A/N- And a bazillion years later, I'm back! Real life gets in the way sometimes, and as much as I hate it, fanfic has to go to the bottom of my to-do list. And this is the last random filler chapter before the focus switches entirely to the wedding. I can't promise that it'll be soon, but I will try and get my many many ideas down on (virtual) paper and get them published just as soon as I'm able.
As ever, thank you so much for being patient, and for those wonderful people that send me a few words of encouragement that I can look back on when I'm ready to throw in the towel and leave the story unfinished. You all remind why I started this and give me so much motivation to see this through to the end, whenever that may be. You are wonderful, every single one of you!
"That's the last one?" Meredith looked hopefully up at her friend as he returned from the attic with yet another dusty box to add to the vast collection that had accumulated in her bedroom.
"Yeah, the only stuff left there now has Izzie's name on it so I left it up there."
"Thanks Alex. You're sure you don't mind doing this? I could've just gone up and looked, then you wouldn't have to haul everything down."
"Shepherd and his pregnancy book said you weren't allowed up the ladder while your uterus was occupied, and your balance was crappy even before he knocked you up, so I'll stick to hauling your stuff down from the attic over taking you to the ER when you fall through the ceiling. I care what happens to you and the kid or whatever. Just sort through and leave the ones you want me to put back against the wall and I'll sort it after the game finishes." Meredith smiled, it was rare to gain any kind of verbal sentiment from Alex, and even though he often did little things to brighten up her day or help out when Derek was working, it was still nice to hear that he was looking out for her, even if it was partially on Derek's insistence.
As the weeks went on, Derek was becoming particularly protective over Meredith, adamant that she not put herself in any situation that could harm her or the baby. X-ray was delegated to interns or residents with fewer years' experience on Derek's insistence, and if he knew she was in a long surgery he made sure that someone went in to administer fluids when he wasn't able to. There were things that would bug her at work though, delegating patients if they had any chance of having a contagious condition even if unrelated to their visit to Seattle Grace. So many good cases had slipped through her fingers and she had snapped at him more than once for interfering. As annoying as it was at times, she knew that if the two of them were anything less than the world to Derek, he wouldn't hover or worry even half as much. And she had to admit, having Derek delegate some of her scut for her gave her the time to take the weight off her feet for five minutes every now and then, which was more than welcome as bee grew.
"How are you getting on?" Derek asked the two of them as he came into the room with a drink and a snack for Meredith and a beer for Alex.
"Boxes are down, and I'll put the stuff you don't want to take in the attic when you're done." Alex informed his soon to be former roommate.
"Thanks Alex, that's great. Game's about to start, Mark's already down there." Alex took the cue and headed down the stairs, leaving the two of them alone for a while.
"Anything good in there?" Derek asked, snaking an arm around Meredith's waist.
"A few old photos, medical journals that sort of thing. Nothing I really need. I'll probably sort through and see if anything needs to go in the trash and leave them back up there or put them in our attic in case I ever want them."
"Good idea." He commented looking around at the plethora of boxes now filling their soon to be former bedroom. "Hey what's this one? It just says Meredith."
"Probably just junk from college. You can open it if you want." Derek peeled the tape from the box, and peered inside as Meredith settled in with a box of journals and newspaper articles from Ellis' various awards and nominations spanning her magnificent career.
"Oh wow, Mer have you seen this? It's full of baby stuff."
"What? Oh my god." She gasped. "I didn't even know she'd kept any of this stuff." She shuffled across the floor on her knees, her hands gravitating to a tiny white onesie near the top. "This was what she brought me home in. she hadn't bothered picking much up yet because I was early, so someone grabbed this from the gift shop so I had clothes to go home in. Seattle Grace from the day I was born."
"Just like our bee." Derek smiled. "Maybe we should get him or her one of these, maybe they can follow in our footsteps. Ooh, I spy pink. I thought you didn't like baby pink."
"I don't, oh god that's hideous." She grimaced as Derek pulled a lacy pink dress from the box.
"I think it's sweet. It's just a shame there's no photographic proof that you wore it. This box is definitely coming with us."
"That box is going in the trash."
"No, I get a vote too, and this one is coming with us. What if our future son or daughter wants to know what you were like as a baby and you have none of this to show them. Come on, do it for bee." Meredith pouted, she couldn't say no when it came to bee, something that Derek was using to his full advantage.
"Fine, but the contents stay between the three of us."
"And any future shepherds we make." Meredith's jaw dropped in exasperation.
"I'm only seventeen and a half weeks pregnant with bee, let's get through the rest of it before we even think about anymore shall we Derek."
"I don't mean anytime soon, but we said five." He teased.
"Two. After that my legs will be closed to you."
"I'd better get in all the practice I can while they're still open to me, better i?" he quipped jumping up and settling himself behind her, kissing her neck until she giggled, and surrendered to his onslaught, letting him lay her on the floor and caress her curves. They knew better by now than to have sex when they had guests so settled for a make out session instead, with a little under the shirt action now that Derek knew how to play with her breasts without them becoming too sore. It was Meredith's bladder that brought an end to their make out session, the downside of being more hydrated than normal thanks to Derek's fussing over them.
Mark called up to Derek to alert him to the beginning of the game, so he planted one last kiss on Meredith's lips before heading down to watch it. With the men of the house tied up for the next few hours, Meredith let her guard down a little and let the tears she'd been holding in slide down her cheeks as she sorted through the boxes of her mom's things, the memories both good and bad filling the room, the tragedy of her illness and untimely demise striking Meredith through the heart once again. It was a rare moment where she envied Derek, losing his father quickly, and not having to suffer the years of watching her mother regress and disappear in front of her eyes. Thinking back to the early days of being in Seattle again, her mind drifted to Derek and his futile attempts at shielding her from the pain of her mother's frequent hospitalisations and the agony of her passing regardless of the closure that she had gotten whilst fighting for her own life. In the months after it had been Derek's embrace that had brought her back from the brink and grounded her when she needed it. Even now, as she looked back at her mother's successes, and the legacy that she'd left she wanted Derek because somehow, when she was in his arms, things never felt quite so devastating.
She tiptoed down the stairs, standing in the doorway of the lounge, Derek's eyes immediately meeting hers and flooding with concern for his fiancée. He raised his eyebrows and she ran to him, curling herself in his lap and grabbing his hand, as she let the tears soak his shirt, his lips pressed against her forehead in silent empathy. He rubbed her back gently with his free hand, his eyes on the game, his mind, and his heart with Meredith.
It was a rare moment in which the guys did not acknowledge her presence, or involve her in their team rivalry banter. She needed Shepherd and Shepherd alone. They knew the pain of having a crappy childhood, and neither wanted to relive even part of their own, so they had only respect for the strength it was taking for Meredith to even open the boxes that had been hidden away for so long.
Derek couldn't begin to imagine the pain Meredith was feeling at going through her mother's things again, his own mother had sorted through most of his father's things when the five of them weren't around, so as to shield them from even more pain at losing him so soon. He held Meredith through the first half, and the half time show, her eyes wide the whole way through as she processed her feelings in her own head for a while. He knew there was little he could do than be there for whatever she needed, or find someone to help her where he was unable. She spoke to Bailey and his mom regularly, occasionally reaching out to one of his sisters, always coming back to him when she was comfortable talking about things. As much as he worshipped her he knew that he couldn't do or be everything for her, taking comfort in the fact that she was talking to someone, even if he wasn't always the first person she went to for advice.
He ditched the second half of the game, knowing there was no way that his team would win after their appalling performance in the first half. He left out blankets and a pillow so that Mark could sleep on the couch, then followed Meredith back to their room. There were piles of papers filled with the neat script that was clearly Ellis'. Letters, papers and pages upon pages of annotated diagrams, labs and scans. In between were the relics of Meredith's brief childhood. An odd report card, and a crayon drawing of the anatomy found within the abdomen, and a pile of college papers topped with a copy of their article, a post-it over the word Shepherd with Grey written on it in thick black letters. There were a few items in a pile for the trash, reports for a college level literature class, and photographs of old acquaintances that now she couldn't even remember the names of.
"I can't throw it out." She whispered as she sat down in the midst of her memories. "I didn't keep much when she died, it was just things, but this, this is her. This was her entire life. Her books and papers, that's who my mother was. I'm not ready to say goodbye to that. I can't say goodbye to that."
"You don't have to Meredith. Whatever you want to do with it is fine. This is your mother's legacy. It must have been important to her to keep it. We'll box it back up and take it with us, and if you're ever ready to look through it again then I will be by your side the whole time. Bee should know who his or her grandmother was, and how extraordinary her mother was even in fourth grade." He smiled, picking up the report card he'd glanced at. "Art wasn't your thing even then, huh?" he ducked at the stuffed lamb that came his way, retrieving it and placing it at Meredith's side and kissing her on the head. He grabbed a box and began placing things into it, slowly clearing the floor until all that remained were twenty four boxes filled with Meredith's old life, building blocks for the brightness of their future.
"You'll call us when you get there?" Izzie insisted as Meredith fastened her seatbelt around her 18 week bump. Meredith smiled at her friend. They'd been hauling boxes and furniture to the new house whenever they had free time for almost two weeks, and the final load had been packed into Derek's car just moments before. They all knew it was coming but it didn't make leaving the house any less daunting or bittersweet.
"I promise. Bye Iz, Alex." She told her friends. She could see the tears welling in Izzie's eyes, knowing that if Izzie started to cry then she'd be quick to follow. She was ecstatic at the idea of living alone with Derek and bee, but it would be weird not to have her friends at the other end of the hall. The two years she had spent at her childhood house made it feel far more like a home than all the time she had spent there as a child and there was no denying that she'd miss it far more than she could imagine.
"You ready?" Derek asked gently, sensing what a huge moment this was for both women. Alex put his arm around Izzie as Meredith swallowed thickly, biting both lips as she nodded.
"Yeah. Take me home Derek." She kept her eyes on the rear-view mirror as they drove away, Izzie sobbing into Alex's shoulder until they turned the corner and the pair faded out of sight. It was official, she'd really left home. She was really moving in with the man she loved, was really getting married and having a baby. She almost had to pinch herself to see if it were real. This was the happily ever after part. It was horrible and sad right now, but once she got used to it, she knew she'd see that it was everything she never even knew she wanted.
"Alright over there?" Derek asked Meredith as the moments drifted by silently. He placed one hand on her thigh and she grabbed it with her own, squeezing gently.
"Yeah, it just seems so much bigger now that it's actually happening. We're really moving to our own place. And that house it's… you know what don't worry it's stupid…"
"It's definitely not stupid. You grew up in that house, it was always going to be strange going someplace new. The first night I spent in my own place I spent most of the night on the phone to my mom and couldn't figure out how to do laundry for nearly a month. Nancy and Kath were exactly the same. And Mark hated living away from home so much that he moved in with me after two weeks on his own. But as much as it pains me to say it, I'll miss your strays almost as much as you will." Meredith chuckled at the revelation. She knew living alone was something Derek was fairly accustomed to after an eleven year marriage, but it was still a momentous occasion for him finally able to have a house in Seattle that he could call his own. Meredith and bee making it a home. It was a chapter of his life he'd been waiting for since college, and it was finally all dropping into place.
"We're gonna bring our baby home to this house." She reminded him. "And spend our honeymoon there…"
"And make more babies there." Meredith frowned at him.
"Let's get bee grown up first." She scolded. "Then we can have the other one."
"What if we have twins or triplets?"
"Then it'll be the place you come home to after your vasectomy." Derek laughed, and shook his head, his free hand joining Meredith's atop her ever expanding bump. She'd felt the odd movement that might be classed as a kick, but nothing yet that Derek could feel. He took every opportunity to try and feel something, talking to the baby regularly in the hope that it would react to his voice. Thus far however, his whispering calmed the movement more than anything else, Meredith's giggle one of the few things that could be counted on to entice the guppies, their child clearly in love with the sound as much as he was.
"You wanna grab dinner before we go home, or take out perhaps?" Derek suggested, all too aware that the fridge was yet to be stocked with more than bottled water and milk.
"How about wedding cake?" Meredith tried desperately to hold back a giggle as she saw Derek's face fall. They'd spent almost a week finishing up the leftovers after the bakery sent the samples for their cake. Meredith had embraced the influx of sugar, managing to gain a few extra pounds that she knew would only be a good thing for the pregnancy. Derek had been less keen, not so willing to eat more than a small slice here and there, so the strays had all been called in to help finish the samples and help pick a winner.
Having decided to go with French vanilla, with a layer of coffee just for Derek they had to simply decide upon the design for the four tier masterpiece. Izzie had made them an appointment with an old friend of hers who specialised in sugar craft and non-edible wedding toppers, and if both were honest they couldn't wait to see her designs, pick one and tick the last item off of the wedding list.
As they pulled over to a line of food outlets, Meredith made a beeline for the bakery before changing her course and heading for the Thai restaurant in the middle of the row. Her usual dishes weren't deemed safe by the pregnancy books, so she glanced through the menu to find something she could eat without having to worry what it might do to her unborn child. It had been Derek that had piqued her interest in Thai, when she revealed to him that she hated Chinese food. She'd never seen him eat the same dish twice, and he claimed to have sampled almost all of the dishes on one particular menu from downtown Seattle. He was being incredibly polite when it came to food, only eating and drinking the things that she could when he was around her. He'd even gone into a seven hour surgery without so much as a whiff of coffee just two days before, so he deserved a treat. She ordered a vegetarian dish that she knew he loved, picking something with a little less spice for herself, knowing she'd pay for it in heartburn otherwise. Derek insisted on ordering the sides however, a smorgasbord of dishes they could both eat once they got back home.
They settled down with a movie while they ate, Meredith agreeing to watch one of Derek's collection over her array of chick flicks and horror films. By the time they'd gotten through all the food and the movie in the background was finished, it was getting a little late to unpack so they settled instead for christening their new bed, and starting very much as they meant to go on.
Almost two weeks after Derek had revealed the completed house to her, it still didn't seem quite real that they would have their own place just four weeks before their wedding. It felt as though everything was at last slotting into place. All four bridesmaids' dresses were ready for the final adjustments, and Derek assured her that both the bachelor and bachelorette parties were organised and set to be tasteful and fun. Flights were booked from New York and Boston, and a glorious week at home was waiting for them both when the festivities were over. Bee was healthy and growing more every day. Meredith was adjusting well to everything that pregnancy threw at her. Her increased sex drive gave her no end of pleasure, she was finally finding her niche in surgery and her wonderful fiancé had let her lie in for the first time in weeks. Things were going well for Meredith as she adjusted to the light that flooded the master bedroom, the lake glittering in the distance making rainbows as the sun shone through the last of the dew. A glance to her right told her that it was heading towards ten-thirty, and the guppies in her stomach, along with her busting bladder meant that she needed to get up.
After emptying her bladder and fastening her robe over her bump she headed downstairs to the kitchen to find Derek singing along to the radio as he served up a plate of pancakes, dousing them with syrup and placing them in front of Meredith as she sat down.
"I heard you get up and thought you'd like some breakfast. I figured you might need to refuel after last night." She giggled, and rolled her eyes, accepting the kiss he placed on her lips before he poured a glass of pasteurised orange juice from the approved carton in the fridge. "Did Izzie mention anything about the designs Loren sent her for the cake?" He asked his fiancée whilst he loaded the new dishwasher. Meredith shook her head.
"No, she hasn't seen any finalised designs. She's seen bits and pieces, flowers and bows and things like that, but Loren hasn't shown her anything big in case she blabs. Did she say anything to you?"
"Only that Loren thought a surgery themed cake would be kinda quirky and unusual."
"That would be cool. Maybe we can ditch the flowers and have surgical instruments instead. Though they'd have to be blue to match the colour scheme. You think it was a good idea to go back and change the colour to indigo right? Even though it's practically summer?"
"I think indigo is perfect. Purple flowers and indigo dresses and ties is a brilliant idea. Stop listening to what Izzie thinks is right and do what you want instead. It's our big day, she'll get her turn. Now eat your breakfast, there are still plenty of rooms we haven't christened yet." Meredith did as she was told, never one to pass up morning sex, even if she was rapidly running out of morning.
By 12 the two of them were in Takoma, waiting for Izzie's friend to join them in a consultation room. Meredith had been amazed by the designs that filled shelves and surfaces around the store, unbelievably excited at what would be presented to her when Loren returned.
"I can't believe she didn't tell me about this place." Meredith whined playfully. "I'd've come months ago if I'd known!"
"If you hadn't dropped the baby bomb, maybe everyone's focus wouldn't have shifted." He shot back receiving a sticky out tongue in return.
A tall redheaded lady came in to meet them. "You must be Izzie's friend, Meredith right?"
"That's me." Meredith smiled as she eased herself up and shook the lady's hand. "And this is Derek. It's great to meet you, Izzie's told me so much about your work."
"Likewise, saving lives with a wedding to plan and a baby on the way, you're practically a superhero, I feel like I should be adding a cape to the little figure!" She giggled. "Which I could totally do if you wanted, but I kinda like things the way they are at the moment." Meredith tilted her head at Derek, but his less than impressed expression told her that a cape may be a little too much.
"Okay, so Izzie told me about you both and your jobs and she mailed me a couple photos of you so I could see the kind of people you were. I threw a few ideas around, spoke to a couple of colleagues and I came up with this." Loren explained, opening a cupboard and taking out a small cardboard box, and a slightly larger box with Meredith/Derek- surgery written on the side. "I'll let you open it, and if you hate it it's totally cool. We'll find something else." Meredith took a breath and lifted the lid of the larger box, grinning as she saw the contents. Peering up at her was a tiny surgery table, set up for a tiny sleeping patient. A tiny Derek like figure was standing over the open brain wearing a top hat instead of a scrub cap and dress shoes and a suit beneath his gown. Further down the table, a tiny Meredith like figure complete with veil was busy performing abdominal surgery, her dress spilling out of the back, her bump protruding out of the front. The pair looked at each other, matching grins on their faces.
"Is it edible?" Derek asked, the pair silently hoping otherwise.
"No, it's a bit like modelling clay, so once the cake's eaten you can keep it. It seemed such a shame for it to be eaten. If you'd prefer an edible one I can make it for you."
"No," Derek insisted. "This one is, it's just…"
"It's perfect." Meredith finished for him. "I don't even know how to…. Just wow."
"You really like it?"
"It's… it's us, totally. It's incredible. Thank you." Meredith looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the tears that had gathered in her eyes.
"That's not totally it. Iz told me about your proposal, the treasure hunt thing, and it was just too perfect not to try and incorporate, so I made something for each clue, some of them would just be surgical tools or lavender sprigs and some other flowers that fit your colours. And she said bee would need to be in there too so there are a couple of baby bits to go near the top. They are edible though."
"This is incredible." Derek finally spoke up, taking the tiny bootees in his hand, tears welling at the journey of their life together so perfectly commemorated. Loren laid out a few sheets of paper with an idea of how the tiny sugar pieces would spiral around the layers. Meredith caught his eye, nodding her head, and grinning widely. Derek cleared his throat. "I don't care what it costs, I want all of it. This is our cake." Loren smiled widely, elated by their decision.
"I owed Izzie a favour and she told me your story so take it as a gift from me. If I put pictures in my portfolio I'm gonna get a ton of orders anyway. Go enjoy your happy ever after Dr. Shepherd, you both deserve it." Meredith stood up and wrapped her arms around Loren, who looked a little surprised, but leaned into it nonetheless. "But should you need a christening cake or anything…" Meredith giggled and nodded.
"We'll definitely think of you." Derek confirmed.
"Thank you." Meredith repeated again and again, overwhelmed by the kindness of a relative stranger. With just four and a half weeks to go, it seemed that the wedding she thought she might never have was just about ready.
"So which room do you want to finish unpacking first?" Derek asked Meredith as he scanned the now full shelves of the refrigerator in the hope there would be something he could rustle up for dinner. "Kitchen? Living room? Offices?"
"I can think of something else we could do," She said sultrily tugging on her lip with her teeth. Derek raised his eyebrow.
"Yeah? And what would that entail?"
"You, me and a bath full of bubbles."
"Just like the night I moved in with you."
"We're going to be here until you're 110 so we have forever to unpack. For now let's just enjoy having enough quiet that no one hears when you make me scream."
"God, I love you." He wrapped his arms around her still relatively tiny waist and kissed her with all he had and headed up to their room for something he'd been waiting for since he met her; celebrating the end of the first full day of the rest of his life.
Sated from their bath, and utterly exhausted after the previous day's activities, Meredith lay naked on the bed, her eyes closed, the gentle swell of her stomach moving gently as she breathed. Derek settled in beside her, his head beside her stomach. He pressed a kiss to the soft, cocoa scented skin, rubbing gentle circles around Meredith's belly button.
"Welcome home, bee" he breathed, reaching to cradle the entire bump in one of his strong arms. Meredith sighed happily, one hand in Derek's damp hair, the other entwining with his beside her bump.
"Baby's first home." She muttered. "Daddy built it just for you."
"For both of you." Derek answered. "So you always have a safe place to come back to, no matter where life takes you."
"I love you." Meredith blurted. "So much. I want the next four weeks gone. I want forever already." Derek rubbed Meredith's knuckles softly, his finger brushing the cool metal of her engagement ring reminding him of what it stood for.
"Take your ring off." He told her, turning to look up into her eyes.
"What?" She frowned, she hated taking it off for surgery, it was almost like a part of her now. One that would have to be surgically removed to ever come off her finger.
"Take it off." Derek said warmly, his eyes meeting hers, silently convincing her that there was a reason for his request.
"Why?" She questioned as she slid the now slightly snug band from her finger.
"Look inside." He requested turning it in her hand so that the inscription was visible. "You already have forever." Meredith choked on a smile as she rubbed the words that were hidden inside. He was right. No matter what happened in their future, she could be safe knowing what they had was forever. And there were just four weeks until she got to stand up in front of everyone she knew and profess just how much she loved every little bit of Derek Shepherd.