a drink and then turned to me, frowning.
"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious as to why he was leaving in the middle of his soon-to-be brother-in-law's wedding reception.
"I don't fucking know." She shrugged and downed her two shots then signaled the bartender for another.
"I'll have the same." I told the bartender and he raised an eyebrow at me but poured me a shot… then two more. Why the hell not? I put my hand over Bella's as she reached for her drink. "Take it easy, Tiger." I chuckled. She glared. It was cute.
"I don't know why he left. He said he had work to do. It's the goddamned weekend, you know? My brother's only going to get married one fucking time. Anytime we're around my family he fucking bails." She paused long enough to drain her third shot and then order a rum and Coke, though it just looked like rum with a splash of Coke. "And then there's you and you just… you're here."
"I'm sorry," I said and she broke into a huge grin.
"I thought we said no more apologizing!" Bella pushed me playfully and nearly fell down. "Damn shoes," she muttered and reached down to rip them off. She set the pink strappy heels on the bar, grabbed her drink and my hand and pulled me to the dance floor.
"Didn't we dance this to at Prom?" I asked as I took her drink from her hand and set it on a random table. Boyz II Men played in the background and she shook her head as we swayed.
"It was homecoming. Before everyone knew we were dating," she explained.
"Right. If I recall, there wasn't much dancing at Prom, was there?" I asked and she giggled and buried her head in my shirt. I chuckled lightly and she pulled away.
"God – that was fun," she mused as the song ended. We turned back to the bar to retrieve her shoes and another drink, though neither one of us really needed it and were sidelined by Rosalie.
"Iz! Can you get my stuff together? Em and I have to take some more pictures, but a car is coming to take us to the airport in an hour."
"Yeah. Sure." Bella took off toward the room the girls used to dress earlier.
"You. Grabby McGrabby Hands. Watch it." Rosalie poked my chest. Hard.
"I thought this was what you wanted?" I pretended to be shocked.
"Be classy. Do it the right way, Cullen," she said as she stalked away. It wasn't long after Rose left that Emmett showed up at my side.
"Have you seen Bella?" Emmett asked as he glanced around.
"Um, I think she went to find Rosalie's bag?" I told him, unsure if I'd actually heard the conversation correctly.
"Can you find her please? I want to say goodbye to my baby sister," my best friend pleaded with me.
I wandered the hallway of the hotel looking for the room the girls were in earlier, though in my drunken stupor it was difficult to remember. Luckily, I stumbled into an open door and accidentally found Bella. She was there in her dark pink chiffon dress that stopped just above the knee, showing off her gorgeous legs. With the slim collarbone under the thin straps of fabric and pale milky skin that called my name.
"There you are," I said, as loudly as possible, though my voice still came out a little too quiet for my liking.
"Shit!" she cried and spun around, her hand over her heart, her chest heaving. "You scared me!"
"Sorry." I chuckled and took a step toward her. "Em is looking for you."
"Oh, are they leaving already?" she asked, and her face fell.
"I'm not sure. He just asked me to come and find you." I stepped just close enough to brush a stray hair away from her face, my fingers lingering on her soft skin. She bit her lip as a blush crept up her neck and looked away.
"I can't believe he's married," she whispered. I almost laughed at her seriousness until a single tear fell down her cheek.
"Izzy," I said softly and pulled her to me. She buried her face in my shirt and rested her hand on my chest. Her fingers ghosted over my tie before she wrapped her arms around my neck and sighed.
"Why are you sad?" I asked as I placed my hand on the back of her neck. A few stray tendrils of her hair brushed against my fingers as they trailed lightly over her skin. She shuddered under my fingers and I suppressed a smile. My drunkenness had emboldened me and I let my other arm wrap itself securely around her waist. Bella didn't seem to mind as she pressed her body closer to mine and lifted her face to answer me.
"I'm not," she sniffled, and I laughed. She closed her eyes and pulled her arms tighter around my neck, her head on my shoulder, breasts pushed against my chest. "I'm happy for him."
"Hmmm…" I hummed into her hair and she sighed, her body relaxing against mine. I could hear the music from the reception hall and I swayed to it slowly, still holding her in my arms. She fit there so perfectly, like she always had, and I didn't want to move. I didn't want the song to end, because when it did we'd go back to the hall with our family and friends. We'd go back to our separate rooms… and back to our separate lives.
The music changed but we didn't move. With every shift of our bodies our arms wound more tightly around each other, our heads shifted closer together, our hearts beat faster. Her head rested on my shoulder, though it was so close I could feel her breath on the exposed skin of my neck. I slipped my arm from her neck and let my fingers travel up her arm to grasp her hand. Slowly, I pulled her hand from behind my neck and clasped it in my own, then rested against my pounding heart.
"I know," she whispered, voice sounding choked and anguished. I pulled away from her, desperate to see her face, to know that she was feeling the same thing. That she wanted it, too. When her eyes met mine I knew.
As I lost myself in her gaze I saw everything. Everything I wanted with her and Masen was there and I knew it. I knew that I had been lying to myself for months, years even. It didn't matter if I was in Sydney or in Forks. Bella was where I belonged. She was my home.
I don't know how long we stood like that, seconds, minutes, days - I could have watched her forever.
But I was tired of watching. I wanted to do something.
So I kissed her.
It wasn't gentle. It definitely wasn't sweet. It kissed her hard, my arm tight around her waist and the other holding her palm over my heart.
To my surprise, she didn't pull away. She wrenched her hand out of my grasp and both of her hands went to the back of my neck, holding me in place. As if I'd ever leave.
When her fingers tangled themselves in my hair a deep groan came from my chest and I tried desperately to hold her tighter.
I grasped her hips and pressed her against me and her mouth parted with a tiny gasp. We broke apart and she bit her lip and looked away, suddenly shy. I wanted her and she knew it. I mean, she could feel it and well, fuck, it wasn't like she hadn't felt it before.
"You're beautiful," I whispered against her cheek as I brought my hand back to her neck.
"You're drunk." She turned to me and captured my lips with hers again.
"And?" I countered, my hands traveling down her arms and back to her waist.
"I like it," she breathed as her ass hit one of the tables the girls had been using to get ready. I lifted her onto it and leaned down to place a kiss on her collarbone. She sighed and ran her hands down my chest. Her hands settled at the top of my slacks and she tugged gently, bringing me nearly on top of her. Soft hands were back on my chest, undoing my tie. I was faintly aware of buttons being undone, of fingers drawing light circles in my chest hair. I was even more aware of the way her tongue was moving against mine and how she took in my bottom lip with her teeth.
My hands rested on her knees as she placed open-mouthed kisses on my chin, jaw, and neck. When she brought her mouth back to mine and fisted her hands in my hair my hands traveled up. They moved slowly and gently under the soft fabric of her dress; her skin felt like fire under my fingertips, but I couldn't pull my hands from the flame.
She hooked her legs around the back of my thighs and pulled me closer, if that was even possible. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that this was incredibly, incredibly wrong. But the more prominent part was thinking about my hands being up Bella's dress.
I felt like a teenager on Prom night.
As my mouth trailed soft kisses down her neck, and my thumbs met the lace she was wearing underneath her dress, my conscience deserted me. I didn't care that she was with James or that we were at her brother's wedding. It didn't matter that everyone we knew was in the reception hall or that we were in a random room in an unfamiliar hotel. I wanted her.
"What?" She breathed the word, her hands moving methodically through my hair. I could only imagine what it looked like.
"I didn't say anything," I murmured and moved to kiss her but she pulled away.
"Yes, you did." Her fingers softly touched my lips and I rested my forehead against hers. I gripped her hips beneath her dress and sighed.
"I want you," I whispered, my filter completely gone in my drunken haze. I did want her. I'd always wanted her. Would always want her.
"Edward, I -" she started to reply but we were suddenly surrounded by light.
"There you are! OH MY GOD." Leah's voice filled the room and Bella and I broke apart quickly, though my hands were pissed at having to leave their refuge under Bella's dress.
"Uh… what's up?" I asked, not quite as smoothly as I'd hoped for. Leah had turned her back and was leaning against the half open door, chanting, "Ew, ew, ew."
"Emmett and Rose are leaving," she called over her shoulder, not daring to turn around. Behind me Bella straightened her dress and wiped the smudged gloss from her lips. I attempted to button my shirt but couldn't keep my hands from shaking.
"I'm coming!" Bella called to her sister as she slapped my hands away from my shirt and started buttoning it for me.
"Ew. God, Bella. I didn't need to hear that!" Leah responded. Bella's eyes widened as she glared toward the door and Leah grinned at me over her shoulder.
I winked at Leah and she laughed. Bella turned back to me, an incredulous look on her face.
"What?" I shrugged as she finished my buttons and smoothed my shirt, her fingers lingering on the fabric.
"You're disgusting." She shook her head but a smile played on her lips. She turned to the door and took a few steps before looking back at me. "And you wrinkled my dress."
"You liked it," I muttered as my hands moved to fix my tie. She whipped around again and the look in her eyes told me what I already knew. She wanted me, too.
"Wait. Where the fuck is my tie?" I asked just as the door shut. I sat in the dark and contemplated what had just happened—not just this, but everything that'd happened over the past two days.
I was fucked.
BPOV
I watched the car was carrying my brother and his wife (his wife!) to the airport drive away and felt a little hole in my heart. When they got back he would move out, and Masen and I would be alone in the house. After James had left, I'd decided to tell him I needed some time to sort things out. He obviously had problems being around my family and sorting out his priorities.
And then I got drunk.
And kissed Edward.
A lot.
I was seriously fucked.
I found my shoes by the bar and wondered how they got there. The bartender wiped down the counter and smirked at me, the jerk. When the elevator reached our floor I contemplated going to Charlie and Sue's room and curling up in bed with Masen. My feet had other plans.
They took me to the door and I knew it was wrong. I knew I should have turned around and gone to my own room… but I didn't. I couldn't. I needed to see him.
I knocked and looked around; hoping no one else would be coming up at this exact moment. He opened the door just a few seconds after my initial knock and squinted at me, still in his dress shirt and slacks. His shirt was halfway unbuttoned but the sleepy look in his eye made me think he'd fallen asleep while undressing.
"What are you doing?" Edward ran a hand though his hair and leaned against the door. I bit my lip as I followed his hand, remembering that not long ago my hands were running themselves through his bronze locks.
"I needed to see you," I whispered, and he closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.
"Bella, please - " he began, but I placed a hand on his bare chest and pushed my way through the doorway. The door closed behind us and I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his chest. His heart was pounding. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and pushed me away.
"I'll get you something to sleep in," he said softly. I followed him to the room where he pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers for me to change into. I entered the bathroom silently and removed my dress and confining strapless bra, replacing them with the soft cotton of his Sydney Swans tee and worn-out Gap boxers. After I washed off my makeup, I removed the pins from my hair and let it fall in spiral curls around my shoulders. Turning off the bathroom light, I padded hesitantly into the bedroom. The only light in the came from the Seattle skyline and I could just make out Edward's form in one of the beds.
I was aware that there was another bed… but I wanted to feel him. Edward had shed his shirt and pants, leaving on his boxers from what I could see that wasn't covered by the thin sheet. He lay on his stomach, facing the right and looking out the window. It was dark but I could still make out his broad shoulders and muscular back, the same one I'd ogled for years, and in my brother's bedroom just months before. I crawled in and his eyes watched me move up toward him. I could see the city lights reflected in the green pools.
"What are you doing?" he asked again.
"Million dollar question tonight, isn't it?" I whispered and settled my head on his pillow. He chuckled softly and turned on his back, his arms behind his head. "I just wanted to see you."
"Bella – I told you I wouldn't do anything to come between the two of you," he said to the ceiling while I watched the outline of his face. "I meant it. What happened tonight… it was an accident."
"Okay Edward," I snorted and rolled to my back, glaring at the ceiling with him.
"I mean - fuck. I don't know what I mean anymore," he mumbled.
"I understand. It's just… a lot to handle." I turned back to him and he stretched his arm out to me. I went willingly, resting my head on his chest and wrapping my arm around his neck.
"You can say that again."
"It's a lot to handle," I said with a smile, and he laughed and wrapped his other arm around me.
"Go to sleep, crazy girl." I felt his lips brush my hair and I closed my eyes. My hand drifted from around his neck to his chest, directly over his heart. Fingers ghosted over the skin there and his body froze, knowing what I was wondering.
"It's a tattoo. It's white ink." Edward said softly.
"When did you get a tattoo?" I leaned up on my elbow and attempted to make out his face in the dark.
"The New Year's after I left," he muttered and I felt his fingertips on my cheeks. "Go to sleep."
"What is it?" I asked as I lay my head back on his shoulder.
"What's what?"
"Your tattoo." I rolled my eyes in the dark.
"Just some words." He muttered.
"What kind of words?" I questioned.
"It says deus est meus sacramentum." His voice was soft, the words falling from his lips like the language he was speaking was completely natural to him.
"What is that? Italian?"
"It's Latin. It means 'God is my oath'," he explained. I didn't get it, but I let my fingers move over the place I'd seen the white ink and where I'd committed it to my memory.
"Oh," I said as I moved my hand to my side and curled into him.
It was like being seventeen again and Edward had snuck in through my window so we could talk, touch, kiss and cuddle.
"Do you ever wish we could be kids again? That it could be that simple?" His voice broke the silence as he fingers trailed up and down my arm.
"No." I said with a shaky breath.
"Really?" he asked, turning his face to mine.
"We'd miss out on the best part of everything. The best part of me and you." I whispered and I saw him smile in the dark.
"That's true." He settled back into the pillow and closed his eyes.
"I still miss it though. All of it. You know?" I placed a soft kiss on his neck and he swallowed hard.
"Yeah. I know." He said softly.
We were silent for a while, only the sounds of our breathing filled the room.
"You know we have to talk about this, right?" This time he was the one posing the question.
"Yeah. I know." I sighed into his shoulder. "But let's wait until tomorrow, okay? Just…" I tried to stifle what sounded suspiciously like a sniffle. "Let's just pretend it still is that simple, Edward. At least for tonight."
"At least for tonight." He repeated.
Because I wasn't sure what the next day would bring.
A/N: Thanks to killerlashes for being so amazingly speedy so I could get this chapter out before I leave the country. That's right, I'm fleeing to Costa Rica for a week.
Thanks to all of YOU for putting SL&FT's reviews OVER 1000. You're all so amazing and I'm constantly overwhelmed by you.
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