My Cocoon
It started with Naruto somehow impregnating Sasuke and soon followed Shino and Shikamaru, Kiba and Neji and all the other. They are all pregnant at the same time, some became before others but at this point, they are all pregnant! Even Orochimaru and Kabuto! I am the only one who does not have anyone to get a kid with and I do not want to get pregnant, but I do want a kid! I am not interested in being in a relationship with anyone and I am not interested in sex, and as I said, I do not want to get pregnant! I do however want a baby that is biologically mine, so there is a dilemma. I have been trying to figure out different possible ways of having a kid that is biologically mine, but the only ways that I think will work involves other people. I do have one thing I want to try out, I do not know if it will work or not, but hopefully it will! I am going to try to make a half clone baby! I just need to get everything I need for it and here is the list of everything I need:
Curry
A hair from one of my eyebrows
Wet and soggy bread
3 dead ants
An old item of clothing
Nectar from the Luminous Mountain Goat flower
Sperm
Words of love
A pot
Dirt
Sweat
As you can see, I do need a few things. I already have eyebrow hair, old clothes, sperm and words of love, so now I just need to get everything else. First, I went to buy the bread and everything I need to make curry, then I went back home to put it away as I went out to find what is left. It did not take me long to find the ants, they were alive but killing tiny ants is not hard. I got a pot from Inos flower shop and after she and Sakura got their clothes back on, she was kind and told me where I could find the LMG flower. It was at the top of a very high mountain nor far away from Konoha, so I had to climb for a good while to get far enough up. On my way up, I met many different animals. I also saw some stuff I really did not need to see; mountain goats mating, making the weirdest sounds I have ever heard. "Huhawugfraaaa" on repeat as I made my way up to the top.
I finally reached the flower. The flowers shape was surprisingly phallic, and the fact that I had to give it a hand job to get to the nectar (that squirted out just as if it came) did not make this any more fun. I got the very semen-like nectar and made my way back down, with "huhawugfraaaa" on repeat once again as I passed the mountain goats. The way up was fun because it was a challenge and worked well as a workout session, but the way back down was, sadly, too easy on me. I guess I will just have to work out later after I am done preparing things to make my kid.
On my way back I gathered some dirt and I also worked up a sweat from jogging and running around for a bit before I got back to my house. I prepared everything I needed; I put the wet and soggy bread in the bottom of the pot, added the nectar, dead ants and my sperm (that I got from jacking off and coming into a cup. It is not something I enjoy doing but it had to be done). Then I mixed the finished curry with the dirt I had gathered and put it in the pot on top of all the other things, then I made a tiny hole in the curry-dirt and put a piece of paper with words of love on it in the hole followed by a hair from my eyebrow. I got one of my old shirts from when I was a little kid and cut out a smaller piece of it to fit on top of everything in the pot, and when I was finally done getting all that ready I squeezed out sweat from my jumpsuit and dripped it over the pot with everything in. I put the potted experiment on a table not too far away from my bed.
Nothing happened in the first week so I thought it probably was a failure, but I did not throw it out in hope that something would happen. After the second week, I noticed something started to grow! It looks like a tiny eyebrow hair is growing out… hopefully it is not my eyebrow hair that is just crawling out from there! After watering it with more sweat for another week, I could see it had grown more, and it continued like that for weeks and months until it had become a huge cocoon-like thing.
I was so happy with how this experiment was going I just had to show it to everyone, so I invited everyone to come see the beautiful cocoon that might become my baby. "EVERYONE PLEASE LOOK! IS IT NOT BEAUTIFUL?!" I said excitedly while looking at everyone with the happiest face they have ever seen on me. "Um… What is that?" Tenten asked, looking a bit disgusted "IT'S MY BABY! EVENTUALLY… HOPEFULLY!" "WHAT!?" everyone was shocked! They just could not believe it. They could not believe that I, Rock Lee, was going to be a father! I do agree it is a bit unbelievable, but it is happening and I am really happy about it! "Lee… How can that possibly be your… baby? It's just a weird and sticky cocoon" Sakura looked at me as if she was worried I was going crazy. I had calmed down a bit so I answered her normally "That cocoon is the result of my experiment! I started to want a kid when everyone became pregnant, but I do not want to have a partner and I do not want to have sex because as you all know I am asexual and aromantic! So I worked hard to find a way to make a baby that is biologically mine without it involving another person, and I found one! As you can see, when I turn on the light behind it you can clearly see the shape of a human fetus!" I turned on the light to show them and they all gasped in horror and disgust, but then the great thing happened! They realized how much this actually means for me and that it is what I want! "Lee, you are so weird! This is kind of gross, but… I am happy for you! I think we all are!" Sasuke said and smiled at me, which I thought was weird (maybe his hormones are running wild and he is an emotional mess because of the pregnancy).
And now, the time has come! Everyone's kids popped out one after the other! Ramennoodle, Dogwolf, Flower Power, Flower Power "The Important One", Darude and Shuriken, all beautiful names for beautiful kids! Even Orochimaru and Kabuto had their kids! Not sure if they can be called kids or not though… They look like a weird snake-human hybrid, mostly snake. I heard that when Orochimaru gave birth to them it did not hurt so much because they slithered out if his penis opening like tiny larvae! They gave their kids extremely dumb names too; Orochibaru, Orochicaru, Orochidaru, Orochifaru, Orochigaru, Orochiharu, Orochijaru, Orochikaru, Orochilaru and Kabuto jr.. one of the weirdes families I have ever seen! Almost as weird as Kankuros family! You may not know this, but… Kankuro made a doll wife/husband thing that looks exactly like Sasori! So, they are married and they do have a kid! A weird doll named Scarlet Dolly Desertredsand. The name is not that bad, but the entire situation is… weird. I am not one to talk though, with my cocoon baby, which I will come back to later! I should also mention that Temari and Iruka just had their baby! The beautiful Nawrudo Dolphin Windbert Desertredsand Umino. That whole love- and birth story is strangely normal; they met at a club and started dating after that, a while later Temari gotpregnant and here we are!
Now back to my stor. Something was about to happen, something big! The cocoon had some cracks in it and it was wiggling, something was about to come out of it! Me and Sakura whom helped me stood there and watched in excitement as the cocoon opened itself. When it opened, it looked like a penis was about to explode (because of the weirdly phallic shape of the cocoon that I think I forgot to mention earlier). It did not open slowly and calmly, but quickly! A baby shot out from it and I had to run to the other side of the room to catch it, and I made it! In my arms were a baby covered in white sticky fluids and is that… oh… it is also covered in its own feces! Even though it was really goopy and gross I was still happy to be holding it… him… holding him. I was so happy I started to cry gentle tears of tears. I handed him over to Sakura so she could wash off all the dirt and goop, and when she was done she gave him back to me. "I really hope he gets many friends! I hope he becomes friends with everyone!" I smiled the biggest smile of my life. "I want Metal *Does 500000 Push Ups* Lee to have as many good friends as possible!"
Written by:
Rock Lee