Daughter of My Heart, Chapter Eleven

[Set following "Forever in a Day," with references to "Secrets"]

At fourteen, Cassie sometimes bristled at her parent's insistence that she still have someone in the house with her pretty much all the time. All of her friends at school were allowed to stay home alone for a few hours while their parents went out. But at best, Cassie was allowed to come home from school to an empty house, although someone, her mom, dad, or Janet, always inevitably showed up a short time later.

Maybe it was just habit at this point, or maybe they really were as over-protective as her friends suggested, but whatever it was, on this particular Saturday morning, Cassie found herself propped in her favourite seat forcing herself through a novel for school, while Daniel distractedly shuffled through papers and books he'd littered across the room just after her mom had been called into work.

"You know, Janet always says if something isn't going right, you should take a break and come back to it with a fresh perspective," Cassie noted, frowning at the muted frustration the generally calm archaeologist showed.

"I need to get this translation done," Daniel replied, glowering at yet another sheet of paper that apparently wasn't the one he was looking for.

"This second?," Cassie asked pointedly.

Daniel sighed. "No," he confessed. "By Monday. But at the rate I'm going, it's not going to be done."

"Because you're like a dog chasing it's tail," Cassie remarked, using one of Janet's favourite sayings. "You've lost sight of the bigger picture."

Daniel blinked owlishly at her. "What?"

"You can't concentrate," Cassie said, pointing to the mess he'd made. "Take a break."

"Since when did you become the adult here?," Daniel asked, frowning. Cassie shrugged. She'd learned it was best not to answer questions like that, however tempting it might be.

Daniel sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"Is everything okay?," Cassie asked, growing concerned. He really wasn't acting like himself today.

"Yeah," he said, too quickly, nodding. "Everything's fine."

Cassie narrowed her eyes. Living with three people who kept secrets for a living had taught her very quickly how to sniff out a lie. The trick was usually deciding whether to leave the lie intact, or push for the truth.

Daniel smiled uncomfortably under her stare, as if to prove the lie.

Cassie rolled her eyes. "Dad. You don't have to protect me. I'm not a little girl anymore," she said, holding his gaze. That was a Colonel O'Neill trick, something she'd seen him do only a handful of times. He could make anyone talk, if he wanted. Except maybe Teal'c.

"It's nothing you need to worry about," he said, evading the issue.

"Something's bothering you."

"Yes," he sighed, giving a little. "But that doesn't mean I need to burden you, as well."

"If something was bothering me, you'd make me talk," she pointed out. And wasn't that the truth! The number of uncomfortable conversations she'd had to have because her dad was just too perceptive and too persistent for his own good... She sincerely hoped he was still as scarred from the 'I need pads' admission and subsequent shopping trip as she was. It would serve him right.

Daniel sighed again, obviously weighing his options. Cassie wisely didn't say a word, patiently waiting for him to dish whatever secret had him so worked up.

"Sha're is dead," he said softly a moment later, never looking up from his hands. "I couldn't save her."

Cassie's eyes widened in shocked horror. Daniel almost never spoke of his wife, never reminded them of what he'd lost to the Goa'uld. Cassie had seen pictures of her, knew a little bit about her from the rare occasions her dad would reminisce. But most of the time, he kept that part of his life to himself. Cassie had almost forgotten that his wife was actually still out there, still alive, waiting for him to come.

"What happened?," she breathed, before she could stop herself.

Daniel shook his head. "That's a long story."

Cassie shut her book, giving him her full attention. Daniel sighed.

"Last year, I found her on Abydos, ready to give birth."

That was news to Cassandra, and she leaned forward, intent on his softly murmured words.

"It was Apophis' child, his future host. The Goa'uld – Sha're's Goa'uld - was forced into hibernation to prevent a stillbirth."

He paused, and Cassie could feel her heart-rate rising. What else hadn't they told her?

"She gave birth to a son, and the Goa'uld returned. We managed to hide the boy from her, before she could present him to Apophis, but it was at the expense of losing Sha're. Again."

Cassie held her breath, understanding what this must have cost Daniel, what he must have gone through. She'd lost everyone she'd ever known, once. She knew what it was like.

"Yesterday, we found her again. She had returned to Abydos, seeking the boy."

He paused again, and Cassie watched, mesmerized, as he struggled to find the words as emotion threatened to take control.

"The boy was already gone, hidden. I tried to get through to her, to reach Sha're through the Goa'uld, but I couldn't. She was killed to save me," he finished, standing up. He crossed the room, head hung in defeat.

"I'm so sorry," Cassie whispered. What else was there to say? He'd been searching for his wife longer than she'd known him, almost as long as Sam had known him. As far as she knew, he'd never once given up hope that someday, he'd get her back.

Daniel stood silent, head bowed, for a long time. She was almost afraid to move, to disturb his grief. She'd never seen a grown man cry, but she strongly suspected that if she could see his face now, there'd be tears. She didn't want to see his face.

Quietly getting to her feet, she made to leave the room when his voice froze her in her tracks.

"Don't go. I'm all right," he murmured.

"How could you be?," she asked, her voice catching. "I'm not even sure I'm all right, and I wasn't there."

He turned, smiling wanly at her. "On Abydos, it's customary to remember a life, not mourn a death," he said. "She wouldn't want me to give in to my grief."

"But..."

"No 'buts,' Cass," he said, shaking his head. "I will always love her," he stressed. "Always. But I love you, too."

It was the first time he'd ever said it outright.

Cassie crossed the room, wrapping her arms around his waist, and hugged a somewhat surprised Daniel.

"I love you too, Dad," she said, voice muffled against his chest.