Unfinished Business, Unresolved Feelings chapter 17

"Have you ever known me to run from a confrontation with you", Lee asked in a measured voice as he looked down pointedly at where his uncle was still grasping his arm. "If I give you the explanation you're demanding; you may be hurt by what you find out. I didn't come here to hurt you. I think that we've spent way too much time hurting each other over the years."

"It's too late now to worry about the fallout from whatever you've discovered about your parents", The Colonel responded as he released his grip on Lee's arm. "Don't you think that I can find out whatever you've found out about them? It might take me longer, but I've got some connections in your world, and I'll use them if I have to. Why don't you save me the time and trouble by just telling me now?

"Alright, I'll give you your explanation but first we should put this food away. I don't think either one of us has much of an appetite right now", Lee said as he began to wrap up the cheese he had been dicing earlier.

"Stop stalling", the Colonel barked at him.

"I'm not stalling; I'm trying to figure out where to start", Lee responded while he continued putting the lunch fixings away while his uncle remained standing at the entrance to the kitchen. There's no good way to tell someone something that's going to disillusion them about someone they had so much respect for.

"You could start by telling me what possessed you to investigate your own parents", the Colonel replied as he gave into Lee's wishes and helped him put the last of the food in the refrigerator.

"I didn't set out to investigate them per say. I was investigating the accusations that had been made against them in the months leading up to their deaths. I wanted to clear their names."

"They were buried at Arlington with full honors. That wouldn't have happened if they had been in any trouble. Your father's reputation was impeccable", the Colonel defended as he moved close enough to Lee to be just outside of his personal space.

"I'd always believed that too when I was growing up." Lee stepped back a few inches in hopes of reducing the increasing tension in the room. "I grew up wanting to follow in his footsteps. Why do you think I was so eager to get into Army Intelligence after I graduated from college?"

"I was surprised at the time. You hated the military life when you were with me and then you went and signed up. It took me a while to realize that it was a part of your plan to follow in Matt's footsteps", The Colonel said with an unreadable expression on his face. "Let's take this talk into the living room", he urged leading the way.

"Yeah, that had been my plan", Lee said as he followed his uncle into the other room. "When my tour of duty was almost up I decided it was time for the next step; I wanted to go into civilian intelligence just like he had", Lee continued as he flopped down on the chair opposite the sofa where his uncle had settled.

"Is there a point to this reminiscence? I'm still waiting for my explanation", the Colonel said irritably.

"I'm getting there. I told you this wouldn't be easy to explain", Lee replied with a sigh. "I applied to the CIA and the FBI. I scored very well on the entrance exams, had no trouble with the physical trials and I thought that the interviews went well. I was invited back for a second interview by the CIA; I was in the running for a specific position. I waited and waited for a call or letter telling me the job was mine. While I was waiting I was working as part of a group of Army Intelligence officers who were assigned to work with a civilian intelligence operative. His name was Harry Thornton and we hit it off right away. When the assignment ended he offered me a job with the covert government organization that he had founded. I was flattered but I had my heart set on the CIA so I politely turned down his offer"

"You do remember that I'm not a patient man, don't you", the Colonel interrupted.

"Yes, I remember that all too well. I'm closing in on the explanation that you asked for. When I turned Harry's offer down he responded by telling me that his offer was the best offer that I was going to get. I was angry and insulted and I let him know it in no uncertain terms."

"That I can believe", the Colonel interjected.

"Harry let me carry on for a while and when my temper had cooled he sat me down and asked me if I thought that I was man enough to handle an unpleasant truth that I wouldn't be able to do anything about. I said yes without even thinking it over. Harry told me that even though I was eminently qualified for the CIA job I'd never get it because of things in my parents' past. I was every bit as angry then as you are now but I trusted Harry. I defended my parents and demanded to know what they had been accused of. He told me that their files were classified and that I'd be better off letting it go and taking him up on his offer. Harry was the Agency's founder and I've never regretted taking him up on his job offer. He's been a very good friend to me over the years."

"You've lost me. If you trust Harry and took his advice to leave any questions about your parents actions in the past why are you here now accusing them of not being who you thought they were?"

Lee stood up and began to pace back and forth across the relatively small living room. His uncle silently watched him pace knowing that he couldn't rush his explanation of what happened next. "My life has changed so much lately, I've changed, I think for the better. I don't want to grow old all alone", Lee blurted and then looked uncomfortably at his uncle. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. I made my choices over the years and I have to live with the consequences. It's not too late for you. You love Amanda and she loves you; I'm sure of it. You have a chance to have a full life: don't screw it up!"

"I'm trying not to screw it up. I've been thinking about the past a lot lately. If I'm going to have a fighting chance to build a future with Amanda I have to let go of all the old hurts and disappointments. The more I thought about my parents the more convinced I became that I couldn't let go of all the grief I'd buried inside until I cleared their names."

"So when you started to dig into the past you found things that you didn't like. Is that what's brought you here", the Colonel asked sadly.

Lee abruptly stopped pacing and turned to face his uncle. "They weren't who I thought they were but than neither are you. I'm starting to understand so much now that I didn't before."