Chapter Thirty

Burn It Down

Bacchus found himself waking from a distantly familiar heavy sleep in a place he did not recognize. There were hushed voices dully echoing around him as he opened his eyes. He was moving, but not on his own. Am I being carried? He decided no when he did not physically feel the up and down movements from being hoisted on some one's back. His second thought had been by carriage, but the lacking sounds of horses and turning of wheels told him otherwise. When he tried to move to see what was in fact happening around him, he could only groan as his entire body ached. It were as if every bone, every muscle and every raw nerve were aflame and being punctured slowly by a searing white-hot blade. Though not by much, his awakening in the palace after his brush with Qi Peng, had been much more endurable and more preferred to how he felt currently. His groan must have been more audible than he thought as someone spoke up after it.

"Look who is finally up." A man's voice boomed around him. Apprehensive at first he grit his teeth and tried to lift his stiff and bandaged arm only to be reminded of the severe pain coursing through it.

"It is broken, though not badly. Yet I would not recommend using that arm for a few more weeks." The voice spoke again. Bacchus tried to place where he had heard it before, but as with everything else, it was a hazy fog.

"Cana." He groaned again. "Where is Cana?"

"Here." The woman's voice was also unbearably loud. Though it sounded strange, he knew it was indeed her that had spoken and was aware of the sound of rustling grass under them.

When his eyes focused, he saw that it had indeed been Cana who's voice he had heard, but for some reason she had gotten exponentially bigger. He must have made quite a peculiar face because laughter thundered around him shortly after.

"What the hell is this?!" Forgetting his pain, he went to reach outward when his hands touched up against something like glass.

"You're in one of my cards. It was the only way to safely move you. You were pretty beaten up."

This time he was aware of the pitiful face he made, scoffing afterward and reclined onto the nothingness behind him.

"How are you feeling?" Cana asked him. Through the darkness he could see the way they flashed with uncertainty. He understood the silent question that she was truly asking, but it was something he had rather not speak on. The hallow void inside of him had not fully struck yet and he was not even certain how he felt about anything aside from his physical wounds. Beneath the layers of bruised muscle, shattered bone and discomfort, there was an expanding abyss of nothing. And he did not dare step into it.

"Like hell." He answered hoarsely and peeked up at her with a smart grimace. His broken ribs made it difficult for him to breathe now that he was conscious of it.

"You look like it." Her sarcasm was half-hearted as she looked down at him. She understood his unspoken answer to her unspoken question and left it that way. He was thankful for that.

"Where are we?" He closed his eyes, allowing himself to rest and tried to ignore the throbbing ache throughout his entire body.

"Just an hour's walk from the pass." Another woman's voice said from somewhere behind Cana. It became obvious who had been in his fellow mage's company when he heard her speak.

"I had thought you two to be halfway across the world by now." Bacchus taunted lightly.

"Tch. Some thanks." Captain Wu shot back, but not unkindly. "We only did it for the reward."

"Heh." He winced as the pain in his ribs shot through him.

"We would have been aboard the ship and out to sea by now, but the severity of your injuries made us hesitate." Cana said, glancing at his wrapped torso and arms.

"It is best that you did. I would have only asked to return to land the moment I woke." Through a half-lidded gaze, he looked up at his saviors and plainly spoke. "I need to go back to the palace."

"Where did you think we were headed?" Cana said, her eyes hollow now and distant as she looked up from his eyes. He was stunned by her response as he was expecting her to try yet again to convince him otherwise. Inside his broken chest rattled a war between him and himself as he pondered Cana's agreement with him. Somewhere deep within him was a secret wish that she had been bold enough to spirit him back to Fiore.

"You are less passionate about the subject that I thought you would have been." He said to her instead, attempting to keep his tone even and the secret hidden.

"Do not mistake my lack of passion for approval." She frowned as she looked still looked ahead. "I am still against leaving you here, but you have made it clear time and time again that you are staying. So I will not stop you if you do not wish to be stopped."

"Thank you for understanding." Was the only thing he could think to say as he turned from her to close his eyes once more.

Their trek went along silently after that. While thankful for the transportation, the silence left him to his thoughts and a persistent reminder of the pain that pulsed throughout him.

Truthfully, he probably had already known the reality of it all in the back of his mind from the start and just chose to ignore it. But isn't that what people do? Even if the reality is so certain, there are those who continue to fight it and not settle for less.

In actuality, Bacchus had understood Shan's hatred as well as Mei's and ultimately Qi Peng's hatred, too. It was not unlike the one that he had harbored inside of him for most of his life. Even now he still felt the dark depths of loathing due to the abuse he had to tolerate by the royal family churning inside him like an angry storm. His nightmares may have been roused by the enchantment on the false comb sent to him by Shan, but they were not in the least bit synthetic memories. He could have remembered all the torture he endured, the pain and the humiliation he suffered throughout his youth without it aiding him. But all of that had been nothing compared to the self-loathing he felt when he had come to find that he was part of something he despised so far down into his very core. It had only fueled the flames he thought he extinguished years ago and fanned them into a raging blaze once more. He had desperately tried to control the inferno for nigh a month now when he was informed of his relation to them and how he must integrate himself back into their family, but it did not relent.

The night Lady Lang showed him the truth he had decided, while he agreed he would take his place among them, he would never be one of them. He quickly convinced himself that no matter what, he would refuse to ever feel anything more than tolerance for any one person who belonged to that family. Including himself.

When he was told of the necessity that he marries one of the princesses, he vowed that he could never be rid of the resentment that would be the base of their strictly political marriage. He was determined to never truly love her. Because even without knowing her in any way, there was no forgiving her. Even if she was not the one responsible for his anguish, it was her family that had made him into what he was.

Then, as he lay there reflecting, it dawned on him. Was this not the same regard Shan had held for him? Was he not also blaming Fei Shi for the wrongs she did not commit? Was she to be held responsible for what her late sisters and aunt had done? Was he for what Shan believed them to have done to him? "And so I must repay countless lives with my own. I must answer to the gallows for the sins of a father I never knew?" His own words were as true for his wife as they were for him.

And even more, after only a few weeks of being by her side, he had become fond of his wife despite himself and struggled to uphold that initial disdain. He realized that while he wanted desperately to believe that he could remain distant to her and that their marriage would be in name only, there was no denying his lacking abhorrence toward her. It would undoubtedly take time to learn to trust her, but it did not feel as impossible as it once had. The fires within him had started to lose their quelling strength if only by a little at his newfound epiphany. Her sins, my sins, they are not our parent's. This was the peace he was unknowingly gradually approaching. It was the peace he had wanted to give to Shan and Mei and Qi Peng, but there was no helping that now. Is that my fate? To be consumed as Shan was? As corrupt and misguided as Qi Peng and him had been?

He wanted to say no to his internal rhetoric, but when Shan had given him the offer of joining the rebel-alliance, his mind and his heart were thrown into convoluted disarray. Though he was quick to refuse the chance, he could not help but to feel as if he had been too hasty in his response. It was wickedly tempting and greatly appealed to the darkness still residing deep inside him. Part of him had wanted to dive into it. Even as he fought on, he struggled to keep his resolve. But there was no denying that somewhere within him, he wanted to. Perhaps if I had, Mei would still be alive. The void inside him echoed as her name crossed his thoughts. He pushed it from his mind then to silence the howling that came from below.

There was no changing that now. Even if that dark half of him had desired it, he knew he could not give in to it. That was not who he had chosen to be. The anger and rage, the hate and loneliness, there were no longer allowed to consume him as they once had. He had to put that all aside and think of more than just himself and his misery. This was about more than solely himself and his wronged past. There was no changing what he had gone through, nothing could be done to change his tortured memories of days before, but that did not mean he could had to continue to go on doing nothing. The people responsible for his trauma were gone and what good was it to damn the dead? There was only forward.

"Here we are." Captain Wu announced, bringing him out of his head. He had not realized how far they had gone and assumed he must have dozed within his thoughts somewhere along the way.

"I'm going to let you out." Cana held him up to her face. He nodded as she instructed him to remain as still as he could so as to avoid any mishap.

The air was cool when it touched his skin making his sore body unwillingly shiver, reminding him once more of his current frailty. As he took in his surroundings, he shortly figured out where they had brought him. The abandoned pass' gate doors had fallen and rotted away from where they once stood, leaving an inauspicious opening for him to pass through.

"We'll be waiting." Yanti looked from him to Cana then back to him. "And I'll be expecting that reward when I get back." She teased him again, though her eyes glimmered with an underlying caution as she stepped away.

"Until we meet again." Aiguo stepped forward to pat him on the shoulder. Bacchus nodded and returned the gesture with a chuckle under his breath. The two hunters began back down the path as he and Cana slipped through the gate. Once on the other side, they went a few feet before she stopped. He was not surprised and simply paused in his stride beside her. They stood close, only a foot apart and faced out toward the palace.

"This is as far as I go. Can you make it down to the palace on your own?" She glanced over her shoulder at him.

"I should be able to." He gave her a brief hint of a smirk, but her expression did not change. "Will you be alright getting back to the port?"

"I think we can manage." Something hesitant gleamed in her eye as she looked at him. They stood there for that moment locked in an awkward tension until she finally turned to face him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sincere concern coated her tone as she looked up at him, a frown on her lips.

"No." He answered frankly and half-turned to face her. Her brows knotted as their eyes met. Before she could question him, he went on to tell her that despite his uncertainty, he had to for the sake of his kingdom and to prevent any further damage.

"Nothing good waits for you past those gates. You're injured and in denial. I have half a mind to follow you and the other half says to drag you back to the ship."

"Did you want to stay with me then?" The words tumbled from his mouth hastily. Her eyes widened incredulously at first but shortly narrowed at him after while her scowl deepened. He shook his head and excused his question, claiming he should not have asked so much of her.

"No." Her lips thinned as she hissed her answer. "Unlike you, this is not where I belong. My home is in Fiore with Fairy Tail and my comrades and being a mage. There is no place for me here." Somehow he felt insulted by her reasoning and glanced away from her cold dark eyes.

"Do not mistake my necessity to be here with my true desires." He frowned back at her.

"And yet after everything that's happened, you still want to go back. There is nothing but a trap that awaits you there and still you so arrogantly march toward it, broken as you are. Had I not known you were the emperor, I would have taken you for a fool." There it was. That passion he had wanted out of her from earlier. That arrogance that compelled her to speak to him as if he were just another mage. He was going to miss it. Going to miss her. I am a fool, aren't I. He scorned himself for the thought.

"Then fool I am meant to be. This is where I belong. If it is also where I am meant to die, then be it so." The irritation was clear in his tone as he returned her annoyed expression; though in truth it was not her he was irritated with.

"What good would you dying be to anyone? Are you that suicidal that you would march so quickly to your death?"

Let her hate me. There was no denying the bridge that had been built between them, and connected them in a way he had not felt in years. He had not truly felt as close to anyone as much as he had to her for so long. Not even his friends at the guild had peeked into his life the way she had. She had come to learn so much, too much and it was for that sake that he had to destroy it now.

"I cannot expect you to understand my decisions, but I can ask that you show a little more respect of them." He looked at her coolly. "Whether I like it or not, I am still the Emperor of this kingdom and there is still a war that I must put an end to."

"So be it then, your majesty." He noted the twitch in her lip as she glared at him, her fury clear upon them. Bacchus snorted as he curtly thanked her for her guidance and said once again that he would be able to get along well without her. She was not hesitant to leave after his words. Her cheeks had become flushed with anger and a deadly gaze was shot at him. When he dismissed her, she turned from him without so much as another word and slipped back through the gate where Yanti and Aiguo were waiting for her.

"Goodbye Cana." He said when he was certain she could no longer hear him. He could almost see the bridge between them beginning to smolder. It is better this way. He faced the broken gate and looked through it down to the dimly lit city below. With a deep breath, he took a step and continued his way through the overgrown trail.

It was up to him now, to begin undertaking the responsibility he was meant to assume and progress with it. As much as he hated them before, he was one of them now. And that meant he had to protect them. He may still never fully love his wife, not as he had loved her, but he had to protect her. Aye, and her family, too.

A/N: 5.2k VIEWS! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hope you guys enjoyed this week's update. I'm trying to crank these out as much as I can because I have another show coming up soon and fear that I will not be able to pay as much attention to this as I want.

But for now, here we are and as always, until next week,

Betty B.