Once we'd made more stakes than I hoped we'd ever need, and sharpened every weapon, tested the functionality of the crossbow, and otherwise tried to do our best to ensure we'd have a strong fighting chance of taking on vampires during their rampage, Giles pulled out several tomes of vampiric lore and set Ms. Calendar, Xander and myself down to start studying up on William. I mean, Spike.

I did not go into the task with my usual zeal. Truth be told, I purposefully read as slowly as possible, my heart thudding (or at least I imagined it did) with dread every time I glimpsed a name that even started with an 'S'. I didn't want to know what my best friend had become after he'd disappeared.

Because that's what he'd done. He'd managed to turn the tables on me. True, I had drifted away from him first, but only for a few short weeks before I knew that I was doing something wrong, leaving him deserted of yet another friend.

I'd gone back, but he was gone.

And I didn't want to know what had happened in the little over two centuries since I'd last seen him.

I flipped through the vellum pages slowly. Pretending to read while I tried to hammer boards over the door to the room in my mind where I'd been compiling all my memories and feelings on William. He wasn't William anymore, I had to remember that, but it was so hard.

So hard.

Even with the mental boards in place, I couldn't help but wince and stiffen when Giles sat up straighter and said: "There you are!"

"There who is?" Ms. Calendar asked.

"Our new friend Spike." Giles said, sipping leisurely at his tea while I stared at the open book in my lap, wondering if I should leave the room or not.

"He's known as 'William the Bloody'." He said, scanning the pages. I winced again and closed my eyes. So he'd used his real name, for a time at least.

And I shuddered to think how he'd made his old nickname literal.

"'Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes', how pleasant." he continued, every word stabbing me in the stomach even while I tried to brace that door in my mind, but feelings kept seeping out through the cracks in the doorframe.

"Well the good news is he's not even as old as Angel," he said, "which I think Margery mentioned before." He added, glancing up at me. I must have looked ghastly because there was a longer silence before I looked up at him across the study table.

"You all right?" he asked quietly.

I wanted to tell him the truth, but, of course, I lied.

"Fine." I said. I do believe that word has been used as a lie more than any other known to man.

Giles didn't look convinced, but he looked back down at the page and started scanning it again. He stopped short at once sentence.

"Uh-oh." He muttered.

"That's a bad look." Xander said.

"I think you're idea of running away this Saturday might have been a good one," he said, which really concerned me. It wasn't often Giles thought an idea of Xander's was a good one, so whatever he'd just read wasn't good.

"What's wrong, Rupert?" I asked, noticing just how stiff his shoulders were.

"Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century," he explained slowly, "and…he's killed them both."

I frowned deeply and reached for the book Giles was reading.

One Slayer, I might be able to accept, but…two?

I practically yanked the volume out from under Giles' arms and read the page he'd been looking at so intently.

That cold, ice feeling in my stomach returned.

It was true.

William, my William-no, Spike, Spike, dammit- had killed two Slayers. Two.

And now he was coming for Buffy this Saturday.

A strange feeling tickled its way up the back of my neck and I turned towards the library door.

There was this distinctly foreboding feeling hanging in the air, if it wasn't my imagination.

When I heard the shattering glass and shrieks of surprise and panic, I knew it wasn't my imagination. I stood up so quickly I knocked over my chair while everyone looked at me in surprise. They'd heard the cries, but not the shattering glass.

"He's early." I said, my voice thick and choked sounding. I looked at Giles.

"Spike's come early. He's here."

He was here, and Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia were out there with him. And Buffy's mother.

There are moments when one just feels like curling up in a little ball on the floor and saying to hell with responsibilities and life in general.

This was one of those moments.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, I suppose), instinct took over and I found myself bolting out the library doors before I'd even realized I'd moved. Giles and Xander followed right behind, with Ms. Calendar bringing up the rear.

I slid out one of the many stakes I'd tucked into one of the interior pockets on my coat as I burst out into the hall.

All the lights were out, the air was thick with the scent of vampires, and panicked screams and the pounding of frightened hearts filled the area like a battle tattoo. Spike was good at this, he'd panicked the sheep and now they were stampeding, making them vulnerable.

"What the bloody hell?" Giles demanded, sliding to a halt behind me as I turned to see Buffy leading a group of adults through the darkened halls.

"Spike and his army!" she shouted, then looked at something behind us, "Look out!" she yelled.

I immediately spun and just broke into a sprint. Whatever it was, I wanted to get it off its feet as fast as possible.

There was a vampire standing at the exit doors, fangs flashing in the dim light of the emergency exit signs. She started to snarl a challenge me as I flew past Giles and our group, but I interrupted her by hurling myself like a small cannonball right into her chest.

I hurled her back into the doors, which were locked, but I heard a loud cracking sound and knew we'd managed to break on of them.

She let out a guttural shriek of pain as we both collapsed to the floor. I looked back at Buffy and motioned her on.

"Go! Get them out of here!" I screamed, "There'll be more!"

The vampire reached up and grabbed a handful of my hair, which was a big mistake. I hate dirty fighting, and I was in certainly no mood to be trifled with.

As Buffy shouted for everyone to run, I felt my fangs snap down into place and I whirled on the hapless vampire beneath me, my own growl of anger and frustration turning into a high-pitched shriek of pure rage.

The vampire recoiled, surprised, and I stood up before reaching down and grabbing her around the throat.

"You fool," I growled at her as I lifted her up off the ground, she tried to kick out at me and I hurled her into the wall with enough force to break through the drywall.

"You bloody fool," I continued, stalking towards her. She started to get up and I rushed her, for some reason envisioning her as being the vampire responsible for taking away my friend, my William.

I knew she wasn't, the one, she was just a youngling of a vampire, after all, but it didn't matter. She shared the blame for what had happened to him, for what he'd become. And I made sure she paid for it.

Perhaps I went a bit too far.

I stabbed the stake under her chin, and I know it penetrated into the roof of her mouth. She shrieked as black blood poured from her mouth…and I liked it. It felt good, making her suffer, because in my broken mind, she deserved it.

"You," I said, tightening my grip on the stake and starting to lift up on it, she shrieked again, grabbing futilely at my hand as I dragged her up the wall with the stake, the stake piercing deeper the higher she went until her eyes rolled back and she just twitched from the pain.

"You and your kind have taken everything from me," I snarled, fangs snapping with every word as the growl turned my voice into something that wasn't me. I wasn't me. Not then.

At least I hope I wasn't.

"Everything," I repeated, twisting the stake, "you turned me into a monster, took away every chance at love I would ever have, turned me into something I do not wish to be, and then you stole one of the best friends I ever had."

I jerked the stake out and she collapsed into a heap, moaning weakly from the pain. I knelt over her, twisting the stake in my hands so that it pointed at her heart.

"I hope it burns, wherever it is you're going." I growled to her, and then plunged the stake in deep.

She gasped, and turned into dust.

I had no time to celebrate my victory, I could hear more coming, and Giles needed me.

I stood up, shaking from the exertion and rush of emotion I'd felt. I forced my fangs to recede, and then ran for the library doors and pushed my way in.

If they'd seen what I'd just done, they didn't act like it.

"Quickly, barricade the doors." I said, and Xander was quick to comply, immediately grabbing a smaller bookcase to drag in front of the doors.

The lights were still on in the library, but not for long. Almost as soon as we'd managed to build a sturdy defense, the power completely cut out.

"Oh no," Giles murmured, immediately running for the phone, which, of course, didn't work.

"They've cut the phones." He said, slamming it down in frustration.

"Which means help won't be coming for a while." I said, trying not to let my voice tremble too much, though it wanted to.

"And Buffy and the others are still out there," I continued, looking back at the doors, "With Spike."

Maybe I shouldn't have come back in the library?
"Wait a minute," Giles said, moving towards the stack-room, "there's an old, boarded up cellar behind the stacks, we could get out that way." He turned to Xander and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Go get Angel, he knows about Spike, we need him." He said.

"No, I'm not going anywhere until Buffy and Willow are all right." Xander answered. I pointed at the barricade.

"We can't exactly do that from here, now, can we, lad?" I said.

"She's right," Giles snapped, "they won't be safe unless we get some help."

Xander frowned, clearly not happy about it, but he finally turned and ran into the stacks and towards the cellar.

Which left the three of us alone.

Through the barricade, somewhere in the halls, I thought I could hear a voice. I frowned and tilted my head, listening.

"Well now what do we do?" Ms. Calendar asked.

"Shh." I hissed, "I'm listening." She blinked in surprise but both she and Giles were as quiet as they could be, since they couldn't do anything to quiet their wildly beating hearts, and I listened.

It was Spike. Looking for Buffy.

"Slayerrrrr." I could hear him calling, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."

He was taking his time, teasing her, stalking her. And Buffy would take the bait because she knew Willow was still out there as well. And Buffy could never back down from a lure, I'd learned. Almost never, anyway.

She'd go after him, and I couldn't let her do it alone.

I turned and ran up the stairs to the bookshelves, and jumped on top of one in a single leap so I could get up to the ceiling tiles.

"What on earth are you doing?" Giles demanded, catching hold of my pant-leg as I stood atop one of the bookshelves.

"Spike is stalking her," I said, "and you know as well as I that Buffy will face him just to get him to call off the attack. Not to mention the other children are still out there."

"Xander's gone for Angel, we should just wait and-" Giles began but I cut him off by reaching up and removing one of the tiles.

"I'm not waiting while Buffy faces a vampire who's killed two Slayers already. She'll need help, and I can give it."

"Can you?" Giles demanded, making me pause and look down at him.

"You've not acted right since Spike came around," he said, "I know he was your friend but he's not anymore. I don't know if you realize it, though. What if you can't kill him? What if he tricks you into letting him go?"

"He won't." I said, trying to sound as if I believed it. "The demon will pay for corrupting William, and I won't let him kill Buffy."

He hesitated, frowning, then let go of my leg. I squatted and reached down to his shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze. I don't think either of were convinced by my little vow. I certainly wasn't. Giles was perfectly right, even with my boarded up memories, I wasn't convinced that I would be able to kill him.

But at the very least, I would try to keep him from killing Buffy, and if she killed him, then so be it.

So be it.

I stood up and lifted myself up and into the ceiling.

We just had to see what would happen. And hope for the best.