A/N: Hi Everyone. I finally finished writing this chapter! It took me a while to regain the humor and mood I usually have when writing this story. The characters are so much fun, and the reviews have been amazing and uplifting. Real life is far from fun these days.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's probably the last one? We'll see.

You should probably read Chapter 13 (Werewolves for Dummies) before you read this one.

Rated M for language.

~Home Sweet Home~

'This is DJ Paul, welcoming you to another hour of the Morning Show. I would like to dedicate the following song to a special gal. She's probably on her way home from the airport right now. Bella, this goes out to you.'

Little Red Riding Hood by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs starting playing on the radio. Bella loved that song. It was fun listening to it knowing that an actual wolf was behind the dedication.

She chuckled to herself and stared out the window. She truly did miss Washington and its whimsical woods. She missed waking up to Jake's naked butt as he scrambled to get to class. She missed Charlie and his grumpy bear morning routine. She also missed her non-vegan life! Living on Renee's healthy diet was great for her body, but boy did she crave Paul's bacon burgers. They were to die for.

It felt good to be back home, especially with a tall, attractive woman waiting on the porch. Said woman was holding a bunch of bubblegum pink balloons. She started waving them in the air when Bella's taxi pulled into the driveway.

'Welcome back, Bitch!' Leah greeted her. It was adorable yet offensive at the same time.

"Right back at ya, Clearwater." Bella chuckled.

She paid the cab driver while Leah took care of the luggage. She carried them up the steps like they weighed nothing. 'So, how many gifts did you bring me? Because I'm not carrying those up to your room unless they contain a fuckload of goodies.'

"Trust me, this bag over here is filled with goodies and Duty-Free chocolate."

'Oooh. Nice. I'm surprised you had time for shopping after all the Coldbane drama.'

"Tell me about it. This summer belongs to an episode of Buffy, only hotter..and without cool leather pants."

'Not to mention Elissa. She left with her tail between her legs, making this the best summer ever!'

.

.

~ A Unicorn Surprise~

Leah happily unpacked her gifts while Bella spoke to Charlie on the phone. He was exceptionally busy and understaffed. Half the officers were in the hospital due to mass food poisoning. He sounded tired but extremely relieved that she was home. Their house was a mess though. Pizza boxes everywhere, a mountain of laundry in the bathroom, and the kitchen looked like it was hit by a hurricane.

Both girls tidied up as much as possible before heading out for lunch. Bella decided to surprise Jake and the boys with takeout food and fresh lemonade.

"Why on earth is Quil running around shirtless? I thought they weren't allowed to seduce their clients with their manscaped chests." Bella snorted once Leah pulled into the garage's parking lot. Something strange was happening. There were no cars whatsoever and no sign of any costumers in the waiting area.

'Embry mentioned something about a calendar and cookies. I honestly stopped listening to him blab about the garage years ago. Those idiots like to boast about who fixed the biggest, baddest car engine. Dude, who cares?'

"Says the wolf who once ate a hundred Tabasco peppers because of a stupid bet."

'Hey! I won a hundred bucks thanks to Paul and his stupid ass bets.'

"Aww. I really missed you Li-Lo. Not to quote Kelly Clarkson or anything, but my life does suck without you."

'Yeah. Yeah. I missed you too, Swan. Now open that door so we can finally have lunch. I'm starving.'

Bella complied, entering the staff lounge to find a bunch of unicorns. Shirtless unicorns, that is. It was both cute and bizarre at the same time.

'Surprise!' Everyone shouted.

"Oh my God!" Bella squealed, almost dropping her takeout bags. "Did I accidentally stumble into unicorn heaven?"

Jake took off his heavy disguise and rushed to hug his girlfriend. 'Hey honey. Welcome home.'

Quil, Embry and Seth also managed to hug her while wearing gigantic unicorn heads. "Where on earth did you find those fluffy things? I want one."

'Umm...Craigslist.' Quil replied.

"Haha. No way."

'You guys belong to a Katy Perry video.' Leah snickered. 'Especially Seth over here. He has a thing for cupcake wearing pop tarts. Oops. I meant pop stars.'

"Let's take a selfie. I wanna send it to mom."

'Oh hell no.' Quil objected, taking off his glittery head. 'I would like to keep my manhood intact, thank you very much. Also, your boyfriend promised to pay us thirty bucks each if we wore these hideous masks.'

"Oh. That's too bad Ateara, because this awesome gal right here got you an early B-Day present. It's small, round...and signed by your favorite baseball player!"

'Whoa. Shut up.' Quil's jaw dropped. 'Are you serious?'

"With a capital S." She nodded.

'Woohooooo!' He danced around the spacious lounge and wore his unicorn head again. He was prepared to sell his soul and manhood for that autographed baseball.

After lunch, Jake drove Bella and Quil to her house where she gave him his early birthday present. He thanked her over a thousand times and left with a spring in his step, cradling the ball like it was a precious baby.

'Thank a lot, Bells. You've officially ruined it for the rest of us.' Jake told her while she was unpacking the rest of her stuff. 'How are we supposed to compete with that awesome gift?'

"I'm sure you'll think of something. You always do."

'True dat.' He smirked. 'Now why don't you come to daddy.' He patted the empty space beside him. 'Let me give you a little...sugar.' He drawled.

"Eeew. Since when are you into daddy kink?"

'Since...never. I just wanted to see your constipated expression. It's so fucking funny.'

"Men." She rolled her eyes. "Here. I got you a gift." She tossed him a small box.

He gasped dramatically, grinning down at the rectangular box. 'Let me guess. Condoms? Anal beads? Silver bullets?'

"Oh for God's sake. Just open it already."

He tore it open, sending graphite pencils flying everywhere. 'Oops.'

'Wow. These are the best sketching pencils in the market.' He examined them closely, reading their different grading scales. 'Thanks, Munchkin.'

"Oh don't mention it." She smiled. "Just keep making art, my dashing Picasso."

'I will.' He leaned over and kissed her. 'Bells?'

"Yes?"

'We need to discuss something.' His tone shifted from playful to serious all of a sudden.

"Umm...Ok." She sat down beside him. "I'm all ears."

'Remember the old journal you found at the Tribal Library?'

"Yep. It had something to do with a spirit warrior and a secret name."

'Jeez. You memorize books like you were born with some kind of super librarian gene.'

"Fun fact: my grandmother used to work at the Library of Congress, so it does run in the family."

'Is she the smexy one with the glasses? I think you showed me her Polaroid picture.'

"Yep. She used to be so retro chic in her youth. Anyways, you were saying.."

'Fuck it. Let's cut to the chase, Bells. We both know that I'm supposed to share with you my wolf's secret name. It's basically the law. But unfortunately for me, there is a catch.'

"Ooh. Tell me more."

'You have to promise not to reveal it to anyone. This stays between us forever.'

"Jeez. Ok. I promise."

'There is one more thing you need to know. If you call me by my wolf name, I have to obey your every command for the entire day.'

"Holy crap! Really?"

'Yep. So you need to use your words carefully.'

"O-kay."

Jake rolled his eyes at her Cheshire smile. 'Don't look too happy. It only lasts for two days. It's supposed to be some kind of bonding exercise for the both of us.'

"Thank you wolf spirits!" Bella laughed manically. "Justice will be finally served. I'm so going to boss you around, Black. You are finally going to be my bitch for real."

The Alpha sighed and waited for her to stop laughing.

"Sorry. Joking aside, I umm...know that this is not easy for you."

'No kidding.'

"But you can trust me with your name." She placed a comforting hand on his arm. "So come one, spill!"

.

.

Ten minutes later...

"That is a very difficult name to pronounce." Bella huffed. "Your wolf chose it on purpose! He so does not want me to be in control."

'Ok. Let's try to break it down into small parts. Repeat after me: Ma-Ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak.'

Bella tried to enunciate the name, but to no avail. "Can't I just call you Black Hawk? Please? With a cupcake on top?"

'No.' The Alpha smirked. 'And by the way, your Quileute is horrible. All I heard was gibberish. You made my spirit name sound like Shake Shack.'

"Sorry, but it's not my fault. I asked you guys to teach me a bit of Quileute."

'Really? When?'

"Ages ago, but you're all too busy getting naked and turning into fluffy wolves to notice."

'Oh stop pouting. You look too damn cute.'

"I am cute." She smiled cheekily. "Now say that name again so I can at least memorize it."

.

.

Jake left to run a few errands, leaving Bella to finish the rest of her unpacking.

Leah was hosting a bonfire in her honor later that day, so she took a quick shower and browsed through her newly purchased clothes.

She practiced saying Jake's spirit name while baking a deliciously moist chocolate cake. She also managed to squeeze in a batch of cookies for Charlie. He arrived just in time to sample the freshly baked goods looking extremely haggard.

'Welcome home, precious daughter.' He ruffled her damp hair and kissed her cheek.

"Wow. Did you just call me precious or is that the cookie talking?"

He chuckled and sank into one of the kitchen chairs. 'The day you left, all hell broke loose at the station. The past few weeks have been shitty to say the least.'

"I'm sorry to hear that, dad." She squeezed his shoulder affectionately. "But that's not an excuse for you to eat fast food and overdose on beer. Your secretary told me all about your late night KFC deliveries."

'Darn it.' He muttered under his breath. 'And how, pray tell, did you get lazy Susan to spy on me?'

"I bribed her with two boxes of cinnamon rolls, thank you very much." Bella boasted. "Now enjoy your cookies, because mom sent you a super healthy vegan dinner for tonight."

'Oh joy.' He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

.

.

~Smells Like Wolf Spirit~

Armed with her magical chocolate cake, Bella hitched a ride to the beach with Marina. The retro fashionista was back from California where she spent the past two weeks tanning and getting over her ex-boyfriend.

The bonfires were usually a pack-only event, so Bella was surprised when Leah extended an invitation to Marina. Needless to say, the bubbly girl was bursting with excitement. She had a crush on everyone, especially Paul. She listened religiously to his radio show.

The two girls chatted briefly about their respective summer vacations. Marina visited Disneyland twice and maxed out her credit card on shopping. She spent most evenings at the Chateau Marmont just so she could catch a glimpse of Lana Del Rey.

'This playsuit I'm wearing right now was featured in one of her photo-shoots. It's from River Island. Do you like it?'

"Yes. It's very you."

'Thanks.' Marina grinned. 'I love your crop top by the way. Tribal designs are so hot right now. The wolf is a bit on the dark side, but it works for you.'

"Do you really think so?"

'Absolutely. It's a perfect match for your high-waisted shorts. Ooh. You just reminded me of my favorite song!'

"What? Blue Jeans?"

'No. Sweater Weather by the Neighbourhood. It's totally my jam.'

Loud chill out music drifted from the bonfire along with the delicious smell of barbecue. Marina was bouncing on her heels, her coppery curls flying behind her as she locked her car.

'I always get this strange vibe when I come to La Push.' She remarked as they walked towards the beach. 'It lingers even after I leave.'

"What sort of vibe?"

Marina shrugged. 'An unearthly vibe, I guess.'

Bella almost dropped her chocolate cake in the sand.

"You've been watching way too many X-Files reruns, M."

'So what? This land is home to many legends. I'm sure some of them are rooted in reality.'

"Maybe."

The two ladies were greeted with wolf whistles thanks to Quil and Paul.

'Welcome back, Sweetkins. We sure missed ya.'

"I missed you too, Lahote."

'Hey, Bella. Nice shirt.' Quil remarked with a sly grin. 'It's nice to finally see a wolf on your tits instead of a unicorn.'

Marina snorted and shook the boys' hands. 'Long time no see, beefcakes.'

'He kinda looks like me.' Paul hinted with a smirk. 'Hey, Black! Your girlfriend is hot for Paul.'

The petite brunette elbowed him in the ribs. 'Ow! You idiot. Watch your words around my clueless friend, will you?' She quickly whispered in his ear.

'Oops. Sorry.' He sheepishly grinned. 'Hey Marina? I heard from a Swan that you were a big fan of my show.' He changed the subject in his usual charming way. 'Would you like a special dedication? Maybe a song?'

'Oh yes please.' She replied enthusiastically, fishing out her phone.

Leah strutted over to them in a flowing coral dress. She looked like a goddess. A sassy goddess, that is. 'Look what Lana Del Rey dragged in.' She snickered. 'My two favorite flower power girls.'

'Grumpy Leah! I missed you, Girlfrand!'

'Yeah, yeah. Me too.'

Bella watched in amusement as Marina tried to hug the snarky woman. "Run Li-Lo. Run for your life! She's going to infect you with her glitter and rainbows."

Kim, Jared, Embry and Seth greeted the Alpha's imprint and cheered Marina on while she chased Leah around the bonfire. It was a very entertaining sight.

Sam was too busy manning the grill to notice anything. Bella had to snap him out of his meat trance with a hug of her own. 'Hey big man. I missed you.'

'It's good to have you back, Bella.'

"Thanks. Have you seen Jake? He's not in his usual spot by the beer and marshmallows."

'I honestly have no idea. But you can check the cabin.' He suggested. 'He probably went in there to use the toilet.'

.

.

The old cabin was dark and slasher-movie creepy. It gave Bella the chills.

"Jake? Are you in there?"

No answer.

"I have a surprise for you." She slowly approached the door. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

Silence greeted her from the other side of the cabin, so she decided to summon Jake using his spirit name. The idea itself was both scary and exhilarating.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and spoke his name out loud.

"Makataimeshekiakiak!"

Jake felt a violent force pulling him towards the cabin. It was too powerful to ignore.

His imprint had successfully managed to say his spirit name.

'Shit.'

Bella heard a loud rushing noise coming from behind her. She quickly turned around to find the Alpha running inhumanly fast towards the cabin. His eyes glowed in the dark like evil fairy lights. "Oh my God. It worked."

'Give me a heads up next time, will you? I was just about to siphon the python.'

"Sorry." She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. "Not to mention eeew! Why can't you just use the words pee and toilet?"

'Because there is no toilet. It's out of order.' Jake replied. 'Plus, I like saying shit like that to push your virginal buttons.' He frowned. 'Oh wait. I can't use the V-word anymore.'

"Nope. I cashed in that card weeks ago, remember?" She stepped closer to him with a mischievous smile on her glossy lips. "So tell me, how does this work? Do I command you to do my bidding?"

'Pretty much, yeah.'

She tapped two manicured fingers on her chin. "Hmm...let me think."

He gave her an exasperated look. 'Sure. Let us stand here all night. No bonfire. No food...'

"Okay. Fine! I hereby order you to stay quiet all night."

He shot her a dirty look.

"This means no dirty jokes, no teasing...and no bossing Brady and Collin around for amusement. Are we clear?"

He nodded in reply.

"Good Alpha."

.

.

Jake remained quiet throughout the bonfire. Marina was the only one with the nosy questions about his unusual behavior. Everybody else knew about the Spirit Name, so they did their best to tease the Alpha.

If looks could kill, he would have properly murdered his entire pack.

Quil and Paul tried to coax a violent reaction out of him, so he resorted to texting them insults using angry emojis. His fingers were flying over his keypad while he ate his burger. He was multitasking like a pro.

'Jeez. Chill out, Black.'

'Yeah. And stop calling me a Little Bitch in capital letters.' Quil complained.

"Ateara! Stop harassing my boyfriend."

'But...'

"No buts. Leave him alone." She warned. "If you want two slices of my chocolate cake, you'll do as I say."

'I want three slices.'

"No."

Leah turned up the music, effectively drowning out their silly conversation. She played an upbeat track by Marina and the Diamonds and started dancing around the crackling fire. Jared and Kim joined her, making funny, awkward gestures with their hands.

Sam sat a few yards away, drinking his beer in contemplative silence while Paul taught Marina how to make one of his trademark sandwiches. Everyone was having a good time, except for Jake.

Bella noticed his darkening mood. She was the puppet master for once, and his ego did not like it. "Go fetch me an alcoholic beer." She smiled sweetly at him.

He tried to resist her command with every fiber of his being, but the magic was just too powerful. For the first time ever, he was at the mercy of somebody else. If Bella told him to jump off a cliff, he will jump, no questions asked.

"Thanks, babe!"

.

.

.

"Bye guys!"

'Bye Bella, bye Jake!'

The Alpha waved and unlocked his Mustang.

"That was a phenomenal bonfire. I had so much fun." Bella gushed. She opened the passenger door and waited for Jake to say something...anything. "Oh Gosh. I totally forgot that you're not allowed to talk."

He gave her an -are you kidding me?- look before getting behind the wheel.

"Sorry. I give you permission to speak."

His eyes glowed briefly in response.

'This bonding exercise sucks balls!'

"Really? It was only two hours, Jake, not a decade."

'I know.' He sighed. 'It was one hell of an experience. Now I know how Ariel felt when Ursula stole her voice in The Little Mermaid.'

"Yeah. Poor baby." Bella sat down beside him and ruffled his perfectly gelled hair. "You should be thankful for your rich, dark chocolate voice."

'I am.' He nodded. 'Wait. What does chocolate have to do with anything?'

"It's a figure of speech, silly."

.

.

Charlie and Billy were hanging out on the front porch, drinking beer and playing chess. They were blissfully unaware of the conversation taking place a few yards away in Jake's Mustang.

'You want me to kiss both our dads goodnight? Ha! No way.'

"Yes way."

'Bella. I will withhold sex from you for a month if you make me do it.' He threatened.

It was her turn to snort. "Ha! As if. You won't last the week without this hot body."

Her serious face combined with that adorable snort made him laugh. 'Fine. Whatever. I'll do it. You don't even have to use my spirit name.'

"Okay. Off you go."

The Alpha saluted her before getting out of the car.

'Good evening, senior citizens!'

Billy gave him the stink eye. 'Did you just call us seniors?'

'I was just teasing you, Pops.'

'Well, take your teasing elsewhere because I'm about to checkmate the Chief.'

Charlie sniggered. 'In your dreams, Black.'

Jake quickly swooped in and surprised them both with a kiss on the forehead.

'You just kissed the wrong Swan, Son.'

'Nope. Not this time.'

'Since when do you kiss your old man goodnight, eh?'

Jake smirked. 'Since Bella threatened to withhold sex from me.'

Charlie almost choked on his beer. His face turned beetroot red, steam was practically coming out of his ears.

'Just kidding!' The Alpha quickly backtracked. 'Actually, it was the other way round. Look, forget I said anything.'

Bella's dad fished out his handcuffs and read Jake his rights before even leaving his chair. 'Jacob Black, you are under arrest...'

Billy watched the whole thing unfold with amusement in his eyes.

Bella rushed up the stairs, witnessing her boyfriend getting handcuffed by Charlie for the umpteenth time. "Jesus, dad. What the hell did he do now?"

He ignored her question and tugged Jake towards the wooden steps. 'Your precious beau is going to spend the night in jail.' He grunted.

'Checkmate!'

'Cheater.' Charlie glared at Billy. 'I will deal with you later.'

'Have fun in the slammer, son.'

'Thanks, Pops.' Jake smirked.

He decided to play nice so he wouldn't get himself into more trouble.

"Unbelievable." Bella huffed.

'Bye, Bells.'

"Bye, idiot."

She sighed and sat down across from Billy.

"Your son and my dad are going to be the death of me." She groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Why can't they just get along?"

'They will in their own time, honey. Just hang in there.' He reached out and patted her on the shoulder. 'Now how about a nice, big slice of chocolate cake for your future father-in- law?' He chuckled. 'Ooh. And some of those cookies you made for Charlie.'

Bella sat up straight and smiled at his request. "Sure. We might as well eat something while we wait."

Billy glanced at his watch and nodded. 'They should be back in an hour, give or take.'

"I hope so."

'Trust me, my son knows how to charm his way out of those handcuffs. He did it twice before.' He reassured her. 'Just don't get pregnant anytime soon. Your father and I are not ready to become grandparents. Safe sex is better than no sex, yeah?'

"Billy!" She jumped out of her chair, blushing from head to toe. "Thanks for the advice. I'll go hide in the kitchen now."

Bella heard him sing as she walked the short distance to her own house. She really did live in a strange, alternate universe, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Dorothy's right. There is no place like home."