Disclaimer: Stephenie owns it all.
Killerlashes beta'd and I edited, any mistakes are mine.
Messynachos is my life twin and cheerleader.
This chapter scares me.
You are all wonderful.
Chapter 28 – The Last Train Home
"And if you wait for me,
I'll be the light in the dark if you lose your way.
And if you wait for me,
I'll be your voice when you don't know what to say.
I'll be your shelter,
I'll be your fate.
I'll be forever,
wait for me.
I'll be the last train,
I'll be the last train home."
-Ryan Star, "The Last Train Home"
Waking up the next morning was like something from a dream. A really odd dream, since I was greeted by two huge blue eyes and a paw to the face.
"Good morning, EJ," I muttered and scratched the top of his head. He purred, bit me, and then walked over me to get off the bed. He was like a miniature Masen, only slightly ruder and not quite as messy.
Edward's bed was big and warm, with fluffy pillows and a soft down comforter. Of course, when Edward wasn't in the bed it wasn't as nice. That was how I'd woken up: with cold sheets next to me and a slip of paper on the nightstand.
B-
Had to go to the office.
Meet me for lunch.
My office at noon.
-E
I smiled into Edward's pillow and tried to wrap my head around the previous night's events.
Beautiful little Hannah.
James and some… girl. I'd assumed the girl was a student of the college and I was pretty sure whatever he was doing (besides cheating on me) was going to call for some kind of action taken. I didn't want to be malicious but, at the same time, I didn't want to compromise the school rules. I had plenty of time to worry about James though.
Because then there was Edward.
Edward's hands and lips and how they felt against my skin. The words he'd said to me and how it felt to sleep in his arms, knowing that there would be more nights I would get to spend tangled up with him.
Edward moved us slowly up the stairs with soft touches and gentle kisses as I tried to keep the smile off my face. The fabric of his shirt was smooth beneath my fingers and the buttons were undone easily. When we'd reach the top of the stairs he slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled my mouth to his, kissing me hard. I grasped the open sides of his shirt, nearly yanking him the final steps into his bedroom, and didn't stop pulling until my legs hit the edge of his bed.
Edward's hands lifted me onto the bed and then his body followed, his lips capturing mine again. I slipped his shirt off his shoulders and laughed when he, Masenlike, fell headfirst onto the mattress trying to take it off. He smirked down at me and rested his elbows on either side of my head, then kissed me very gently.
"Do you want to do this?" he whispered against my lips.
"I want this. You. All of it." I ran my fingers through his hair.
"I know. I do too. I just… don't want to ruin it by moving too fast." Edward's body betrayed his words when I kissed him again. My hands fisted in his hair as I tried to hold him impossibly closer. One of Edward's hands ghosted over the skin that was exposed between my shirt and jeans, his hips moving with mine until I was gasping for air.
"Why do I feel like I'm sixteen again?" I murmured against his cheek when he rested his face next to mine.
"Seventeen. You were seventeen." His breath tickled my ear and I shivered. I ran my hands over his arms and hugged him to me.
"I want to wait. I want to do this right," I whispered. His body relaxed on top of mine, and I struggled to breathe until he lifted himself off, laying down on his side and pulling my body against his, our legs tangled together, our noses touching softly.
"Can I kiss you all night?" His voice was quiet, smile small.
"I'd be mad if you didn't." I gently brushed my lips against his.
"Are we going to talk about it?" He pushed a stray lock of hair off my face and I frowned.
"I thought you wanted to kiss me." I sighed and rested my head on his outstretched arm.
"I do. I need a shower first." He kissed my forehead. "A cold one. And then we'll talk."
I laughed as he untangled himself from me and slipped into the bathroom. I waited until I heard the water running before slipping off my own clothes and replacing them with the shirt he'd shed and a pair of boxers, which he still kept in his top drawer. Edward was so predictable. I laughed again when I pulled back the covers and found a little stuffed otter in the middle of the bed. The pillows and blankets melted to fit me as I sunk into the mattress, and my eyes closed the moment my head hit the pillow.
It wasn't long after I'd fallen asleep that I felt the bed shift as Edward's body joined mine. He pulled me to him and slipped an arm under my head. I went willingly, pressing my face against his bare chest, warm and clean, and let my arm slip around his neck. My fingers found his damp hair; my cold toes his warm ones. We didn't speak for a long moment.
"I was going to see him – to end things with him." I traced random patterns on the back of Edward's neck. I spoke to his chest, knowing that if I were to see his face there would be no talking and nothing resolved.
His arms tightened around me until our bodies were flush against each other, his chin resting against my forehead.
"Why?" he asked quietly.
"It was over a long time ago. I just…was pretending it wasn't."
"Why?" Edward asked again.
"I guess I was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Of you leaving again. Afraid that if we were together again, it would be because of Masen and not because of how we felt."
"That's stupid." He pressed his lips to my forehead.
"I know. Part of me wanted to make it work with him to prove that… I don't know, that I wasn't still hung up on you? That I could function without you, does that make sense?"
"Are you?" He pulled back and lifted my chin toward his face.
"Am I what?"
"Still hung up on me?" Edward asked as a smile began to spread across his handsome face.
"Don't be an ass."
"Answer the question, then," he breathed into my ear. I shivered and placed a kiss on his neck.
"More than you know. I'm sorry I treated you the way I did."
"No, I mean… we didn't behave the best toward each other, did we?" He brushed my hair away from my face, his eyes set on mine. I nodded my head in agreement. "We're too old to act like that. We should have known better."
"Should've, would've, could've," I muttered, and he laughed softly.
"Truth is Bella – I get it. I get that you were scared, I was too. That's part of the reason I never told you about the internship. I was scared that you wouldn't come with me."
"And I didn't," I said sadly.
"No, but I didn't really give you a chance to think about it. If I would have told you in advance maybe something different would have happened, maybe not. Point is -"
"There's a point?" I interrupted him and he rolled his eyes.
"Hush, you," Edward said before kissing me breathless.
"Point?" I whispered with what little voice he hadn't stolen from me with his devilishly talented lips.
"I don't care. It's over and done with. It doesn't matter."
"What does matter, then? What's next?"
"Whatever you want," he answered.
"Edward, you can't. You can't put all of this on me. I don't deserve all of that power." I wrestled myself from his grasp and leaned on my elbow so I could see him better.
"Bella, you already have my heart so you already have the power." He mirrored my stance and I felt myself frown.
"But I've made such a mess of everything…" I let my eyes drop to the sheets and traced a pattern in them with my finger.
"We made it together. We'll fix it together. As fast or as slow as you want." Edward brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face and I laughed softly.
"This seems pretty fast, doesn't it?" I met his eyes and his smile made me feel lighter.
"A little, yes." He chuckled and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me against him. "You've been single for what," he checked an imaginary watch and then looked back at me, "three hours?"
"If that. You waste no time, do you, Cullen?" I joked and he nipped at my earlobe.
"You crawled into my bed, remember?" Edward's breath was warm against my skin and my body melted against his. I slipped my arm under his head and the other under his arm and pressed my face to his chest again. He hummed softly, some old song Esme used to sing to us, and ran his fingers through my hair.
"He was with someone else. For months. I can't believe how stupid I was," I said into the darkness and Edward's movements stilled. "I was going to end it, Edward, I was – and that's when I found them. She's like, one of his students. Or the damn TA he's always running to. I just… I don't even know. "
"If that's what made you end up here, then I won't say I'm sorry that it happened." He pulled away to look at me, his eyes blazing.
"No, that's not what made me end up here. You made me end up here." I rested a hand on his cheek and simply enjoyed the fact that he was there with me, in my arms, under my fingertips. "I'm just… sorry it took so long."
"I would have waited forever," he murmured against my lips.
His lips were slow and gentle, lazy even. He kissed me until my eyes didn't open again and my lips no longer cooperated, until my breathing was shallow and our heartbeats matched. Then Edward pulled me onto his chest and hummed that same old song until he fell asleep, too.
I made my way downstairs and found a pot of coffee still warming and a half-eaten piece of toast on the counter. I poured myself a cup and cleaned up Edward's mess, then went upstairs to shower. Thankfully, Alice hadn't moved all of her stuff out so I used her bathroom, slipped on my own jeans and donned a frilly peasant top I found in her closet. She would have been proud of me.
As I made my way to Port Angeles I called Sue to let her know I'd be by later to pick up Masen. She laughed and told me it was no rush, and I smiled at his laughter in the background. I drove the streets nervously; it was only a little after ten in the morning and Edward had said to meet him at noon. I stopped at a little shopping strip by the pier and bought Masen a couple of new books and myself a cup of coffee that only made me more jittery.
By the time noon rolled around I was slightly nauseous and shaking out of my own skin as I sat in the tiny waiting room of Edward's office building. Anne, a pretty brunette I'd met a few times before, informed me that "Mr. Cullen" was in with a client and should be with me shortly. I thanked her and tried not to vibrate out of my chair while I waited.
Thankfully the door to Edward's office (separate from the work stations scattered throughout the room) opened soon, and he walked out with a leggy blond behind him. Make that strawberry blond. Tanya.
"Bella!" She rushed forward to hug me tightly. I returned her embrace, a bit confused, and looked to Edward for understanding. He merely shrugged and shoved his hands in the pocket of his khakis. Tanya finally relinquished her grip on me and then hugged Edward and kissed his cheek before leaving in a blur of hair and long legs exposed by the flowing silk of her minidress. One she'd left, he took my hand and pulled me to his office, closing the door and collapsing into his big leather chair.
"I thought you were working," I said when I finally got to take in his appearance. He was wearing a light blue polo and khaki shorts, leather sandals adorning his feet, but I noticed the golf shoes and clubs that were propped up in the corner.
"I was." He shrugged and stretched his arms over his head. "C'mere." Edward beckoned me with his head.
"No." I spoke softly, even though I really wanted to.
"Please?"
"I can't," I whispered, and his eyebrows rose, threatening to disappear into his hair.
"Fine," Edward huffed and made his way to me quickly. His arms wrapped around me but I kept mine crossed in front of my chest. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice worried and his lips at my temple. I felt awful.
"Nothing," I muttered and untangled my arms so I could hug him back.
"Izzy." He breathed my name into my ear and tilted my chin up so he could see my face. "Are you jealous?"
"No!" I tried to scoff, but his eyes were accusing and so very accurate. "She's really beautiful."
"Who? Tanya? I suppose. I'm not really her type though." He kissed my nose and I dodged an attempt at my mouth.
"You're everyone's type, Edward," I snorted and he rolled his eyes.
"Not if they don't like guys." He kissed my cheek and released me, leaving me standing alone to process what he just said.
"Really?" I asked incredulously as Edward took his seat again.
"Really." He laughed and this time curled a long finger in my direction. I went willingly, though somewhat sheepishly, and allowed him to engulf me in his embrace, my legs draped over his and my head resting on his shoulder.
"I missed you this morning." I rested my hand at the base of his neck and gave a soft kiss under his ear.
"Me too." Edward's hand ran softly up and down my thigh, sending fire through my veins where he touched me. "Duty calls." He gestured to his golf clubs and I laughed.
"Sure. Golf and meetings with beautiful women. What am I getting myself into?" I wrapped both of my arms around his neck but pulled back so I could see his face. His eyes were soft, no doubt impacted by my words, and I couldn't look away.
"They don't stand a chance," he whispered, and I couldn't resist his mouth any longer. I met his lips with gentle caution as his hand slid up my back, tangled in my hair, and held me closer.
"Good to know." I nipped at his chin when he finally released me.
"Bella, I need…" Edward's voice was quiet again as I stared into his deep green eyes.
"Yes?" I swallowed nervously.
"Food. I need food. I haven't eaten anything but a slice of toast and I'm dying."
"Okay." I laughed and kissed his nose before sliding off his lap. I smoothed his collar and he grabbed my hand, kissing it softly before lacing his fingers though mine and led me out of his office.
"Anne, I'm waiting for a fax – just stick on my desk when it comes in, please. You can lock up as soon as it's here." Edward told her as we made our way to the door. She glanced at our entwined hands and smiled softly.
"No problem, Mr. Cullen, have a great day. Goodbye, Ms. Swan." I gave her a little wave as Edward led me out the door and to his car. He opened the door for me and kissed me before he let me close it.
Edward drove us down to the pier where we found a little Italian place with a view of the bay. I ate most of Edward's alfredo and he drank my wine. We split dessert and called it even.
"How'd you sleep?" he asked when we reached the end of the pier. I leaned against the wood railing and Edward stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Fine, I guess. And you?" I laughed at his choice of small talk and pressed myself back into him.
"I don't know I was watching you." Edward's lips brushed against the exposed skin of my neck.
"You weirdo," I whispered and turned my face to his so I could kiss him. "Am I going to wake up at home one night and find you climbing through my window so you can watch me sleep?"
"I know. I just didn't want you to disappear." He rested his chin back on my shoulder and I sighed.
"I won't."
"It just feels, I don't know… not real?" Edward's voice was quiet and his arms tightened around me as he spoke. I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill. He was right, it didn't feel real. Maybe I was dreaming. But I knew I wasn't because his arms were tight around me and his breath warm against my skim.
"It is, though, right?" I turned slowly in his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and meeting his soft green gaze.
"Yeah. Of course." He kissed me softly and ran his fingers through my hair. "I just don't think we really got a lot discussed last night."
"I know." I buried my face in his neck and hugged him tightly. "I just want to be with you."
"Like, I mean – can I date you?" he blurted out, and I laughed against his skin.
"Are you asking me out, Edward?" I pulled back and he looked at me through dark, impossibly long lashes.
"Well, yeah. I want to date you. And you know…then we can decide what we want," he muttered as an adorable blush crept up his cheeks.
"I want you. Always," I whispered before I kissed him again.
"It's been a while since we dated, you might change your mind." He smirked and I rolled my eyes.
"I think we'll be fine. You should worry more about my family than me." I untangled myself from his arms and took his hand so we could begin our trek back to the car.
"Oh, I think they'll be fine." He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist.
"My dad used to be a cop, you know. And I have two really big brothers," I warned him, and he laughed so loud and deep that people turned to look at us as we talked. Some of them kept staring after we'd passed and I didn't blame them. Edward with the sun shining through his brilliant bronze hair and an exuberant smile was nearly breathtaking. I stuck my hand in his back pocket for good measure as we passed a group of young women. Yes, he was gorgeous. And he wanted to date me.
"So, was this our first date?" I asked when we'd finally reached the car. He opened the door for me again and rested his hands on the car and leaned inside to kiss me.
"I guess so." He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair.
"Really? I mean, you can't even take me somewhere I get to dress up?" I gestured to my jeans and borrowed top. He sighed and dropped his shoulders in mock sadness.
"You want to go somewhere fancy?" He raised an eyebrow and I giggled.
"You can take me to McDonald's and mini-golfing and I'd be happy, Edward."
"Sounds like our first first date!" He laughed as he shut the door. I wracked my brain and tried to remember our actual first date before he got into the car.
"Edward, what did we do on our first date?" I asked when he got into the car.
"You don't remember?" He took my hand in his as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"No, I don't. But I guess I don't really know what you count as the first date either."
"We came to Port Angeles to see a movie." His thumb rubbing circles over the top of my hand made me forget what we were talking about. Good grief, I could hardly imagine what it would be like when the rest of him was touching me.
"Uh… Sleepy Hollow?" I asked and he nodded. "Em had such a thing for Christina Ricci. Ever since Now and Then. He's such a perv." My thoughts ran away with me as I thought about that night. We did, in fact, go to McDonald's and then to a movie with Alice, Emmett, and a few of our friends.
"You held my hand." Edward's voice broke into my thoughts and I noticed that we were sitting in the parking lot of his office, parked next to my car.
"What?" I turned to him and he smiled.
"You got scared during the movie. Then you reached over and grabbed my hand. It was the first time I'd touched you since your birthday, since I'd given you the ring." Edward recounted the moment with a far off look in his eyes. "I noticed you weren't wearing the ring and I was devastated. Later, after we'd gotten back to the house, I ran into you in the hall and I saw that you'd put it on the chain from your dad and Sue."
"I was worried I was going to lose it when I was working at Newton's," I whispered and fingered the thin gold chain I was wearing, trying to remember. I hadn't thought about Edward's ring in a very long time, a little more than five years to be exact. It didn't fit well when I was pregnant with Masen, so I'd slipped it off one day and shoved it in a box along with all the birthday cards from my mother. Out of sight, out of mind.
"I can't believe you remember that," I whispered and he leaned over and kissed my cheek before opening his door.
"Of course I do." Edward's playful smile was back when he opened the door and held out a hand to me. I took it gratefully and slid to the ground. I stared at him for a moment before throwing my arms around his neck with such force that he stumbled back a step.
"I'm very lucky," I whispered and his lips met mine softly.
"Me too."
EPOV
I smiled as I watched Bella's SUV drive away. I didn't really know what was going on with us, but I kind of liked it. When Bella showed up the night before, I didn't know what I expected to happen. I knew that things were different after our night together in Seattle, that things between her and James were strained. But I'd promised Bella (and myself) that I wouldn't come between them. For the most part I'd meant what I said. I would have never done anything to intentionally sabotage their relationship. Of course, if he fucked up all on his own… well, I'd always be on the sidelines.
Jasper and Emmett both had tried to convince me to date. It wasn't as if I didn't find other women attractive or want to fill that particular void in my life but truth be told, I was busy. With starting up the office, coaching t-ball, and weekends with my son… dating wasn't really an option. I know they felt like I was pining for Bella, but I really wasn't. I loved her; that was true. But Bella was the first (and only) girl I'd ever loved. She was the mother of my son and when it came down to it…I just wanted her to be happy.
If happy meant that she was with me, well that was all right, too.
Knowing James had cheated infuriated me because that meant he'd not only fucked with Bella's emotions, but Masen's too. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting my son, even though it made me feel a bit hypocritical, considering the damage I'd done when I'd gone back to Australia for a few short weeks.
As I pulled out of the parking lot I felt the familiar ache in my chest I got when I was away from Masen. I called Sue as I drove.
"I swear it's like you and Bella are sharing a brain." Sue chuckled when I told her I was coming to pick him up.
"Oh? Did she call, too? She didn't say -" I cut myself off, knowing I'd just shoved my foot in my mouth. Shit.
"She didn't say what? Were the two of you together?" Sue grilled me and I could practically see her sharp eyes glaring at me, her mouth set in a thin line.
"Uh… we had lunch together?" My statement came out as a question and I wished I wasn't driving so I could slap myself in the head.
"And breakfast, I'm assuming," she said dryly and I nearly laughed.
"No." Well, it wasn't a complete lie.
"Get your butt here, Edward Anthony. The two of you have some explaining to do," Sue said before she hung up on me. Why did I suddenly feel like Lucy, caught mid-shenanigans by an irate Desi?
"Yes, ma'am," I muttered to the dead line.
I pulled into Charlie and Sue's yard and Masen ran out to greet me. I lifted him up and kissed him while he wrapped his arms around my neck.
"Nana is mad at you." He frowned as I carried him inside. "And Mama. Did you do something wrong?"
"No, buddy. We didn't do anything wrong," I explained when I stepped through the front door. Bella greeted me and I set Masen down so I could kiss her. Masen smiled up at us but Sue cleared her throat from the hallway.
"Kitchen," she stated. Bella and I followed with dragging feet. "Go find your Uncle Seth. You forgot you were playing hide-n-seek." She ushered our son out of the kitchen and he gave us a sympathetic look, the little weasel.
"He thinks I should just give you a time out." She smiled as she watched him walk away and her face turned sober when she turned back to us. "I have other plans."
Bella sent me a sidelong glance and I shrugged.
"Oh, just sit down, will you? I just want to know what in the world is going on. And preferably before your father gets home so I know what to tell him!" she exclaimed as we all took a seat at the kitchen table.
"We don't know, Sue. I mean… we're going to… maybe just… help me out here?" Bella stuttered a bit before gripping my hand tightly.
"I want to date Bella," I said simply, and both women turned to me with amused looks.
"Date her? Like, pick her up and take her places and that's it?"
"Well, I mean – for now, yeah."
"You want to date the mother of your child." Sue stated rather than asked it, and I swallowed loudly. Bella laughed and try to cover it up with a cough.
"It sounds stupid when you say it."
"It is stupid, boy!" Sue slammed her hand down on the table.
"It isn't stupid! Well, it's a little bit stupid. Look, we don't want to mess anything up and we want to do it right." I reached across the table to take Bella's hand and she smiled softly at me.
"You've already got the kid, what are you waiting for?" Sue muttered as she walked out of the kitchen.
"What was that?" Bella called to her as she tried not to laugh.
"I said you get to tell your father!" Sue yelled, then called Seth and Masen in for dinner. The five of us ate quietly, occasionally talking about the last week of school or the weather, always sidestepping the thing that was so obviously on Sue and Seth's minds. As Masen curled up on the couch with a movie, Seth and I washed dishes while Bella and Sue sat outside.
"So, what in the hell is going on?" Seth asked and I just shrugged. He was a kid. I couldn't talk to him about this. He was Bella's brother, too. It would be like talking to Emmett and that was just fucking weird.
"I don't know, dude. We're just… dating."
"Dating? Riiiight." He snorted and started to put the dishes away.
"Seriously!" I defended our new status. "She broke up with James like, yesterday."
"Oh, please, Cullen. She broke up with him the minute you moved back to Forks. Figuratively speaking, of course."
I eyed him for a moment before he finally turned to look at me.
"What?"
"I'm just surprised you know what that means." I shrugged.
"Fuck you, Cullen. I've got a 3.9 GPA."
"Language!" Sue entered the kitchen and smacked Seth across the back of the head, and I laughed.
"You're very angry tonight, Nana," Masen observed as he ambled into the kitchen and pressed his face against my side.
"I'm frustrated, there's a difference." She mussed his hair and mine before leaving the kitchen again.
"Can we go home, Daddy? I'm sleepy." I smiled down at Masen and saw Bella sitting at the table from the corner of my eye.
"Yeah, we can go." I lifted him up and Sue handed Bella his things and gave us both a once-over with a raised eyebrow. We walked to the car in silence and Bella buckled Masen in his seat so she could kiss him goodnight.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Bella reached up to hug me but I grabbed her hands and pulled her against me.
"Come over," I whispered before kissing her softly.
"I – I shouldn't," she replied against my lips.
"You should. He'd like it." I jerked my head in Masen's direction.
"What will he think?" Her eyes were trained on the back door of my car though we both knew he couldn't see us.
"He'll be happy," I said as I kissed her again. She sighed and relaxed against me.
"Okay," she agreed and I could feel myself smiling widely.
"See you soon." She nodded and waved before running up the stairs and back into the house. "How do you feel about a sleepover with your mom?" I turned to Masen and he grinned.
"Yes!" he cried, actually doing a fist-pump, and I laughed. This part of the relationship was going to be easy.
Masen and I were both in our pajamas and curled up in my bed by the time Bella arrived. I heard the door open and lock and then her footsteps on the stairs. Masen's eyes were drooping and he was cuddled up with his stuffed otter, his head on my chest. EJ was lounging at my feet. Bella smiled when she walked in my bedroom and dropped her small duffel in a chair sitting by the door. She took out what I assumed were her pajamas our and walked over to the bed. She kissed Masen's head and then me, her fingers trailing along my jaw, before going into the bathroom to change.
When she was finished Bella climbed into the empty side of my bed and pulled Masen to her. He went willingly and buried his head under her neck.
"Who's this?" Bella tugged the otter out of his arms and he reached for it.
"That's Ralph," Masen mumbled, and covered the stuffed animal protectively. "Daddy gave him to me. From Australia."
"Really?" Her eyes met mine over his head and I nodded. It was one of those random things I picked up before I left. I didn't want to come home empty-handed. I had nearly forgotten about it until I finished unpacking everything.
"He's a very nice cat," Bella said softly.
"Maa-maa! He's an otter!" Masen giggled and hugged Ralph tighter.
"How could I have been so silly?" She laughed and kissed our son before reaching an arm over him and holding out her hand to me. I turned off the lamp and took her hand in mine, kissing it softly before wrapping my arm around both of them.
"This is nice," Masen whispered and Bella and I laughed.
"Very nice," I agreed, and leaned over Masen so I could kiss Bella softly.
We stayed that way all night, wrapped up together. Our little family. I fell asleep hoping that things would finally be as they should.
For the next couple of weeks things went about the same way. Bella and I eventually talked to Charlie and our siblings and friends. Everyone was very supportive and not at all surprised, though Emmett when on a bit of a rampage when he found out about James.
Of course, he probably didn't feel quite the rage that I did. I'd tried so hard to be nice to the guy and the whole time he was dicking around. I would have been much less noble had I known all of that.
But, then again, I didn't have to think about him anymore. I didn't have to think about how he would put my kid to bed and kiss my girl. Truth be told, I was grateful for the douche bag. I knew Bella was having a hard time, though. She thought it was too easy, no doubt felt that the bottom would fall out sooner rather than later and we would be left with nothing – again.
"So, the whole time I'm trying to be nice to the guy and he's fucking around on my sister?" Emmett said a little too loudly during lunch with Charlie and Seth.
"I guess, I mean – dude, I don't know." I rubbed my hand over my face and glanced around the diner hoping that not too many people heard his outburst.
"So, is Bella okay? Is she pissed?" Emmett asked and Seth snorted into his drink.
"Bella's fine." He said as he smirked at me. I kicked him under the table.
"What do you mean?" Charlie, who'd been immersed in the menu (though he always ordered the same thing), finally looked up at his stepson with a confused look.
"I mean that Edward is taking perfect care of Iz. She'll be fine." Seth explained and I gripped the edge of the table.
"What?" Emmett and Charlie both turned to me, wide-eyed.
"Well – not like that. We're just… uh… that's why I wanted to hang out with you guys?" I questioned my own logic while they both stared at me. It was uncomfortable. I hated Seth.
"To tell us that you're banging my sister again?" Emmett cried. Dude seriously needed to learn some volume control.
"No! I'm not yet! I mean – shit." I glanced at Charlie and noticed his face was not the angry red that was normal when he was upset. Instead, he was smiling. "We're going to date and see what happens."
"Date. You're going to date." Emmett stated rather than questioned.
"Yes. Date." I rolled my eyes.
"You realize that this is completely backwards, right?"
"Emmett, if he wants to date your sister he can." Charlie spoke from behind his menu again. "Hell, I'm surprised it took him this long to get his shit together."
"Thanks Chief." I gawked at him while Seth shook with laughter.
"No problem. I think I'll have a tuna melt." He mused. Some things never changed.
We tried hard to work through those things in the first couple weeks of our relationship. It was easier when we were alone, just the three of us. Bella would bring Masen to visit me at work and the three of us would go to lunch. We'd spend our nights curled up together watching movies or I would work and listen to Bella read to Masen.
It was only if we went out that things got uncomfortable.
Forks was a small town – people talked.
A lot.
Masen liked the attention, loved people coming up to talk to us. It wasn't too bad, mostly people being nosy. It bothered Bella that people knew every aspect of her relationship with James and how it ended. She suspected Charlie was to blame for that, considering the man would talk the splinters off a wooden post.
"I mean, really?" Bella cried as we left the diner one Friday a week or so before my birthday. "Did she honestly need to ask you if you were really off the market?" She huffed as the opened the car door for Masen.
"You're very cute when you're angry." I opened her door and kissed her cheek. She grumbled and pushed me away, but smiled as she did.
That was the first night since our reconciliation that we slept in the same bed together sans adorable but intrusive son.
"What do you want to do?" I pulled her against me and kissed her softly.
"Kiss you until you can't breathe," she murmured against my mouth.
I obliged, gladly. What was a few hours' missed sleep when this was the trade-off?
xXx
"Nana! Pop! I'm heee-eeere!" Masen yelled as soon as we stepped foot inside Charlie and Sue's house. He ran through the front door, Bella and I laughing behind him as we followed suit.
Then we stopped dead in our tracks.
"Seth, take Masen outside." Charlie's voice was stiff as we entered the kitchen. Bella's smile disappeared as we watched Seth usher our son out of the room. Masen cast a look back at us; scared green eyes haunted me.
"Dad? What's wrong?" she asked, her voice worried. It was then that we saw Emmett sitting at the table, Rose at his side. Emmett's head was in his hands, Rose's arm around his shoulders. Tears were shining in her eyes.
"What's going on? Where's Leah?" I looked around the kitchen and noticed she was the only one not present.
"She's at the store. This isn't about Leah." Sue wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulder and guided her to the table and I stood, paralyzed, in the kitchen.
"Daddy?" Bella's voice was pleading as she sat down across from her brother. Charlie ran a hand over his lined face and knelt in front of her, the usual twinkle gone from his eyes. Bella reached out and touched her father's face softly. "What's wrong?"
"It's your mom." He said quietly.
"Renee?" Bella asked looking up at Sue and across to Emmett. He lifted his head and I felt my heart clench at his face. Never had I seen Emmett like that, not even on the day that Renee left. His eyes, Bella's eyes, Charlie's eyes… all clouded with pain and confusion.
"She was – there was… She's gone, Bella."
"Gone?" Her voice was hardly a whisper. I watched Sue's hand tighten on Bella's shoulders and felt my own eyes burn. I couldn't see these people hurt that much.
"She was at the bank on her lunch break." Rosalie's voice cut through the silence, clear but soft, always the rock. "It was a robbery, Bella. They just – opened fire – on everyone." Rosalie's last comment was cut off by a sob and in the same instant Bella was off of the chair and in my arms. I held her as tightly as I could and my tears fell unashamedly with hers as I tried to soothe her, knowing nothing would make her feel differently.
No matter what Renee had done or said, she was still the reason Emmett and Bella walked the earth. We would all mourn the loss of her in different ways. Emmett and Bella for the loss of a mother who maybe, one day, they'd get a chance to know again. For our children that would never know one of their grandparents.
"I never told her I forgave her." Bella whispered into my shirt, her hands clutching at me desperately. I held her face in my hands and fought the urge to kiss her, to make her feel anything but sad.
I did that for a solid week. I comforted Bella and put on a strong front for the family that I loved so very, very much.
We had people over to my house after the memorial, the urn holding Renee's ashes sat above the mantel. The atmosphere was subdued as people ate and talked, milled around giving condolences. I stayed with Bella, my hand in hers the whole time as we anchored each other to the ground.
BPOV
Edward tried to comfort me, but I was adamant about my self loathing. One thing I knew for certain was that I loved him, more and more each day.
The memorial was brief but heartfelt and the amount of people that attended surprised me. Food was served at Edward's and he didn't leave my side. Always there, holding my hand, rubbing my shoulders… anything to keep me calm.
When everyone left it was him who remained, ever my anchor in the storm of my life. He had given everything through the week and I still selfishly craved so much more.
As the last person exited through the front door I fell onto the couch. Edward closed the door and joined me, pulling me against his chest as his fingers drew lazy circles on my skin.
"Are you tired?" He murmured into my hair. I loved Edward for his subtleness. He knew I was tired. I'd spent every night in his bed crying while he graciously gave me the space I needed without actually giving me space.
"A little." I let my hand rest over his heart and felt tears prick my eyes as the week finally started to catch up with me. "Is it weird that I miss her?"
"You're allowed to miss her, Bella." He held me tighter to him.
"She was gone for so long and now… I really thought things might have started to change after the wedding."
"They did. They were going to." Edward reassured my hopes. "Things just… happen."
"Why? Why is my son never going to know one of his grandparents? Why will she never get to see Rose and Em's kids? Or ours? Why?"
"I don't know. I don't know why things happen."
"Why did I waste so much time not forgiving her?"
"You were a kid, Iz. She knew she was wrong. Renee understood."
"How do you know?" I asked as my tears fell onto his shirt.
"We talked a little bit. At the wedding." I pulled away too look at him. He smiled and brushed my tears away before kissing me softly.
"Really?" I asked and he laughed quietly.
"Yes. She wouldn't hold anything against you. She loved you."
"Thank you. For telling me that. For everything you've done this week." I whispered.
"Of course." He touched my face softly. My body reacted in a way it shouldn't have. As I sat there with Edward and felt his hands and heard his voice I wanted nothing more than him - all of him.
I moved myself to his lap and pressed my lips to his. I wasn't gentle with my kiss or my body and hoped that he got my point.
Of course he did.
Edward sighed and kissed me, though reserved and gentle, before pushing me off of him and taking my hand to lead me upstairs to his bedroom. He turned on the light and stepped around me to grab a t-shirt and pants so he could change for bed. It took a moment for his actions to register in my exhausted brain.
He was going to sleep in the guest room.
He brushed my hair away from my face and kissed my cheek softly.
"I'll just be down the hall." Edward's voice was so quiet it was like he had simply breathed the words instead of said them. I didn't reply; just let him walk out of the bedroom. I could feel him slipping away. Already the strain in our relationship was there, though it was all on me. Edward had been nothing but supportive. I shouldn't have thrown myself at him. We were being patient with each other, with our relationship; but Edward so much more than I.
I sighed and undressed, slipping into a comfortable chemise and washing my face. I shook my hair out of the tight bun I'd wound it in and crawled into Edward's bed very much alone.
An hour or so later I was still awake. Noises downstairs let me know that Edward was also still up. I threw the covers off me and quickly padded downstairs.
I found Edward in the kitchen, his back to me. He was dressed in a pair of cotton sleep pants, facing the window, a bottle of wine on the counter in front of him.
"Hi," I whispered. He turned quickly.
"Did I wake you?" Edward's voice was worried as he crossed the kitchen and came to a stop in front of me.
"No. I couldn't sleep." I reached for him and he let me wrap myself up in him, in his warmth and soap and aftershave. I could feel his heart beating steadily under my cheek and it soothed me. It calmed me to know that someone as good and caring as Edward was there for me.
And it bothered me to know that I had pushed him away when he only wanted to help me.
"Want some wine?" Edward's fingers touched my cheek and I gave him a small smile.
"One glass."
"One glass," he agreed and filled the glass he'd been drinking and handed it to me, then led me into the dining room where he sat and pulled me into his lap. I sipped the wine, letting the warmth spread through me and felt myself relax as Edward's lips pressed against my shoulder. "You should try to get some sleep," he murmured against my skin. "It's been a long day."
"I just need to shut my brain off."
"Impossible." He laughed softly, his breath tickling me.
"Ha. Ha." I nudged him softly and set my glass down. "Have I told you how grateful I am lately?"
"You don't - "
"I do. I can't thank you enough."
"Izzy…" His nose trailed along my jaw and I suppressed a shudder that was forcing its way through my body. "I'd do anything for you."
"Anything?" I asked, my voice low, my heart in my throat.
"Anything." Edward's lips pressed gently under my ear, and this time I couldn't stop the movements of my body. Setting the glass down, I turned to him, one hand on the back of his neck the other on the side of his face, holding him in place.
"Make me forget," I said when our faces were centimeters apart.
"What?" he asked, his eyes focused on my mouth.
"Please, Edward. I can't – I can't think anymore. I need to forget." My fingers tightened in his hair as our lips met roughly.
"Bella." He groaned and buried his face in my neck. His grip was tight on my hip, breath hot on my skin.
"Please?" I said again as his head lifted. Green eyes met mine and I could swear they had been set on fire. I could practically feel my skin burning from his gaze. He shifted me off his lap and we both stood. Edward's hand slowly drifted down my arm until our fingers were linked together and he was pulling me across the kitchen in the same moment. With the lights switched off, our feet hit the stairs and my heart pounded in chest. We were halfway up the stairs before I was pressed into the wall with Edward's hands on either side of my head, his nose touching mine.
"You're sure?" he asked quietly.
"Very. Completely," I replied before kissing his chin. He captured my lips with his before taking my hand again and pulling me up the rest of the stairs and into his bedroom. I heard the door close but all I could really register were Edward's hands on my face and his lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him to me, needing to feel his body against me.
Part of me knew that we should wait, that it shouldn't be a reaction to my mother's death that made me want this so badly. But the rest of me didn't care because I needed him so very much.
His fingers were gentle on my neck and chest, trailing fire across my collarbone, and then they were gone. When they were on my skin again it was at my thighs to fist in the soft cotton of my chemise and lift it over my head. It took a moment in the dark for him to realize that I wasn't wearing anything underneath the flimsy piece of cotton but when he did my body was pressed against him again. I could feel his warmth and hardness all the way into my bones and before I knew what was happening my back was pressed into the mattress and Edward was hovering over me.
"You're beautiful," he whispered before his lips met my skin. His mouth was everywhere and nowhere I needed it to be. His hands were on places that hadn't been touched in too, too long. The only noises in the room were my ragged breathing and his soft murmurings as he passed by scars and freckles during his worship of my body.
"Kiss me," I whispered and he complied. His lean body rested on mine and I wrapped him in my arms. They traveled across his shoulders and down his arms until they reached the band of his cotton pants. He helped me remove the final barrier between us and entered me in the same moment, leaving me gasping for air and clinging to him tightly.
His mouth was hot against mine as we moved together. One hand tangled in his hair, the other clutched the small of his back, desperately trying to bring him closer. When his lips left mine it was only so they could find refuge on some other part of my body, leaving my mouth free to whisper his name over and over.
I cried out as he pushed deeper, sending me so close to the edge each time but refusing to let me fall. My heels dug into him as I brought his face to mine. His eyes told me what his mouth was afraid to say and I could only hope that mine did the same. He gripped my hand beside my head and I kissed him again, desperate for release. His free hand was tight on my hip and his lips were at my ear whispering things that I couldn't comprehend because I was falling so quickly that I was sure to tip over the edge at any second.
"Please…" I managed to choke out, though my plea was different than before. I needed this. Him. All of him. I needed to forget everything except us. I felt Edward's lips on my neck, under my ear, trailing down my jaw, and then I felt nothing and everything at the same time. His name was on my lips and then it was replaced with his own lips and in that brief moment nothing else existed. When both of his arms slipped under me to hold me to him I knew he was finally at the same point as I was. He stilled, panting into my neck as my hands stroked his hair, his face. His lips were on mine, soft and sure, and then he was pulling us on our sides, still a tangled mess of limbs.
I didn't care about moving or cleaning up. I needed to be in his arms, under his fingers, against his lips. Our movements were lazy, our voices hoarse from our rough whispers and heavy breathing. I couldn't help the smile that had formed on my face.
Edward kissed me again before pulling me onto his chest and wrapping the comforter around us. When he smiled down at me I knew we'd made the right decision. Our reunion was never meant to be perfect. Perfect wasn't us. He gently pressed his lips to my forehead and tightened his arms around me.
"Get some sleep," he murmured. I nodded against his chest and wrapped an arm around his neck.
"Edward?" I whispered after a few minutes. His breathing had slowed and become shallow, it was hard to tell if he was still awake.
"Hmm?" he hummed softly. I took a deep breath and buried myself further in his arms.
"Thank you."
He laughed sleepily. "Glad to be of service, ma'am."
I smiled into the darkness, knowing that whatever happened next, we would face it together.
"Hold on to love,
and wait for me.
I'll be the last train,
I'll be the last train home."
This song wouldn't leave my head while I wrote:
www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=2HoDRbZvOcM