Trigger Warning: Deals with the struggles of transitioning, homophobia and islamaphobia to varying degrees
Genie arrived at the party promptly at 7. It had been a while since she had seen everyone, but she was excited for the small reunion. She had drifted apart from the gang during her college years, but reconnected with them shortly after - during her transition. It had been incredibly hard to explain to her family what it was to feel like you were given the wrong body and had been living years trying to be someone you were not. It had been exhausting and she had been at her breaking point when Gerald found her by the docks.
Her family had just rejected her outright, and she had nowhere to go and hadn't known whom to turn to. It was Gerald who suggested she turned to Arnold, who had just inherited his grandparents' boarding house. During Genie's darkest hours, it was the newly wedded couple who had taken her in, listened to her, and helped her find the resources she needed to begin her transition. She didn't know if she would be here without all of their support and she was incredibly grateful. Staring at the door, a wave of nostalgia hit her and tears began to overwhelm her as she rubbed furiously at her eyes.
"Hello Genie, do you plan on knocking any time soon or do you need my help to do it?" Genie blushed furiously as Nur's teasing voice reached her ears. She turned abruptly so that she was standing face to face with Helga's coworker, hands fidgeting behind her back as she did her best to speak normally. "No, no. I can do it!"
"Inshallah, you'll do it today." Nur replied, giggling as she began adjusting her hijab. Genie quickly knocked, muttering incoherently about how nice it was that the rain had stopped a few hours earlier. She was thankful when Phoebe finally opened the door and welcomed them inside. Understanding her own luck, she wouldn't be surprised if the butterflies in her stomach burst forth like the baby alien in 'Aliens'. She needed to recollect herself.
The group of friend's spent the beginning half of the night enjoyably. Esperanza, Harold's five-month long girlfriend, arrived earlier in the evening to help Gerald and Helga in the kitchen. Together they made an assemblage of dishes including arroz con pollo, mac and cheese, quinoa (Gerald's specialty), a lemon cheesecake with raisins, and flan. Harold himself had brought a rump roast from the butcher's shop, Rhonda some really expensive wine, Nadine crackers, Curly ingredients for smores and Sheena some cheese she bought at the cheese festival two weeks earlier. Even though she had voted for the Green Party, Sheena had no delusions of a Jill Stein victory and didn't mind spending the night playing the board games Genie and Nur had brought. When Arnold finally arrived, the party really started, and the melody of music, laughter, bickering, teasing and conversation all mixed to form a cacophony that drowned out the sound of raindrops once again beginning their assault on the buildings of Hillwood.
As the night progressed, the group began to settle down to watch the results of the election. They turned off the lights of the living room and brought out bowls of popcorn, as well as the cheese, crackers and wine; Arnold spending another half an hour in the kitchen making smores by the electric stove with Helga going in between rooms to deliver them.
Chat had remained amiable until the results from Florida came in and questions on how Pennsylvania would vote were being raised. Nur could feel her chest tighten as Helga opened her laptop to refresh the NY Times page. She readjusted her hijab twice while listening to the pundits on CNN. Tears began to well up in her eyes, her mouth growing dry as she clutched at her phone, looking down several times to see if she had received any text messages. When an argument erupted between Rhonda and Sheena regarding the question on whether third party voters were to blame for the loss of the 'Sunshine State', Nur excused herself to use the bathroom.
Although Arnold had tried to quell the argument, it escalated when Nadine entered the argument on behalf of Rhonda and Curly on the side of Sheena. Genie had sat watching as the situation devolved and quietly excused herself to check on Nur who had been gone for 15 minutes. Exiting the living room, Genie headed upstairs towards the bathroom hearing the sniffles just as her knuckles were about to meet the door.
"Aba, please tell me this isn't happening. He's going to win this election. Pennsylvania is going to go to Trump and then he only needs 6 votes and he already has Wisconsin in the bag. How can people have so much hate? " Nur sat on the edge of the bathtub and used her left hand to hug herself tightly. " Aba, he can't possibly win can he?" But even as she asked the question to her father, she knew none of his assurances would convince her to ignore reality. She knew better. He couldn't protect her from this. He couldn't protect them from what was coming next.
Nur found herself struggling to breathe. She just wanted to be home, with the people who loved her. She wanted one more night of feeling safe with her family before the inevitable. Tears flowed freely down her face as she struggled to control her voice. Here it was again, the fear of being hated in America. She couldn't take it. "Aba, please come pick me up. I want to go home."
After hanging up with her father, Nur took a cursory look at herself in the mirror. Her large deep-set eyes were red, her skin blotchy and her hijab was in disarray. She carefully removed the pins holding her hijab in place letting free her thick, curly brown hair, taking the time to stare carefully at her own reflection. She had always hated her high-bridged nose for being so conspicuous and getting her teased when she was younger. In general, she had had a severe dislike for her face because of childhood bullies. It was only when she began growing into her high cheekbones, wide mouth and sharp eyebrows that she started to feel comfortable in her own caramel skin. But even now, there were things about herself she thought unattractive. In particular, she thought her chin was weak and often looked down to hide it. Because of this habit, people always mistook her as demure and submissive, but she had a fiery spirit, especially when she got to speaking in her native tongue.
She looked down at the cloth clutched in her perfectly manicured hands, and thought about all that the hijab meant to her. As a muslim woman, she took pride in her faith and in her submission to Allah. Would she have to hide her love for her God for her own safety? The thought of being unable to wear the hijab suffocated her and a strangled cry escaped her throat as she once again began to cry. In her distress she failed to hear the soft knocks at the door and the turning of the bathroom knob.
The creak of the floorboard startled Nur and she spun around instantly, drawing her hijab up to cover her hair. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice cracking as she hastily tried to pin things back in place. Genie stared abashedly at Nur's beautiful curly hair before catching the look of desperation in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I was worried and came to look for you. I heard you crying. Here let me help you with that." As Genie took a step forward, Nur took a step back, knocking into the sink and causing a few of Arnold's hygienic products to hit the porcelain with a clatter.
"No, wait. You shouldn't see me like this." A deafening silence permeated the room and Nur knew at once what she had done. "I am sorry Genie, I didn't mean it like that. I know you want to be a girl, I just…"
"I don't want to be a girl Nur." Genie couldn't believe how quickly her body resorted to tears and thought perhaps it was the fault of the hormones. "I am a girl! I am a girl who likes other girls. I thought you understood and were okay with that."
"I do understand, I am sorry. I misspoke. It's just, everything is so confusing and scary right now. I know you are a girl, I do. And I know you like girls. And I am perfectly okay with that as long as you don't like me. But with everything that is happening tonight…"
Genie felt like she had been punched in the gut as soon as she heard the words 'as long as you don't like me' escape Nur's mouth. She knew it would be impossible for Nur to fall in love with her, but somewhere she had always held on to the hope that maybe, if they hung out, if they got to know each other better, there would be a chance. Genie could feel the bile rise in her throat as she pushed past Nur towards the toilet. Using all of her faculties Genie tuned out the world to focus on her breath. Downstairs was a disaster and she didn't want to make upstairs one as well. Yes she was heartbroken, just as much so as when Sheena rejected her, but there were other fish in the sea. As long as she had her rights, she'd be okay.
"Oh Genie, sweetie, I am sorry. I know this must be just as scary for you as it is for me. Mike Pence as a vice president must be terrifying for you. I mean, to believe in conversion therapy is just ridiculous."
At that moment, while listening to Nur ramble on about what this election would mean for them, reality struck Genie the way her father had when she spoke about wanting to transition. She spent the next 3 minutes emptying her stomach of the delicious meal she had enjoyed earlier.
Author's note: This election has been really hard on me and a lot of my friends. There are a lot of emotions I want to express, and I am trying my best to do so without creating a caricature of anyone. People are complex. In some ways, I am really unsatisfied with my writing. I hope it portrays everything I want it to portray. Their is a lot to be said. I don't want to paint a hopeless picture for those in marginalised communities, because I think their is hope (I want to stand by you), but I did want to portray the hopelessness that I felt. I really called my father as the election results were coming in. I was desperate for some reassurance. I don't know. Like I said, it's complex. I hope people don't decry this as a winey millennial. I just wanted to put out my perspective in the hopes of comforting others, but also in the hopes of helping others understand why is it that people feel so threatened.