Unfinished Business, Unresolved Feelings chapter 30
Lee was lying on the sofa in his darkened living room; the only light in the room was coming from the television. He was physically exhausted but he'd been unable to fall asleep due to all the troubling thoughts that were running through his mind. Lee was in an emotional tailspin and he had concluded that he had no one but himself to blame for his current state. If only I hadn't let Amanda convince me that I wasn't really happy with my life the way that it had been before I met her I wouldn't be hurting now. Right, but I wouldn't have just had the happiest four years of my life. I thought that telling Amanda that I love her would have brought us closer but it's done just the opposite. Lee got up to get some aspirin to dull the physical pain he was feeling; only to be interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Lee walked slowly to the door, looked through the peephole, and was surprised to see a sad looking Amanda standing there.
"What are you doing here", Lee blurted out as soon as he'd opened the door.
"I didn't like the way we left things earlier", a visibly stung Amanda responded as Lee continued to stand in the doorway effectively preventing her from entering the apartment. "May I come in", she asked.
"Of course; you're always welcome here"; Lee answered as he backed up and let Amanda come in.
"That's not what you said this morning. I'm sorry, you were right to ask me to leave this morning, I don't know why I said the things that I did. I know you; if you had a child he'd be at the center of your life. Will you forgive me?"
"Amanda, I'd already forgiven you a little while after you left. I was in your yard this morning because I'd gone to apologize to you and explain how I'd met Andy. We were trapped under the same pile of debris when the storm struck the airport terminal. It was just the two of us so we got to know each other while we were working to attract the attention of the rescue workers", Lee explained.
"Was he hurt", Amanda asked as she imagined one of her sons being in that situation.
"Not badly; he's got a few scrapes and bruises. After they dug us out, the paramedics treated us, and I kept Andy with me until the police found his mom and baby sister. Karen, his mom, put her name and phone number on the back of his drawing because-"
"Lee, you don't need to explain any more, if I hadn't already been feeling hurt and confused about why you ran off without talking to me I never would have overreacted to seeing the drawing", Amanda explained.
"You're totally justified in feeling hurt, confused and angry. Ever since I started looking into my parents' past my behavior has been, well, it's been typical Scarecrow. I've been acting without considering the consequences and I didn't give any thought to how my actions were hurting the people closest to me. I nearly got you killed and I didn't even think about that until Billy threw it in my face", Lee finished as he raked his hand through his hair.
"I'm a grown woman with a mind of my own; I didn't have to do everything that you asked me to. I have to take a hard look at why I was so willing to placate you when I knew that you weren't thinking clearly. I'm not perfect, not even close, yet you've put me up on a pedestal while I've been tearing you down. You mentioned earlier that I've regularly told you that you aren't normal but who am I to judge someone else? Have you really taken a critical look at the state that my life is in?"
"What's wrong with your life", Lee questioned as he thought of Amanda as being just short of perfect.
"I've failed at marriage, I stayed in a relationship with a good man that I didn't love just because my mother thought he'd make a good husband, and I've hurt my mother by blatantly lying to her for years. If all that isn't bad enough I had to admit this afternoon that I've failed at the most important role in my life. I failed my sons", Amanda said as a single tear ran down her cheek.