Well, I still haven't quite gotten over the fishnet-induced PTSD I got from "My Immortal," but I really did want to make a Sins chapter for you guys. So, here's some butthurt fanboy nonsense to tide you over until the next chapter of My Immortal. Enjoy.
EVERYTHING
WRONG
WITH
Death Battle! Done Right
(In 12 pages or less)
Chapter 1: Intro and Wizard
Maikou: These two have been going at it for a while now: Killing all of our favorite childhood icons and figures of innocence. (It IS a Death Battle. Someone has to win and sometimes it won't be your favourite characters. Believe it or not, I was cheering for Goku to win his bout with Superman on both occasions, but since Wiz, Boomstick and their team do more research than either of us, I'll take their word for why the FICTIONAL character who won should have won this FICTIONAL fight. Sin Count: 1)
Sai: Boomstick, the trigger happy co-host and source of comedy behind Death Battle.
Maikou: And Wizard, the director and brains behind Death Battle.(Two people who do more research than you or your partner. Deal with it. Sin Count: 2)
Sai: He's Maikou and and I'm Sai Blade.
Maikou: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills-
Sai: The RIGHT way!(So massive amounts of research and digging into fictional history followed by scientific and mathematical calculations and debates are the wrong way? If we went by your logic, all Death Battles would have to be settled by fanboyism, and if you want that you can just watch Super Power Beat Down, where the fans literally vote on who they think should win. Sin Count: 3) (Also, story with absolutely no research behind it shits on several people who dedicate their entire careers to researching fictional characters for no other reason that the entertainment of nerds everywhere. Sin Count: 4)
Maikou: To find out who would win A DEATH BATTLE.
[The Death Battle door slams, then opens to reveal Wizard.]
Maikou: Wizard is the Director and most of the brains behind this twisted slaughterhouse of a show.(Oh the irony. You were probably a fan of this show until he made one too many calls you disagreed with. Sin Count: 5)
Sai: So, if you wanna go there, technically HE'S the murderer of childhood innocence.(Yes, because since Mario lost to Sonic, all your memories of your favourite Mario games are completely gone, vanished into thin air because Ben Singer and his team of researchers disagreed with you. Sin Count: 6)
Maikou: R-right, he is apparently the one who actually chooses which Death Battles will be made into reality and which ones will be left to the imagination.
Sai: Oh, come on! Who DOESN'T want to see Naruto beat the ever-living SHIT out of Black Star?! (Me. Just saying, too much bad North American female voice acting as they try to sound male can kill you. Sin Count: 7) Deathstroke and Ezio!(That's the worst decision ever. Of all time. I'll give you a list of all the reasons this is a bad idea. First of all, Deadpool vs Deathstroke was amazing, and there was never going to be any combination involving either one that was better. Sin Count: 7) (Second, Ezio is from the renaissance, so his arsenal is almost entirely blade based with the addition of a crossbow and single shot pistol. Compare that to Deathstroke's automatic weapons and high tech arsenal and the winner is more obvious than the reason this story exists. Sin count: 8) (Third, two words: healing factor. Deathstroke has one, Ezio doesn't. Sin Count: 9) (Fourth and finally, you might have some idea that Deathstroke would take the honourable path and fight Ezio in a swordfight, but let's not forget that this is a guy who spends his time beating up teenagers. I don't think facing a swordsman with his SMGs is too low for him. Sin Count: 10) (Also, if you think Wiz is the only one who makes the final call on Death Battle, you probably also think that Obama has absolute power in the US. Sin Count: 11)
Maikou: ANYWAY, being the smarter of the two, Wiz is PRESUMABLY a better strategist and better at planning in general than his drunken counterpart.(I don't think you need to make too many presumptions about that. Sin count: 12)
Background: Director of Death Battle
Probably smarter than the average person on the street(Intelligence is relative, but he's definitely a better researcher than the average person on the street. Sin Count: 13) (Also, he's definitely a better researcher than the average fanboy. Sin Count: 14)
Has decent skills with numbers and calculations(Decent, huh? I'd like you to go back and look at any of the videos where Wiz makes large scale calculations and tell me you could come up with an answer of the same magnitude. That's worth more sins than you can probably count. Sin Count: 24)
Sai: He also seems to have a metal arm that I'm guessing makes him stronger than the average human… And if not, he's always got something hard to hit you with. By the way, we're going with their little sprites or whatever from their 2nd Death Battle Q&A.(Maybe do a bit of research on cybernetic arms in sci fi before dismissing it completly. Sin Count: 25) (Also, I love the sheer amount of dismissiveness when you talk about where the sprites are from. Way to show you care about the satire you're attempting. Sin Count: 26)
Metal Arm: Presumably makes him stronger(But we're not sure since we've done no research on cybernetic arms. Sin Count: 27)
Gives him something hard to hit people with(It could have other functions, but f*ck it, we need to make Wiz look as pathetic as possible, right? Sin Count: 28)
Reflective surface: Can look from behind cover with it
Can probably be used to block bullets(We're not sure and we're sure as hell not doing any calculations for it. Don't you guys know, research calculations and debate are the WRONG way to do this.Sin Count: 29)
Maikou: He also seems to have what appears to be some form of cybernetic eye-
Sai: You gotta look close for this one, I almost didn't catch it myself. You can tell because, unlike the other one, it has crosshairs in it.
Maikou: We can assume that this eye can point out weaknesses in his foe and possibly strategic advantages, striking points and maybe pressure points in general.(We still have no idea though. Sin Count: 30)
Cyborg eye: not necessarily an advantage(Except for the advantages we mentioned. Sin Count: 31)
May be able to make stretegies and analyze weak points
Maikou: He is the more calm and level-headed of the two, but he is not perfect.
Sai: As I have proven with my correcting mistakes stories, many of his predictions are actually wrong, a good number of his calculations are off and he tends to overlook crucial details that may tip the balance in the favor of the people who lost, but should have won, such as Ryu's fire dragon or Pikachu's Volt Tackle, which WIZ HIMSELF said strikes with the force of a megaton warhead.(Admittedly, I can't throw stones in Ryu's direction, if they missed an attack that's a mistake. That said, unless it's a hugely powerful game changing attack, does it really make a difference if Ryu has one more projectile? Sin Count: 32) (Also, Wiz and Boomstick DID take the Volt Tackle into account in that fight, but seeing as Blanka is unaffected by electrical attacks, how much damage do you really think it'll do? To put it another way, it's like using Volt Tackle on a Pokemon with the ability Volt Absorb. It doesn't do anything. Sin Count: 33) (Also, would you like to give anymore examples? Maybe tell us just how those examples would have been made different with the addition of the factors you mentioned? No? Alright. Sin Count: 34)
Maikou: Right and even though he does display numbers, he has been shown to actually show bias and have whiny fits about certain things.(Buddy, glass houses. Sin Count: 35) Such as:
Wiz on Michelangelo's choice of weapon:
"The nunchaku isn't even a weapon at all. It's a farming tool for threshing grain. These 'WEAPONS' Are just overcomplicated clubs with the effectiveness of a tattered flyswatter. Yet somehow, Michelangelo has been able to blunder his way through victories he doesn't deserve. Sure, I get it, swinging chuks around gives him momentum to hit stuff with, but in the end, a baseball bat will give you the same effect and more with much less effort. Seriously, who came up with these things?! They're preposterous!"
Sai: Fuck you, Wizard, I'd kick your ass with nunchuks! Break that metal arm off right now, I'll tell you that much!(Yes, you've countered that point SO well with your whining. Let me guess, you watched one too many Bruce Lee movies and now think nunchakus are the greatest melee weapons on the planet. Sin Count: 36) (Also, while claiming to be smarter than someone, it's best to try not to sound like a twelve year old in Call of Duty. Sin Count: 37) (Also, you want a fight, alright. You bring your nunchakus and I'll bring a baseball bat, see what happens. Just so you know, when you're crying in pain after hitting yourself in the face with those things, I will laugh. Sin Count: 38)
Still Wiz on Michelangelo:
"And for some reason, in all his infinite wisdom, the great Master Splinter gave the most COMPLICATED weapon to the RETARD of the group. WHY?"
"Mikey's not gonna win this fight, is he?"
"He BETTER not!"
Sai: Boom! Right there! Obvious bias! I may not like certain characters. But if I'm pitting them in a battle to the death I do them justice and keep my opinion to myself!(Hahahahahahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Sin Count: 39)
Maikou: And the one that makes ME maddest:
Sai: Oh, here we go…(What, you DON'T want to hear more fanboyism? You've been spouting it non-stop since the first line of this story. Sin Count: 40)
Wiz on Pikachu's refusal to evolve:
"Even thought Pikachu has long-since reached his maximum potential, he refuses to evolve into the vastly superior Raichu due to some pretentious excuse of love and acceptance. What a waste of potential, can you imagine how powerful he could be as a Raichu?"
Maikou: SEE?! Pikachu doesn't need to evolve, it's strong enough! It can take down any Raichu it comes across easily.(Yes, but let's be honest here, Pikachu's stats would skyrocket as a Raichu. That's how evolution works. He's reached his maximum potential as a Pikachu, so evolution would make him just that much stronger. Sin Count: 41) (Also, you're saying this like it's some kind of big "gotcha" line to Wiz, but all you're doing is going into a nerd rage of your own. Sin Count: 42)
Sai: … After getting beaten once by said Raichu.
Maikou: Either way! Wiz is an opinionated, whiny baby!(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sin Count: 52)
Sai: And while not exactly arrogant, he is foolish enough to believe that he never once makes a mistake and his WAY too proud of his calculations, which in many cases, he overestimates.(He has every right to be proud of most of those calculations since they're pretty impressive, and you probably couldn't do it either. If you can, prove it to me. Make my day. Sin Count: 53) (Also, you know that Wiz saying he never makes a mistake is him joking, right? I guess sarcasm is a foreign concept to you. Sin Count: 54) (Also, you do know that Wiz isn't the sole arbiter for Death Battle, right. He has a whole team behind him, he's just the guy who puts voice to it. Sin Count: 55)
Weaknesses:
Prone to nerd fits(PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sin Count: 65)
Not as accurate as he likes to believe(Citation needed. Sin Count: 66)
DOES make mistakes(Citation needed. Sin Count 67)
Overestimates his calculations(Because real life math applied to fiction is just preposterous. The "because I say so" method just makes so much more sense! Sin Count: 68)
OFTEN skips over important details(You gave possibly one valid example and didn't even explain it, so I'll have to say this again. Citation needed. Sin Count: 69)
Sai: But still, the fans love his work, wrong or not, so I don't see Death Battle going down the drain any time soon.(He and his team do good work and they do a lot of it, so if the fans can appreciate said work, I don't see why there's a problem with that. Sin Count: 70)
"Well we- I don't make mistakes."
[The Death Battle Door Closes]
Chapter 2: Boomstick(DAM here to take the reins from Zivon for a bit. Oh, boy, a bad DB fanfic, this is rare. Sin Count: 71)
[The Death Battle Door opens to reveal Boomstick]
Sai: Boom stick is the drunken, redneck co-host of Death Battle. Just you're average, everyday, overly-violent redneck… WITH A FRIGGIN' SHOTGUN FOR A LEG!(Kind of like the author writing this, what a coincidence! Sin Count: 72)
Maikou: Indeed, Boomstick usually does the work on the characters offensive abilities and most of the time, although he DOES share this with Wizard, weapons.
Sai: He basically tells you about the ways the characters have to hurt people.(And, completely unlike you weeaboos, he actually puts work into it instead of making a half-assed parody. Sin Count: 73)
Maikou: Considering he apparently either lives in the wilderness or out in the boonies where he must fend for himself, he has significant survival and hunting abilities and probably a decent amount of combat abilities.(Let's just assume one of the two, even though he has access to things like the internet, manga, and video games. Actual research and work is too hard. Sin Count: 74)
Sai: At least more-so than his number-crunching counterpart(Are you going to actually insult him or are you pissy because Pikachu got turned to troll shit and Ryu got his ass handed to him? Sin Count: 75)
Background:
Co-host and violence analyzer for Death Battle
Extreme survival skills(Do we know this for sure? Nope, let's pull it out of our asses since we don't know shit! For all we don't know, he could be a redneck who just likes guns. Sin Count: 76)
Probably has good combat skills(He talks about fighting and USING FUCKING SHOTGUNS all the time! But, then again, we didn't read about him, so let's just be as vague as possible. Sin Count: 77)
He is actively more than willing to hurt people and considering he has 2 double-barreled shotguns, certainly has the means to do so.(Contradictions. Contradictions EVERYWHERE. Sin Count: 78)
Maikou: That's right, Sai, although it can only fire 2 rounds before needing to reload, people can usually carry about 40 to 60 shells for it and when it's empty, as Boomstick probably would, it can be used as a club(WOW! He covered the most basic things in gun history! Let's assume a double barrel has TWO shells but carry up to 60! Meanwhile, at the gun range I go to, if I have a pouch I can only carry 30 max! Seriously, are you even trying? Sin Count: 79)
Sai: In addition, it only takes a total of 6 seconds to reload, depending of course on your coordination and whether or not you're a complete clutz.(But, we'll just assume that again since we've never seen him or anyone else in action, since I've timed Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead and he did it in about half the time. Never speed-reloaded either, mostly because it's dangerous, stupid, and a great way to get your fingers pinched to shit, but I can slam a shell in each chamber in a second casually, no joke. Sin Count: 80)
Maikou: The recoil damage is relatively low, but so is its penetration power.(Are you high or just incredibly stupid? Are you confusing buckshot/slugs with that needle between your legs? Since we've never seen him shoot it, I'll take a page out of your book and half-ass assume. The double-barrels I've shot have a hell of a kick. Trust me, after one full course at the range, I'm done, and if I go twice I'm done for a week. It FUCKING HURTS! Sin Count: 81) (Also, their penetration isn't low unless you're far away. The only reason a buddy of my family's survived being shot, in a complete accident at a rabbit hunt, was because he was 30 yards away and buckshot still got too damn close for comfort to vital vessels/organs. Sin Count: 82)
Sai: But that doesn't matter when you're close enough to blow off limbs like in Robocop. That was some hardcore punishment.(Yay, contradictions! Let me guess, you're about to bitch about Terminator not being able to beat Robocop? Sin Count: 83)
Maikou: True. And it also doesn't matter if your opponent isn't armored.
Sai: And if that's the case, any part of you that gets shot is getting a hole blown into it or blown off.(What happened to shit penetration power? Sin Count: 84)
Double barrel shotgun:
Magazine size: 2 rounds(That's CAPACITY. SIZE usually means what it chambers. 20 gauge, 12 gauge? Seriously, I'm by no means a gun guy but I know more than you! Oh, crap, his bitchy brand of fanboyism is getting to me! Sin Count: 85)
Maximum ammunition: 40-60 rounds(Experience-established bullshit again. Sin Count: 86)
Reload time: 2.65 per shell(WHAT?! This is the biggest contradiction I've seen! AT LEAST make your numbers add up to the horseshit you spread! Sin Count: 96)
Rate of fire: 212 rpm(I'll make this one simple…YOUR MATH DOESN'T EVEN ADD UP! Seriously, middle school algebra here. Let's assume, your favorite thing to do, that after he reloads he fires instantly and reloads again, meaning that's the only thing we account for, and I'll use both times, respectively. If it takes 6 whole seconds, then he's only firing a pathetic 20 shells a minute (since he's firing two). If its 5.3, he gets off 22. Nice try, gg, but you just got your own bias and inaccurate math checked. Sin Count: 106)
Range: 12.5-15 meters
Recoil: medium(Contradiction. Sin Count: 107)
Penetration: small(Already established bullshit and error of mistaking shotgun ammo for your lack of man pride. Sin Count: 108)
Semi-automatic (Break action)(Two COMPLETELY different things. Sin Count: 109)
Sai: I think Wiz is kinda screwed here.(Hey, what happened to all that stuff about him being biased against Michelangelo? You're basically doing the exact same thing. Contradiction! Sin Count: 110)
Maikou: Maybe, but Boomstick is far from being any ultimate fighter. He is usually drunk, or getting himself there, is much less clever than his strategic counterpart and, while we're still on the topic of strategy, he employs absolutely NONE, just like his hero Doomguy.(Wait, you actually used ScrewAttack's word? Wow, not only are you butthurt, but now you're a complete hypocrite! Sin Count: 120)
Sai: And, while it's pretty badass, having a shotgun for a leg probably makes things a little more difficult.(PROBABLY?! Let's see, walking would be a start! Then things like running, jumping, or not sending the TSA into a frenzy at the airport. Goddamn, will you at least TRY to show some effort at research? Sin Count: 121)
Weaknesses:
Seems to be drunk most of the time(Name one time. Sin Count: 122)
Horrible strategist(Examples? Sin Count: 123)
Not as smart as wizard
Shotgun leg makes basic mobility harder(WOW! If only you could vocalize this earlier! Thanks Captain Hindsight! Sin Count: 124)
Maikou: But still, out of the two of them, Boomstick HAS to be the deadliest.(Wow, I wonder who's going to win! OH, you've been bashing Wiz all day and barely even played up Boomstick, it's fairly obvious. Plus, bias again. Sin Count: 125)
Sai: So, who gives a shit? Just let him kill people!(Settle down there, James Holmes. They are supposed to kill EACH OTHER, not innocent civilians. Unless they go after you, then everyone's okay with that because FanFiction wins! Sin Count: 126)
"It's time for a Death BATLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!"
[The Death Battle Doors Close]
Chapter 3: DEATH BATTLE!
Maikou: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all.(What? Why are you breaking this stuff up into chapters anyway? Do you honestly expect people to be so enthralled by your vent that you have to tie them over with small analysis chapters? Sin Count: 127)
Sai: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLLLLLLLEEEEEE that's done the right way!(PFFFFT-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You can't even keep my attention right, you can't do basic math right, and you can't even keep you own bias fanboyism out. Extra sins for lying like Trump. Sin Count: 137)
[The Death Battle Doors close and open to see Boomstick walking through the Screwattack office]
Boomstick was walking into the Death Battle office to finally solve his own personal dilemma of who would win between him and Wizard. He burst through the doors of the office and located his brainy counterpart, taking aim.(Now I can use my own Death Battle-writing style! This intro was utterly boring. Seriously, no build-up, dialogue, or tension whatsoever, just Wiz doing his job and Boomstick goes postal for no reason! Seriously, if you wanted to at least TRY to make fun of them successfully, now would have been the perfect time. You wasted a chance at decent satire and giving me some hope. Sin Count: 147)
FIGHT!
Wiz held up his arm to block and ducked just before Boomstick pulled the trigger, blowing up the stuff Wiz was working on and ricocheting some pellets off of the robot arm as he stayed put behind the desk. He used his metal arm to see around the corner of the desk to see Boomstick slowly approaching and used his robot eye to analyze his opponent.(Alright, more for me to skewer! You said it could probably block, another contradiction! The description and action is incredibly vague and dull, respectively. Also, since they work together, why is Wiz analyzing him? I mean, they see eachother practically every day. Sin Count: 148)
"Subject: Boomstick. Status: Hostile. Weak points: Liver is weak due to alcohol abuse. Left leg has weak balance and stability."(No shit, Sherlock. Sin Count: 149)
Wiz quickly and silently snuck around the desk as Boomstick approach. Turning, the one-legged redneck realized his target was not there. Quickly glancing to the left and right, he saw nothing and was about to continue on. Suddenly, Wiz jumped out from behind him and smashed him in the back of the neck with his metal arm, stunning the larger man and allowing Wiz to kick the shotgun leg, sending him to the ground, face first. Quickly spinning, Boomstick took aim with his gun leg and fired, but, knowing that was coming, Wiz was already prepared and quickly brought his arm up as Boomstick pulled the trigger and deflected the bullets.(Where did he sneak off to? You didn't really paint any sort of a picture here. Also, bullshit! It's called buckshot, or slugs, not bullets, big difference. If it's shot, there's no way his arm is blocking ALL of it. Sin Count: 151)
Quickly, Wiz got back up and tackled Wiz to the ground, smashing the butt of the shotgun into his face, before being punched in the face with the metal arm, knocking him off of his opponent and onto his back. Once again, he aimed his shotgun leg, having dropped the other one, aiming for Wiz's leg, firing and successfully ripping off a bit of flesh from his leg, stopping the director of Death Battle in his tracks.(Is this some sort of reference to inner conflict or are you giving up on this like we all have? Why are there two Wiz's and why does one have shotguns? The action is now shifting from meh to so abrupt it's equally as boring. PAINT A PICTURE, use your imagination, be creative. I can't stand when people are incredibly vague or just shoot from point A to C without any sort of buildup. Extra sins. Sin Count: 162.)
He fell holding his leg as Wiz went for his discarded shotgun, but Wiz quickly grabbed his leg and pulled him back a bit, punching him in the small of his back. This momentarily stunned him, allowing Wiz to try and reach for the shotgun himself, But Boomstick quickly brought his head up and smashed Wiz in the jaw, causing him to stagger back, then he kicked him in the stomach with his shotgun leg, knocking him to the ground and allowing him to grab the shotgun. Wiz looked up just in time to see the barrel of the shotgun in his face.(Why is Wiz going for the shotgun? Isn't he wounded? You can't even keep basic continuity at this rate, it's just sad. How do you honestly think you can do Death Battle right when you can't even get basic progression and continuity right? Sin Count: 172)
"So long, buddy." Boomstick said, pulling the trigger, blasting Wiz's brains out of his head.(BOO! BOOOOOOOOO! Absolutely way too short, barely any sort of a back and forth, barely showed any of your "research", and overall had no real tension or "who's gonna win" hype. 20 sins. Sin Count: 192)
K.O!
Sai: Sad as it is, all friendships must inevitably come to an end.(Not that you have any friends. Sin Count: 193)
Maikou: Wiz was smarter and could certainly outsmart Boomstick, but after living out in the woods and fending for himself on ridiculous meals he has to hunt down on his own.(One: I'm pretty sure Wiz's ability to assess weaknesses is a big advantage in this. Just break his hand and make him miss his shots, then you've basically won. Two: Where did you get this whole thing about ridiculous meals and what does it have to do with this? Three: Hunting is FAR different than fighting and killing a human. Sin Count: 196)
Sai: Just like Blanka!(No, nothing at all like Blanka. Again, you ASSUME, you don't KNOW anything aside from terrible battles and worse analysis. Sin Count: 197)
Maikou: He was tougher and has more experience than Wiz and his superior arsenal ultimately triumphed.(Well, when you give Wiz absolutely no weapons, the ones that could have been you completely downplayed, and underestimate him at every turn, I wonder why? Sin Count: 198)
Sai: This fight was a blast!(No, it wasn't, it was utterly painful to read. Sin Count: 199)
Maikou: The winner is Boomstick.(The loser is everyone who read this. Sin Count: 200)
Sai: Next time on Death Battle (Which will be by Maikou).(I hope to God he does a better job that you. Sin Count: 201)
Mewtwo vs. Frieza(Why is this one so wanted? Not only will you make it suck, generalize, assume, and otherwise bungle the entire process, it's really a pointless match at this rate. Sin Count: 202)
Back to Zivon for a BONUS ROUND:
Fanboy whining (Double sins for every instance of the author acting like a whiny child)
Killing all of our favorite childhood icons and figures of innocence. (203)
HE'S the murderer of childhood innocence (207)
Oh, come on! Who DOESN'T want to see Naruto beat the ever-living SHIT out of Black Star?! Deathstroke and Ezio! (215)
By the way, we're going with their little sprites or whatever from their 2nd Death Battle Q&A (231)
Pikachu's Volt Tackle, which WIZ HIMSELF said strikes with the force of a megaton warhead (263)
Fuck you, Wizard, I'd kick your ass with nunchuks! Break that metal arm off right now, I'll tell you that much! (327)
Right there! Obvious bias! I may not like certain characters. But if I'm pitting them in a battle to the death I do them justice and keep my opinion to myself!(455)
SEE?! Pikachu doesn't need to evolve, it's strong enough! It can take down any Raichu it comes across easily (711)
Either way! Wiz is an opinionated, whiny baby! (1223)
still, the fans love his work, wrong or not, so I don't see Death Battle going down the drain any time soon (2247)
So, who gives a shit? Just let him kill people (4295)
DAM's RANT: First and foremost, I have to say this: by no means to think I am anywhere close to being the best Death Battle writer. That said, I have a job to do. This utterly, flat-out, undeniably sucked the biggest of ones. You were incredibly bias through the whole process, you fanboy raged like a 12 year old with a sandy vagina the whole way through, and made the most horrid of assumptions it ruined it from the get-go. At the very least, TRY, just TRY to make it appear as though you put effort into this. Sure, you may hate them, but if you want to wrangle in the readers, at least make it worth reading. The only thing you've done is made yourself look like a butthurt kid who deserves only ridicule and ignorance of his story. You can't get basic math right nor can you stick to one thing, how can you even have the gall to say you did this right? Sure, go ahead, disagree with ScrewAttack, but you better damn-well sure know full-well that you owe them some debt of gratitude. If it was not for them, you wouldn't be writing this atrocious mess (which would be good, but then again, no Death Battle). You sat there on your little soap box and preached, preached, preached, but at the end of it all you showed your true colors: you're a whiny hypocrite. You talk about Wiz being bias and wrong the whole time, but you only proved that with the more you talked. Then you have the audacity to act so smug on yourself that you can say you did this right? That you're better because you and your imaginary friend made this. Are you kidding me? Let's get one thing straight, Ben is not the SOLE person behind this. He takes the on-screen credit but, behind the scenes, is a group of hard-working individuals, far smarter than you'll ever be, putting real-life science to this and finding the real-life winner. It's absolutely insulting that you think you're better than a group of about a dozen people who work hard to put out great content and earn a day's pay. This is why I hate people like you, just because you think you know a character, you automatically think they are the best and they can't lose. And, when you see their flaws and that they can be beat, you shift gears into that child deep inside those adipose rolls of the basement-dwelling neck beard I know you to be. To sum it up best, you're the epitome of a terrible person. Not just because I don't like your story, but I can use context clues, close reading, and theory of mind to come to that conclusion as FACT, not assumption. I may sound like I'm raging myself and I may be, but that's because you are so grossly out of line it had to be taken care of.
Zivon's Words of Wisdom: I think we all know why this exists. It doesn't necessarily SAY it, but if one goes to another one of this author's stories, namely his "Character Breakdowns," which essentially boils down to the poor man's fan wiki, he makes it abundantly clear with his "breakdowns" of two very specific characters. The first one he treats with absolute disdain, downplaying his powers and abilities and basically whining about him the entire time. The second is given a longer chapter than any other one, and is described with breathless enthusiasm, making it abundantly clear exactly why this author chose to write this story. Do I have to explain who those characters are? Well, for those of you who couldn't guess based on my description, they are, of course, Superman and Goku respectively. The only thing that really surprises me is that this guy has written other pieces where he "corrects" the Screwattack team, but out of all the "corrections" (see, whiny rage) he's made, that particular fight hasn't been covered yet. My theory, either he's saving it for a big "gotcha" moment, or he can't think of any legitimate reasons to make it yet. Either way, if he does "correct" that fight, expect to see it here while I laugh about it. Now, onto the sentencing. Since this guy seems to think the math Screwattack does is so easy, I have a perfect idea!
STORY SIN TALLY: 4295
SENTENCE:...
A Math Test
(Re-do all of Wiz's calculations as well as mine for the bonus round)