Chapter 7:

(Yukinoshita)

Bitch.

Harlot.

Slut.

Strumpet.

Whore.

Rage like nothing I'd ever known welled up inside of me. I saw red. I could feel the blood pooling in my face. I could feel the emotional tidal wave that had been building in me for the last few days begin its decent.

My heart had been so long encased in a sheet of ice. A protective layer that separated my feelings from the cruel reality that surrounded me. It had taken me so long to build that layer up. I had managed to repel so many terrible things with that layer of ice. I'd survived for so long by ignoring the searing hatreds, petty jealousies, shallow admirations, harsh words, and devastating disappointments swirling around me. I'd survived for so long by being separate… before I met them.

Yuigahama, and him.

I'd found people who saw who I was, a dysfunctional and wounded girl. A girl who was afraid to face the outside world without a shield. They'd seen right through me, whether they knew it or not, and had accepted it.

Yuigahama was the closest thing I had ever had to a true friend. No, she was a true friend. Standing here beside me, facing the same awful sight as me. She was probably hurt and confused right now. Yet here she was, facing down an awful visage with her arm shakily gripping mine. Watching him… watching him throw away his pride.

I'd respected him. I saw him as almost an equal of myself. Well, not initially I suppose. At first I'd found that resistance to change a rather pathetic attempt to absolve himself of the need to work. That was purely an initial assessment however. While I may not be proud of it, I was wrong in that judgment. Rather than being idle, he was simply resistant to move at the beck and call of others around him. As I gleaned more into his past, the reasoning became obvious. The same, or perhaps the opposite, problems that assailed me had wreaked havoc in his life.

The ruinous effect of others.

How the opinions and thoughts of others, so often lessers, can come to define us. While I had to suffer on my own for being perceived as above the rank and file, he had suffered a similar fate due to being perceived as lower. But they were wrong, oh so wrong, about him.

I'd admired his cold resistance to the shallow complements, the vein and pretentious preening of those around him.

He'd never sought out the praise he could have reaped from his work, not even when he deserved it.

He'd ignored the allure of my devilish sister. Her charms and wiles worked as well on him as they did a tree stump.

He's smart enough that perhaps he could have found his way into his own little group. He could have jockeyed his way up the social standing. With all his knowledge pertaining to human interaction one would think he could do nearly anything. In fact, on more than one occasion I'd realized how his tendency towards inaction was likely for the best. I'd seen him manipulate people without thinking. He could be a truly impressive force. Perhaps one day he could rival even my sister.

But I knew that he never would be. That he never even really considered it an option.

Because he was better than it.

And that fact alone intrigued me. I'd wanted to find out more about him.

Somewhere along the way I'd begun to… I- I'd begun to develop some feelings for him.

I'd let my ice begin to melt. Both for Yuigahama and him.

Surprise, surprise; look at how it turned out.

Look at him now, a common animal rutting with its mate in the street. What a dog. Disgusting what he's been turned into, and so quickly too. If it only takes one date to do this to him, he was never worth my time to begin with.

When he'd run out of the restaurant I'd felt a combination of confusing feelings. Sorrow, elation, guilt, and fear; everything had run through my mind in such a short span. To come out here and hear the end of that heart-rending monologue of his filled me with hope. A hope that maybe I was right. Hope that were similar, maybe even destined for each other. I'd felt that self-doubt and self-hatred before. I'd known crippling indecision, the feeling of not being worthy…

I'd wanted so badly to go to him, right there and then, and comfort him. But that wasn't who I was, that wasn't who he saw me as.

And so she did instead.

And. I. Will. Never. Forgive. Her.

Yuigahama begins to tug on my arm.

"Yukinon!" She fiercely whispers.

"Yukinon, we have to leave right now!"

I can see the tears welling up her eyes. I know how she f-feels about him. I believe that she knows about how I feel as well. I can only imagine how painful this has to be for her.

I suppose we'll just leave this disgusting mutt to his bitch then.

But I can't move, I can't look away from this.

I find myself looking at their intertwined figures. Her pushing him into that wall, the aggressive bitch that she is.

I hear what sounds like the sharp intake of breath. An almost inaudible sound not unlike a quiet moan, emanates out of the darkened corridor. The shaded street where I watched the boy I love have his first kiss.

Another wave of emotion washes over me. I find it difficult to try and categorize exactly what I'm feeling. This one is similar to the anger I felt before, but distinct in its location.

Where before I felt the blood rushing to my head, I now feel it drop down. A cascading waterfall of energy and emotion running to my lower extremities. It takes every ounce of willpower to keep myself where I am. I know that if I let up my concentration, even for a moment, I will move over to where that insipid cow stands and take him for myself. I will break whatever shackles she's tricked him into and install my own. Damn the consequences!

I must stand rooted to where I am. Not only for my own dignity, but for the sake of Yuigahama. The poor girl has seen enough today.

"Yukinon. I want to go. I don't want to be here anymore."

Her words break the spell that seemingly snared me. Free from the horrifying thoughts I try to finally collect myself so that I, we, can leave. You don't want to be here anymore? I think I can understand that.

Yuigahama, neither do I.

As we leave, I take a moment to moment to reflect on my behavior. My thoughts that seemed so important at the moment that I was willing to throw away so much. All for a feeling I'd never felt before. What was that feeling I wonder?

Ah… who am I fooling?

I know what this feeling was. It was lust.

Lust for Hikigaya Hachiman. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

(Orimoto)

What. Did. I. Just. Do.

That was not my fault, right?

I mean, his whole rant was sooooo sad. It made me really sad. I got so overwhelmed… I think I messed up here. Do I apologize? Not that stupid! How could I apologize after that!? 'Oh gee Hikigaya, sorry for shoving my tongue down your throat, whoops, I'm such a klutz!'

Oh he's gotta hate me now.

…Or maybe he doesn't. I mean, he didn't seem opposed to my actions. In fact...

Hehe.

I think I just figured something out. I think I just figured someone out.

After all, if he was mad he would have said something right? He hasn't said anything. He hasn't moved since we… since I… since whatever that was.

In fact, what was that? Why did I do that? I was in the moment and I just kind of acted. I don't think it was a bad thing however. Maybe I should try again… just to make sure you knoooow?

"Hikigaya."

I almost jumped at the sound of my own words. My voice was quiet, but the alleyway was empty and it sounded as loud as a gunshot to me.

"Yeah?"

If my words were quiet, then his were simply murmurs in the wind.

It seemed like he was unable to look up at me. That's actually kinda cute. Are you trying to seduce me Hikigaya, or are you just naturally like this?

"Are you okay? I want… I want to say s-sorry. But that feels untrue. I'm not really sorry. You were saying some horrible things. I just wanted to make you stop it. I didn't want to tell you to shut up, so I just kinda acted. You're right, I had a lot of time to think about this. I know what I want. I'm sure about what I want. But after you said it, I realized that I haven't given you the same luxury. I think maybe that was truly unfair of me."

He didn't say anything as I plowed along. I guess I don't really expect him to. What could he say?

"That being said, I wouldn't say that I regret what I did. And m-maybe, I'd like to try again. Just to make sure I don't regret anything."

His shoulders shook as I finished my sentence. Was he crying?! Oh god, I misjudged this situation didn't I? Please no! No, no, no! I'm sorry Hikigaya!

"Hikigaya, look at me."

Perhaps I was being a bit aggressive. But not really that aggressive, at least compared to the last 15 minutes. I needed to know though. I had to make sure that this wasn't a mistake. I liked it. I wanted more of it.

His continued silence was worrying. Like, really worrying.

Before I could stop myself, I found my fingers snaking out away from me. Grabbing his chin with two fingers, I lifted his head up so I could get a sense of him. There was less resistance than I had expected. As his head raised to meet mine, I saw an undecipherable expression on his face.

He was beet red, eyes downcast. It was like he was holding back a flood of emotions, and not doing a very good job of it. He looked like the survivor of some natural disaster. All he needed was to be covered in a blanket and shivering in front of a news-reporter to complete the look. Did I do this to him?

"Hikigaya. Please. Look at me."

The time that passed between those words and him shifting his gaze to meet mine felt like an eternity. I was scared of what I would see in his eyes. Would it be rage and hatred? Part of me wants him to hate me. I took his first kiss without asking, who could just forgive that? Another part, the dominant part, wanted the opposite. I wanted eyes dripping with lust and desire, I wanted to see that he'd move mountains to do that again.

What I got was something… in-between.

I could see his sheepishness. He looked lost and confused, like someone who wasn't sure where he was or what he was doing. I saw something else as well. I saw why he wouldn't look at me. His eyes told the story of what he wouldn't, couldn't, say to me. I saw in his eyes a boy who knew exactly what he wanted. I saw a hunger in them that a million Saize places couldn't sake. And those eyes looked at me. They locked on me.

"Hikigaya, are you okay?"

Still no response. I know what I saw, but he still can't seem to get the words out.

"Hikigaya… was that bad? Was I wrong to do that?"

"No"

Almost inaudible, I finally got a response.

While I wanted to jump for joy, I needed to use this opportunity. Words I was somewhat ashamed of oozed out of me.

"So does that mean it was good?"

He didn't seem quite able verbalize his answer. I saw his head move up and down. Just a small nod.

There must be something wrong with me, but I liked the power I seemed to have over him.

Something took over me at that point. I felt my mind going blank, and an animalistic purpose took hold of my body.

I slowly closed the gap between us, the distance between our faces was functionally nothing. After locking eyes with me he hadn't broken our gaze. Even now he seemed to be unable to look away. His face was flushed, redder than I thought was possible. The air was chilly, but teeming with aromas I was only now noticing. The wafting scent of dinners coming from the restaurant; fragrances of freshly baked breads from down the street; the sweat and desire of the boy in front of me. I felt momentarily overwhelmed by how beautiful the world around me was. I relished it all, I wanted this perfect moment to never end; to stretch endless throughout all of time. I stopped my approach millimeters away from his lips.

He's so close… His breath is so warm…

I felt him tense up as I halted my approach. Oh? Is it bothering you Hikigaya? What do you want me to do?

As though answering my unasked question, I felt an arm wrap around my waist.

It was not a smooth, Casanova-esque maneuver; it was done shakily. The boy who initiated it unsure and scared of his movements. Scared that that he might spook his partner, but understanding that he had to give some reassurance that he liked what was happening. It seemed that he still did not trust his voice.

Don't worry Hikigaya, you don't need to speak right now.

I know what to do.

All of a sudden I found my way across those final millimeters towards his lips again. And it was good.

(8Man)

I honestly don't know how long we stayed like that. I feel like I lost any and all sense of time in the darkness behind the restaurant.

As I pulled myself away for some much needed air, I felt my phone vibrate. Apparently someone needed to get in contact with me. Why? I've gone entire summers without someone mailing me. Why is it the case, now of all times that I'm being bothered?

That's a bit unfair I suppose, I never like being bothered.

I can already feel Orimoto's fingers on my neck pulling me back towards her. I know I need to speak now, or be drawn back into the depths by her siren call.

"Ah, wait. I've got a message." I manage to stammer out.

The pout spreading across her face is discouraging, but if someone spent the effort to contact me then it's probably important.

Fishing my phone out of my pocket, my jaw dropped in shock. 13 missed messages!? How in Icefrog's name did that happen?

Looking deeper into this, I find that all of them all from my dear little sister. As I read each one I can feel the increasingly desperate mood as I get closer to the most recent one. What started as a simple check-in on her part seems to be full blown panic at this point. Komachi, while I appreciate your dedication to ensuring your dearest brothers' safety; 13 messages is a bit much I think. After all, it's only…

One A.M.!?

No! That's impossible! That means I've been out for almost 5 hours? Maybe there's an error on phone's clock?

"Uhh, Orimoto… what does your phone have for the time?"

"Eh? I don't know."

"Can you check for me?"

She heaved a large sigh, finally unhooking her fingers from the back of my neck. It was only then that I realized how sore I was. My legs felt like jello, my back was on fire, and honestly I was kinda light headed from a definitive lack of oxygen.

As she searched for her phone, I took a moment to actually read the most recent message I'd received from my sister.

"Onii-chan! Komachi is worried about you! If you don't respond to this in 5 minutes I'm calling the cops!"

Well, fuck.

I hastily replied back with an apology and assurance that I was okay, and that I had lost track of time. I knew I was going to be in for a long lecture when I returned home. Oh and an absolute barrage of questions. I was not looking forward to that, not in the slightest.

A sharp intake of breath and muttered curse next to me alerted me to the fact that my phone was likely not malfunctioning.

"Ha, so Hikigaya… I think we lost track of time. We should probably head back now?"

"Yeah… my sister may kill me though."

Orimoto giggled slightly at my words. Taking my hand, she lead me out of the alleyway. Well she tried to anyway. I stumbled somewhat trying to follow her. Not at all my fault, I'd been standing functionally still for hours. Oh god, it had been hours hadn't it?

"Not too steady on your feet eh Hikigaya?"

"…Shut up. I've been stationary a while." I realized as I said this, that I had a lost a lot of ground today. Time to go on the offensive and take a little back.

"Seems like you're fine though, maybe you're just more experienced with this sort of situation."

Orimoto whirled around to face me. More than a little bit of fire burning in her eyes.

"And just what are trying to say Hikigaya?"

Some men might have been cowed by a sudden burst of anger like that, but I'm not 'some men'. After all, I'd spent the last few hours under her spell. I felt like I knew her pretty well, or at least a lot better than I had just yesterday. Besides, I had the advantage for the first time all night, I wasn't going to let this slip away so easily.

"Well, I'm certainly tired and sore from being shoved up against a wall. I'd think the more aggressive party would feel even more tired. Unless they had more experience with this sort of thing…"

Ah, how I love implication.

"Ah, so now you're feeling talkative? Hilarious!"

As she finished that sentence she smiled. A row of pearly whites, directed at me. I felt myself all at once captivated by her again. She really was something else.

No more words were needed at that time. I felt comfortable, and the easy silence between us as we walked seemed to indicate that she was happy too. As we reached her house she turned to look at me.

"So… this was kinda weird." Oh really Orimoto? Are you just now noticing this? "But I think it was good. On the whole I'd give it an 8 out of 10."

"Yeah. I guess it was alright." I quipped back.

I felt a light punch to arm, and looked down to see her close again. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but I saw her lean in and I closed my eyes. A light peck on the cheek was all I received though.

"Goodnight Hikigaya. Let's do this again sometime soon." Her smile was somewhere between endearing cute and mischievously wicked.

"Hmmmm, I may be able to fit you into my schedule."

And with that she smiled once more at me, and left to sneak into her house.

I felt the spot on my cheek where she'd planted her last kiss. Relatively chaste compared to the rest of the night. Then again, walking into a love-hotel at 2 in the morning would be relatively chaste compared to how I spent my night.

Did I really do that? Did all that actually happen? I think it did… it's all kinda of a blur.

Ugh. Am I damn raiju bastard now?

A/N:

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So I've been missing for like a month. Please PM me convincing excuses as to why that is. Because currently the best I've got is a combo of writers' block, and work being pretty serious. I also may have been playing a lot of DOTA2.

Honestly it was the Orimoto section that took like 3 fucking weeks to finish. Yukino & Hikigaya I did in a day. Someone had mentioned that Orimoto was uncharacteristically clever/thoughtful/insightful, and they were kinda right. So I tried to go with a slightly more accurate portrayal.

Anyway, I'm going to try and figure out a better way to schedule writing into my week. My goal is to try and get a chapter out at bare minimum every 2 weeks, but it can be challenging obviously.

I'd like to thank you all for the support and love you've shown. The reviews really are super awesome for convincing me to get off my lazy ass and update.

Til next time!

-BWAM