Unfinished Business, Unresolved Feelings, chapter 18
Lee abruptly stopped pacing and turned to face his uncle. "They weren't who I thought they were but than neither are you. I'm starting to understand so much now that I didn't before."
"You shouldn't expect to see your parents or me the same way now that you did when you were a small child. That doesn't mean that any of us deceived you; it's just that your perspective has changed", the Colonel argued.
"I know that I shouldn't be judging them based only on my memories of them. Hell, they've been gone for so long that sometimes I'm not sure what I actually remember and what's based on all the dreams I've had about them over the years", Lee concluded quietly.
"If you're acknowledging that you aren't sure of your memories than why are you so insistent that they deceived you", The Colonel asked as he was desperately trying to understand why Lee was so angry.
"They didn't just deceive me. They deceived you, and Grandma, and everyone that was close to them. I have CIA documents that prove it. While I was trying to clear their names I found a journal that my mother had been keeping. Boy, was that an eye opener. There were several passages that related to you. In all the years that I lived with you why didn't you ever tell me about Laura?"
"Leave her out of this", the Colonel yelled as he quickly rose from the sofa and then sunk back down just as quickly.
"Sir, are you alright", Lee asked as he rushed to his uncle's side. "I'm sorry. This conversation has gotten way out of hand. We don't need to talk about this anymore."
"You started this and I intend to see it through. I'll tell you about Laura, she was the only woman I ever loved, and I walked away from her for what I thought was a very valid reason. We'd fallen in love and were discussing marriage. Laura wanted to start a family as soon as we got married. It was during the Korean War and I knew I was about to be deployed there. I told Laura that I wasn't willing to start a family until I got home safely. I knew what being a widowed mother of a young child had done to my mother; I didn't want to risk having that happen to Laura. We fought over it and ultimately went our separate ways. Your parents thought I was a fool for not being willing to take more risks in life."
"That doesn't surprise me at all", Lee said as he once again sat down opposite his uncle. "They took all sorts of unnecessary risks and left you to deal with the repercussions of their actions. They allowed you to promise to take care of me if anything ever happened to them."
"Why shouldn't they have asked me to care for you if it became necessary?"
"They should have let you know how many risks they were BOTH taking before they asked you to make that commitment. That was the very least that they owed you."
"What kind of risks was Jenny taking? She was a wife and mother; leading a quiet life", the Colonel asked.
"She was a wife, a mother and an agent. That's right; she was an agent both before and after they got married."
"Okay, you've made your point. There was a lot that they weren't honest with me about. I still don't understand how you can blame them for their own deaths. They had so much to live for", the Colonel stated as he was trying to assimilate all that Lee had told him. "I can't believe that they put all of our futures on the line so that they could pursue their careers."
"I wish that it weren't true but it is. They were investigating a very ruthless man and he found out that they were on to him. He started to circulate false accusations against them in order to discredit them and derail their investigation of him. Instead of working within the system to pursue him with full CIA backup they took him on alone. They arranged to meet with him to discuss the evidence that they had against him. The meeting turned out to be a trap. He arranged 'the accident' that killed them and he was a free man until a few days ago."
"So you put him behind bars. I'm proud of you and I'm sure your parents would be too."
"There's no reason to be proud of me. I took a page out of my parents' playbook and allowed this case to consume me. I wasn't thinking clearly and I refused to listen to any of the people around me when they tried to get me to behave reasonably. I wound up in a situation where if I hadn't killed him he would have killed me. If Amanda hadn't followed me when I went to confront him I'd be dead now. I could have gotten her killed too and then it would be her boys who'd be growing up without a mother. I'm just as self absorbed as my parents were. As much as I wanted to build a life with Amanda I don't think I deserve to be with her", Lee confessed in a broken voice.
"Just when I thought that you'd finally grown up you start acting like a jackass again", the Colonel yelled at a stunned Lee.