Chapter 17 ❖ Starlingpaw
The cheers of her Clanmates sounded hollow in Starlingpaw's ears. Though the Clan seemed joyous, the she-cat knew she couldn't be the only one questioning Beetlestar's decision to host two ceremonies following the destruction of the flood. The Clan always needed a medicine cat and warriors, but surely those ceremonies could wait until after the Clan had paid their respects?
To her right, Ripplestream stared up at Beetlestar's perch with her eyes glazed over, tail wrapped loosely around her kits, who seemed subdued compared to their usual enthusiasm. The shock of the flood, and that of their father's death, would leave the nursery a dismal place until the birth of Mapleblossom's kits.
Even then, those kits would have only one elder to tell them stories. Goldfur sat staring into space not too far from Starlingpaw, no doubt thinking about Thistleclaw just as she was. One moment, she had been searching his pelt for ticks and the next the water rushed towards them, carrying the old black tom away with it. He'd been in the middle of a story, one about the Clan's move from their old home.
Sitting on the cold red floor of the canyon, Starlingpaw couldn't help but think of whether or not the flood would mean RockClan's move to yet another home. She half expected Palethorn to step up at any moment and claim that the Clan should move on, just as he had at Kestrelpaw's ceremony, but the white tom remained still, eyes focused on the top of the cliff where he buried Littlepaw.
So many lives lost for no reason, Starlingpaw thought to herself, looking down at her white paws. Something clawed at her insides, creeping up her ribs and into her chest until the she-cat found it hard to breathe.
If only she'd heard the rush of water sooner, there would have been enough time to warn the Clan and get everyone to safety before the flood washed them away. But she'd passed the sound of water off as coming from the stream, swollen with rain and running through camp faster than usual.
And now Littlepaw, Redblaze and Thistleclaw were dead. All because she'd been too engrossed in an elders' tale.
Mind preoccupied, Starlingpaw did not notice her sister approaching her. The cream tabby held her head high, eyes alight with pride, and Starlingpaw felt something uncoil in the pit of her stomach, momentarily replacing the guilt.
"It's been quite a day, hasn't it?" Asternose said rather brightly. "Just this morning we were sitting on a ledge eating freshkill and talking about the weather."
Starlingpaw nodded mutely, the guilt returning forcefully. Redblaze had been alive this morning, telling her to take care of the elders and their ticks.
"And now I'm a warrior." The cream she-cat paused, as if to let the words sink in. Starlingpaw flinched slightly at the boast.
"What happened while we were gone?" Asternose asked softly, changing the subject.
It took the apprentice a couple of moments to put together a response and push it past her constricted throat. "I heard the sound of rushing water while cleaning the elders' den, but passed it off as the stream, since it's been swelling with the rain. Thistleclaw and Goldfur began telling stories as I worked and, by the time I realized the sound had grown, the river was twice its usual size."
She paused, remembering the chaos that followed. "It all happened so quickly and we panicked. One moment Redblaze was helping Thistleclaw up the cliff and the next moment both of them were gone, swept away by the flood."
Starlingpaw shivered as she remembered the feel of the deadly water on her fur, fear and sorrow dancing in her yellow eyes.
"It's such a terrible thing," Asternose sighed, settling down beside the black and white she-cat. "I'm only sorry the patrol couldn't get back in time to warn the rest of the Clan."
The apprentice narrowed her eyes at the fake sound of the words. Always playing the hero, she thought, suddenly realizing that Asterpaw - now Asternose - must have received her warrior name for her part in saving the patrol.
Then, another thought struck her and the uncoiled snake in her stomach reared its ugly head, jealousy creeping through her like venom. If she'd realized the flood was coming, would she be seen as a hero, too? Would she have her warrior name, alongside her siblings?
Would she, for once in her life, be seen as better than her sister?
"I don't think it would have made much of a difference," Starlingpaw said coldly, backing away from the cream warrior. Asternose looked up at her in confusion and Starlingpaw snorted inwardly, marvelling at how the she-cat continued to ignore how superiorly she acted.
The apprentice turned to leave and almost immediately knocked her head into a mass of red fur. For a single moment, Starlingpaw thought she had bumped into her mentor, Redblaze. Bouncing back, she found the eyes staring down at her very different from his kind green ones.
"I'm s-sorry," she stuttered, tearing herself away from the harsh amber gaze of the ginger tom. He did not reply, though she could still feel his eyes on her.
"It's alright Starlingpaw," came Beartooth's voice from the side. "Our guest was just hoping to meet some of the Clan members." Starlingpaw looked up at the new deputy and saw that even he looked small compared to the giant stranger.
"It looks like I'll be staying here a while," the tom said in a voice so deep it made Starlingpaw shiver. She glanced down, only to find herself staring at the tom's claws. A cold wave of fear washed over her as she imagined them piercing through fur and skin. It was no wonder Emberpaw hadn't left the medicine den yet after her encounter with the stranger.
"Beetlestar also wanted me to tell you that Dapplefur will be your mentor from now on," Beartooth continued.
"Has Dapplefur ever mentored anyone before?" Asternose had joined their conversation, tone skeptical, and Starlingpaw shot her a cold look.
"No, but Beetlestar wouldn't give her an apprentice if he thought she couldn't handle it," the tabby tom replied, looking at Starlingpaw pointedly. She nodded, twitching her whiskers sadly.
But training with Dapplefur will never be the same as with Redblaze, the apprentice thought to herself.
She suddenly became aware of three pairs of eyes watching her and found herself shaking. Asternose's green ones shone condescendingly; Beartooth's amber eyes cast a tired, but kind, light; the stranger's amber orbs were void of emotion. The sudden mixture of fear, guilt and envy within threatening to overwhelm her, Starlingpaw stammered an excuse.
"I h-have to get back to c-cleaning dens," the she-cat explained hurriedly before fleeing, shaking all the way up to the top of the cliff. Her breaths came in short gasps as she climbed the path, heart pounding against the dark emotions swallowing her up. The canyon suddenly felt as if it were closing in on her.
Blindly, she continued to run, not knowing whether she was running from the knowing looks of her Clanmates or the bottled up emotions inside her. Both seemed to accompany her as she disappeared over the cliff edge.
When she finally stopped, the rock had turned to tall grass and the sun hung low in the sky, turning the plains around her a vivid orange. Gasping for air, Starlingpaw turned to see if anyone had followed her, but found only a bird soaring overhead. She continued on her path.
The next time she halted, green branches hung overhead and the scents of mice and squirrels filled her nose. The copse of trees held the scent of rain too, a soft, loamy sort of smell that rose from the moss and leaves littering the ground.
Unsheathing her claws, Starlingpaw hacked at the moss before her, tearing it into little bits. Growls escaped her, fierce snarls and yowls of anger. Pieces of moss the size of beetles flew in every direction.
By the time she was done, nothing remained of the clump. Belatedly, the apprentice realized the moss might have made a good nest.
But she had no intention of cleaning dens. All she wanted to do was be alone.
The swirling emotions made it impossible and the she-cat let them wash over her. Amber eyes flashed through her mind, fear flooding her until the thought of the flash flood replaced it with pictures of Thistleclaw and Redblaze disappearing under the waves. The sound of rushing water filled her ears, slowly turning into soft laughter and then the words of her sister: it's such a terrible thing.
The fear instilled by the stranger disappeared quickly, while the guilt and envy lingered. Anytime Starlingpaw thought of Asternose, she found herself gritting her teeth, the poison of jealousy spreading from the centre of her chest outwards and making her whole body ache. She almost preferred the pain to the hollow feeling the guilt brought with it.
A chirp sounded above her and Starlingpaw looked up to see a curious starling hopping down onto a low branch. It blinked at her with beady black eyes, cocking its head to the side. It chirped again and the she-cat chirped back, twitching her whiskers sadly.
The starling took off, startled by her response. She watched as it flitted through the branches of the trees before disappearing into the darkening sky. Sighing, she wished she could do the same.
The flutter of another pair of wings caught Starlingpaw's attention and, pricking her ears, she heard a sound that made her fur bristle - paws shuffled against leaves, pushing against them as if to pounce.
Starlingpaw moved out of the way just in time to see a ball of grey fur flash past her, stumbling and rolling head over heels before collapsing in a heap. Bits of moss flew in every direction and the leaves littering the ground rose up in a wave before crashing down onto the figure.
Purring softly, the she-cat carefully approached the tom, jumping back as the leaves rocketed in the air once more. Wolf turned to her with a dead sparrow in his mouth, looking very proud of himself.
"For that squirrel last time," he said, placing his catch in front of Starlingpaw. The leaves settled around them slowly and the she-cat didn't speak until the last one had touched the ground, finding it strange that she would meet the same tom here again.
"Thank you," she replied slowly. "But I'm really not hungry." She pushed the bird back towards the tom with a white paw.
He cocked his head to the side. "Why not?"
Starlingpaw flicked her tail tip. "I already ate," she lied just as her stomach rumbled, betraying her.
Wolf looked at her skeptically. "What's wrong, Starlingpaw?"
Her heart leaped slightly as he said her name, surprised he had remembered it. A sudden wariness overtook her as she took in his dishevelled and dirty fur; he looked like he'd been living in the copse of trees. Had he been sitting here waiting for her to return or was it just a coincidence?
Her eyes fell on the sparrow and she thought it was somewhat honourable of the rogue to wait around so he could return her favour. Looking up, she saw the concern in his yellow eyes seemed genuine.
"There was a flood," she said quietly, deciding to trust the tom. "It swept through the canyon and killed some of my Clanmates."
His eyes grew large and he flicked his thick tail, scattering the leaves once more. "That's terrible!" She couldn't help but notice that he sounded more grieved than Asternose.
The envy rose up once more, as did the guilt. "It's my fault. I heard it coming and did nothing."
An emptiness filled her as she said the thought out loud for the first time, the guilt receding and leaving behind only her jealousy. Her heart thumped loudly.
"And now my siblings have their warrior names because they helped the Clan in their time of need and I didn't," Starlingpaw continued, looking down at her paws. "I just wish I had said something - then my mentor would still be alive and I'd be a warrior."
She felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her when the words left her mouth. Saying them out loud, Starlingpaw realized just how much she missed Redblaze. If she'd only spoken up, there would be no need to have Dapplefur continue her training. As much as the apprentice hated to think it, she agreed with Asternose that Dapplefur might not even know how to train an apprentice, being a queen for most of her life.
Wolf's tail wrapping around her shoulders caused Starlingpaw to jump. He purred as she settled down, feeling her fur prickling strangely where his tail touched her. Looking up, she saw that same genuine concern in his yellow orbs and found her quickly beating heart slowing as she calmed, glad to have someone who would listen.
"You'll be a warrior one day," Wolf said, pushing the sparrow towards her. "Until then, I'm sure you'll be the best apprentice your Clan could ask for." Starlingpaw nodded, taking a bite of the prey.
"What will you be?" she asked, once again noticing his dishevelled state.
"I'll be here to remind you of that," he said with a playful nudge.
A/N: It's been so long since I've updated... I almost forgot about FFN until quite recently. I hope you can forgive me! (Reads and reviews for everyone who does?)