Unfinished Business, Unresolved Feelings chapter 28
"Thank you for taking care of Lee for me. You have no idea what he means to me", Amanda said as she reached out and hugged her mother. Dotty briefly accepted the hug but then pulled back to face her daughter.
"You're right, Amanda, I don't know what Lee means to you. Did you ever intend to tell me about him?" The hurt and anger that Dotty was feeling were evident in her voice and on her face.
"Oh Mother, I can see that you're upset." Amanda reached out to take Dotty's hand in hopes of closing the physical and emotional distance between them but Dotty rebuffed her attempt by stepping back further. "I don't know what possessed Lee to come here and talk to you about our…just because we had a …oh that man; he just makes me-", Amanda sputtered and then went silent and looked down at the grass.
"He makes you feel more alive than you've felt in years. You love him more-"
"Mother, you don't-", Amanda tried to interrupt her mother.
"Don't interrupt me, you've put off this conversation for too long already, I've tried to be patient but now I'm going to speak my mind."
"When haven't you spoken your mind", Amanda fired back as the stress of the past several days caused her to speak to her mother in a way that she normally wouldn't.
"I've kept my feelings to myself for the past few years while you've come and gone at all sorts of crazy hours. You've offered me ridiculous excuses or no explanations at all while I stayed put and took care of your sons and kept your home running."
"Mother, I-", Amanda stopped as Dotty waved her hand at her indicating that she had more to say.
"I'm not complaining about caring for the boys and the house, heaven knows I love you all. I was so lonely after we lost your father. You needed help after Joe left and I was glad to be able to step in and do what I could. I realize now that I shouldn't have pushed you to marry Dean; I wanted what I thought would be best for you and the boys."
"I never loved Dean. I was comfortable with him and he would have taken good care of the boys and me but deep down inside I knew that I wanted more out of life than that. Dean's a good man and he deserves to have a wife who truly loves him; I hope he finds someone special. I shouldn't have let that relationship drag on for so long; it wasn't fair to Dean", Amanda confessed.
"You didn't hurt Dean intentionally; I don't think that you would hurt anyone intentionally. You were newly divorced and you were focusing all your energy on doing what you thought would be best for the boys. You deserve to be loved and the boys deserve a home with two live in parents", Dotty said as she briefly touched Amanda's arm.
"With you here the boys have the next best thing. You're terrific with them. They love you so much.
"You know how much I love them but you need to admit to yourself that a grandmother can't take a father's place in the boys' lives. Joe's been trying since he came back from Africa but his sons will never be his top priority. They need a man in their lives who will put their needs first", Dotty said as she thought of the man napping in the house.
"I suppose you've decided that Lee is that man. I don't know what he said to you; he shouldn't have been talking to you at all. When he wakes up-"
"When he wakes up I suggest that you listen to whatever he came here to say to YOU", Dotty admonished.
"Lee came here to talk to me", Amanda asked as she began to realize that she'd let her emotions get in the way of her common sense.
"He certainly didn't come here to talk to me. You've made it clear to him that you don't want to introduce him to your family. When I caught Lee out here he didn't want to answer my questions. I told him that I thought that you two had had a fight, but he said that it was a misunderstanding, and he took the blame for it. I wanted to ask him more questions but he told me that he thought that you wouldn't want me to get to know him. Lee said that he isn't the kind of man that you would want to introduce to your mother."
"If Lee refused to answer your questions how did you end up talking to him about his childhood?" How did she get him to discuss the details of his childhood? It took me months to get him to tell me anything about his childhood.
"After waiting such a long time to get to know your mystery man I wasn't going to let my chance slip away so I struck up a deal with him", Dotty told Amanda proudly.
"A deal", Amanda asked curiously.
"Yes, dear, I wouldn't ask him anything about his relationship with you if he would tell me about his life before he met you", Dotty explained. After listening to her mother's answer Amanda became lost in her own thoughts.
I've been frustrated by Lee's tendency to move two steps forward and one step back in our relationship but maybe I've been the one doing that lately. Have I been sending Lee mixed signals? Everything seemed to be going well until this Blackthorne mess came up. Why did Lee decide to look into his parents' past; he's certainly had the opportunity to do so before but he didn't do it until now. Amanda's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the backdoor opening.