October 30th, 1927 ~

I went to the barber shop today for a shave and a haircut. I've been putting it off because Anna likes my hair a little longer, but I couldn't take it anymore. It was getting unruly. Ever since she banned me from wearing pomade I've battled with a particularly annoying lock of hair that insists on falling over my forehead.

So I returned to the hotel a few minutes ago and Daisy walked past me and stopped in her tracks. She leaned in and sniffed.

What? I said.

She looked embarrassed, and replied, Oh, nothing, I just...I...you...your cologne just smells real good.

I told her thank you, not knowing what else to say.

Her cheeks coloured, she ducked her head and rushed away.

Hmm, well, the barber did say that all the ladies were swooning over this new cologne but I thought he just wanted to sell me a bottle. I hope it has the that effect on Anna.

Speaking of Anna, do you remember when I promised her we would have another Pub Quiz in which she could take part? As you know, Anna has a highly competitive nature and we both agreed it probably wasn't wise for her participated in the first one, since we were hosting it and some of us had come up with the questions - not Anna, but people might wonder.

Well, it's been decided. Since Guy Fawkes Day falls on Saturday this year, we have decided to hold another Quiz that night. This one will be different though. It will be pitting businesses and organizations against each other, in teams. All proceeds will benefit the winning team's favorite local charity. To make it fair Mr Molesley and the schoolmaster, Mr Dawes will be coming up with the questions this time and they will be the only two to see them. Anna's happy, I'm happy and our Grantham Arms team will be picking our benefiting charity today.

Anna is dropping Will and the girls off at eleven today to attend her Ladies Aid meeting across the street at the church. They're packing the missionary barrels to send to India. It's nice to see her getting out more. She's talking about coming back to work for a few hours a day, bringing the children with her, of course. It will be nice. I've missed not working with her. Indeed, I miss her whenever she's not around.

I'd better sign off. And I need to get back to the barber's to pick up a bottle of this swoon-inducing cologne.

~ John Bates

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October 30th, 1927 6:00pm

I've put a roast with onions, carrots and potatoes into the oven for dinner. Will is under the table talking to a friend I can not see - a seaman or pirate he calls Captain Finn. That boy. Now why would he name an imaginary friend, a pirate no less, after his baby sister?

The girls haven't woken up from their nap yet, so it seemed like a good time to write in the journal.

Today was missionary barrel day at the church. It was so nice to get out on my own for a couple of hours. Sarah watched the children. I didn't see John when I dropped them off. They said he needed run to the barber shop for the second time today. I wonder what that was about?

Lady Grantham and Mrs Crawley were at the Ladies Aid meeting. Of course, the Dowager was too, doing her best to run things. I know some people resent her, but she's always been very nice to me. I never mentioned this to anyone, but days after John was taken away from me, mere days after my wedding, she found me sobbing in a dark corner of the library. I thought I was alone. Before I could apologise she touched my shoulder and said, 'There, my dear. Never give up on love,' and then she was gone. Imagine that?

I came home to spend a pleasant afternoon with Daisy, reminiscing about the old days at the Abbey, and it just got me to thinking about when John and I were first falling in love. Well, in truth that only took a couple of days for me. If that...

So we were doing hotel paperwork at the kitchen table and just having our girl talk when John walked in to have his tea with us. He sat down next to Daisy and I noticed her cheeks took on a high shade of pink. When he turned her way to put his stick over the back of his chair, he smiled at her and she looked like she might faint.

Now, I've known for a long time that Daisy thinks my husband a fine figure of a man. I remember her once mentioning she thought of him as a romantic figure. This was way back when he first arrived at Downton Abbey. She was very young then and John was very dashing. He continues to be dashing, but I think Daisy might still feel that way.

As we went on with our tea, I noticed her sniffing the air now and then. She tried to cover it up, but yes she was definitely sniffing something. Most strange.

John walked over to give me a goodbye kiss before heading back to the hotel. And then I understood. He was wearing a new cologne. Things were becoming clear. 'Is that a new cologne you're wearing?' I asked.

He straightened up and adjusted his tie. 'Why yes, it is. The barber said it was guaranteed to make the ladies swoon. Not that that would matter to me. I need to get back to work now,' and he rushed out the back door.

Daisy left not long afterwards, taking the paperwork back to the hotel with her. It was a productive afternoon.

Will just climbed out from under the table, hitting his head as he did, causing me to spill my tea on the journal. That will take some drying out by the stove. And he ran to meet his dad who's coming through the back door, informing him he's going to sea with Captain Finn when he's seven.

I'll end this now. I want to get another sniff of my husband's neck.

~ Anna Bates

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~ Memories ~

Later that night...

Anna was sitting at her vanity table that night waiting for her husband to finish up in the bathroom. She was feeling...dreamy for lack of a better word. Her conversation with Daisy earlier in the day had left her in a mood, a pensive, reflective mood. She looked at her own smiling reflection in the mirror as memories of days gone by played in her mind. Nights of secrets and whispered words, of mid-night walks, of moonlit, starry skies and proclamations of undying love. But also of nights when everything was still so uncertain, when this life of theirs was only a distant dream and sometimes so difficult to believe in.

Those long ago nights had been the heartbeat of their early relationship. It was the only time they could be what they really were together, but now, years later...now that they had come through safely on the other side, they were cherished memories.

Anna heard John in the bathroom, fussing around, opening and closing drawers, a muttered rant. 'Oh Christ...' She giggled into the mirror, rolling her eyes, and one particular memory came to her mind.

x

They walking together to church, after she asked him if he would like to join her in some prayer for the loved ones at war. William and Mr Matthew in particular, as they were missing at the time. It turned into pleasant afternoon, almost as if the troubles of the world had been forgotten. They walked close together, their arms brushing with every step, a timid smile on his face, a confident one on hers. The sun was dazzling, the air was crisp, their pace unhurried, trying to make the most of their time. John had been the one breaking their comfortable silence, just before the village came in sight.

'My mother was very religious. One of her biggest disappointments in life, as she would say, was that I had chosen to forget the Lord's word.'

'Nevertheless, she loved you very much,' Anna replied, her steps sure and her smile never leaving her lips.

He nodded. 'That she did…'

'Why are you here then?' she had asked him.

'Because I wanted to walk with you. I may not have faith but...I respect those who do, and I know how important it is to you.'

'You are a charmer, Mr Bates,' she said with a chuckle.

'But I mean it. You are the most important person in my life, therefore, all that is important to you is important to me too.' His voice had been low and tender. The fresh breeze against his face and the nature around them making him feel rather inspired.

'I hope you will always remember that,' she smiled up at him.

'I will remember that every day, for the rest of my life.' He had stopped in his tracks then, facing her and taking her hands in his after making sure no one was around. 'I will live my life solely to make you happy. That will be my purpose, Anna.'

'You already make me happy, Mr Bates. So happy.'

'Not as a husband, yet...but I will,' he vowed.

He smiled then and it reached his eyes and traveled clean through to her soul. That smile he saved just for her. Tender and loving and filled with a longing promise. They kissed on that road, with the village mere minutes away. His lips were so soft and warm on hers. His hand at her waist pulling her to him. It was the first kiss they'd shared outside the walls of Downton Abbey. A dream so fought for, and finally achieved.

x

'Anna! Where are my bloody striped pajamas?' he asked her now, looking at her through the mirror.

'Didn't you see them hanging in the bathroom? I washed them. They're not dry yet. You have others. They're in the second drawer.'

He opened the drawer then, and immediately looked at her again. 'Where's the grey pair?'

'The grey ones were old and worn out. Wear the blue pair,' she replied, resting the brush on top of the vanity and turning in her chair to face him.

He pouted at her.

'I hate the blue ones. They're a little scratchy and rough on my skin.'

'They're rough on my skin,' she mimicked him playfully, doing her best to make the deepest voice she could. 'What did I tell you the other day? I told you I was going to throw your old pajamas away and you needed to buy yourself a new pair. And what did you answer?'

'You know I hate shopping, Anna. You could have at least waited until I got around to it,' he grimaced. 'What do I wear now?'

She shot him a mischievous smile. 'I wouldn't mind if you wore nothing at all.' John tried to look upset. But inside he thought her idea had merit. 'Darling, you still have the blue ones. You won't die if you wear them for one night. Your striped pair will be dry tomorrow.'

'Why did you keep the blue ones, anyway? They're every bit as worn as the grey ones.'

Anna shrugged her shoulders, 'Well...the blue ones are special. You know... I like blue.'

John held up his hands in surrender. 'All right, all right. I guess it's this or nothing and it is rather chilly tonight,' he sighed, beginning to take his undershirt off to change into the damned blue pajamas. From her chair she watched him with a contented smile on her face, and although he could feel her eyes burning on him, he didn't mind one bit.

Why were they so special after all? They were only plain blue pajamas. But they were more, much more than that to Anna.

As she watched his every movement, her memory took her back once again, to one night when she couldn't sleep, and to her surprise, when she went down to the Abbey's kitchen to get some warm milk, she found him there, in his robe and his blue pajamas. This was the night after 'honeymoon'...

x

'I see I'm not the only one to have trouble sleeping,' he whispered into night. He was sitting at the servants table, with yesterday's newspaper in his hand.

'I came down for some milk.' She smiled at her new husband then and sat next to him. The top three buttons of his pajamas were undone, and her eyes tried to avoid the glimpse of dark hair showing at his neck. After failing miserably, she reasoned, This is my lover now, and enjoyed the view. 'But I found something better than warm milk.'

He had placed the paper on the table and turned to faced, his hands coming to rest on her outer thighs. 'I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about last night…' His eyes were bright and daring, filled with heated memories and promises of so much more to come.

'Me too.' She had been shy at first, and his words would never fail to turn her skin hot and flushed. 'I wish we could be together again.'

'And we will be, my love. Soon. We will. Every night.' His lips grazed her cheek, and then the corner of her mouth, ever so gentle and slowly, awakening in her the same sensations she had felt the night before.

When he pulled back slightly her hand came up to touch the exposed skin of his neck, the place her eyes kept returning to. 'I miss the feeling of your skin already...I did as soon as we dressed and had to leave the room.'

'Me too. I think, I dare say, the only time I won't miss you will be when we are together, when you are within my reach, whenever I can see you...'

x

'John…' she walked towards him, wrapping her arms around him from behind, his large frame barely fitting in her embrace. 'You were wearing these blue pajamas on our wedding night, and the night after that, when we met in the servant's hall. When we planned our life together. Do you remember?'

'Oh, my darling,' he turned in her arms. 'That's right. How could have I forgotten that?'

'Well, you always hated the blue ones, and in truth it was our last night for almost two years, that's probably why. Good and bad memories, I suppose, but still so special to me.' She buried her face in his chest. 'They are a bit scratchy, that's true, but they are made of good memories.'

'Well...you better not throw them away.' John held her close and kissed the top of her head softly.

'Never. Do you still remember what we planned that night?'

''Course I do. We planned our future home. I remember every word. A flower filled garden for the children to play in the summer. A sunny kitchen with large windows and tiled floors. A fireplace in the parlor, big enough to warm up the house during winter, and where our babies would play together while we watched.'

'Yes, children all around us.' She touched his face with her fingertips, caressing him as she always had imagined doing, back when such a simple action was still so forbidden.

'...and children all around us...which will happen once the little monkeys are able to crawl,' he chuckled, looking over at the cots where the twins slept.

'I see you bathed yourself in that new cologne you bought.' She wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing him in.

'I did just that.' He looked very proud of himself as he held her by her waist, pulling her to him and nuzzling his face in her hair. 'Do you love it or do you love it?'

'Actually…' the tone in her voice made him step back and look questioningly at her. 'I do like it but…' John's expression grew serious now. 'What I love the most is the smell of your skin, after you bath. Just your skin, nothing else.'

He lifted his eyebrows at her. 'I can fix that, you know…' kissing her lips softly, before doing the same along her jaw and her neck. 'What if I go wash it off and come back...will you be waiting for me?'

'I surely will. Eagerly.'

She bit her lower lip and he winked, running off to the bathroom again.

Anna could hear the water splashing, and she took this opportunity to turn back the covers of their bed, and check on Finn and Fee one more time.

'One day we will have our children, and we will be so happy, every day will feel like a dream.'

John had told her that once, when the wooden table on her visits to prison was still between them. It was a moment of positivity on his part. Those words had given her life. To know that he believed in such things as fervently as she did. To know he wasn't giving in to despair. Those words couldn't be more true now, and every time she crawled into bed with him, she would remember them. Words that had helped her through so many dark moments in their life.

He came from the bathroom again, smiling at her. His confident swagger suggesting so much more than a good night's sleep. But before he could reach the bed, he walked to the window and looked out, his gaze scanning the lane below, his expression somewhat worrisome.

'What is it?' she asked, walking towards him and trying to see what he was looking at.

'It's just…' he pursed his lips. 'It's nothing...'

'No, tell me,' she insisted.

'You'll worry and it's really nothing.'

John took a deep sigh, 'It's just that lately I've felt like someone is watching me, and I know it's silly. There's never anyone there. Please, don't worry. Your husband is just turning into a paranoid old fool.'

Anna looked up at him, her head against his shoulder and a crease forming on her forehead.

'Nevermind, love. Here,' he motioned to his neck. 'Smell me.'

Anna giggled heartily, before pulling him into the bed.

The next day, when Andy called on Daisy to invite her for a walk on her tea break, John ran home and grabbed the cologne, and with a low voice and a wink he gave it to him.

'Here, just a few drops...it's strong, and your sweetheart will surely love it.'

When he looked outside from the window of the pub some moments later, he saw Daisy holding tight to Andy's arm, and with a smile on her face she sniffed his neck and began to giggle. The young man would indeed have a wonderful afternoon, although, not as wonderful as John's night had been.

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The journal entries are written by handy for the bus & terriejane.

We'd like to thank the lovely annamays (aka fuzzydream) for being our beta.

Thank you for reading :) We're not above begging for reviews.