A/N- Chapter 29, and part three of the proposal, which means it's the very last chapter before we finally get to see Derek down on one knee! As usual thank you so much to those who review and add me to their alerts, particularly the regular reviewers. I know I promise to reply but in my defence I had a big piece of work to finish this week and it literally ate up all my time until now.
Disclaimer- If I owned Grey's, Cristina would be nice, the interns wouldn't exist, and Meredith and Derek would not end the episode fighting!
Derek spotted Meredith at his door, blowing him a kiss, and he grinned. By the looks of things she was on the way to their exam room, which put her exactly on schedule for where he wanted her later. He'd already spoken to Joe twice, who had assured him that everything was going to plan down at the bar too. Everything had arrived and they were in the process of transforming the bar into Meredith's personal wonderland. Derek had been nervous when they got to work, nervous that she wouldn't take it seriously, use it as a way to slack off and spend the day with Cristina, but by the looks of things she was actually enjoying it. He'd spoken to George and Mark and Lexie and they'd all said she was into it, she seemed to be taking seriously enough to commit to it until the end. He was excited to think that by the end of the day, she could be his fiancée. She could be his future wife. He could actually be getting his lifetime together with her. He had a while before he had to be at Joe's, Izzie and Mark were doing most of the setting up but he wanted to be there to help with the finishing touches once he was sure that Meredith would eventually be joining him. He got up from his chair and made to follow her before stopping himself. She'd get suspicious if he turned up everywhere just as she was. He stopped halfway across the bridge as she walked through the double doors at the end. He pulled the ring out of his pocket for one last look. To check for the hundredth time that it had been just like the picture she'd drawn with Izzie and their patient. It was still perfect. It was still something he wanted to see her wear every day for the rest of their lives. And it was still something that he wanted to be handed down to his children and grandchildren just as it had done for generations of Shepherd's. He snapped out of it at the sound of his name being called.
"Shepherd, you spent the past month making sure that girl doesn't get wind of your plan, are you trying to ruin it all right at the last minute by her catching you here in the halls with that thing." Bailey scolded him. "Now put it away. You have done everything you can, you just have to let her finish up here, and remember just how much she loves you and she will find you and she will say yes in a heartbeat. Don't tell me you're having second thoughts, cause if you break that girl's heart I'm gonna…"
"I'm not having second thoughts." He interrupted her. "I just can't wait to see her later, and put this on her finger and just spend the rest of my life with her."
"Well that's one thing you don't have to worry about. That girl isn't going anywhere. She's running halfway around Seattle because of you today, and you know the only reason she isn't cursing away and refusing to do it is because she gets to think about you. All day, and she gets to remember how Mcdreamy you've been to her over the last couple of years. She gets to remember why she started breathing again. She wouldn't do that if she wasn't in it for the long haul. I know this girl and she doesn't love easily. Don't forget that shepherd. She changed a lot for you, put up with all your crap, you gotta do the same for her. Now go before you make me go all sentimental. It's bad enough you're infecting the entire surgical staff with your mushy happiness today. Go make yourself useful somewhere. You'll be told when it's time to go." She walked away from him, satisfied that her message had been understood. She looked at him over her shoulder. "Good luck shepherd."
Meredith peeked into the window of the exam room, finding it empty, she went inside. There on the bed was her next envelope, and another rose. She picked them up, ready to walk away, when she remembered that the last note had said to look on the floor. She checked one side of the bed then the other before spotting a little blue bag at the head of the bed. Tiffany. Eyes wide, she pulled out the box that was inside, and a beautiful green blue pendant stared back at her. It matched her eyes almost perfectly, and it sparkled in the harsh exam room light, reflecting onto the walls like stars, or waves in the ocean. She checked the label on the bag for a name, a hint at who it was from, but all it said was
Wear this with your shoes and your panties.
She frowned, genuinely unsure of who could've taken the effort to buy her gifts. Derek had obviously arranged the lingerie, but he knew squat about shoes and jewellery, so they couldn't have been from him. She couldn't see why the chief would buy her Tiffany, or her friends, and there wasn't an occasion for Derek to be enlisting her friends to help him when buy her jewellery. She picked up the bag anyway, and laying her flowers on the bed she looked into her next envelope.
You got into some scrapes as interns, but none quite as terrifying for the entire hospital as when you put your hand in a body cavity to pull out live ammo. But be quick, there are surgeries that need to be performed.
The OR, it couldn't be anywhere else. She shuddered at the thought of what she'd seen that day. Pink mist is truly terrifying thing to see, especially when minutes before that could've been you. She glanced at the board seeing that the OR was free, and she quickly scrubbed, leaving her gifts and lab coat at the back of the scrub room before she walked through the doors into the empty room. Or the room she thought was empty until Alex jumped up off of the draped bed making her scream and jump right up off of the ground. Her heart raced as she saw it was only Alex, hitting him with her tiny ineffectual fists as he walked towards her.
"Your face mer." He chuckled handing her some greenery to add to her bouquet.
"So not funny Alex." She scolded him "remember whose house you live in"
"Oh, lighten up, it was just a joke. If I had to be part of this goose chase I at least wanted to have a little fun with it."
"What goose chase?" she said feigning confusion.
"Oh gimme a break, I'm saying nothing. They'd have my neck if I spilled. Take your little envelope and finish this whole thing, then I can go back to winding you up without fear of public stoning." Meredith laughed following him back to the scrub room and handing him a soap package.
"Aww, so you do care deep down in that hollow chest of yours." She teased, pulling on her lab coat and adjusting her bouquet as both she and Alex left the scrub room.
"Good luck" he said to her as he walked in the opposite direction she did. Meredith found herself a seat and sat down with her next envelope, placing the last in the pocket of her lab coat with the others. She made her way away from the ORs and found a seat in the waiting area. The contents of the envelope were again similar, she got the feeling she wasn't anywhere near done yet. Alex was right, this was a goose chase. She pulled out the paper and scanned it for her next destination.
You had some tricky days as an intern, but you learnt a lot in making mistakes. There was only one place to run when you were faced with the first time you had to assist in the death of a patient, and only one person you needed there. Find your special place, I imagine it still brings some comfort…
Now she was being sent to a supply closet. Meredith felt like she'd spent her entire day going to the parts of the hospital least visited. What was next the tunnels for a game of cards with Cristina? The card was right though, that day she needed Derek, she wasn't supposed to want him, and he wasn't supposed to want to help her, but of course he did, he loved her whether it was right or not. It was always the little things with him, the right words when she couldn't find them. The way he held her when she was scared and kissed her when he was proud. He made her feel safe every day, loved and accepted even when she was freaking out about nothing. She was glad when she reached the supply closet, the space did comfort her somewhat, and it seemed like no mistake that her next envelope was sat on top of the vomit bags. The exact same ones that she had to breathe into when she hyperventilated over the demise of her patient. Someone had really thought about all this, and it made her smile that people had helped her keep going. Meredith Grey was no longer alone. She had people. Not just person. She ripped open the envelope, tucking the thick grass into her bouquet. This card had just a few words on it, but they were enough, as Meredith ran back towards the scrub room the only thing that danced around her head was:
Pick me. Choose me. Love me.
She'd hated herself for saying it, and almost instantly regretted leaving herself in such a vulnerable position, especially when she was so hurt by it. She wished he'd made the right choice sooner, and on his own, but love didn't work like that you had to hit the road bumps, the ex-wives and the vets and kisses with colleagues you don't really love. She hated that it had been such a big thing for her to say it, admitting that she needed him to be there. That was brave for her, the anti-Meredith, but he'd made her that way, he made her brave, he made it okay to have fear. That day she'd've done anything to call Derek Shepherd hers, but she lost him, again. She told him she loved him and she lost him anyway. Now that he was hers again she wasn't letting him go anytime soon. For too long it had been that the only people that didn't know she loved Derek were her and Derek, and now that she knew, she had the rest of her life to prove to him that she loved him back, more than she could express, more than either of them could really ever know. He was part of her, part that she was never going to let go of. She was glad the scrub room was empty, it gave her a few minutes to compose herself and brush away the tears that threatened to fall, the whole day had been a little overwhelming, and she was ready for it to be over, ready to go home and get to bed and lay with the man she loved. She wanted Derek, she wanted forever already. She picked up her envelope and added the carnation to her bunch, sliding her finger under the seal of the envelope.
You once asked Derek Shepherd to tell you things about himself, open up to you, show you who he was. You found the place an outdoorsy guy calls home. Go back and find the place you spent many nights thinking about the future before the past came to ruin things.
The trailer, out on the land. That first night was beautiful. For her, it was like he was finally beginning to be honest with her about who he was, he let himself be a little bit vulnerable, and gave a little piece of himself to her. They were all alone out there, no roommates to walk in on them or refuse to give them a little alone time, no threat of pagers or senior doctors catching them in on call rooms. Just them, as if they were the only people in the world. She loved the drive to the land, the way they left the busy city behind and things became greener and more tranquil until they reached the land, acres and acres of beautiful scenery, and in the clearing, where you could see the whole of Seattle, made her feel like she was on top of the world. She couldn't wait for the house to be there. She could see markers on the ground as she pulled up near the trailer, Derek's attempt at making the outline of their house, so that they could visualise what would be when they started to break ground in a few months. She tried the door to the trailer, finding it locked, so she lifted the flowerpot that Derek attempted to hide his key under, but she'd found almost instantly, commenting on his poor hiding skills. She unlocked the door and breathed in the scent that was distinctly Derek, the one that still lingered inside the walls of his soon to be former home. She peered over to the bed, spotting her eighteenth envelope on the bed and another lily, the stem still wet as though it hadn't long been placed there. What caught her eye though was the frame on the nightstand, she hadn't been to the trailer in a while, and she was fairly certain that it hadn't been there the last time she was. She recognised the scene, it was one of their rare days off. They'd hung out at the house, which was fairly full for a week day. They'd spent the day playing old board games from Meredith's attic, laughing and joking. They'd teamed up for Pictionary, and Meredith and Derek had stormed it, leaving the others in their dust, they'd leaned in for a celebratory kiss, and someone had snapped a photo as they pulled back, both were grinning and staring intently into the others eyes. You could see the love from a mile off. Meredith smiled and placed it back on the nightstand, taking the envelope in her hands and pulling the contents. It was rather trivial, and she thought of several places it could mean, but when she thought about it,
I hear dr. shepherd has a thing for ferryboats
could only really mean one place. She made her way back to the hospital, parking the car in the space Derek had chosen for them this morning, and made her way to the bench right near the hospital that looked out onto the dock where they'd come in her first few months as an intern, when he told her he had a thing for ferryboats. They sat in each other's arms for a long while, comfortable enough in each other's company that they didn't need words, just the calming rhythm of the boats on the water was enough. Meredith had loved him then, she didn't dare say it, but sat on the bench holding onto Derek shepherd, she knew she loved him, she had no idea how much she loved him, but she Meredith grey had had a moments escape from being dark and twisty and let herself love the man in front of her. She sat down next to envelope 19 and watched the boats as she felt the breeze across her face. She breathed in the fresh air as she pulled another cryptic message from its paper prison.
Criminals often say that nothing is illegal unless you get caught. I think you and Dr. Shepherd were definitely guilty the night your resident caught you. Tequila on the porch can do terrible things to a young lady Dr. Grey.
This one had made her giggle. Thinking back to the night of the party where she'd gotten drunk on her porch and let Derek take advantage of her in his car. She walked back to the car and got into the driver's side, starting the engine. She jumped when she heard someone tap on the window. She turned to see Dr. Bailey looking at her from behind the glass. She wound down the window, laughing at the intended irony of the situation.
"You're blocking me in Dr. Grey." She joked as Meredith killed the engine and opened the door for her resident to get in.
"I guess I'm due a ban on surgeries for a while then aren't I?" she teased back. Miranda laughed, her smile fading slightly as she looked at her former intern growing before her eyes.
"Are you hating all this?" Bailey asked her honestly
"Truthfully, no." Meredith admitted. "It was a bit of a drag to begin with, but it's quite nice reliving some of the little things from last year. I can kind of see how far I've come, you know? It's just nice knowing I wasn't always a total screw up."
"Oh you are far from a screw up. You've been a damned fool sometimes, but you do prove yourself. It takes an extraordinary person to come back from what you did, even if the great Ellis Grey didn't always agree. I may have given you a hard time, but I never had a doubt that you'd come through it. Even when it looked like you'd give up, stop jumping through hoops, you stepped up. Every time. I mean it when I say you are going to make a damn fine surgeon one day." Meredith grinned. Bailey had been there through it all, watching closely, helping when it was needed, the one constant thing in Meredith's life since she first walked through the doors of Seattle Grace. She was glad that whatever was happening, Bailey was in on it. At least that way she knew it couldn't end badly.
"Well you know the drill, here's your flower and envelope number twenty." She placed them in Meredith's hands. "and I was told you may be required to decorate your earlobes later tonight, so apparently I am also a Tiffany delivery rep." she passed her the little blue bag, the twin of the one in the back seat.
"Thanks Dr. Bailey." Meredith uttered as she opened the box to find a pair of beautiful silver drop earrings adorned with little blue-green stones, matching her pendant.
"Well you deserve a little bit of happy now." She said opening the door and jumping out. "You know Grey, I am proud of you. You've come a long way from being the girl who had very public sex with a man with very perfect hair. It's good to see you smiling again." She closed the door as she made her way back towards the doors of the hospital. Meredith watched her go, before turning her attention back towards her envelope. Miranda Bailey was proud of her, maybe she did have a soft side after all.
An eventful first patient lead to you scrubbing in much sooner than some of your colleagues. A one in a million diagnosis. That's pretty extraordinary for someone who believes they're little more than ordinary.
Her first OR, that had to be the biggest rush of her entire career. Four years of college, four years of med school and finally she got to see the inside of that OR. It was magical, the whole OR working as a team, like a well-oiled, perfectly functioning machine. You never forget your first OR, and she'd gotten to experience the whole thing with the man she loved. There was no denying that she was built for surgery when she walked into that OR with the patient she'd diagnosed. Cristina had hated it, but she was scalpel hungry, and Meredith had sworn she didn't want the surgery, happy to instead pass it across to Cristina, but Derek had insisted she stay with the case until the end. She got out of the car and went the way that Bailey had taken moments before making her way to the OR that she now considered her favourite. It was their OR, the first place she considered the possibility of her and Derek being a couple. It was the place she'd been taught, a place she'd both loved and lost in. It was empty, she knew it would be, whoever had planned her day had made sure of that. This time there was no one to jump out at her, just a rose and an envelope, number twenty one waiting for her on a stool near the table. She lingered for a minute, taking in the magnificence of the empty OR, filled with the shadows of the lives they'd saved and those that they hadn't been able to. She looked up at the gallery, as a figure went out of the door, too quickly for her to catch a glimpse at their face. She picked up her envelope and her flower and she left too. It was getting towards the end of her shift, she had little over an hour left. That meant that her hunt was probably nearly over too. She savoured opening the envelope, knowing there were probably few left for her to open, staying within the doctors only markers, for that tiny bit of privacy.
There's no OR without a patient. Your first was annoying, but special. One in a million just like you. Go find the place where you served her and saved her.
Katie Bryce, the pageant queen, with the tiniest aneurysm caused by a fall in rhythmic gymnastics. She was the bane of Meredith's life for the time that she had to deal with her. Spoilt and more interested in her looks than the fact that she could be dying. She found Cristina because of Katie. Cristina wanted a surgery and Meredith didn't want to be in an OR with Mcdreamy so the pair pooled their knowledge and their resources to find her a diagnosis. Her person was brought to her because of Katie Bryce. She smiled as she walked along to the patient room, not realising Derek was watching her, waiting for her to get to this point before he left for Joe's knowing that the end was soon. She'd done the work all day and now he had to sweat it a little. Meredith opened the door to the room, smiling when she saw that it was Cristina waiting for her this time. They'd clearly gotten to her too, and she was usually not taken in so easily.
"They got you too." She asked as she sat down next to her on the bed.
"They did, weeks ago, apparently this merriment isn't optional. Here." She passed Meredith a tiny pot of ice cream and a spoon. "I figured you'd probably only eaten O'Malley's banana today, so I thought sugar might do the trick. It's strawberry obviously."
"Ooh yum." She replied tearing off the lid and spooning some of the cold treat into her mouth. She moaned in pleasure, not realising just how hungry she was until then.
"Aren't you supposed to make those noises with Mcdreamy?" Cristina jibed, laughing as her friend turned red, toning down her enthusiasm for the ice cream.
"So is this my treat, I'm done now?" she questioned. Rolling her eyes when instead Cristina pulled out another envelope and another lily. "Or not."
"There aren't many left after this one though." Cristina reassured her as Meredith added the lily to the centre of her vast bunch. She smiled at Meredith, knowing how happy she'd become in just a few hours, how at peace she seemed just after today remembering why she had become a surgeon, and chosen Derek. It was nice to see her person smiling, it meant there was hope. After everything that Meredith had suffered through, there was hope for her, which meant there was hope for everyone. Meredith caught her looking and frowned.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I'm not looking at anything. You're the one that's all happy and grown up and healed, not me." Meredith laughed at her.
"That's me. Are you done for the day now, or do you have surgery?"
"I have to check up on some post ops then I have somewhere to be. Speaking of which." She glanced at her pager as it sounded. "I have to go, I'll catch you later, enjoy the rest of it." She sped out of the door and into the locker room. It was time to get to Joe's and wait for the show to start. Meredith stayed sat on the bed to open her envelope, wondering just how few she had left before she got to find out what this was really all about. Wondering just how many envelopes stood between now and telling Derek that she was finally ready for forever.
A/N- The end is nigh! I don't know for definite when I'll update, but by next weekend they will finally be engaged I promise!