Chapter 5:

Love is a strange concept. There seem to be so many different ways to describe what it entails, how it's expressed, and even how you can tell if you're feeling it. It's such an important part of our culture, but it's still so, like, nebulous and hard to describe. If you think about it, even with all the books written about it, and all the research we've done on it, we're no closer than our ancestors to figuring out exactly what it means to be 'in love' with someone.

I watched from a bench as a young couple held hands and looked silently into each other's eyes. It seemed kinda strange to me, and it felt a little weird to be staring at them. They were clearly in their own world though, and didn't even realize I existed. I didn't hear them saying anything, but I got the sense that there was some meaning passing back between them. I wonder what it was, I wonder if it was important.

I felt a shiver pass through me as the wind gusted past. I don't think I would have paid them any attention just a few months ago. Or if I had, it would have just been in passing. I've been noticing a lot of changes in myself since that Christmas play we held with Sobu. I think they go even further back, all the way to the time I first saw him in that restaurant.

I was totally shocked to see him with that beautiful woman, sitting totally casually and bored, like almost as if he didn't want to be near her. I never would have expected him to be hanging out at all, let alone with a beautiful older girl.

The first real tremor I felt for him was at the end of that "double date". Which really just involved me and my friend hanging out with Hayama. My friend still refers to it as 'the catastrophe'. I remember at the time being horrified and humiliated, but now I look back at it fondly. I got to interact with him meaningfully for the first time really, so I can't hate all of it. It made me see him differently, it forced a mental change in me that cascaded to where I am now. Really, that disastrous date lead directly to the one we're going to go on now.

The only thing I really regret from that was how I met his club mates. I'll never forget the look of contempt and scorn from that dark haired girl. Thinking about it now, she reminded me quite of a bit of the older woman I first saw him with. What separated them was their intent I think. The older one reminded me of cat playing with a mouse, like he was a toy to her. I remember her responses egging me on to tell her more. She seemed super nice at the time, but now I'm not so sure. I think she was getting me to mock him. It was like… my responses were only important for how they made him respond. That's pretty rude lady! Maybe I did realize it, and I went along anyway.

Meeting his club mate was a lot less fun. It's not totally my fault though, those were some pretty bad circumstances. I don't think I've seen anyone so quietly angry before. The gleam in her eye was rage, pure and simple. She reminded me of a feral animal kinda. Like I'd wounded her cub or something. Not that the stare she gave Hayama was much different. There was, like, killer intent or something. She's one of the scarier girls I've ever met.

I felt myself shiver. Maybe that's just the chill in the air.

The chill pushed me even further down this train of thought. Back to the fateful event that lead us together again. The almost-train-wreck that was the Christmas event. Seeing him there was surprising enough, but what really caught me off guard was my reactions to his behavior. As the planning meetings continued, I could tell things were going badly. We never really made any progress in those meetings, in fact we usually just dug ourselves deeper into the hole we'd made. No one seemed ready to break the comfortable mold, to push us towards completion. I remember how I too just seemed to go along with the flow. We all knew what was going to happen in the end, but felt powerless to stop it. When he challenged everyone I was shocked. The memory of a quiet boy, one who had shook while he confessed to me all those years ago, was shattered into a million pieces. Something shifted in my mind, and my heart, in that moment. The Hikigaya I pitied was gone, the man in front of me was a Hikigaya I admired.

But admired was the wrong way to put it. I found myself thinking about him in a way I hadn't ever thought about someone before.

At first his interactions with his school's presidential were truly hilarious. A boy who seemed to be either completely obvious to, or maybe annoyed by, the advances of a younger beautiful woman. To top it off, that boy was Hikigaya! Hilarious!

I noticed however, that eventually it wasn't quite so funny after a little while. In fact the more I saw it, the more annoyed I got at her. Didn't she see that he wanted nothing to do with her? Maybe she should just back off!

If that was all, maybe nothing would have happened. But circumstances changed.

When the inky-haired girl returned with him one day I felt a whirlwind of emotion. Repulsion and fear started it off. I didn't want to remember how we had met last time. But those emotions were quickly replaced. Clearly she was sitting close to him. Flanked by the peach haired girl, I felt a sense of envy for the two of them. Given the way they talked with each other, Hikigaya had found friends. Perhaps, I worried, he had found something more. Why did that matter to me though? His love life wasn't any of my business.

It was when she had spoken up however that the mist cleared from my mind.

Her address was direct, thorough, and spine-straighteningly terrifying. She hadn't minced words, and got the heart of the issue in less than a minute. She'd broken our president's will to resist without even breaking a sweat.

It was not her words however that had cleared up so much. It was his reaction to them.

As she had finished her speech, he'd looked at her with a mixture of relief and admiration. Something I'd never seen on his face before, and she'd managed to elicit so easily. I felt angry and betrayed, confused and frustrated, envious and….

Well, it was then that I realized that primarily I was envious. That without even realizing it, I'd come to want him to look at me like that. I think that was when it became clear I needed to do something about this.

When I'd seen him walking alone yesterday I saw a real opportunity. I couldn't have said what I said to him in front of his club mates. I had to say it though, I had to get it off my chest, consequences be damned!

I softly chuckled to myself.

Did I really fall for Hikigaya Hachiman? Hilarious!

I looked down at my watch to check the time, and saw 8:20 starting back up at me. Was he really late to a first date? I suppose I'd asked him out though I couldn't get too mad. Maybe he was trying to be aloof? I giggled at the very thought. His personality was like 80% straightforward and blunt traits. He didn't seem to have a single synapse dedicated to being charming or suave. That was the best part about him though. He didn't lie to me, he didn't flatter me, his intentions were clear. My confusing feelings seemed entirely countered by his straightforwardness.

As I looked up again, I saw a figure locking up their bike in the rack. There were pretty nicely dressed actually. It seemed strange that someone dressed so nicely would ride a bike to the station. If I was them I'd worry about sweating and ruining my outfit. Given the heavy rise and fall of that person's shoulders they may have done exactly that. Well that's what you get Mr. Bicyclist! Next time, don't ride so hard in nice clothing.

As they turned their head upwards I saw that it wasn't a 'them', in fact it was him. A little gasp escaped my lips. In a bit of daze, I raised my hand to signal where I was. He noticed it, and began to jog over to me.

I liked Hikigaya's mind, his personality, and his quirks. Though I recognized I didn't know him as well as I should, I liked what I had seen so far. The man quickly approaching me still had all these things, but he also had something else entirely. As I scanned him from top to bottom I noticed the slim fit of his clothes, the attractive figure he cut against the dark night sky. Thoughts crossed my mind, and I pushed them back with a blush. Tonight was going to be challenging enough as, and I didn't need to be distracted so early on.

I reflected on what a strange turn of events we found ourselves in. The boy who had fallen in love with me and been scorned, had grown up. There was a part of me at the time that was confused by actions. I'd done nothing to earn his affections but he fell for me anyway. I'd turned him down, and until not so long ago… forgotten him entirely. Years later the situation had seemingly reversed itself on me. Now it was I who had fallen for a boy who wasn't even trying to get my attention. It's so embarrassing to think about this, but maybe I was being totally creepy. I must have seemed like some natural disaster coming out of nowhere and totally surprised him.

Wow, he was actually pretty cool now that I think about it. Instead of laughing at me, getting the perfect revenge, he'd given me the chance I didn't give him. Maybe he was the better person. Maybe that was what had drawn me to him in the first place.

As I mused, he ploddingly approached. A smile crossed my lips. He was a good guy. I mean, he was pretty cute, and by the look on his face he was pretty embarrassed about being late. I think I had a picked winner here. Good work heart, you might just be smarter than my brain.

And… I guess if he's the good one here, then that has to make me the bad one, right? If I remember correctly, the good one has to obey the rules. I don't think that goes for the bad one though… I guess that means it's okay to play a little unfair ^_~

The smile on Orimoto's face was plain unnerving. It had all the foxiness of Isshiki's, but there was something, somehow, cuter than Isshiki's. It was warm and inviting, not showing a hint of annoyance that I was late. She looked like she was about to crack up at my appearance. Damn, she's good. It's just straight up unfair for her to have that smile in her arsenal.

She looks, plainly put, absolutely gorgeous. Her dark blue uniform seems to fade quietly in the night behind her. The lights of the station reflected back in her brown eyes look like a galaxy. The individual spots of illumination were shifting stars as she tilted her head to the side. Sitting atop the back-rest of the bench she was almost at level height with me.

As I approached she jumped down to meet me.

"Hey Hikigaya! A little late aren't we?"

As I prepared an apology for my unacceptable lateness, I felt a hand grab mine.

"Ah well, the past is the past right? Can't think about it too much. Come on!"

I felt once again the power of Hurricane Orimoto. A sudden gust immediately sweeping me off my feet.

With no time to react I found myself being dragged away from the station.

"Oi. Where are we going?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out!" She said with a grin flashing across her face.

I suppose I agree with that. I certainly didn't have time to come up with a plan. Well I suppose had all day, but cut me some slack. After all, I had to spend a fair amount my day dreading things. I mean, there was the talk with Sensei, the date, and also telling the club about all this.

I winced a bit at the thought of Yukinoshita and Yuigahama. I'm still not sure how to interpret that talk. Something happened, what exactly that something was… well, I guess this isn't really the time to think about it. Man, my backlog of issues to think about later is really piling up.

Orimoto must have noticed the slight flinch, as she looked at me.

"Something wrong Hikigaya? Do you not like me being soooo close?"

She moved in as she said it. My pulse quickened, and I fought the impulse to draw back. You really are trying to emulate Isshiki tonight aren't you Orimoto? Well you definitely get an A for your performance.

"No it's… good? I think."

"You think? Way to tank a girl's confidence Hikigaya."

"Oh… I- I meant… I mean – I… "

"Hilarious! I'm only kidding Hikigaya. I just wanted to see that blush. You should really work on your poker-face."

The smile she flashed was not a mocking one. In fact, I think I see traces of her own blush forming. Why say it if it's going to embarrass you too!? This Isshiki performance has to end! I don't think my heart can take it!

"Ah… well, it's a bit mean don't you think?"

She paused to consider it. Her sudden stop caused our arms became taught, and I considered taking the chance to break the grip she had on my hand. I didn't though, I don't seem to be capable of denying her.

"Maybe. Well I can try to tone it down Hikigaya. If that's what you want…"

In stark contrast to her words, her hand tightened its grip on my own.

Before I could protest however, she pointed with her free hand in front of us. Following her finger I saw… no way. She couldn't possibly want to go there. That's almost too funny.

"Hey Hikigaya, want to get some Saize? That place looks pretty good."

It was true, she wanted to go to some Saize place.

I began to laugh. It started as a chuckle in the back of my throat. As it moved through me I could feel my shoulders shake. A smile appeared on my face, and while I knew it probably looked gross, I just couldn't suppress it. I felt myself throw my head back and clutch at my stomach as I laughed and laughed. This was all too absurd.

Here I was, on a date with Orimoto. A date that she had requested of me. A date which I actually accepted. A date which will now involve going to a restaurant. A Saize restaurant of all places.

Now I'm not a mathematician, nor do I want to be one of those chumps, but I can handle the basics. According to my calculations, the odds of this happening are approximately ten-trillion to one.

I let the fear, absurdity, dread, and every other negative emotion I'd felt that day wash over me. I took a deep breath, and focused myself. Where my stomach just a moment before was a pit of anxiety and fear, I felt liberated now.

Orimoto was clearly confused at my outburst. Given some of the stares I was getting from passersby, she was not alone in that sentiment.

"Are you okay Hikigaya? We don't have to go to Saize if you don't want to. I just remember you had mentioned that time with Hayama…"

Oh wow, she remembered that eh? Not too bad Orimoto, you really earned yourself some points there. That almost makes this even more ridiculous, but I may as well roll with punches.

"Ahh, no that's okay. Saize sounds great actually. I'm just- I'm just surprised by how strange the last 24 hours have been."

Her expression betrays surprise at my response. Who's got the bad poker-face now eh?

"That's what all that was about?! Too much Hikigaya, you're hilarious!"

As she looks at me, we share a smile. That smile slowly turns into a chuckle, and before I know it I'm laughing again. Only this time she's joined in it with me.

I can't remember the last time I've done this. I can't remember the last time I felt this way. It's scary sure, but I think it's… good? I guess it might be worth it to expend a little energy to make this work.

With that in mind, I tentatively reach out. Scared of the response I might receive. I lock my hand with hers and squeeze.

She looked up and smiled at me while wiping the tears of laughter out of her eyes. That was all I needed.

"So let's go in there, don't want to let a line form eh?"

Sounds good Orimoto.