August 3rd, 1927 ~

Anna and I awoke to the sounds of screaming this morning. We both shot out of bed and ran downstairs to find Will in the kitchen trying frantically to fish Goldie from her bowl…a very dead Goldie.

Poor Will was heart-broken. Between sobs he told us he woke up early remembering he hadn't fed Goldie the day before. He hurried to the kitchen to do it, but he was too late and now he thought he'd starved his fish to death.

That couldn't have been further from the truth. Goldie died from gluttony pure and simple and we all had a part in killing her. You see, unbeknownst to either of us, Anna and I were both thinking Will was forgetting to feed the fish because the food box never looked moved. I know, we should have communicated that to each other, but we have been rather busy lately. So Goldie ended up eating a goodly amount twice every day and three times when William remembered. Alas poor Goldie…

Once Will calmed down a bit he asked, between sniffles, if we could hold a burial in the garden for the fish. Anna and I exchanged glances. We both knew there was a good chance Jack, or maybe even Charlie, longing for a fish dinner, would dig Goldie up. We didn't want Will coming upon that scene, so I suggested a burial at sea. Will looked confused until I explained that the souls of all goldfish long to return to the sea and our toilet was a direct route. William nodded his head knowingly. That made perfect sense to him.

So, it was decided. This evening we will hold a solemn farewell ceremony for Goldie the Goldfish. I've been instructed to write a few words to be read at the funeral. William seemed very satisfied, in fact he seemed almost excited by the idea. That, and the fact that Anna promised him a replacement pet… Someone just walked up to the front desk. Need to run.

~ John Bates

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From his place on the settee, William was waiting impatiently for his parents to finish tending to his new little sisters. He was sad. Long face, teary eyes, glancing sorrowfully to the white cloth in his hands. The cloth where the body of his beloved fish rested, now at peace from a short life of feasting.

'Alright, son…let's do the…' John looked over at Anna, '… funeral. Goldie's funeral.'

The young boy nodded silently, as he rose from his seat. He walked toward his parents like it took all the strength had left his in his little legs, sighing as he did so. When he reached the bathroom he looked heavily at the toilet.

Anna and John were behind him, not knowing exactly what to do but hoping the babies wouldn't interrupt this solemn moment with their cries. Jack stood in the doorway, a respectful mourner. Charlie chose to remain on the kitchen window sill. He couldn't have cared less.

'Throw Goldie in and flush…um, she'll find her way to the sea…' John tried to cheer the boy up, but William had so much more in mind than a simple send off. So, he looked at his father with serious eyes, before informing him of the proper way to perform a fish funeral.

'No Dad, we hafta have a moment of silence and say some words first. I know 'cause I've been talking to Sam 'bout this…Goldie was a member of our family,' the boy told him, sounding almost offended.

'Oh yes…yes, that first,' John smiled, pretending that his son's plan made complete sense and in a way it did.

William then faced the toilet, unwrapping Goldie from her shroud, which was no more than an old kitchen cloth. He held the dead body in his hands. Taking a deep breath, Will paused for a a moment of respectful silence. His parents tried their best to put on their mourning faces, but that only made this situation even more awkward for them.

Anna was still, her hands clasped and resting in front of her body and her eyes on the floor. John's arms were folded over his chest as he bit his upper lip and looked around the bathroom. Then, her eyes meet his and he almost choked on a snicker, trying his best not to make any sound.

'Goldie,' the boy began and their attention was again focused on their son as he professed the last vows on the poor fish's life. 'You were a friend and a pet, and the best goldfish from all goldfishes ever. I hope you find your way to fish heaven in the sea…we will never forget you,' the boy said, his bottom lip quivering as he finished his speech and turn to his father with a questioning look on his face. 'Did you write your words?'

Anna and John glanced at each other, a look of realisation on their faces.

'We…we don't need to write them down…' Anna tried her best to redeem the situation. 'It's better when we say it from our hearts…in the moment.' She gave her son a tiny smile, causing Will to think his mother was really a beautiful and emotional soul.

'You're right,' William replied. 'You first mum.'

Anna cleared her throat, before beginning. 'Goldie…' she heard John suppressing a chuckle and she wanted to smack him more than ever in that moment. If he made her laugh… 'You were with us for such a short time but…you changed our lives forever…we will all miss you and may you rest in peace.' When she finished her ears were as red as her husband's face. 'Now you, John.' She shot him a look.

He hesitate and cleared his throat. 'Goldie, my dear friend…I will miss all those times you tapped the glass begging for food, even though you had already eaten several times that day… I failed you, Goldie. God knows that I should have been stronger and I should have known better than to give into your demands but…I've always been soft on you, Goldie and I didn't have the courage to walk away… I hope you have a happy afterlife in that immense sea to which you're going. You will be missed.'

Anna stared at him in shocked approval. William nodded somberly. Goldie lay cold and dry in the boy's hand…and with that, a final, first and only kiss was placed on Goldie's forehead before William gently floated her in the toilet, watching her sink to the bottom.

He turned to Anna, 'Will you flush, Mum? I don't want to do it…I don't want to watch,' the boy said, tugging at her skirt and closing his eyes tightly.

Anna did what had to be done. She caressed his head afterwards, and placed a loud kiss on his cheek, telling him how beautifully he had handled everything and how Goldie's soul would never forget this moment.

William heard his dad sniff and caught him wiping a tear from his cheek. He walked over to his father and taking his big hands in his little ones he said, 'Don't cry, Daddy…Goldie was always too hungry and always tapping on the glass…it wasn't your fault. Don't feel bad.'

John nodded seriously at his son as the boy turned and walked mournfully toward his room.

'Were you really that sad about Goldie? You were trying so hard not to laugh!' Anna asked him, when they were alone.

'It's a fish, Anna. Or was…I was just trying to be respectful of Will's feelings.'

'Oh my…I once said you should stand for parliament but maybe you should be an actor if you can produce tears on demand!'

'An actor? Do you really think so?' John asked teasingly.

'You would break more hearts than Rudolph Valentino, that's for sure!' she chuckled.

'Come here,' he growled and with that, John swept her into his arms for a very passionate, very Valentino-like kiss.

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What an eventful day! Our poor Goldie died as you already know, and we held a funeral, a burial at sea, as John called it, in our bathroom…poor little William. He was so sad, my darling boy. We said some words and had a moment of silence before flushing the fish down the toilet. Honestly, I am sad too, sad for William. It's the first death he's ever experienced. Poor babe. Maybe we will get another fish one day, and we will make sure that we don't overfeed it!

Speaking of feeding, it seems like I've been feeding these girls every few minutes. Finn and Fee are a bit better about their crying but they still wake up two or three times every night. And oh my, nappies! I don't have enough hands for all that washing. Thankfully, Sarah and Daisy are helping with that, bless their kind souls. And of course John is doing such a wonderful job. When he's home he changes one when I'm feeding the other, and tries to calm her down, and then we'll swap babies. I seriously don't know how I would cope without him. Sometimes he spends hours just staring at them. It's such a sweet thing to see.

And it's almost time the feed them, again. John has already bathed William and they're now planning a little story session with some of the books Lady Mary brought. I'm going to go join them until Finn and Fee put an end to the peace and quiet.

~ Anna Bates

Journal entries are written by handy for the bus & terriejane.

We'd like to thank the lovely annamays (aka fuzzydream) for being our beta.