I seem to be having trouble sleeping at the moment so my response? This nonsense haha starting to wind down now, hope you enjoy :D
By the time Red and Blue had heard Green shouting to everyone that Silver was now off the roof in an attempt to warn them that everyone was coming back inside they had placed Peter inside the coffin (in a non sexual position), said their goodbye's to Professor Oak and had closed the lid of the coffin. Red's mother came up to join them.
"Darling we really must start again now." she stated. "Have you seen Uncle Alfie?" Red and Blue looked at each other and their faces fell.
"Shit!" Red muttered before they both darted off to the office. They opened the door of the en-suit to find Uncle Alfie still sitting on the toilet where Sapphire and Gold had left him. Between them Blue and Red quickly managed to get him sorted and back into his wheelchair.
"What the hell is going on?" Uncle Alfie spluttered. "What about that dead body you were dragging over there?"
"What dead body?" Blue asked trying to sound as casual as possible as he began pushing him back into the main room.
"Don't fuck with me." Uncle Alfie snapped. "I saw a dead body!"
"I know you did Uncle Alfie." Blue said as if he were talking to a small child. "We all did."
"No, no, in the bathroom!" Uncle Alfie snapped. "The door opened and I saw him lying there." Green took hold of Red's hand as he watched Blue and Uncle Alfie arguing, chuckling to himself. He turned to smile at her.
"What a nightmare today has been." he said.
"But it's exciting though, isn't it?" Green asked. Red raised an incredulous eyebrow at her and she shrugged, still grinning at him. "You know for a funeral." He put his arm around her and kissed her forehead.
"Listen about the flat, I promised to call them and I will..." he began. She gave his hand another squeeze.
"We'll work it out." she said.
"Great." Red nodded feeling relieved. As he and Green walked up to the front of the room where the coffin was he caught Sapphire's eye and gave her a discrete thumbs-up. She returned the gesture as Ruby sat down next to her.
"Did you hear that?" he asked gesturing outside meaning what had transpired while Sapphire was trying to distract the Reverend. "She's having a kid. I wouldn't have done it if I'd have known she was having a kid."
"I thought you were in love with her?" Sapphire asked although in reality she was only half listening to Ruby. Today had been an unmitigated disaster and all she really wanted to do was go home and sleep for a month.
"Yeah," Ruby shrugged. "but can you imagine me bringing up a kid?"
"No." Sapphire replied blankly.
"Exactly." Ruby shrugged. He didn't seem the least bit offended by the fact that Sapphire hadn't even tried to defend him. "How's your skin thing?" he asked after a pause.
"Oh that." Sapphire shrugged. She hadn't actually thought about it since the entire saga in the bathroom with Uncle Alfie had started. "It's probably nothing. To be honest I'm more concerned about having had to deal with Uncle Alfie's shit ending up on my face."
"You what?" Ruby asked. Sapphire shushed him as she saw Reverend Davis going over to Red and Blue, who were standing by Professor Oak's coffin.
"We really have to whizz through this now." he told them.
"Alright." Blue nodded. "Let's go."
"Do you want to have the casket open for people to..." the Reverend began.
"No!" Blue and Red both shouted in unison. Reverend Davis looked rather taken aback but he shook it off.
"Alright, that's fine." he said before turning to the rest of the congregation. "If everybody could sit down as quickly as they can we're ready to go again. Come on, come on!" He was ushering everyone to come and sit down, making it clear that he was in a hurry. Once everyone was sat down he turned to face them all. "I'd like to apologise on behalf of the family for all of the distractions and now that everyone is ready to continue with the service Red would like to say a few words about Professor Oak. Come on, Red, quickly." He hurried Red up to the front. Red shuffled his notes, Reverend Davis gesturing for him to keep it quick.
"Professor Oak was an exceptional man..." Red began. He was about to continue when he heard a knocking sound. He shot a glance at Blue, Gold and Sapphire who all realised that it was coming from inside the coffin. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Professor Oak was an exceptional man. He was born in Pallet Town and..." The knocking continued, increasing in volume.
"There's someone in there!" someone exclaimed.
"I knew it!" Silver shouted pointing at the coffin. Everyone turned to stare at it as the knocking continued and suddenly the lid flew open and a wide, crazy eyed Peter sat up inside it. A woman from the back screamed and Peter screamed back at her in return.
"What the hell are you doing in my grandfather's coffin?" Blue asked as if this was all completely new to him. Peter sat forward and began to cling to Professor Oak's body. This seemed like a good cue; Gold and Blue grabbed Peter's legs and tried to pull him out of the coffin but he clung to Professor Oak harder, sobbing as he did. Eventually they managed to prize him off and were carrying him out of the room, him struggling the entire time and neither of them noticed that a bundle of photographs had fallen out of his pocket onto the floor in front of Red's mother who picked them up and looked at them, a number of emotions flashing across her face all at once.
"You little bastard!" she screamed and lunged for Peter. She knocked Blue and Gold to the floor and proceeded to beat Peter, screaming at him the entire time. Uncle Victor picked up one of the photographs and looked at it in confusion. Amid the confusion Red was standing at the front watching everything and wondering just how on earth things had gotten so out of control. He couldn't take it any longer.
"Professor Oak was an exceptional man!" he shouted. Suddenly everyone went silent and turned to stare at him. That wasn't quite what he had planned to happen but he had started now so he might as well carry on. "He may not have been a perfect man but he was a good man and he loved us. All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified send off. Is that really so much to ask? So maybe he had some things he liked to do but life isn't simple. It's complicated. We're all just thrown in here together; in a world full of chaos and confusion, a world full of questions and no answers, with death always lingering around the corner and we do our best. We can only do our best, just like Professor Oak did. He always tried to tell me you have to go for what you want in life because you never know how long you're going to be here and it doesn't matter whether you succeed or fail the most important thing is that you tried. A mentor can only point you in the right direction in the end, though, you've got to run for yourself. You have to grow up yourself. So when you leave here today I'd like you to remember Professor Oak for what he really was: a decent and loving man. If only we could be as giving and as generous and as understanding as he was then the world would be a far better place."
As he finished he looked over at Blue who winked at him and gave him a thumbs-up and he knew that, finally, something about this day had gone the way he had planned it to.