This is getting dumber and dumber and it is not going to stop here haha, ah well I could use a dumb distraction at the moment. So here's chapter 5, I hope you enjoy it, also I calculated three million yen is about fifteen thousand English pounds

Silver's shouts could heard throughout the entire Indigo Plateaux. People were turning in the direction of the noise as he continued to scream 'fuck' and 'Jesus' every so often. Red was still waiting for this explanation that was apparently going to make up for everything from Crystal but he wasn't holding out much hope that he was going to be getting than any time soon. He shook his head and was about to go and find his mother when the four foot man who had been staring at him appeared next time him.

"Grief does strange things to people, doesn't it?" he stated.

"Yeah, just a bit." Red replied. Peter – Red just about remembered him tell him his name – looked around nervously for a second and then turned back to him.

"If you remember, I have something that I wanted to talk to you about." he said.

"Oh yes." Red replied nodding.

"Is there some place quiet that we can go?" Peter asked.

"Sure." Red replied. He led Peter through one of the halls until they reached Professor Oak's office. It had been left open so that eventually Red and Blue would sort it out and throw away things that were no longer needed. He sat down at Professor Oak's desk and Peter sat down on one of the chairs in front of him. He nodded up at a photograph on the wall of Professor Oak shaking hands with Blue outside the Viridian City Gym.

"Blue's a great Gym Leader isn't he?" Peter asked. Red stared at him blankly.

"Yes he is." he replied flatly.

"You've never aspired to be a Gym Leader?" he asked.

"No." Red replied. "I spend a lot of time training on Mount Silver."

"Ah that's a shame." Peter replied. "You'd make a good Gym Leader." Something that Red had never wanted to do – it seemed like too much hassle. It was hassle enough when he went up to Mount Silver to train and people would come and bother him up there.

"Anyway..." Red hedged trying to bring the conversation back to the point and to stop talking about why Blue was better because he had taken up Professor Oak's offer to become a Gym Leader.

"Yes." Peter said reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a small bundle. "Actually I have some photos that I wanted to show you."

"Ok." Red shrugged.

"We became quite close, Professor Oak and I, the last couple of months." Peter said. "We ended up spending quite a lot of time together."

"Right..." Red nodded. Peter handed him a photograph. "Here's me and Professor Oak at the Kanto Safari Park and here we are on top of one of those buses that goes around Goldenrod City – that's a terrible picture of me." Red looked at the picture Peter had just handed him. He and Professor Oak were sitting next to each other, quite close together so that they could both get in the picture. He furrowed his brow and looked up from the photograph.

"Where did you and Professor Oak meet?" he asked.

"I went to one of his lectures on Cinnabar Island, he was so passionate about his subject that I went up to talk to him about it at the end." Peter said. "I was so nervous – I mean it was Professor Oak, how could I not be?" He took out another photograph and handed it to Red.

"Here we are at a fancy dress party in Littleroot Town." he said. "That's Professor Oak dressed up as a Roman Centurion." Peter bit his lip slightly at the thought. Red was even more confused by this.

"In what capacity were you actually friends with Professor Oak?" he asked. "I mean, no offence but he's never mentioned you to me... and you have all these pictures with him as if you were..." Red couldn't quite finish the sentence. Whatever he had been about to say had failed to come out of his mouth when he caught sight of the statue on Professor Oak's desk of a very muscular naked man bending over in a yoga position. He turned and his eyes caught a photograph of another muscular man in a very tight, very revealing leotard doing gymnastics. He closed his eyes but the image seemed to be burned into his retinas. He opened them again and his eyes immediately flew to a signed picture of Elton John on the other side of the desk from the statue.

"'Oak we should get together for drinks again ASAP.'" it read.

"Oh god." Red muttered as that realisation hit him.

"Now I know this might come as quite a shock to you." Peter said. "I'm sure he would have told you himself but he wasn't quite sure how you would react."

"Does my mother know about this?" Red asked.

"No," Peter replied. "and there's no reason why she should find out. Not so long as I get what's owed to me."

"Pardon?" Red asked. Was Peter saying what he thought he was saying?

"Well I think I deserve something." Peter stated. "Professor Oak and I were lovers and he left me absolutely nothing in his will. How do you think that makes me feel?" he asked after a pause. "I'll tell you how that makes me feel: cheap. Like a cheap slut. Don't you think I deserve something?"

"What do you want?" Red asked flatly. So this what actually happening. If he could just get this man to leave then this secret could be buried forever with Professor Oak and nobody but him would have to find out about it.

"Well I think about three million yen should do it." Peter stated,

"Three million!" Red exclaimed getting to his feet. "I'm supposed to be buying a flat!"

"Well that's up to you." Peter shrugged.

"Wait a minute," Red said angrily. "you think you can come in here and show me pictures of you and Professor Oak on a bus and you think that counts as proof? That's not fucking proof!" Peter flipped through the photographs until he found one he was looking for.

"Here." he said handing it to Red.

"What's that?" Red asked taking it before looking at it. It was a photograph of Peter and Professor Oak engaged in some kind of sex act that Red was amazed that someone of Professor Oak's age could get into. He dropped the photograph in surprised. "Jesus!" Peter picked it up off the floor.

"Now I don't want to but I will go out there and I will show these photos to every single person. Do you really want me to do that?" he asked. Red snatched the photograph from him and placed it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

"You wait here." he said going to the door. He left the office and closed the door behind him. As he did he was greeted by Professor Elm and a group of other men all about Professor Oak's age.

"Red," Professor Elm said grabbing him and pulling to one side. "I was just tell George here how when we were boys Professor Oak used to love to make us all go skinny dipping." Red closed his eyes and prayed that this day would be over soon.

Crystal knocked on the door again and asked Silver if he could open it. She had lost count of how many times she had done this. She wasn't even sure what he was doing in there, occasionally she would hear him muttering incoherently to himself so maybe he had taken Gold's advice and was just riding out the high and enjoying it while staying locked in the bathroom.

"Hey." a voice said from behind her and her heart sank slightly. "Anything I can do to help?" She turned to see Ruby standing behind her with his hands in his pockets.

"Not really." she replied. "Thanks." she added so as not to seem too rude.

"Everything under control?" Ruby asked again.

"Fine." she replied knocking on the door again. "Silver can you open the door please?" She had been intending to just sit outside and wait for him to come out but now that Ruby was hanging around she wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

"So what are you doing next weekend?" he asked. "I've got a couple of tickets and backstage passes to..."

"Look Ruby," she said turning to face him. "I've got a lot on my plate right now and I can't deal with your shit so can you please just go away?" Ruby shrugged.

"I'll be out front if you want me." he stated. Crystal could have assured him with one hundred percent certainty that she wouldn't want him any time soon.

"Can I talk to you?" Red asked grabbing Blue by the arm. He had been in the corner talking to Kate again and probably trying to work his way into her knickers. Blue brushed him off.

"Not now."

"It's important." Red stated giving Blue's arm a gentle tug. Blue turned and flashed a smile a Kate.

"Excuse us, I'll be back in a second." he said and as soon as he had Red began dragging him out of the crowd and into the hallway. He found a broom closet, shoved Blue inside and closed the door behind the both of them. "What are you doing?" Blue asked incredulously.

"Blue you remember that little guy from before that we didn't know?" Red asked. "The short guy?"

"Yeah." Blue replied, confused.

"I've just been talking to him in Professor Oak's study." Red was trying to find the right words, how to get this out eloquently and not make it sound like he was joking because he knew Blue wasn't going to believe him.

"And?" Blue shrugged.

"He showed me these pictures."

"Yeah."

"Of him and Professor Oak."

"Right." Blue nodded.

"Of him and Professor Oak together." he was trying to spell it out in the hope that Blue would work it out for himself.

"Right." Blue replied and Red realised that he may not be following where he was going with this.

"Him and Professor Oak together at parties and stuff..."

"Red is this going anywhere?" Blue asked irritably.

"For god's sake Blue he was shagging the Professor!" Red blurted out. Blue stared at him like he'd grown and extra head.

"Fuck off!" he exclaimed. "You're shitting me."

"No I'm not shitting you I'm telling you." Red stated placing his hands on Blue's shoulders as if that would help get it get through his head. "He showed me pictures."

"What are you saying?" Blue asked. "That Gramps was gay?"

"That's what I'm saying." Red nodded.

"And he was cheating on your mum?"

"Evidently."

"With that little..."

"Yes." Red cut in before Blue could finish that sentence. "Listen I know that's a bombshell but the concern right now is that he wants money."

"What do you mean he wants money?" Blue asked.

"He wants three million yen." Red stated.

"Tell him to go fuck himself." Blue replied.

"Don't you understand: he's got the pictures." Red told him. "If we don't give him the money he's going to tell everybody here the most intimate details of their sex life." Blue pulled a face.

"I don't want to hear the most intimate details of their sex life." he said.

"Exactly." Red replied.

"What are we going to do?" Blue asked. Red shrugged.

"We'll just have to come up with something."

"Well ok then." Blue replied.

"What a fucking waste of time." Ruby stated flopping down in the chair next to Sapphire. "I don't know why I even bothered. I dressed up and everything... and she's more interested in that idiot than she is in me. I tell you this world is severely fucked."

"Sounds serious doesn't it?" Sapphire said not paying attention to Ruby at all and staring at the patch of skin on her wrist.

"What?" Ruby asked.

"Pigment mutation." Sapphire stated. She picked up a small slice of cake and bit into it. She tasted something strange and immediately passed it to Ruby. "Can you taste this?"

"Why?"

"I think it has almonds in it." she said.

"So?"

"So, Red's uncle said I'm allergic to almonds." she stated clutching onto the one thing that had stuck into her mind after the conversation with Uncle Victor.

"Don't eat it them." Ruby shrugged. He was too busy looking down the corridor and wondering whether he should go and speak to Crystal again. He thought that if he talked to her often enough he could win her over and charm his way back into her good books. This train of thought was cut off by Sapphire shoving the cake at him.

"Be a mate, taste it and tell me what you think." she said.

"No." he snapped.

"Come on, please." she pleaded. She was absolutely positive that this would be the solution to her problem – a doctor had practically told her that an almond allergy was what had caused the strange patch on her wrist. Well... he sort of had... in not quite so many words... but it made sense to her. "Can't you just do me a favour?"

"Will you please fuck off?" Ruby snapped brushing her off and getting to his feet. Sapphire sighed in irritation and dropped the cake back on her plate. As she slumped back in her chair Gold popped up from underneath the table.

"Have you seen a pill bottle lying around?" he asked. "It looks like a Valium bottle."

"No, sorry." Sapphire said shaking her head.

"Shit!" Gold muttered before disappearing under the table again. Sapphire was about to stick her head under and ask him what he was doing but she caught sight of Red's mother and his Uncle Victor, through the window, sitting on one of the benches outside. Maybe she should ask again, she thought, and made a dash for the door. She made her way over to the bench and it seemed as if as soon as he saw her coming Uncle Victor got the his feet to answer his phone.

"Doctor could you..." she began but he had already walked off. She went and sat down next to Red's mother. She didn't feel as if she could go chasing after Uncle Victor and as Red's mother had already seen her she though it would be rude not to sit down and say something. "Hi."

"Hello." Red's mother said without really looking at her.

"I'm sorry about... earlier." Sapphire said after an awkward pause. Red's mother turned to give her a small smile.

"Thank you." she replied. The two of them fell back into an awkward silence again. Sapphire opened her mouth to speak but closed it thinking better of it. The silence stretched on longer until the point where she couldn't bear it anymore.

"It must be terrible losing someone like Professor Oak," she said, not really knowing where she was going with this. "but you're still young... well young-ish. You'll find someone else... but that's easier to say than do..."

"Quite." Red's mother replied. Sapphire knew she should stop but Red's mother was just regarding her with a raised eyebrow and she was becoming more and more nervous and couldn't stop talking.

"It's just terrible when people die, isn't it? There was a guy that I knew, someone stabbed him to death because he called his mother a 'moose' and the guy just stabbed him right in the neck." she stated pointing to the place on Red's mother's neck. "He cut a major artery and there was just blood gushing absolutely everywhere... and the ridiculous thing is that the guy who did it told the police later that he didn't even know what a 'moose' was." She paused briefly to allow that to sink in before she turned to Red's mother again. "Has that cake got almonds in it?"

"Pardon?" Red's mother asked. Sapphire waved her off, suddenly realising that this was a ridiculously inappropriate question despite the rest of the conversation also being ridiculously inappropriate.

"Doesn't matter." she said. Red's mother pursed her lips.

"If you'll excuse me." she said and got up to leave.

"Nice talking to you." Sapphire called after her. She sat there for a moment looking around, privately thinking that that conversation could have gone much better. It wasn't until she looked down at her feet that she noticed the small pill bottle underneath the bench. That must have been the one that Gold was looking for, she thought, so she picked them up and put them in her jacket pocket so that she could give it to him when she next saw him.

"Hang on, hang on, hang on." Blue said suddenly thinking. "How do we know that this guy isn't bullshitting us?" Red reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out the photograph he had taken from Peter and handed it to Blue. "Oh my god!"

"Yeah." Red said stuffing the photograph back into his jacket pocket.

"I guess we better pay him." Blue said. "We can't have this getting out; everyone would have a field day."

"When we say 'we' do you mean the royal 'we'?" Red asked.

"What do you mean?" Blue countered.

"You said you didn't have any money." Red stated. Blue shrugged sheepishly. Red just stared at him, his face devoid of expression. "So what do you suggest we do?" he asked flatly. Blue thought about this for a minute.

"Let's just pay him and I'll get you the money as soon as I possibly can." he stated. Red shook his head.

"One of these days," he said slowly. "I am going to take you to the top of Mount Silver and push you off it."

"That seems fair." Blue stated. "Now come on, let's go and get this sorted." He clapped Red on the shoulder and led him out of the closet. The two of them began to make their way back to Professor Oak's study where Peter would, hopefully, still be waiting for them. As they passed the bathroom where Crystal was still standing outside Red heard her knock on the door.

"Silver?" she asked.

"Silver!" came the response from inside.

"Silver?" she asked again.

"Silver!" he responded with his own name again.

"Sil...?" she asked.

"Ver..." came the response. Red thought she was more likely to get more sense out of a Magikarp than she was out of Silver and he still hadn't had his explanation about that yet. As he and Blue turned the corridor he saw Green walking towards them.

"I think we're just about ready to start again..." she told him.

"Would you mind seeing if you can give us five minutes?" he asked her.

"Of course." she said. "What's going on?" Red took hold of her hands.

"I'm really sorry but I think our moving plans will have to be put on hold." he told her. "Just for a little while."

"Why?" she asked looking at him in confusion.

"I don't have time to explain right now." he told her. "I wouldn't do this unless I really had to."

"What's the reason?" Green asked.

"I can't explain right now ok?"Red told her, letting go of her hands as Blue continued to drag him to the office. "I promise I will as soon as possible. I'm sorry, I love you." The two of them disappeared and all Green could do was stand and stare after them looking, and feeling, thoroughly confused.