Drabble:66
POV:Rose

Dear Dimitri,

I know this is absolutely stupid, but Deidre insists writing to you will be helpful-the word cathartic might have been flaunted-so here I am. I don't know where to start, so I'll just bring you up-to-date since the last time…our last encounter.

I'm back in St. Vlad's, as you know, and surprisingly, no one tried to keep me away. It seems I'm not as expendable as I thought. If you were here, you'd have laughed at me for even considering that and said something so sweet it would've made my heart flutter. If I was lucky, you might even have held my hands and looked at me in that way which made me feel beautiful. Comrade, did you know you're the only person who'd called me beautiful? You were. And you made me feel so beautiful. Sometimes, I…

Anyways, I'm back and Alberta's been training me. It was very generous of her, even though she's no you (then again, I'm biased). Plus, she doesn't make me train at ungodly hours. It's 5 o'clock now and if you were here, we'd be halfway through our morning-session-probably sparring. I never did tell you, but I loved sparring. Physical contact aside, you forgot to put your walls up while fighting. Afterwards, there would be just this one moment when you'd look at me like I was the most precious thing, before you slammed your mask in place. But that look, Dimitri-it gave me strength to face everything, and now, I just have the memories...

I don't know why I'm crying, this is stupid and pointless, and it's not like you're reading this, but for some inexplicable reason, it makes me feel like you're here-sitting at my desk and listening to me oh so seriously, like you always did.

Anyways, Lissa and Christian are on the rocks, but it's obvious they love each other. I give them 2 months maximum to get back together….Christian knew, by the way. Alberta too. About us, I mean; and they approved. Mom came over last week and you were right, now that I acknowledge her as a person objectively, we do see eye to eye more often. I told her about us and after I reassured her you never forced me into anything, she seemed…less upset. Said she knew something was going on. She even said you were the type of man I should fall in love with. Shocker, right? Though if you were here, you might have ended up with black eyes, concussion and broken bones. And Abe would've threatened you to an inch of your life, and you'd go running to Baia. I can totally imagine you countering me, saying nonsense Roza, I'd never leave you. You'd have eased my doubts with that crinkly-eyed smile of yours that never failed to melt my heart...

Speaking of family, I love your family Comrade, even Yeva, though she irritated the-hell-out-of-me. Olena is so great, your sisters are awesome and the food, oh Lord the food your Mom cooked! They accepted me whole-heartedly; they took me in….and I felt like I was….home. Oh, and Olena apparently told your friend, Guardian Liam about us. He dropped by last week to check up on me when Lionel tattooed me for my Siberia kills. We talked quite a bit and now I know your dirty secrets, Comrade. All the campus guardians and my mom attended the ceremony, but my heart still hurt each time someone congratulated me, because all I could think about was when you'd done that. That night I cried myself to sleep, Comrade. It hurts; it hurts so bad…

Practice starts in 10, so I'd best wrap it up. Alberta's really not cool with unpunctuality. After training and classes (and therapy with Deidre), I'll go to the library with Liss. While she studies, Eddie and I crack jokes and Liss shakes her head at us indulgently. Tonight, I have a date with Adrian. My heart's not really into it, but I made a promise, and now I have to uphold it.

I'll be thinking of you, Comrade, every minute of the day. You're here with me, in my heart and if your letters are any indication, I'm on your mind too. I tried bottling up my feelings, but Deidre said that would only harm me in the long run. She was right, but don't tell her that. I really, really miss you and I may even take up believing in a higher being if Oksana's fairytale proves true and I can feel sheltered in your arms again…

I'll be writing to you again and soon, because this made me feel….better. And I love you, Dimitri. But you know that, don't you?

Forever and always,

Your Roza

Firstly, sorry for my long absence, but circumstances forced me to be away. Hope you enjoyed this, and please review! Cheers!