EVERYTHING
WRONG
WITH
My Immortal: Part 3: Welcome to the Brown Parade
Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! (Calm down girl, you're only feeding the trolls! Sin Count: 670) I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers (What the serious f*ck does that have to do with your piece of sh*t story? I read the books and saw the movies and aside from a few scenes, they're not that different! Sin Count: 671)! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE (Yes, a headache would give a wise and kindly old sage the mouth of a sailor. Sin Count: 672)! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a Satanist (As I said back in chapter 1 when I reviewed Harry Potter Turns to the Lord, all the Harry Potter books seem to say that Harry is a Christian. Sin Count: 673) (Also, story makes me think of Harry Potter Turns to the Lord. Sin Count: 674)! MCR ROX! (Why is this here? Sin Count: 675)
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I was so mad and sad (That's so bad it makes me glad. Sin Count: 676). I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me (To be fair, he didn't cheat on you. I mean, did it ever occur to you that he might have gone out with Harry beforehand? Sin Count: 677). I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. (Well, you know what they say, the best way to get over someone cheating on you is to go back to where you first had sex. Sin Count: 678)
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick (I highly doubt EVERYTHING flew at you on just a broomstick. Sin Count: 679)! He didn't have a nose (You already said that. Sin Count: 680) (basically like Voldemort in the movie (Gee, I wonder who it could be... Sin Count: 681)) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic (Why not, Voldemort is already a huge Satan metaphore. Sin Count: 682) (Also, Gothic. Sin Count: 810). It was… (Unneeded ellipsis. Sin Count: 814) Voldemort! (SURPRISE! But only if you have short term memory loss. Sin Count: 815)
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. (Okay, first of all, you shouldn't be able to do anything while under the imperius curse. You should be COMPLETELY under his control, unable to do ANYTHING. But of course, you're a Mary Sue, so logic need not apply here. Sin Count: 816) (Also, your spell isn't the unforgivable torture curse Cruciatus, but Hermione's cat Crookshanks. Basically, you just threw a cat at the Dark Lord, yeah, that'll help. Sin Count: 817) (Also, unless Voldemort's violently allergic to cats, this wouldn't make him scream or even bother him at all. I guess Mary Sues can use whatever spells they want even when they pronounce it wrong. Sin Count: 818) (Also, by the laws of the Wizarding World, Ebony should be thrown in jail for this scene. That's an illegal curse that should get her a life sentence in Azkaban. Sin Count: 819)
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" (You've been trying to kill HARRY Potter for his entire life, but now you're getting someone else to do it for you? Bullsh*t Sin Count: 820) (Also, Voldemort is a dick to the English language. Sin Count: 821)
I thought about Vampire and his sexah (That's not a word and we all know that. Sin Count: 822) eyes and his gothic (Gothic. Sin Count: 1078) black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden (Uh, no. Sin Count: 1079). I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? (This NEVER occurred to you before?! Sin Count: 1080)
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. (Uh, you don't say no to Voldemort. Ever. Sin Count: 1081)
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. (Why would you need a gun? You have magic, and you've already shown you couldn't give a flying f*ck for wizard laws. Sin Count: 1082)
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" (William Shakespeare is rolling in his grave right now. Sin Count: 1083)
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face (You mean like the one me and the rest of your audience has on? Sin Count: 1084) (Also, there are so many better ways to describe that kind of look on someone's face. Sin Count: 1085). "I hath telekinesis." (The ability to move things with your mind does not allow you to read minds. Sin Count: 1086) he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" (If you're going to continue to fail to type in Shakespearean English, at least be consistent with it. Sin Count: 1087) he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. (Why would he be angry? He just blackmailed a girl with no regard for the law to do his bidding. He should probably be cackling. Sin Count: 1088) (Also, why would he fly away now? He's managed to sneak his way onto the Hogwarts grounds, why rely on this idiot to kill Harry for him when he can just do it himself? Sin Count: 1089)
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do (Why would you be mad? Sin Count: 1090). Suddenly Draco came into the woods. (I say again, Draco Malfoy is scared of the forbidden would he show up now? Sin Count: 1091)
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) (Ugh. Sin Count: 1092) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked. (Is he okay? He just shamed himself in front of his entire year in an attempt to win you back, whereas I, or any other sane person would let you leave and make a fool of yourself, and you threw it back in his face! So no, I'm pretty sure he's not okay you stupid bitch. Sin Count: 1093)
"No." he answered. (Told you so)
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. (Oh don't worry, he didn't cheat on you, but feel free to get pissed at him for it anyway even as you f*ck his ex while he's gone. Sin Count: 1094)
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. (He's still depressed about the whole "no one will let me forget when I ran into class naked after my psychotic whore of a girlfriend" thing. But yeah, he forgives you for getting mad at him. Sin Count: 1095)
Chapter 10.
AN: stup it u gay fags (Again, she calls US homophobes. Sin Count: 1096) (Also, yeah, only my characters can be gay, if anyone else does it's disgusting. Sin Count: 1097) if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! (This sentence. Sin Count: 1098) (Also, if HARRY and HERMIONE are evil, why don't they support Voldemort now? Is he supposed to be good now? If so, I think I'll cheer for him. I think I'll do that anyway. Sin Count: 1099)
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I was really scared about Vlodemort (VOLDEMORT is the name of a dark lord, VLODEMORT is a Russian acrobat. Sin Count: 1100)(Also, why are you scared? He didn't even do anything to you, he just flew away. In fact, the only reason he's still alive is because the primitive mass of neurons that acts as a brain for you didn't figure out that maybe you can shoot him with the gun he gave you. Sin Count: 1101) all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic (Gothic. Sin Count: 1613) metal band Bloody Gothic (Gothic again. Sin Count: 2637)Rose 666 (This name. Sin Count: 2638) (Also, you don't have any electricity at Hogwarts, how would you have a metal band? Sin Count: 2639). I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar (Of course you are. Sin Count: 2640). People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR (Oh, like your three favourite bands? I never would have guessed. Sin Count: 2641). The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. (Uh, no. You can't just do that. You have to say WHY Ron decided he was going to sacrifice all his dignity and do this. Why is he even in Slytherin? His family are known to not be Vampires. This is twenty sins for the sh*tty goth name, plus ten for a lack of back story. Sin Count: 2671) (Also, a Diabolo is a juggling prop, not the devil. Sin Count: 2672) and Hargrid (Why would HAGRID join a metal band? Sin Count: 2673). Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead (Sure, don't worry about your supposedly depressed but not really band mates. I'm sure they'll be fine. Sin Count: 2674). I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (You know what? No. You don't get to get away with this again. Several people in the world actually have a problem with self harm and can't control it. It's a serious, real life issue plaguing a lot of people across the entire planet that has caused a lot of pain to a lot of people, including quite a few friends of mine. Hell, people have DIED from it before. But your characters just do this shit for fun whenever they feel like it. Fuck you Tara. Twenty five sins. Sin Count 2699) (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that (Well, you've written it several times already, but okay then. How about another mini game? Double sins for every cross. Sin Count: 2700)) or a steak (She can be killed with a good old fashioned barbecue then. I wonder why Van Hellsing never tried that. Sin Count: 2701)) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride (That's not depressing in the least. Sin Count: 2702). I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs (Outfit. Sin Count: 2703)and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt (2704). You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. (No, you'll just suck a guy's dick for a My Chemical Romance song and dress as sluttily as possible. You're a bigger whore than Miley Cyrus! Twenty sins. Sin Count: 2724)
We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. (I'm sure anyone who hears your singing would. Sin Count: 2725)
"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted (I don't think that means what you think it does. Sin Count: 2726) voice.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily (I think you need to wash your mouth out with soap. Sin Count: 2727). And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. (How about a sin for every f – bomb in this paragraph? Sin Count: 2731)
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. (I like to believe Draco was just standing there the whole time, behind this conveniently placed wall, waiting for someone to mention him. Sin Count: 2732)
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" (Well, according to the author it hasn't even been one day yet. Maybe she was going to tell you later. Or maybe that simplistic mass of neurons in her head already forgot it in exchange for some goffik songz. Sin Count: 2733) he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) (Well, since you ask, yes. Yes it is. Sin Count: 2734)
I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.
We practiced for one more hour (Seriously? Your puss-cake boyfriend runs off in tears after being told he might be killed and you care more about your bloody band practice than him? What the hell you whore? Sin Count: 2735). Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. (How do you know? Dumbledore doesn't get angry all that often, maybe he had one of your mind-altering headaches again. Sin Count: 2736)
"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) (No, it's not swearing, but Albus Dumbledore does not cry. Sin Count: 2737) (Also, how does one "cry wisely?" Sin Count: 2738) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." (Oh no, he did something you specifically said he couldn't do. Sin Count: 2739)
Chapter 11.
AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz (Preps. Sin Count: 2867)! c if dis chaptr is srupid (What do I get when it is? Sin Count: 2868)!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus (Of course it does. It deals with issues like why we shouldn't give twelve year old girls access to . Oh wait,the whole story does that. Sin Count: 2869)! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! (Great job there, Raven. Sin Count: 2870)
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"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied (I'd be pretty scared too, I mean it's not every day someone does something that breaks the established rules of reality. Sin Count: 2871) (And don't worry about Draco, the powers of bad writing will bring him back. Sin Count: 2872)! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself (That's right, whenever your friends try to comfort you, just tell them to f*ck right off. Sin Count: 2873). Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. (It's not like he has a possibly suicidal student to possibly save. Sin Count: 2874)
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood (Tears of Blood. Sin Count: 2876)and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume (Nothing cheers you up like lacerations and screaming and rapping. Sin Count: 2877). I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide (Ebony tries to kill hersef with meat. Sin Count: 2878). I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly (That's dirty. Sin Count: 2879) (Also, outfit. Sin Count:2880). I put on black high heels (2881) with pink metal stuff on the ends (2882) and six pairs of skull earrings (How about a sin for each pair? Sin Count: 2888). I couldn't fucking believe it (Do you know what I can't believe? Your boyfriend is gone, and you're spending your time picking out your fucking outfit. Sin Count: 2889). Then I looked out the window and screamed… (Unnecessary ellipsis. Sin Count: 2897)Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating (What was Lupin chewing on? Sin Count: 2898) to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. (Why would Snape choose to spy on you? He's still pining after Lily Evans. Sin Count: 2899) (Also, Lupin got fired after year three. Sin Count: 2900)
"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason (Band Merch. Sin Count: 2916)on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. (Even though he's not supposed to be in the girls' dormitory. I guess now he looks like a perv. Sin Count: 2917)
"Abra Kedavra!" (HARRY Potter uses the killing curse. Sin Count: 2918) he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb (HARRY suddenly has a womb. Did he get a sex change? Ebony would probably find that hot. Sin Count: 2919). I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times (Unlikely, especially since that gun would never hold that many bullets. Sin Count: 2920) and they both started screaming and the camera broke (After shoting them that many times and putting that many holes in them, they're not going to have time to scream. They'd make the long fall to the Hogwarts grounds, dead before they hit the ground. Sin Count: 2921). Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… (I thought you said Dumbledore couldn't enter. Sin Count: 2922) (Also, what was he going to say? Sin Count: 2923) (Also, aside from the bullet holes in the window, how would Dumbledore know that anything happened to Snape and Lupin? They would have fallen to the ground. Sin Count: 2924)
Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. (Why would he run on a broom? He can fly. Sin Count: 2925) (Also, use quotation marks. Sin Count: 2926)
"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" (Who said this? Sin Count: 2927) (Also, Hagrid's not a student, in fact he's a teacher. Sin Count: 2928)
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily (How do you 'pause angrily?' Sin Count: 2929). "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" (Another Satanist. What a surprise. Sin Count: 2930)
"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." (No, Snape doesn't say anything here, he's dead. Sin Count: 2931) (And when did Dumbledore shoot him? Only our psychotic protagonist did. Sin Count: 2932) (Also, what factors do you need to be a Satanist? You just need to decide you prefer the company of the Prince of Darkness, or in this story decide you want to be friends with Ebony. Sin Count: 2933)
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. (What? Sin Count: 2934)
Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly (Triumelephantly Sin Count: 2934). "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" (That camera fell several stories with you to the ground, so no, it's in pieces on the Hogwarts school grounds. Sin Count: 2935)
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. (This line. Sin Count: 2936)
"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. (Where did this come from? Sin Count: 2937) (Who is he talking to? Sin Count: 2938) (Why is he fapping to it? At least, I think that's what he's doing, I don't know what a clook is. Sin Count: 2939) (Also, ew. Sin Count: 2040)
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. (Well, once we find out what the words are, you'll feel much better about it. After all, your character is an attention whore. Emphasis on the 'whore.' Sin Count: 2041)
"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly (Hagrid gains the ability to fly. Sin Count: 2042), waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in (Swooped he in. Sin Count: 2043) singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. (What the hell are you on about now? Sin Count: 2044) (Also, Gothic. Sin Count: 4092
"Because you're goffic?" (Gothic again Sin Count: 8188) Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. (Gothic does not instantly mean connected with Satan. Sin Count: 8189) (Also, he already said he was a Satanist, so he IS connected with Satan. Sin Count: 8190)
"Because I LOVE HER!" (Surprise! But only if you're stupid. Sin Count: 8191)
Chapter 12.
AN: stop f,aing (Then learn to write! Sin Count: 8192) ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu (Oh no you didn't. You just wanted another opportunity to say 'look how amazing and hot my character is. Don't you wish you were that cool!' Sin Count: 8193)! how du u no snap iant kristian (Maybe because he dedicated himself to the service of an obvious Satan metaphor. Sin Count: 8194) plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! (Make up your damn mind! Are you going to pretend to address the issue of pedophilia in order to inflate your own ego, or are you going to say that only the hot, young studs want you? Because if you picked the second option then that's what's called a cop out. Sin Count: 8195)
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I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. (When did you ever mention Draco giving you a knife, let alone telling you how to use it? Sin Count: 8196) (Also, according to your own logic, how would you kill yourself with it? It's neither a cross, nor is it a piece of meat. Sin Count: 8197)
"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid (Turn off your caps lock! Sin Count: 8198) (Also, Hairgrid. Sin Count: 8198) but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. (Red whites. Sin Count: 8199) (Also, When has HARRY ever cried out in pain from his scar hurting? Sin Count: 8200)
I stopped. "How did u know?" (What do you mean how did he know? The scar is a part of him! Sin Count: 8201)
"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" (You saw what? Sin Count: 8202) (Also, it was always a lightning bolt, curses can't be changed. Sin Count: 8203)
"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.
"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." (How did he do that? What kind of magic did he use? Why did he do it? When? Explain Tara! Sin Count: 8204) (Also, if he went through all the trouble of changing it, why would you cover it up? HARRY is a dick to his friends. Sin Count: 8205) he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! (If you're in enough pain to be screaming about it, you're not spewing this much bullsh*t without quite a few screams of pain. And you would especially not be talking this casually. Sin Count: 8206) Save me! (Save you? At least you don't have to read this! Sin Count: 8207) then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco (Very convenient time for that scar to stop hurting. Sin Count: 8208)….Volfemort has him bondage!" (Considering how he seems to be turned on by being verbally abused by you, I'll bet he likes it. Sin Count: 8209) (Also, VOLDEMORT is the Dark Lord. Volfemort fixes your car. Sin Count: 8210)
Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists (Where in the hell did this come from? Give us some bloody context! Sin Count: 8211). Snap and Loopin and HAHRID (Again, turn off the caps lock. Sin Count: 8212) were there too. They were going to St. Mango's (St. Mangos, where you receive tropical fruit therapy. Sin Count: 8213) after they recovered (No, they were definitely dead after getting shot "a gazillion times" and you don't recover from being dead. Sin Count: 8214) cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz (Since your idea of 'hot' looks like you, I'd stick to older women. Sin Count: 8215). Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera (Gross. Sin Count: 8216) they took of me naked (You don't take video cameras of people naked, you just take videos. Sin Count: 8217). I put up my middle finger at them. (Rude. Sin Count: 8218)
Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.
"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. ('I'm n luv wit u' probably, sonce this Ebony/Enoby and everyone just loves how amazing she is. Whatever it is, we'll never find out. Sin Count: 8219)
"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink (Oh no you don't! Just for that, I'm giving you a sin for every pink thing you've ever said you own in the previous chapters and another one for every new pink thing you get from now on. Sin Count: 8222) anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps (Preps. Sin Count: 8478) like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. (Gottik. Sin Count: 16670)
"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."
"What, are they goffs (Goffs. Sin Count: 33054) too you poser prep (Prep. Sin Count: 33056)?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. (No, you're just angry that they weren't diamond studded you snobby whore. Sin Count: 33057)
"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied (The action of saying something should be put outside the quotation marks. Sin Count: 33058) (Also, you should only have one person speaking per paragraph. Sin Count: 33059)." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- (Once again, Tara gives her characters the mouths of sailors, but refuses to make any reference to anything sexual like, say, pornography. Sin Count: 33060) video made from your shower (It was YOUR shower you bitch. Sin Count: 33061) scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong (Yes it is. Sin Count: 33062)) to it he added silently. (make up your mind on who is talking here. Sin Count: 33063)
"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.
He pointed his wand at the pink roses (You mean his pink umbrella? Is that black too now? Maybe it's a GC umbrella. Come on Tara, make my day. Sin Count: 33064). "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .
"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. (Ebony thinks she's wise. Sin Count: 33065)
"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic (Goffic. Sin Count: 65833) mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl! (Keep your author's notes for the beginning or the end of a chapter, just throwing them in the middle for no reason just breaks the flow of the story. Sin Count: 65834))imo noto okayo!"
And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. (And it was a flame. And it was huge. Sin Count: 65835)Now I knew he wasn't a prep. (Prep. Sin Count: 66859)
"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" (Didn't he kill himself? I suppose it's not a proper badfic without a resurrection out of nowhere. Sin Count: 66860)
Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.
"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT (Oh, I got it Tara, but you should know that you're just adding more fuel to those flames with this. Sin Count: 66861)) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" (What the f*ck does that mean? Sin Count: 66862.)
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled (What's your problem? He was talking to the slut, not you. Sin Count: 66863). dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. (Because headaches can turn a kindly old man into a raging drunk with an addiction to cursing. Sin Count: 66864)
Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" (What? Sin Count: 66865)
Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a (So you're not even going to worry about that giant black giant black fireball in the hospital wing or the fire it's started? No? Your outfit is more important? Ugh, fine. Sin Count: 66866) black leather minidress (Outfit. Sin Count: 66867) that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front (66868). Then I put on black fishnets (66869) and black high-heeled boots (66870) with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them (Band Merch.Sin Count: 66902). I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (Makeup. Sin Count: 66903) (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off! (You probably don't know who she is either, so f*ck off. Sin Count: 66904) (Also, Prep. Sin Count: 68952)) and I put on blood-red lipstick (68953), black eyeliner (68954) and black lip gloss (68955).
"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly (You cannot speak Japanese so either learn it properly or stop trying to! Sin Count: 68956) (This brings us to another mini-game: every time one of Tara's characters speaks Japanese, double the sins) (Also, she's sad because she has to star in this train wreck of train wrecks. Sin Count: 68957). "Fangs (geddit (Please stop doing that. Sin Count: 68958)) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood (Seriously, every time you do this you trivialize an issue plaguing several people the world over! You're the worst kind of person. Sin Count: 68959). I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time (Why didn't you do that the first time! Sin Count: 68960). I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures (I'm just going to assume, since you won't tell me, that you're in the same class as him. Sin Count: 68961). He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared (Again, I thought you said he killed himself. Sin Count: 68962)and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. (Hufflepuff abuse not noticed by the teacher. Sin Count: 68963)
"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.
We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic (Gothic. Sin Count: 134499) eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. (This definitel sounds both consensual and mutual. Remember that in a few seconds.)
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle (Finally someone the reader can relate to! I'm not even going to give a sin for that.) who was watching us and so was everyone else.
"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. (You were screwing him too you whore! Ten sins. Sin Count: 134509)
Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.
"NO!" I ran up closer.
"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.
"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" (Tara Gilesbie cuts and pastes the same, damn scene all over again, so in the spirit of not trying, I'll just give the same number of sins I gave last time. Sin Count: 134521) (Also, ten sins for copy and paste. Sin Count: 134531)
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SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 (No Tara. No, she's not supposed to write this. You are. Do your own damned writing. Find someone to proof read it for you afterwards, someone who would maybe tell you 'hey, Tara, you really need to work on your grammar.' Or 'Tara, this story sucks, the plot has more holes in it than a victim of Jack the Ripper.' So no, don't blame your friend because YOUR story sucks. That's all on you. Twenty sins. Sin Count: 134551)
HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I