That They Don't
Disclaimer:Harry Potter is the property J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended.
Today in Defense Against the Dark Arts we read about defensive spells. We don't need to be taught how to defend ourselves. We already know. Ways we build up throughout our lives, each a little different from the next. Only a little.
Pansy Parkinson has an extremely effective method. She hurts you before you can hurt her. Spreading nasty rumors, giving layered compliments. Pulling you in and then pushing you back. If you get close to her, she'll push you away. She'll only accept you if she's sure you won't accept her. She never hurts me because she knows I won't let her.
Draco Malfoy is similar, but not the same. There's no pulling involved. Too afraid to be hurt, he pushes from the start. Like an animal, he makes himself appear bigger so you won't approach. Pounces on the small. He never hurts me because he knows I'm too large to be his prey, but will never seek to be his companion.
Daphne Greengrass doesn't push anyone away. She lets everyone hurt her, because she wants anyone to heal her. She'll let you in and never force you out. She'll never let me in because she knows I won't let her.
The world is full of people pushing and pulling. Some more than others. People collide, people break apart. Some people naturally draw people in, some naturally push people out.
I don't bother pushing or pulling the strings that attach me to the rest of us. I just am. I exist. I don't disturb the space around me. I don't hurt anyone, and no one hurts me.
Recently, I've wondered if perhaps every defense is a little flawed, though.
Pansy hurts herself by hurting other people. She doesn't let herself get close to anyone who cares.
Draco hurts himself because he only lets other people hurt him. He makes them hate him, draws it out of them.
Daphne hurts herself when she lets people in. She doesn't stop them, she thinks it's helping.
Recently, I've wondered if perhaps even my defense is a little flawed.
But it's not my defense that's flawed, it's the execution. Sometimes, it's hard to stay in place. I feel the tug and I let myself get drawn in.
He's my potions partner, so standing still is difficult. We like the same table in the library, so it's hard to avoid him. We lend each other notes in History of Magic, which makes ignoring him difficult. We start eating breakfast together. Then lunch.
Eventually I realize that it's already gone too far. When I though I'd been standing still, I'd been getting pulled in just like anyone else. Just like any other idiot, waiting to get hurt. Hurting themselves.
But what can I do?
Draco or Pansy would shove him away. Hurt him.
But I can't hurt him. I could never hurt him.
Daphne would let him. Let him hurt her.
But I can't let him hurt me. I don't want to be hurt.
But maybe I do.
Maybe he's worth being hurt.
Recently, I've wondered if any defense ever works.
Because maybe none of us really want them to work. Maybe we're all hoping, a little bit, that they don't.