A/N- I know, I suck for not updating sooner. Uni is still kicking my butt, but I only have two weeks left before vacation so hopefully I can bank some updates then. As ever thank you so much for your reviews, they all mean so much to me. I promise I'll get better at answering them.

Disclaimer- If I owned the show, MerDer would have scenes together, not seconds.

At last the day had arrived, and despite the early wake up to empty the contents of her stomach, Meredith could hardly contain her excitement. She bounded into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Derek, setting him free only long enough for him to turn round so that she could capture his lips in a long and passionate kiss.

"Morning," he smiled, slightly taken aback by Meredith's bright demeanour after having spent even longer than usual hugging the toilet bowl. "You're very happy today."

"Why wouldn't I be? I've been waiting ages for this." She grinned at him, her gaze not leaving his for even a microsecond.

"Waiting ages for what?" Izzie asked, Meredith's eyes widened, until then having been totally oblivious to her roommate sat at the table with Alex, her, officially now, boyfriend.

"Derek promised he'd take me to this new restaurant uptown," Meredith gabbled "we've been waiting for a reservation for weeks, and we finally got one, and we both have the night off so today's the day. The food's supposed to be great, at least that's what my patients say." Meredith prayed to anyone that was listening that it wasn't too obvious that she'd pulled that lie out of thin air.

"You're seriously this excited over food?" Alex scoffed, spooning cereal into his mouth.

"Have you met Meredith?" Izzie joked. "The woman who practically has orgasms over day old pizza and grilled cheese. If they weren't both so scalpel hungry, I'm betting they'd happily retire and they'd spend their days having sex and eating."

"Still, if I was stuck in the ER all day before I got to go out to dinner, I'd be a lot less happy. Are you sure there's not some goofy wedding thing going on that you're just not telling anyone about?"

"No," Derek confirmed, "But dinner isn't the only thing that I promised would be on the menu tonight, so I suggest you put in your earplugs tonight." Alex scowled slightly but dropped his argument.

"And our wedding is not goofy." Meredith chastised him.

"It's sweet," Izzie agreed. "They're in love and finally getting married, we should be happy for them."

"Fine." Alex conceded. "It's not goofy. It's romantic or whatever."

"Thank you," Meredith nodded as she returned to Derek's arms, kissing him again, and helping him with breakfast, accepting the tea he had made her when Izzie wasn't looking. "Hmm, what time are you in today?" she asked him, leaning into his chest as he worked, one arm either side of her, fixing the meal in front of her tiny frame.

"I have a surgery at eight. Just a short one, then I said I'd do a consult on a pregnant lady. I can drive you if you'd like. We can take our clothes, and change at the hospital before we leave for dinner."

"That sounds good. What are you going to do for the extra hour?" She asked him.

"Look at you longingly as you round on the sick patients, and marvel at your bedside manner." He joked, kissing the top of her head. "I'm kidding, I'll head up to my office to do some paperwork. Then I'll page you to see if you're free at lunchtime."

"Wow, two meals today, and you're making me breakfast. What did I do to deserve this?"

"Agreed to be my wife." He grinned craning around to catch her lips.

"It's been three months, Derek." She giggled as he moved to kiss her neck before he served up their breakfast.

"I know, and I'm still over the moon about it." He informed her as his lips continued to roam her body.

"Come on Iz, let's leave the lovebirds alone before they start doing it on the countertop again." Alex grimaced, dumping his cereal bowl in the sink and scurrying towards the door.

"Oh god yes, there's a fine line between sweet and live porn guys, we'll see you at the hospital Mer." Izzie called, slamming the door behind her.

"Bye," Meredith called as they left the house, turning around in Derek's arms. "Think we have time for countertop sex?"

"So I'll meet you in the lobby just before one, and we'll head up together?" Meredith asked him for the tenth time that morning.

"Yes, in the lobby. I'll be waiting for you. Just relax. It's all going to be fine." Derek soothed, having been waiting for Meredith's nerves to surface for the last few days.

"I know, I was just so excited that I forgot there was something to be nervous about." She confessed, biting her lip. "You think it'll be okay right?"

"I think it'll be perfect." He leant in to kiss her cheek, whispering in her ear as he pulled away. "I'll see you and bee later." Meredith smiled and nodded, a hand lingering for a second on her stomach.

"I can't wait."

Meredith looked up at the clock above the nurse's station. She still had over an hour before she had to meet Derek, and time was dragging, much to her annoyance. Her patients had been far from surgical that morning, and the one that was coded before she could even book the OR. She was craving coffee, but despite Derek's insistence that she could have one cup a day, she had sworn off it, something she had regretted from the moment she'd decided. Ordering a cup of tea from the coffee cart, she breathed in the aroma of the fresh grounds, getting her coffee fix in the only way she allowed herself to. She took a deep breath as she paid for her drink focussing her thoughts on getting through the next hour and seeing her and Derek's little miracle. Her pager sounded as she walked back to the ER, signalling an incoming trauma and she ran to meet the ambulance.

"58 year old Thatcher Grey, blunt head trauma following a fall. Was awake and responsive when we arrived but witnesses say that he was out for a few minutes. No other obvious injuries but he seems very confused." Nicole reeled off, shooting Meredith an apologetic look. Thatcher had been in the ER for minor injuries a few times since Susan's death, and from what Lexie had mentioned, their father's drinking was spiralling out of control.

"Er, take him to bed three and let's get a neuro consult just to be sure." Meredith instructed the EMTs, a team of nurses hooking him up to machines to check his vitals. She took a deep breath before following them. "Mr. Grey? I'm going to be your doctor today, do you know how you got injured? Can you remember what happened?" She avoided telling him her name in the hope that he wouldn't recognise her. She had no such luck however.

"I don't need to be here, I need her. I need Susan and you killed her. You and this hospital you killed her. She had the hiccups." Thatcher slurred, Meredith's cheeks flaming.

"I need to examine you to check for other injuries." She explained, turning to look at Nicole. "Do we know what he hit his head on?"

"I can't say for certain, but we picked him up near the fountain in Freeway Park, so I'm guessing it could've been that." Meredith nodded and continued her exam. Ordering blood work that she knew would only prove that he was indeed drunk at 11 am in the middle of the week. Thatcher slurring about the incompetence's of the hospital as she did so. Other than his head injury that would definitely need stiches, she couldn't find any other injuries that were of any concern, so with any luck Thatcher's stay would be a short one. She walked out from behind the curtain, bumping straight into Derek.

"You paged, is everything ok?" He said, looking at her with concern.

"My father is here." She pouted looking at the floor.

"Do you need me to call security? It's been months Meredith, he shouldn't still be hassling you about this." He frowned at Meredith's expression, rubbing her arm with his hand.

"No, he's here, behind that curtain, he took a fall in the park. He hit his head, he seems fine but he passed out so I thought it best to page you." Derek took a deep breath, his disdain for Meredith's father had grown exponentially since Susan's death, but knowing that like Meredith, he had to be professional. He entered the curtain, the sight of Thatcher igniting a sense of fury in him that he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Mr. Grey, I'm Dr. Shepherd, I'm going to give you a quick neuro consult, make sure that you didn't do any lasting damage when you fell today." Thatcher answered with another torrent of abuse, Meredith's name coming up more than once. "I'm going to get an intern to take you to CT and depending on the results you can leave once you've sobered up." Derek said shortly. "Watkins." He called to a passing intern. "Call down to CT and see if you can't get my friend here a scan of his brain. Page me when you have the results. I have an appointment in 15 minutes so if I'm not around then page Weller."

"Yes sir," The intern answered picking up the phone at the nurses station.

"Are you okay?" he asked Meredith, leading her away from the busy ER. "What he said, it was…"

"I'm fine Derek. He doesn't know what he's saying. I just want to go and see our baby." Derek frowned at her a little, trying to determine if she really was alright or just saying that to quell his fears. She smiled and reached up to peck his lips, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze before pulling him towards the elevators.

The ride to the fifth floor was as ever long, and filled with people shuffling in and out on each floor, but they made it with ten minutes to spare, filling in some paperwork as they sat in the waiting area. Derek filled in the answers as best he could while Meredith sipped at a cup of water, her quiet demeanour telling him that she was even more nervous than before. That the fact she was Meredith Grey meant that this couldn't be wonderful and perfect the way that she hoped it would be. And Thatcher had only added to that anguish. He wanted more than anything to tell her that everything was fine, but without examining her and taking a look inside her uterus, he could do very little than hug her close and press kisses to her as they waited.

"Meredith Grey?" a nurse called shortly after, making the pair look up at her before getting up and following her to an exam room. "The doctor will be with you shortly. She'll perform all of your initial checks, and you can ask her any questions you might have. So everything off from the waist down, pop the gown on, and I'll send her in." Meredith smiled as she fiddled with the button on her jeans, Derek unfolding the gown so as to hide her dignity as much as possible. If they'd been at home, he'd've probably made a joke about her pants being off in public, but it didn't feel like the time or place then so he kept his mouth shut, instead helping her up onto the bed ready for when the doctor came in.

"Hi Meredith, I'm Dr. Dewing, I should be your doctor for the remainder of your pregnancy. I think we may have seen each other once or twice, and I've certainly met Dr. Shepherd on a case or two." She introduced herself as she shook each of their hands in turn. "So today is just to see how things are progressing so far, to check on your health and general wellbeing, and answer any questions the two of you might have. We'll start with a pelvic exam, and a pap smear, then we'll take a little look at the embryo. By the dates you gave us on the phone, you should be around seven and a half to eight weeks, but the sonogram will give us a more accurate estimate. I'm sure you're aware from your OB rotations that an internal sonogram is preferable at this early stage, is that okay with you lovely?" Meredith smiled and nodded, trying to keep her breathing regulated as the doctor assembled the equipment.

"It's natural that you feel quite nervous, especially given that you're new at this, so I'll be as gently as I can be." The doctor promised. "If you want to scoot down a little and pop your feet up, knees apart and try and relax as much as you can. Give Derek's hand a squeeze if it's uncomfortable." Meredith shut her eyes and bit her lip as the doctor inserted the instruments, breathing deeply as she tried to think of anything but the unnatural feeling between her legs. Derek squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back letting the doctor do what she needed, not opening her eyes until the doctor began to get a picture on screen.

"So here's your uterus, and you're definitely pregnant, not that there was much doubt from what you said on the phone. Placenta is embedded on the right hand side, and…" she said as she zoomed in a little, "right there is your baby." Meredith gasped as she glanced at their baby for the first time, tiny tears rushing to her eyes as she took in every tiny feature of their future child. She looked between the screen and Derek, who too had tears in his eyes, allowing them to fall as he bent down to kiss her. The doctor gave them a minute to absorb the moment before speaking again. "I'm sure you can read it fairly well, but that there is the head, and the spine, and the white flicker there is the heartbeat. I'd say out estimated gestation is pretty accurate, and you're heading towards 8 weeks. I can't promise we'll be able to hear yet, but we can try and listen to the heartbeat."

"Please," Meredith begged, looking watery eyed at the doctor. Pressing the relevant buttons, the doctor began to find the sound that Meredith and Derek both wanted and needed to hear. After a few seconds, it seemed that it was simply too early, but after adjusting the speculum just a fraction, a loud, thundering heartbeat echoed into the room.

"Wow," the pair echoed, looking between each other and the screen.

"It's strong," Derek commented.

"172 beats per minute." The doctor said in agreement. "Everything looks good. I'll leave the picture up while I draw some blood, then I'll print you a few pictures whilst you do a urine sample and get dressed. Then we can meet in my office." Meredith nodded, vaguely aware of being stuck with the needle, but far too mesmerised by their baby to pay much attention. She looked up at Derek, who met her eye before leaning in to kiss her lips, both struck by the fact that this was finally all real. That in just a few short months they were going to be parents.

Having detailed their family medical histories, Derek's mother having assured them earlier that week that to her knowledge, other than Derek's father being a twin, there was nothing alarming to be aware of. The only surgeries that either had ever had had been routine, so the only real health concern was Meredith's mom, though the doctor assured them that although a concern, it was unlikely to affect the pregnancy. Having gone over her menstrual cycle, sexual health history and drug and alcohol use, Meredith was starting to feel like she was being interrogated. She certainly hadn't expected things to be so detailed and personal. She was confident that her doctor was simply covering all the bases to ensure that the pregnancy would be healthy, but it was still exhausting trying to remember so many aspects of her life in such detail.

"Almost done Meredith, I promise. Just a few more routine questions and then we'll get onto the pregnancy itself. I can pretty much guess the answer to this one but any previous pregnancies?" Meredith took a breath before giving her answer.

"One," she said quietly. "Miscarriage at around six weeks." She avoided the look that Derek was inevitably giving her and prayed that the doctor moved on quickly. Meredith answered the next few questions without meeting Derek's eye, taking note of all the advice the doctor was giving her in terms of what to expect and the symptoms to be worried about. As much as she wanted to be free of the doctor's questions, she knew answering Derek's would be more difficult. As they walked out of the room having booked their next appointment for the 28th of February, Meredith took a deep breath before looking up at Derek.

"Derek, we don't have to talk about this now." She insisted, pressing the button for the elevator repeatedly.

"Actually we do." He replied bluntly. "How could you not tell me you'd been pregnant before? It was supposed to be something that we experienced for the first time together. You were going to let me believe that this was as new and exciting to you as it was to me. But you've done it all before." The pair stepped into the elevator which was thankfully empty.

"I have not done this before. I lost an embryo Derek, at six weeks. It didn't even look like a person yet. And no I didn't tell you because it was a million years ago, and it was with I guy I didn't care about. I didn't even know if I wanted a baby then. I cried every night for a week when I found out because I was so damn scared. When I found out that me and you were having a baby, I was so unbelievably excited. I am excited. I want nothing more than to have a family like the one you had growing up. The result of my drunken one night stand doesn't even begin to…" She paused as Derek's pager went off. "I thought everyone knew that you were out for the next hour or so." Derek noticed the tears in her eyes, but he couldn't get past his pride quick enough to comfort her.

"It's your father." He informed her. "He has a brain bleed." He pushed the button for the next floor, the doors opening just seconds later.

"Derek?" Meredith looked at him, sending a shiver of regret through him.

"I have to go, we'll talk about this later." Meredith sighed and nodded, making a beeline for the nearest bathroom, in that hope that she could compose herself before she had to get back to work.

As she walked out, she glanced over at the waiting room, and saw Lexie sitting alone, turning her pager over and over in her hands. She looked up as Meredith took a seat next to her.

"How're you doing?" Meredith asked her half-sister, a protective arm reaching out to give her shoulders a squeeze.

"Oh you know, praying that it isn't too bad." Lexie retorted tearfully.

"That's good. Think positively. He'll pull through. Derek's going in to perform the surgery. He's the best Lexie, if anyone can fix him it's Derek."

"I wish I was just thinking positively. I don't want him to be well just because that's what you're supposed to say about your dad. I just don't want to have to clean up after him again." She sniffed loudly as she confided in her older sister. "I've cleaned up after him every time he's been in here. I've taken him to meetings, thrown away the alcohol, and still he finds a way to do things like this. Doesn't he understand what it's doing to me, to Molly and Laura? Look what he did to you. And you nearly lost Derek because of it. I hate him Meredith, I hate him. But he's my dad. He taught me to ride a bike and he sat right at the front of every recital, every graduation, and I hate what he's become, but I still, I still…"

"You still love him." Meredith finished for her, wrapping her other arm around her sister, and letting Lexie's tears soak into her shoulder.

"Yeah," Lexie croaked, looking back up at Meredith. "What kind of daughter would rather see her father dead than have to look after him again?" Meredith straightened up, and placed a hand on each of Lexie's shoulders.

"One that has been strong for too long." she said wisely. "When I was an intern, my mother came into the hospital and they found a mass on her liver. I prayed to any god that was listening that it'd be cancer. That way she'd die quickly. She wouldn't be suffering anymore and I wouldn't have to be the one dealing with it. Greys are strong Lex, we don't back down when things get tough, we fight, and we fight and we fight. And only when there's no fight left in us do we begin to admit we're in over our heads. Whatever happens Lexie, you are a Grey. You will get through this. We will get through this." Lexie smiled through her tears, returning Meredith's hug.

"Thank you Meredith." Lexie whimpered as she tried to quell yet more tears. "Thank you. I know you don't like him very much, but…"

"But I love you." She smiled. "And us Greys gotta stick together." Lexie smiled, and leaned her head on Meredith's shoulder, her sobs eventually becoming light snores as she slept. Meredith had dr. Bailey paged, letting her know where she was and that she wasn't planning to leave her sister just yet. Family was what mattered. And Lexie was part of her family.

When Derek came out of surgery, he caught sight of the two Grey women huddled together, clearly waiting for news. He smiled as he saw Meredith encouraging Lexie to eat and to drink as they sat together, laughing occasionally. He thought about what she'd said in the elevator. There had never been a reason for her to mention her previous pregnancy, the same way they hadn't shared hundreds of things about each other. They were still on a journey, finding these things out as they went along. There was no denying though, Meredith was going to be an amazing mother. So attentive and loving towards the half-sister that she had grown up oblivious to, he could only imagine the kind of love she would have for their child. He walked over to deliver the news, Meredith grabbing Lexie's hand as she spotted her fiancé, his hair still messy from his scrub cap.

"Thatcher's surgery went well. We were able to fix the bleed, and evacuate the haematoma that had formed. We won't know anything for certain until he wakes up, but I'm confident that he'll make a full recovery. He's just being wheeled down now, but you can see him in a few minutes."

"Thank you." Lexie gasped as she enveloped her future brother in law in a hug. "Thank you so much." She put her arms around Meredith once more before jogging off to the room they would take Thatcher to.

"Meredith…" Derek began as she began to head back to the ER for the rest of her shift. "I…"

"I'll see you at home." She half smiled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, all too aware that his eyes were on her as he walked away. She could never stay mad at him for long, but the longer she let him stew, the better the make-up sex.

"How is he?" she asked as he climbed into bed beside her once his shift was over. Knowing that it was Meredith and Lexie's father, he wanted to be sure of Thatcher's condition before he gave either of them the wrong impression about the recovery.

"His post op scans look good. He should make a full recovery." Meredith nodded as Derek pursed his lips, deciding what to say next. "About earlier…"

"I know, I should have told you before then, but it's not something I talk about… to anyone. But you're my fiancé and you should know. You should know everything." She took a breath before beginning her story. "I was 19, it was the second year of college, and it was at some frat party that I got invited to. I got really drunk and slept with this random guy. I couldn't even remember his name and I never saw him again anyway. Needless to say a few weeks later I skipped my period and took a test, but I didn't say anything to anyone, my gynaecologist was back in Boston and I didn't like the doctor's office near the college. I was scared Derek, scared what my mother would say, my professors, my friends. I didn't want to be the girl who dropped out to have a baby and I didn't want to be the girl who got rid of one either. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. Then I had this dream that I had this beautiful perfect little boy and he was so adorable and smart and…" She took a breath, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall. "And then one afternoon, I didn't feel too great, I went to the bathroom and saw the spotting, and I started cramping. These agonising pains that wracked through me and I knew before I even got to the ER what was happening. They checked me over, and diagnosed an incomplete miscarriage, did a D&C and sent me on my way. I didn't say anything to anyone, no one knows except the doctors in New Hampshire. I couldn't deal with people pitying me and judging me. I know I was young and nowhere near ready to have a baby. I know it's stupid to be so upset over something that didn't even resemble a person yet, but it was my little boy. He was part of me and then he was just…"

"He was just gone." Derek whispered, pulling her close and rubbing her back soothingly.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye." She sobbed, grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone, and I'm so sorry for being an ass. I had no right to be mad at you for not telling me. I love you so much, and it hurts me to think of you having to deal with that pain and knowing I can't do a damned thing to help. I know this baby doesn't bring him back, but this is your chance, our chance to do everything the way you would've wanted. Boy or girl, they're going to be the most beautiful, amazing smart child ever, and any that follow it are going to be just the same. It's okay to feel sad about…"

"Harvey, I know I shouldn't have named him but I didn't want him to be nameless. I wanted him to be more than just a few cells that grew inside me for a few weeks. So he was always Harvey James Grey."

"Harvey, I like that. And you'd've been as brilliant a mum then as you are going to be when our little one arrives. Sometime around the 17th of September." He smiled and pulled her completely into his lap, sniffing her lavender scented hair as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Thank you." She sighed softly into his chest.

"For what?"

"For being so understanding about all of this, even though I hid it from you."

"Meredith, you had your reasons, but when you felt the time was right, you told me, you let me in, you let me share your pain. That was all I ever wanted from you. There will always be things that we haven't mentioned yet, because we're scared or they slip our minds, and then when we finally tell each other, open ourselves up that little bit more, it'll just make us stronger. I love you Meredith. I love that you have a past that I'm still discovering, that right now, we're having a baby and a wedding and building a house. And I love that we'll have a whole future together. That isn't about to change. Now sleep, you have an early surgery with me to make up for the way I behaved." He kissed her gently, and laid down beside her, his arms around her protectively ready to fight anything else that threatened to ruin their happily ever after.

A/N- reviews make me happy!