EVERYTHING

WRONG

WITH

Halo: Halos in Space

(In 3 pages or less)

Joe Chief (Joe Chief. Sin Count: 1) was in space (I'm just going to assume he's on a ship. Sin Count: 2)and had wepons and was a army guy (What kind of 'army guy' was he? Was he a marine? ODST? Navy? What? Sin Count: 3) but he wasnt a robot liek Master Chief so he didnt fly (Master Chief isn't a robot, he's an augmented super soldier. Now some of you could tell me his augmentations are robotic, to which I will reply, he's still human. Sin Count: 4) (Also, since when does Master Chief fly? Sin Count: 5). Joe Chief was one day in a place and shooting wepon at targits (I'll assume he's at the target range on whatever ship he's probably on since the author will in no way tell you anything more than this. Sin Count: 6) and then got a call on the space tv (Space tv. Sin Count: 7) in the ship that said to him "JOE CHIEF ALIENS ARE SHOTING AT SHIP COME HERE QUICK" (Who the hell promoted this guy to anything even resembling command? Sin Count: 8) so he went. (Where? Sin Count: 9)

Joe Chief ran fast there (WHERE? Sin Count: 10) to where bullets were from aliens and took out his wepons and shot at space to hit ships (What kind of weapon could he possibly be holding that would pose any sort of threat to a Covenant ship? At least, I think they're Covenant. Sin Count: 11) (Also, from what I can decipher, he's still inside the ship, so he's probably firing at the windows. Sin Count: 12). Aliens started flying from space into Joe Chiefs ship (How? From the hanger? Boarding pods? Explain damnit! Sin Count: 13)so he had to do somthing quick. Joe Chief punched a alien and ran fast to get big wepon (Bigger than something that can pose a threat to Covenant Ships? What the hell is he getting? Sin Count: 14) from the lock room so he went there and got it and shot alien again in teh legs (If this weapon is big enough to threaten warships, then that guy is definitely dead. Sin Count: 15) (Also, why would you try to kneecap someone when you have that kind of firepower? Sin Count: 16)and they fell and Joe Chief shot again and killd them (Now you're just wasting ammo. Sin Count: 17). Joe Chief lookd at dead aliens and said to them "Aliens we are human people and you are aliens but we dont need to kill things like us" and then pushed them into space. (Yes, know that I want peace between our two peoples as I throw your corpses into space to freeze and be forgotten. Sin Count: 18) (Also, you and I both know you don't give a damn Joe, stop pretending like you do. Sin Count: 19)

After teh normil aliens (I don't know when the normil were recruited into the Covenant, hell I don't even know what they are. Sin Count: 20)the flood came (What? Why? How? From where? Sin Count: 21) and every thing got wet and messy and lightningy (Lightningy. Sin Count: 22) becaus water hit teh space tv (Space tv again. Sin Count: 23) and all the things and made sparks. After teh aliens sent the flood (The flood do not and have never worked for the Covenant. Why would they send them? Sin Count: 24) other aliens with big heads came (Who? What? Why? Sin Count: 25) and Joe Chief had to runaway (Sure, you have enough firepower to bring down warships, but a bunch of guys with big heads scare you. Joe Chief is a coward. Sin Count: 26) becaues there was to many of those and they were killing other human people on teh ship. (Joe Chief is a dick to his comrades. Sin Count: 27)

"Human people army guys hurry and come in ship!" (This line. Sin Count: 28) Joe Chief said to the human people there becaus aliens were killing them and he was in a escape ship and ready to go. 3 other human people came just in time becaus the big ship blew up (You had enough firepower to threaten warships but you were only able to save three other guys?! You know what, that's a sin for each of them! Sin Count: 31) n they were flying fast in space and going to the Halo to meet the army base and get ready fo tight. (Humans would never build a base on Halo, it's full of Flood and Sentinels, both of which would gladly kill them, and one wrong move could wipe out all galactic life! Sin Count: 32) (Also, fo tight. Sin Count: 33) (Also, you never said they were going to Halo. That's kind of important. Sin Count: 34)

Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships (Who for some reason aren't firing at you. Sin Count: 35) and things (Things like what? Sin Count: 36). Then out of no where BOOM happend (Boom happend. Sin Count: 37)and the back of the espcape ship (Espcape ship Sin Count: 38) fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it (Yeah, just close the destroyed half of the ship, no problem there. Sin Count: 39) and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept. (Wow, he was oddly calm before he closed the destroyed half of the ship. Sin Count: 40) (Also, this guy falls asleep right after his brother dies. This guy is a dick to brothers. Sin Count: 41)

Joe Chief lookd a front of him and seen alien shooting at him so he did a barral roll (Do a barral roll! Sin Count: 42) and teh lasers went around him and went away (That's not how lasers work. Sin Count: 43) (Also, that's not how barrel rolls work Sin Count: 44). Joe Chief sawd the Halo (Did he saw right through it? Sin Count: 45) in Space so he put the ship faster (Put the ship faster: Sin Count: 46)and went there quick becaus a lot of aliens were there. Joe Chief shot like "bang bang bang" (Shot like "bang bang bang" Sin Count: 47)from teh ship and made aliens blow up (Why wasn't this kind of firepower effective before with the warships? It seems he could have saved a lot of lives if he'd just turned this ship's guns on the warships. Sin Count: 48) and then landed ship on Halo.

Joe Chief said to teh other 2 army guys "Were here now get wepon n kill aliens fast" (How the hell do people understand this guy?! Sin Count: 49)so they did but when they left a ship landed and skwashed them. (Skwashed. Sin Count: 50) (Also, Joe Chief sucks at his job. Sin Count: 51)

Human people army guys were all dying fast (They're already dead f*ckface! Sin Count: 52) and Joe Chief had to save them but he didnt know how (You can't just bring them back to life. They're dead! Sin Count: 53) but then he saw something and went to it and piced it up and said "no we win" to himself. (No one ever said you were losing here! Why would you say that? Sin Count: 54) (Also, what the hell did he pick up that could turn the tide of an entire battle? I'll tell you one thing though, this has definitely turned the tide of this review. Sin Count: 60)

to be continued...? (To be continued...? Sin Count: 61)

The Rant:

This is why Halo fans can't have nice things. This is how the rest of the world sees anyone who admits to being a Halo fan: a drooling idiot who loves the stupidest, barely there stories and who runs around shooting things "like bang bang bang." Oh, but this isn't over yet, no a sequel was made to this abomination. You'll never guess what the next chapter is. Until then though...

STORY SIN TALLY: 61

SENTENCE...

Blast it out the airlock
(To explodd in space)