CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

CAYLA

It was hard to believe she was doing this, but she knew she had to. She had told Saraya right after Keith left the night before, and her wife had cried with relief. Seeing how terrified Saraya had been, Cayla knew she was doing the right thing. That didn't make it any easier.

"Mom…" Trixie called.

Cayla snapped back to the present. "Yes, Baby?" She asked her.

"Are you okay?"

Cayla managed a brave smile for her daughter. "Not yet," she admitted. "But I will be, Trixie. I'm going to work until I get there."

"Are you scared?"

Cayla was surprised by the question. "A little bit… But I've been here before, Trixie. I can get better. It's not going to be easy, but it's possible."

"I love you, Mom… I've been really worried."

"I know. I'm so sorry I scared you, Baby. I love you so much, and I wanted to be strong for you, but…"

"It's okay," Trixie said quickly. "You are strong, Mom. You're the strongest person I know, and you're doing the right thing now." She hugged her.

Cayla didn't want to let her daughter go. It took her a minute to release her. She took a deep breath and brushed her tears away quickly before Trixie could see them. "Do you have questions?"

"How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know, Baby… However long it takes. If it's just a small relapse, I could get better with out-patient treatment or a week or so in the hospital, just to get my body to a point where I can handle the food intake I need. This is harder… I didn't relapse because of a small stressor. I need support and… And I need help getting past what happened. That requires more work. I'm ready to stay in treatment until I'm really okay, and I… I can't even imagine being okay right now, so that may take a really long time."

"Can I see you? While you're in treatment?"

"Yes. There are visiting hours, and we can call each other. It's not prison, Trixie. It's a good place… The last time I was there, you were really little, so I asked your Mum not to bring you. I was afraid it would scare you to see me like that… But you're an adult now, and if you want to come see me… I'd like that."

"I'll be there every chance I get. I promise." Trixie paused as tears formed in her eyes. "I haven't ever been away from you like this before… Not since I was old enough to remember, anyway."

"Don't worry, Luv," Saraya said as she joined them. "While I was away, your Mom took care of you… Now it's my turn to be the only parent in the picture for a bit."

"Mum, you have to go back to work-" Trixie objected.

"No, actually, I don't. I took time off."

"Saraya, you didn't have to do that," Cayla said. This was news to her.

"I'm an adult. I don't need you here around the clock," Trixie added.

"My family is in crisis. You've both been through hell. I was on the other side of the world when everything fell apart, and I'm not letting that happen again. Right now, I need to be with my family," Saraya said firmly.

Cayla might have protested, but honestly, she felt better knowing Saraya would be close. It meant she would get to see her while she was recovering, and that would help. "I love you both… I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now," she said.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Luv," Saraya said. "Are you ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Cayla said.

"Can I go with you to drop you off?" Trixie asked.

"If you want to, of course you can, Baby…" Cayla took Trixie's hands in her own and said, "I love you. I will get better. I promise."

Together, they got in the car. Cayla tried to tell herself it was no big deal, but she was nervous. She hadn't been in treatment for so long. Paul had hooked her up with the best possible center, the same one that had saved her life the last time she'd had a serious relapse, but it didn't mean it wasn't slightly overwhelming to realize she was going back. Sure, they were nice people who ran a great program, but she hated that she had hit a point where she needed to go back there.

Corri met them at the center. "Corr? What are you doing here?" Cayla asked. She'd called her the night before and told her she was going in-patient, but she hadn't expected her to show up.

"Did you think I'd let you do this alone? I'm here for moral support. I'll stay with you until you're ready for me to leave," Corri said.

She hadn't realized she needed her twin until that moment. Cayla leaned on Corri. "Thank you," she said.

"I'm here for you, Cay. Always. You're a twin. You're never alone."

After that, Cayla relaxed slightly. As scary as it was to be getting treated again, she knew she could get through it. She had the best support system in the world. When the paperwork was filled out and she was led to her room, her family stayed by her side as she settled in. The doctors hooked her up to an IV filled with fluids because she was both dehydrated and malnourished. They set up a heart monitor to keep an eye on her vitals because her heartrate was not where it should be either. She was used to these things, but it was still a little unnerving to have to be hooked up to them again.

"It's time to go," Cayla said softly after a while.

"Mom…" Trixie whispered. She was trying to hide her tears.

"I'll be okay, Baby," Cayla promised as she hugged her daughter.

"I love you…"

"I love you, too… I love all of you."

"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon, Luv," Saraya promised.

"Okay…" Cayla kissed her goodbye.

"Are you sure you're good?" Corri asked.

"I'm sure," Cayla promised her.

"Okay. I'll see you soon. Call me if you need anything."

"You'll know anyway," Cayla said with a small smile. "Twin Telepathy."

"Damn right. So don't try to lie to me." Corri hugged her.

The three of them left and Cayla tried to stay calm, but she hated being alone. That made reality sink in. This was it. She was in treatment and she was stuck there until she got better. She made up her mind that she'd do whatever it took to get there as quickly as possible.

RANDY

Randy had a lot on his mind. Nicky had shut him and Corri out. Keith promised he was helping him through whatever was going on, but it scared him to know Nicky was keeping things from them. Keith seemed to be doing alright, but the kid had just run a one-man intervention on Cayla and Randy knew it had taken a lot out of him emotionally. At least Cayla had agreed to get help. That was a major step for her. He knew Corri was still struggling, but at least she had support from her Bullet Club friends. That seemed to help a lot. Now it was time for him to help himself for once. He pulled out his phone and opened up the app which would connect him to someone he hadn't spoken to in years.

"Randy," Dr. Mueller said as his face appeared on the screen. "It's good to see you."

"Nice to see you, too, Doc," Randy said.

"You didn't say much when you called to set up this appointment. To what do I owe the honor?"

"I assume you heard about the shooting."

"I did, yes."

"It brought up a lot of issues for me. My mind is playing tricks on me and I'm having nightmares again."

"Are they about your father?"

"No, I resolved that issue."

"What happened?"

"I was dreaming about him again… Like he was still alive and coming to get me. An issue came up recently. My Goddaughter confided in me that someone raped her when she was young, and it brought everything back for me. So I flew home and I went to his grave. That reminded me he's really dead, and after that, the nightmares stopped."

"That was a very wise choice for you, Randy. You knew you needed confirmation, and you took care of yourself. I'm impressed. Not so long ago, you would have buried your feelings until you exploded."

"The shooting brought up memories from when I was a Marine. They're pretty bad. It was a scary time for me. I was a stupid kid who pretty much only enlisted so I could escape my bastard of a father, and people were getting shot at around me. It messed me up in the head, but for the most part, I let it go. I'm usually okay, but I had to channel that training when the shooter showed up. My family's lives were on the line. My friends were in danger. I was the only one in that room who could keep a clear head and turn everything off, so I did. But after, when everything was calm, I guess it hit me…"

"Tell me about the nightmares."

"It jumps around in time, between the shooting and the Marines… And then it merges the two. People who are in WWE pop up in Marine flashbacks, and they die… They always die. It's usually my wife."

"That must be terrifying for you. How is Corri?"

"She's tough. She's surviving."

"You know, your face still lights up when you talk about her." Dr. Mueller smiled. "So, tell me more. What made you call me?"

"Alanna called me on the fact that I'm not okay. I realized it's bad if she can tell."

"Well, you made a good decision. I'm glad you called, Randy. You've been through a lot, but you're going to be fine. You can get through this. It's a privilege to work with you again."

Randy laughed. "It's weird to hear that, but I guess I'm glad you don't mind helping me out."

"You were an ideal patient years ago, and I'm always here to help."

"So, where do we start?" Randy began to relax. He had liked Dr. Mueller even if he'd hated therapy. That was why he was relieved he was willing to do video chat sessions so they could talk no matter where in the world Randy was. It helped being able to see someone consistently without them being a WWE doctor. He felt confident he'd be feeling more like himself soon.

NICKY

He hadn't slept because he wasn't tired. Nicky felt like he could do anything and was trying to do as much as possible since he suddenly had so much energy. That had lasted until about one in the afternoon. All of a sudden, like someone flipped a switch, he crashed.

He had no energy. He had no desire to do anything. Even the idea of sleeping was too much for him. He tried to take a nap, but his thoughts wouldn't turn off.

You're useless, he thought. You can't even be happy for more than a day. Everyone has to take care of you because you're a basket case. Everyone knows… Keith, Molly, Lucas… They all saw what a mess you are. They think you're pathetic. You are pathetic.

He couldn't stop these thoughts from consuming him. What had happened? He'd been so happy just a few hours before, but now, he couldn't imagine ever being happy again.

They'd all be so much better off without you. You should just do them a favor and give up, he thought. Just end it so no one has to deal with your pathetic ass ever again…

He was exhausted. He wanted to sleep so badly, but sleep refused to come. He tried to work on some of the reading for his history class, but he couldn't focus. Nothing was holding his attention except the repetitive thoughts about how much everything in his life sucked. Everything hurt. Everything. Nothing was bringing relief. He couldn't even fake it. He was drowning. He desperately wanted it to end.

He'd felt happiness. He'd been up for once in his life, and now… Now, there was nothing but darkness and pain. His chest hurt. The anxiety attack that hit was the worst he'd had yet. He started sobbing and curled up in a ball, trying to comfort himself by rocking, but no comfort came. He couldn't breathe. He didn't want to breathe. He couldn't keep doing this.

Crying softly, Nicky made a decision. Everyone will be better off, he told himself. No one would miss him. He was insignificant, the Spare Orton. He'd be doing them all a favor.

He closed his eyes and forced himself to take as deep a breath as he could with his chest so tight. Then he began to look around the room for a way to make all of this stop.

TRIXIE

Leaving her mother had been hard, so Trixie decided she needed to get out of the house for a while. It was too empty without Cayla there. She went for a walk and ended up heading toward the hotel where her cousins were staying.

She spotted Danny outside of his room. "Danny!" She called.

He looked surprised to see her. Now he knows how I feel, she thought with a laugh. "What's up?" He asked her.

"I was just in the area…"

"Is everything okay? You look a little shaky."

"My mom's in a treatment center… She's doing in-patient treatment trying to get better."

"That sucks, but it's good news, Trixie. The most important thing is realizing you need help. She got there, and now she's with people who can help her get better."

"It's scary… I'm so worried about her."

"I know… Believe me, I get it. My mom… Well, I told you how often she had to be put in-patient for her issues. But she got better, Trixie. Your mom will, too."

"Thanks for always being here for me lately," Trixie said suddenly. "It means a lot."

"No big deal," Danny said with a shrug. "You're not the worst company in the world."

"I'm going to see my cousins. Want to come with me?"

"I think I'll pass. They're not my biggest fans."

"Well that needs to change. Come on. I want to check on Nicky. You guys have a lot to work out."

"You're not going away until I agree, are you?"

"Nope!" She said cheerfully.

"Fine. Let's go. But if he throws a punch, I'm out."

"He won't." Trixie led the way to Nicky's room. She knocked on the door and realized it wasn't fully closed, so she pushed it open. "Nicky?" She called. She didn't see him in the room, but the bathroom door was almost fully closed.

Trixie walked toward the bathroom with Danny right behind her. "Nicky, are you okay?" She called. There was still no answer. Trixie slowly pushed the bathroom door open the rest of the way. Then she began to scream.