Hello folks, DAM here once again to tear a new one in some horrible stories. This time, I'm taking on the full quadrilogy of the worst grammatical catastrophe since the Gramocaust, the Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences series. All right here, unabridged and undivided. Here we go! (Since I'm not going to keep track of every error, I'm just playing it safe and giving an automatic 500 sins for poor grammar, misspelling, etc.)
Full 3/4 ½
Expand TightenHalf-Life: Full-life Consequences(Ridiculous title. Sin Count: 501.)
John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer.(I would never have made that connection. Sin Count: 502.) He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.(How the hell does he have time to send an email when he's being attacked? Also, I'm pretty sure technology in the wasteland that is earth in the game wouldn't work nor would you have a normal office job. Sin Count: 504.)
John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat.(Why would you leave a motorcycle on a roof? Did he piss on the platform? Why is he stripping? What is going on?! Sin Count: 505.) John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go. (OH, HE SAID THE NAME OF THE STORY…IN THE STORY! Go where, exactly, he didn't exactly say where he was. Sin Count: 506.)
John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed.(Now we've entered the realm of a mentally impaired Marty Stu we have not seen the likes of since Tara Gillesbie. Sin Count: 507.) He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.(Because, come on, nobody in this game other than Freeman, a few rebels, and a pastor has access to guns. Sin Count: 508.)
The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky.(Yes, these plants are Robert Plants, therefore, they can sing. Sin Count: 509.)the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was.(What mood, he's happy that his brother was under attack, he's in the middle of a goddamn apocalypse, and doesn't have a gun?! Sin Count: 510.) John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".(Your musings are as deep as the pool Christopher Reeve attempted to dive into. Too soon? Sin Count: 511.)
John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast.(How is he late? We don't know where your brother is, what time it is or what's even going on! Sin Count: 512.) A cop car was hidennear by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket.(You've got to be shitting me…Sin Count: 517.) Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.(That makes no sense! Zombies CAN'T DRIVE! Sin Count: 522.)
"I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said
"Why not?" said the headcraboficer back to John Freeman.(Because fuck the po-lice! OH, and you're a zombie.)
"Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster. (Wait, when did you get a gun? Also, zombie or not, you shot an officer, that's a federal crime. Sin Count: 524. )
John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was.(Nothing about this sentence makes sense, vehicles have limits to how fast they travel, we don't know where Gordon is or how he's getting there. Sin Count: 525.) John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again.(Great, Tara Gillesbie is vandalizing signs again. Also, you almost abandon your brother because of a loose suggestion, even when it could be a simple trick to hide loot, goods, etc. Sin Count: 527.)
John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman.(John Freeman like to talk in third person all the time. He is the new Hodor. How did he flip, did he hit a ramp, what?! Plus, you just wasted your only ride buddy. Sin Count: 530.) John Freeman smiled and walked fast.(Because running is far less dramatic than the power walk. Sin Count: 531.) John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.(Zombie what? If you are saying, "ghosts", you have no goddamn idea what you're talking about. If it's, "goats", you're even further away. Sin Count: 532.)
John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them couldn't they couldn't live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece. (This sentence is so wrong you, you all know what I'm going to pick apart at this rate. 15 sins. Sin Count: 547.)
Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was.(GAME TIME: Every time John walks fast, we double the sins! 2 sins now! Sin Count: 549.)Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.(Pants tend to be nonliving objects, this isn't news. Well, unless they're yoga pants… Sin Count: 550.)
When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss(How do you know it's the final boss, what does it look like? Sin Count: 551) and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!"(FALSE, Gordon doesn't talk! 10 Sins. Sin Count: 561.)so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see. (Again, we know bullets are fast and getting shot in the eyes doesn't just blind you, it kills you. Right, bin Laden? Sin Count: 562.)
Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. (Yes, because a falcon punch is far more effective than bullets. Sin Count: 563.)John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.(Gordon Freeman is a SILENT PROTAGONIST! 10 more sins. Sin Count: 573.)
The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" and John Freeman walked real fast out.(What's wrong, why is Gordon sacrificing himself for his idiotic, short-sighted brother? Sin Count: 574. Walked fast. Sin Count: 581.)
John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.(That's it?! I thought you knocked him out! Mad and angry are synonyms, and how did you have time to get out when he was right IN THERE! Sin Count: 582.)
"I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.
to be continued..?(Implying there's more of this, 10 sins. Sin Count: 592.)
Half-Life: Full-life Consequences 2: What Has Tobe Done(A worse title. Sin Count: 583.)
John Freeman walked like speed of light back to his motorcycl and left behind the bad place behind him.(Your motorcycle is totaled and your similes suck. Sin Count: 594. Plus, walking fast again. Sin Count: 602.) John Freeman had to ride his motorcycle really fast back to the office but John Freemans gas ran out.(Gee, I wonder why? You only crashed it into living corpses and it may be leaking gas. Sin Count: 603.) John Freeman jumped fast off the motorcycle and landed on dead peoples hands. (John Freeman: Fast Walker, Gymnast, and a Total Dick to the Undead. Sin Count: 604.)
"Gordon Freeman is now these hands... i must kill the next boss and live up to full-life consequences!" John Freeman said out loud.(What the fuck was any of that supposed to mean? Sin Count: 605.)
John Freeman picked up a laser gun and aimed it at trees to see if he could. John Freeman shot and tree fell down in front of him. John Freeman seen eggs fall out of the tree and he put them back home safe.(John Freeman: A Retard with a Laser Gun and A Complete Dick to Mother Nature. Sin Count: 606.)
"These birds dont have to see Gordon Freeman yet. its not time." John Freeman said to him.(Is he coming back to sacrifice them? Sin Count: 607.)
John Freeman had to walked faster (Sin Count: 623.) and was back at his office work and on a computer. He looked on the internet and found the next boss.(What does he have a Facebook? No, that's silly. It's 2004, he has Myspace. Sin Count: 624.)
"I know his weakness now" John Freeman said.(I'd argue no one is that retarded to put that much information online but, today's youth… Sin Count: 625.) And after that he got emails from someone. John Freeman opened up the emails and read them.(I only don't give a sin for unnecessary deviation because Morgan Freeman's voice is the only thing keeping me sane at this , dear Lord, don't let Morgan Freeman be the one who made a woman conceive this monstrosity.)
"Dear John Freeman, how are you? I miss you at home come home safe and soon with Gordon Freeman for thanksgiving dinner. Love mom." John Freeman looked at it and got sad and yelled "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL!" then he turned on off the computer and wet on the platform again down to his other more faster motorcycle that had gas in it this time.(SOOOOOOOOO much wrong, where do I begin. Then again, I'm predictable so 25 sins. Sin Count: 650.)
John Freeman put the laser gun on his motorcycle and his machine gun and his rocket gun that he found on the side of the motorcycle.(I'm pretty sure any office building, aside from Columbine HQ, doesn't allow this much heavy weaponry inside. Sin Count: 651.) He went through traffic and went fast like litning to back to Ravenholm and back to the bad place where Gordon Freeman was. John Freeman went off road and did backflips and landed on back wheels but kept going too.(Two words: Michael Bay. Sin Count: 652.)
John Freeman went really fast again like before and was soon back again at Ravenholm but saw more zombie goasts. John Freeman said to them "Zombie goastsi have killed your friends at the old house and idont want to shoot your heads. move near the countrysides and you will be friends of John Freeman."(This seems stupid, but remember, this worked on the Native Americans, it can't be too stupid.) The zombie goasts said that "no we will kill you" and walked fast to John Freemans motorcycle. (Maybe this story is a satirical look at the bloodshed European settlers put Natives through…or this is an illiterate moron. Sin Count: 653.)John Freeman waited until they were in front of his motorcycle and backflipped off his bars and shot heads below and landed and walked fast to where the next boss was.(This is so bad it's terrible! Sin Count: 654. Also, walks fast. Sin Count: 686.)
"you will be one of us!" yelled the dead zombie goasts. John Freeman laughed and shot a rocket at them. (MICHAEL BAY OVERKILL! Sin Count: 687.)
John Freeman saw the next boss far down the road and walked slow this time. (Really? You've found the being that killed your brother and your strategy is to slowly approach it? Sin Count: 688.) He walked really slow like a turtle(We get it, he's slower than your ability to think. Sin Count: 689.)and sat down on a rock and watched the next boss near the dead last boss and where the place that Gordon Freeman was. (What, there's two bosses? I wouldn't know because I haven't seen such terrible description since L4D: Blood Tide! Sin Count: 690.)The next boss was laughing at John Freeman so John Freeman said "YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ME!" and shot a rocket at him since that was his weakness.(Good thing you wasted one on a few zombies. Why didn't you make us aware of this earlier? I know, dramatic, suspenseful stuff, but this is too horrible to keep me waiting. Sin Count: 691.)
The next boss died and John Freeman was happy. He walked over to the dead bosses and put them under the ground and planted pants on them so instead of messy dirt and dark there was pretty things there now to be happy.(Because no enemy of mine should be caught with their dick out. Also, aren't these guys huge? Since one crushed your brother… Screw it, this lacks logic as is. Sin Count: 692.)
John Freeman walked to where Gordon Freeman was lying dead and crushed from the next bosss feet and looked down. A tear droped out of John Freemans eye and landed on Gordon Freeman.
"You are dead bro and i killed the evil boss." John Freeman told Gordon Freeman
Then John Freeman saw something bad. A headcrab was on Gordon Freeman! Gordon Freeman standed up and said "John Freeman... you got here slow and now i am zombie goast. you will pay..."(What!? His body is too damaged to be taken over! Screw this, 15 sins! Sin Count: 707.)
to be continued...?(Goddammit! Sin Count: 717.)
Half-Life: Hero Beginning (Can't even spell your own shitty title. Sin Count: 718.)
In the future the world was dark and scarry.(Yes folks, the future is as depressed and self-harming as I am when I read this. Sin Count: 719.) One day Combines came and noone knew why. Combines were robot things that werent robots with ugly faces and sometimes glowing eyes and slaved people in the city and made them angry and sad.(WHAT?! None of that made sense. They weren't anything like you just described? They were cheery, smiley androids with green eyes that played board games with the elderly and read children to sleep. Sin Count: 729.)Henry Freeman who was living in the city and with his mom said "mom why are Combines here" and she said "Henry Freeman Combines are from science and outter space and hate humens."(Two words about who wrote this dialogue: Tommy Wiseau. Sin Count: 730.)
Henry Freeman realy hated Combines because they beat up every one and Henry Freeman hated it.(The combines are Chris Brown and everyone they see is Rihanna. Sin Count: 731.) "mom why are they beating up that girl!"(Because the VMA's sucked!) Henry Freeman said to his mom. "Because she is humen Henry Freeman, and they are evil Combines" Henry Freemans mom said back.
"Hey you Combines stop beating her up you evil guys!" Henry Freeman yelled loud at them.(Because a child's plight will nip that spousal abuse right in the ass. Sin count: 732.) "Shut up kid or you will pay!" the Combines said and aimed there lazer guns at Henry Freemans head.(Why are they beating her when they have friggin' laser guns? Oh, wait, Chris Brown is a pussy, never mind. Sin Count: 733.) "Combines dont aim your lazers!" yelled mom then the Combines shot her and laughed "Ha ha stupid humen girl with no head" they said with smiles.(This went from a retarded mother to such poorly written taunts it makes me wonder if this world is just one giant kindergarten. Sin Count: 734.)
Henry Freeman grabed his moms hand and said "mom you were beautiful soul and Combines will pay." "Henry Freeman no get out of here fast as you can..." Henry Freemans mom said and died.(WHAT?! She got her head blown off! Why didn't Jackie Kennedy get this last bit of conversation with her husband?! Sin Count: 735.) Then Henry Freeman grabbed a wepon and shot the Combines in the heart and said "this is not over."(It kinda is, you killed them. Also, where'd you get a gun? Sin Count: 737.)
The people around Henry Freeman cheerd and smiled and said "good job Henry Freeman we hate those Combines!" Combines made people fraid and when Henry Freeman killed them it gave them hop.(That's right, folks, after years of foot firmly on the ground oppression, people can now leap with joy instead of twerk in happiness. Sin Count: 738.)
"Combines we are not scarred no more!" said Henry Freeman and every one around Henry Freeman said "YEAH!" and grabbed lazer guns and rocks. Henry Freeman and the people walked fast like waves and went towards to the Combine tower that was big like the sky.(I honestly lost interest in counting fast walk, just 50 sins. Plus, this is a worse revolution than the Slave Uprising in the South. Sin Count: 789.)
"Where do you humenthink you are going?" a big Combine army with lots of striders said.
"To send you back to science and outter space!" Henry Freeman yelled with mad "ATTACK THE COMBINES!" Henry Freeman yelled again.(Wait, back to science? Are you forcing them back into Mrs. Williams' room? Good, I hated the fat bitch anyway, didn't learn a damn thing about the periodic table. Sin Count: 790.)
The war was going and blowing things up when Henry Freeman saw a gravity gun on the ground. "Combines it is time to do what has to be done and live up to my family name" Henry Freeman wispered with head down.(What is with this family name bullshit? If my last name meant something, it means I hold burks, whatever the fuck that is. Sin Count: 791.)
The Combines were shoting people and steping on them with stiders and people were shooting lazer guns back and killing them sometimes. Explosions like 10 times of the sun went around Henry Freeman but Henry Freeman didntcare. (Because fuck physics, am I right? Sin Count: 792.)
"Humen kind is losing and I need to help" Henry Freeman said.(Is this everyone left alive?!) Then a big rocket came down and blew a guys arm off and legs and head and killed other people too.v(Because that random arbitrary guy dedicated so much more to the "plot" than anyone else. Sin Count: 793.)
Henry Freeman saw the dead going on all around. The Combine were to strong and big but Henry Freeman didnt care neither. Henry Freeman put the gravity gun on and started to throw striders and at buildings. The bildings fell and made dust and smoke and blinded Combines so Henry Freeman culd use the gravity gun to throw them into the sky realy high and make them squish.(Three words about who wrote this action sequence: Dennis the Menace. Sin Count: 794.)
The people were wining but then glowing things went in the sky and Combines came out. "Henry Freeman we have to go out of here!" a guy said to Henry Freeman. "No they are all every where!" another guy said.
"You are suroundedprepair to die" the dark man said.(That's racist. Sin Count: 795.)
Henry Freeman lookd around. Combines with lazer guns were there. Henry Freeman knew if humens lost now it would be sad for ever.(Correction, a four-year-old is now writing this action sequence. Sin Count: 796.)
"FIGHT" Henry Freeman yelled.(*2 seconds later* Combine win, flawless victory. FATALITY! Sin Count: 797.)
People runned toward the Combines to kill them and the Combines were going to shoot all the people in a second when a brite light came in teh sky. A shiny thing like the Combines came from opend in the sky and a guy came out.(No, bullshit, this man is not Jesus. If he is anything remotely like Jesus I'm becoming either Jewish or Muslim. Sin Count: 798.)
"Combines leave my son alone" John Freeman said.
to be continued...? (*Loosens noose* Er, it's almost over. Sin Count: 797.)
Half-Life Full-life Consequences: Free Man(Half-Life 3: 12 Years in Production Hell. Sin Count: 798.)
John Freeman backfliped out of the sky and landed besides Henry Freeman. (I'm sick of the flips, if I wanted to see an asshole flip I'd watch Fox News. Sin Count: 799.) Henry Freeman looked at John Freeman in the eyes and cry falled out and said "Dad mom has dead". John Freeman went sad at the ground then moved head real fast up.(Dad, mom is kill. Sin Count: 800.)
"COMBINES YOU KILLD WIFE?" John Freeman said with growls.(He just told you. Sin Count: 801.)
"Yes John Freeman" the dark man said after "Henry Freemans mom is shot in head" the dark man said again.
"I loved wife like sun raise... DARK MAN YOU WILL SUFFAR!" John Freeman ponted and yelled.(Haven't his people suffered enough!? Sin Count: 802.)
John Freeman jumpd in to sky with kicks and hit dark man and the dark mans mask ript off and John Freeman seed ugly Combine face but it looked like humentooo.(The grammar shit pot has hit the fan. Sin Count: 803.)the dark man scrumbled back to Combines and Combines went to shoot John Freeman but Henry Freeman throwedgranaid for John Freeman to shot them in faces.(Grenades do not shoot, they blow up! LIKE I'M ABOUT TO! Sin Count: 804.)
"Son take people and leave the city its time I have to kill the enemys and make evil go away from here forrest of time!" John Freeman said to Henry Freeman and people.(Run, Forrest, RUN! Also, nice metaphor, Pink Floyd. Sin Count: 805.)
"John Freeman we fight!" people said and didnt go no where.
"Dad humens have to fight for freedome!" Henry Freeman said and didnt go no where neither.(My intelligence is going no where but backwards. Sin Count: 806.)
John Freeman was fraid for first time. He didnt want nothing to happen to Henry Freeman because Henry Freeman was John Freeman saw Combines start to run like monsters to humens and Henry Freeman and saw Henry Freeman and humens run like brave to Combines.(I could not interpret a fucking thing from that bloody shit stain of a sentence, 20 sins! Sin Count: 826.) John Freeman got quiet then dropped wepon and said "I have to kill fast and bullets too slow" and started killing Combines with bear hands.(Physics is getting fucked harder than Sasha Grey right now. Where did the combine come from, too? Sin Count: 827.)
John Freeman was killing Combines and barking necks(Woof, woof, motherfucker!) and humens and Henry Freeman was behind shooting at Combines at front. Now Combines got scarred and ranned back to the dark man who was at the door to the big tower that was big onto the sun and went around the dark man and got redy to fight again. (What the…Where the fuck are they? None of this makes sense! Sin Count: 837.) then the dark man pressed the button that made the big tower glow and smoke.
"John Freeman you let next boss step on me and made me headcrab zombie. Combines came and put science in me and made me live and strong and big now I make you and Henry Freeman headcrab zombie. Prepair to die" Gordon Freeman said.(This is a desperate character who has survived rape. He had "science" inside him, which includes mass, velocity, and density, and he has crabs. Sin Count: 838.)
"Gordon Freeman you are my bro and I killed next boss. Combines science is bad and made you tricked bro stop the button and glowing." John Freeman said.(He's a zombie, nothing can fix it! The combines didn't do this, the fucking crab did! Sin Count: 839.)
"NO!" Gordon Freeman angered back.
Gordon Freeman teleportaled to John Freeman and hit him with crow bar and John Freeman tried to grabe it but couldnt so he punched Gordon Freeman instead. John Freeman and Gordon Freeman was fighting for life and death when the Combines and humens started shoting each other again. Henry Freeman got in front of humens and saw the tower smoke and glow more and more like litning clouds.(This is absolutely horrid. Sin Count: 849.)
Henry Freeman shout "It will explod!" so Henry Freeman and the people shot bullets and bombs at Combines so humen kind could press the botton and make it stop. Then Henry Freeman went to a Combines car and shoot all the Combines in it and went to the top and used the torret gun. Henry Freeman made the torret gun shoot Combines and bullets cut them in two and half. (No words…no jokes…nothing can make this funny. Sin Count: 859.)
Henry Freeman kept shooting Combines and the rest of humens got closer and closer to button to stop it. The Combines shot at the humens and made some die but no one caredbecaus they had to do it. (Yeah, fuck those people who had families and jobs! Sin Count: 860.)Then Combines started coming out of the hug tower to stop the humens.(My God, John! The care bears have entered the war! Sin Count: 861.) There was too much Combines and humenscouldnt go to the button no more and the tower was all smoke and glow now expect for a little bit.(What tower?! None of this makes sense, was this even in Half-Life 1 or 2? Sin Count: 862.)
John Freeman knew it was too late and humenscouldnt stop button. John Freeman had barley time but was still fighting Gordon Freeman.
"Bro it is time Im sorry" John Freeman said to Gordon Freeman.
"time for you to die John Freeman!" Gordon Freeman said back.
"No bro" John Freeman said then kicked Gordon Freeman in teh part of the face that was like Combines.(In the part of the face that was like Combines… Sin Count: 863.)
The science flew off Gordon Freemans face and landed and blowed up in a boom and Gordon Freeman stood and fall.(What…WHAT? WHAT?! Sin Count: 888.) "Bro.." Gordon Freeman said so John Freeman got closer to the ground like Gordon Freeman.
"Combines made me tricked bro Im sorry" Gordon Freeman said.(You…were…a…fucking…zombie! THIS ISN'T LOGICAL! Sin Count: 898.)
"I know bro but you are hero" John Freeman said back to comfart Gordon.
"Save humens and Henry Freeman" Gordon Freeman said quiet like pain and breathed slower and slower(I never thought I'd say this, but the end of that shitty 1998 Godzilla movie made me sadder than this. Sin Count: 899.)
John Freeman had Gordon Freeman and saw eyes shut and the breath stoped but Gordon Freeman had smiles on face.
John Freeman let go Gordon Freeman and went up back on his feet and loked his head around and saw trees and aminals and humens then looked at glowy tower and knew what has to be done. "Son and people get back!" John Freeman said out real loud so Henry Freeman frontflipped off torret and went with people back to John Freeman and ducked bullets and rackets.(Fuck this, I've given up on roasting this shit. Sin Count: 900.)
"Son take people on motorcycle and leave city. Make people safe son and nothing happen to them." John Freeman said to Henry Freeman.(How big is this motorcycle? Is it an arc?! Because, from the sounds of it, the entire population of Earth is fighting! Sin Count: 901.)
"But dad I fight!" Henry Freeman said.
"No son go with people" John Freeman said so Henry Freeman and humens went on motorcycle.
Henry Freeman started on motorcycl and started to go but slowbecaus he didnt want to. the Combines saw and said "STOP THE HUMENS!" and went charge at motorcycle.(Another thing, how can this kid drive a motorcycle?! Sin Count: 902.)
John Freeman walked to wards Combines and made fists with hands. John Freeman punchd and hit Combines in front but all Combines in back shot rockets and masheen guns. a Rocket hit John Freeman but he got up and killed more Combines then a Combine went at John Freemans back and stabed him but John Freeman got nife out and stabbed Combine in brane.(How? One rocket kills dozens but you brush it off. Marty Stu alert! Sin Count: 903.) Combines got close and hit John Freeman body with bullets but John Freeman kicked Combines back.(Is this 50 Cent Freeman? He can take a bullet or thousands! Hell, if they outnumber humanity, he's been shot millions, maybe billions of times! Sin Count: 904.)
John Freeman kept fighting Combines and put head up to tower and saw it go brite and break then turned around in last second and saw motorcycle in far off safe place and was happy. Henry Freeman and the people in the motorcycle saw the tower go like millon stars and fire and loud noises then the people went down but Henry Freeman kept going and didnt say nothing.(What…what…what the fuck just happened? Sin Count: 924.)
After the world was nice and humens had new city and happy because the Combines was gone and nobody was slave or sad. President Henry Freeman and people and animals and earth had peace and in the middle of new city was a statue that said "John Freeman Saver of Humens"(This is the worst ending…ever. To the worst story series…ever. Sin Count: 925.)
THE END
The Rant:
What…the…fuck? This was torture, this story broke the Geneva Convention. This was absolutely, without a doubt, the single worst thing I've ever read. It's not even funny bad, it's just awe-inspiring, shockingly bad. Where do I begin? The grammar seems a good start. It is so bad! I know, the guy's first language isn't English, I get it. But for fuck's sake, you live in Canada, it shouldn't be too hard to learn it. Plus, you wrote several stories…in English! You chose to type them…in English. You uploaded them and entered them under the parameter of English. Therefore, you should have a first-hand knowledge of the language before you can speak it, right Tara Gillesbie? Every two words is misspelled, there are run-ons upon run-ons, and your grammar is so bad I that things like description suffer. That's what's next, your description. The action scenes had potential, they could have made this far more enjoyable. But your description was horrible and your similes and metaphors were terrible and bumbling. For God's sake, the plot seemed to move at a lightning pace, nothing was timed right and every major event seemed out of order. I couldn't follow the final fight, my imagination was on overdrive as is. Then we get to the plot, Jesus! It starts as a man working at a lab, who somehow can smuggle as many goddamn firearms and motorcycles as he wants into this place, and goes on with him slaying behemoths of little detail and oppressive other-world beings. Then we get a cut to his son and wife, who gets killed and sparks the boy becoming a folk hero for no apparent reason other than he did what anyone could have. That's where a huge hole lies, in times of oppression, everyone is too scared to do shit. Sure, some may be doing something, but the public at large just takes it. I don't think you have to think long to come up with ideas of oppressive periods in history where this rings true. Finally, your characterization and John Freeman himself. John is the 2nd most blatant, arrogant Mary Stu/ Gary Stu I've ever seen. He drives cool motorcycles, survives against all odds until his heroic sacrifice, fires a lot of guns, and becomes worshipped by everyone and his much more subtle and awesome brother's superior. This is so blatant it makes me sick. Sure, I have characters based off myself and friends, but they are not this God-like being of horse shit before us. This…thing is nothing more than a poorly concocted, last-minute main character that steals the show and everyone away from good writing. For God's sake, this thing has G-mod videos lined up and people continue to worship crap like this. Meanwhile, Scarecrow and Harbinger bust their asses to come up with good characters and better plots, but it will never be enough to compete with a good ol' Shitfic. Sincerely, I hope this person never writes again. Whether it be fanfiction, email, Facebook posts, or even a letter, I hope this person never again harms us with his written work.
Total Sin Count: 925
Sentence: Make him walk real fast, like so fast you can't see his legs move like he's floating. Then torch him with a concoction of battery acid, lye, fire, every conceivable acid, salt, and lemon juice. (Yes, I'm furious.)
Next Time: If Zivon decides not to fuck up the schedule, he and I will be starting an 11 part series. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you:
Fanficsins Reviews: My Immortal