"We're here." Stated Kotomine. Shirou had finally caught up. How can an old man move faster than a teenager? Thought Shirou as he finished catching his breath, though, Kotomine didn't seem to notice, or care. "Just tell me before we go in. Who exactly are these two 'guests'?" Out of the corner of Shirou's eye, he saw him give a smile that would even make the devil whimper. "My daughter, Caren. Also my...friend..." Replied the priest, trying very hard not to chuckle. Though he was rudely interrupted by both of their stomachs. "It would seem that we both need food. Come Emiya, let us eat! With what little food we have..." And with that, they both marched over to the church.

"About damn time you got back, Kotomine!" Yelled from inside the church. "Quiet you, we have a guest coming to stay with us for the night. It would be rude to, turn him away." Kirei replied, as if completely shrugging off the person who was yelling."That isn't who I think it is..." Remarked Shirou, as he hesitated to enter. "What's wrong? A hero of justice like yourself must never be afraid." Kotomine said ecstatically, almost as if he was tempting Shirou to go in first.

Both entered at the same time, though Shirou was the only one who was afraid. "I found our dog." Said Kirei, as he walked over to the podium at the end of the rows of chairs. "Good, he can fetch us more wine!" Retorted the blond man as he materialized in front of Kirei. Before anyone had anytime to react, the man completely went berserk as soon as he saw poor Shirou in the background.

"What the hell is that faker doing here!?" The man screamed and pulled out two portals from his Gate of Babylon. Two swords with gold particles started to appear in the center of These two portals. "Now now Gilgamesh, let's not be hasty. Emiya is a guest. It is the overseers job to accommodate all the current masters." Replied Kirei, though he didn't seem to think Gilgamesh would do anything. "Kotomine, you are one dog of the church." With those words, Gilgamesh snapped his fingers and the two portals disappeared in a sparkle of gold. "I'll let the faker live for now. No promises while he's sleeping!" Gilgamesh stormed past Shirou, nearly knocking him over. "Please excuse him, he hasn't eaten in two days, because he crushed our kitchen again."

"So how are we going to eat?" Shirou watched as Gilgamesh raced up the stairs and heard a slam of a door. Someones mad. He thought, quickly turning back to Kirei.

"Don't worry, I had my daughter, Caren, rebuild it. For the fifth time." Kirei replied.

30 minutes had passed since they arrived at the church. Kirei was busy cooking the meal while Shirou sat at the table. Four chairs surrounded it, but he couldn't think of who the fourth chair was for. "Kotomine-er, Kirei, I never knew you were a cook." Shirou was just trying to soften the mood, as this church really scared the hell out of him. "When living with Caren, who eats like a cow, and Gilgamesh, who drinks all my wine, someone has to provide for them." Shirou didn't seem convinced. Did Kotomine always cook for the church, even his daughter & servant? Thought Shirou as he continued to look around the kitchen.

Kirei turned off the oven, and walked towards the kitchen entrance, "It's supper time. Be sure to pay our guest his due respects." Kirei didn't seem to wait for them, and began setting the dishes around the table. "They'll be 10 minutes late." Kirei whispered into Shirou's ear as he set the dishes down. It seems he had them all figured out. "Why's that?" Shirou asked, Kirei didn't answer at first, but it seemed like he knew why.

"Well, Caren tends to sleep when she isn't doing her duty as a priest, and Gilgamesh does what he wants. Why they are always 10 minutes late? Who knows, they're nearly as bad as Lan-" Kirei stopped, treading carefully so that he won't reveal that he is Lancer's master. 10 minutes past as Gilgamesh and Caren both, at the same time, slammed into the kitchen. Both sat down at the table, Caren sat beside Shirou, and Gilgamesh right across from him. Gilgamesh didn't say a word, but Shirou knew that he was going to kill him if he wasn't careful.

"Kirei, why is the faker, that's sleeping with my Saber, still doing here?" Kirei didn't respond, but gave him a glance that pretty much said it all. "Sleeping with!?" Shirou bursted out, realizing what he had done, he had quietly sat back down. "He asked for a place to stay, so I gladly obliged him." What could be better? Gilgamesh being tortured because Shirou is here, Shirou being depressed that he isn't sleeping in Saber's bed, and Caren, who can't stand anyone. Kirei then began to mumble with one of those kinds of faces; "I can just feel the happiness flowing through me."

Lancer was walking through the streets, minding his own business. He was wearing his green & yellow Hawaiian shirt, instead of his normal blue tights. "Dammit, why can't that priest just drop dead?" Lancer said to himself. "If only I had seen Shirou today, I could have gotten that mix and then gave it to him." Though he was alone, Lancer could feel that someone was watching him. "Having fun yet, mister?" squealed a girl's voice from behind him. Lancer jumped around in a defensive pose, ready for a battle, until he notice who it was. "Oh, it's just you." Moaned Lancer as walked over and tapped her on the head.

"Wanna play?" She said, so much so that it was none other then creepy. Play? At a time like this? Lancer thought. But by then, it was too late. he felt himself getting lifted into the air, and as he turned his head, he was slammed into the ground. "Dammit Berserker." Cried Lancer quietly, who was now 2 feet into the ground. "Good job Berserker!" Screamed Illya as they both ran off together. All that could be heard was the large footsteps slamming into the road that night. Lancer died shortly after, but will return in the next installment because screw logic!

Over at Kirei's church, they were now all eating, Kirei was stuffing his face with tofu, Caren, who was slowly eating her salad, Gilgamesh, who was eating his steak like a true gentleman, and Shirou, who was served the leftovers of the tofu. "Kirei..."

"Yes Shirou?" Replied the priest as he stopped scarfing down his tofu.

"Can I just have a couple pieces of bread? And some butter?" They all heard Gilgamesh let out a snort as he continued to cut up his food. Not even two seconds later, Kirei smacked Gilgamesh across the back of the head. "Kotomine!?" Cried the 'king,' though Kirei didn't seem to care. "I don't see why not, Emiya." Shirou got up, and began walking over to the fridge, who was immediately stopped by Caren. She pulled on his pants leg, and began to say, "five pieces, with extra butter on them, please." Almost immediately, she let go of his pants leg. Damn, Kotomine wasn't lying. She does eat like a cow.

Overall, the rest of dinner went over smoothly. Kirei had three bowls of tofu, kind of shocked he doesn't put on any weight, and Caren grabbed a leftover chicken tray from the fridge, and ate all of it. Not the tray though. Gilgamesh just stared at Shirou after he finished eating his steak, which was very unnerving. "It would seem we are all done." Kirei spoke up, then whipped him mouth of the tofu. "We should bow our heads and thank our lord."

Shirou didn't respond, he just did as he was told. Caren followed suite, and Gilgamesh just sighed and walked out. Kirei lifted his head, and said "Shirou, you may use our second guest room, it's right beside the room that says King of Heroes." Shirou was about to argue, but didn't. Who knows what Kirei was up to. Shirou then began to make his way to that room, passing Gilgamesh's room, and stopping at the room that stated: Cu's crib. He walked in and switched on the lights, and to his horror, he discovered something truly distasteful. All over the room, there was nothing but pictures, toys, and a plush doll all resembling Bazett. Shirou nearly vomited, but held it in. And he thought Gilgamesh was obsessed with Saber; this guy has him beat.

Back downstairs, Kirei was cleaning up the dishes downstairs. Despite being the bad guy, he was more or less the housewife. He always cooks and seems to always clean up after Lancer & Gilgamesh. He looked up to the ceiling, and just said, "I wonder how Shirou is doing up there." He grinned, thinking of how much Shirou could be suffering if that room. But before he could hide his smile, he heard a large crash from up above. "It seems Gilgamesh is dealing with him, as expected."

Shirou was ducking and dodging the flying swords crashing around him. "Faker! Just stay still!" Cried Gilgamesh as he fired yet another five swords. "You're breaking this guy's room!" Despite saying that, Gil would not let up. "So!? I am the rules! And the dog who owns it can just deal with that!"

"Trace." As Shirou uttered these words, Gilgamesh's rage began to increase even more so.

"Bastard!" Gilgamesh raised his hand, and a large spear started to appear from a portal beside him. Not even a second later, he shot it right at Shirou. However, Shirou blocked it with a sword that he made appear out of thin air.

"On." Before Gilgamesh could react, Shirou copied his Gate, and began firing swords back at him. Gilgamesh had to counter quickly, but it was too late. Each sword wasn't targeted at him, but at his portals. "Damn faker!" Just as he said that, they both heard a knock on the door that lead to Cu's room. "I hope you two are finished." Shirou recognized the voice; it was Kirei's. "Grr, you'll live for now, faker. But if you dare touch my Saber, I'll make sure you don't leave fully intact next time." And with that, Gilgamesh bursted out of the room and back into his own.

"Apologies, Emiya. He does this to every guest of ours." Shirou didn't know how to respond, mainly because he just figured that he only does this to him alone. "I think it would be best to return to your residence."

"Yeah." Not another word was spoken that night between them. Shirou quickly started his long walk to his house, expecting to see Saber there, ready to cut him in two for abandoning her at the market.

Author's notes: Well, that was longer then I thought it would be. Anyways, here is part two! I promise the next chapter will focus more on my waifu, Saber, and the other characters. Except Shinji, that sonuvabitch. Next chapter won't be out for at least two to three days as I'm currently busy with Classes. However, I'm sure you will all love it, assuming you liked my current work.

If you have any suggestions for later chapters, just submit a review! I'll always read reviews.

Next Chapter three chapters: Habits of the Crazy p1, Habits of the Crazy p2, The Holy Grail Festival.