YukiHata: Maybe. I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no. :)

bleedingrose0688: I hope you will like it! :)

Charlene Clark: Thank you!

cigarettesandlace: And it's just the beginning :)

Thank you all for reading!

Control what you can confront what you can't…

It has been seven days. Seven long days since my arrival at the Sanctuary. To my surprise Negan hasn't laid his fingers on me yet. He gave me a long speech about how he wasn't a rapist or an abuser. More precisely, he was, but apparently he didn't like the idea of hitting women. What a gentleman. He also told me about their system and that my staying at the camp wasn't a holiday and I needed to work in order to get food, clothes and a place to sleep. I wasn't allowed to walk on my own or to talk to anyone. Trust wasn't for free. My task was to work in the storage. Since I told Negan, that I worked some back office shit before, I had to help out some men and women who worked in storage and kept track of all the supplies they stole from others.

Every day Negan paid me a visit, winked at me, told me some shitty sex related jokes and left. Yesterday Daryl was with him. Of course he wasn't allowed to even look at me. Negan made him hold his baseball bat while he got too close to my comfort and whispered a few words to my ear about trust, lesson, reward and passion.

Today was even worse. A 'Negan' guy woke me up before dawn, took me to the showers, pushed me to the line of people waiting for food. I could feel a mixture of pitiful and judgemental looks on me as I waited in line. The food was quite good. I guess they the bet out of all those stolen things. When I finished, I was ready to be pushed again towards the storage, but the guy who was with me dragged me to another direction. We were walking towards one of the gates, and I could already see Negan standing tall with the typical smile on his face. Once I was close enough for him to catch me if I wanted to run away, the man behind me disappeared.

- I'm going to be late for my shift. – I said simply.

- Don't worry about that darling. We're going on a fucking adventure. – He said and gestured towards a motorcycle that was parked near the entrance. – I hear you like guys with bikes.

I stood there looking at him with so many questions in my mind but none of them seemed to be good enough to ask them out loud. So I just took deep breath and started walking. He sat down on the bike and I sat behind him.

- I suggest you hold on tight girl. – Was all he said, and we were off to the wild.

It wasn't a long drive. He stopped after about a fifteen minutes ride. As soon as we got off of the bike he made his way into the forest and waved at me to follow him. I felt naked without my guns. Every time I was in the woods I always carried some sort of weaponry. Even a kitchen knife would have made me feel safer. But I had Negan and his Lucille, right?

He didn't say a word to me, only whistled to himself as we walked deeper and deeper into the forest. Honestly I was glad for the silence. Silence has always comforted me. I was wandering what he wanted with all this adventure shit. I started to feel that the more I wanted to know, the less I understood about everything that was going on here.

Negan stopped. So I stopped. He turned around to see me for the first time since we started walking. He made sure to undress me with his eyes. I made sure not to break my blank face starring back at him.

- Tell me something true. Something that's not a lie. – He said and this time, he wasn't smiling at all. So he knew. He knew that I wasn't honest with him.

- I hate you for what you did to my group.

- Now that must be fucking true, darling. You think I don't fucking see all the disgusted looks you give me whenever I fucking talk to you? – He stepped closer, then took a deep breath. – I've been so freaking patient with you. You know, usually when a birdy like you doesn't fucking learns her lesson after a few days…but with you…I saw the potential in you, you know. Hot, strong-willed, mysterious. Fuck, you know how to drive a man crazy…

Control what you can confront what you can't…

- I don't know what you want me to say. – Now I was the one who stepped closer. There was so much repressed anger in me and I was about to release it on Negan. – I get it. I get that your solution to survive is to steal while playing god! I get it. It's not much different from the way things used to be before the world gone to shit. But we were doing the same. We just wanted to survive, so YOU killing my friends and humiliating everyone in my group, including me, obviously made me hate your existence! And even though I agreed to go back with you and your men, you fucking know that it wasn't really a decision on my part. You gave me no option.

- Ohh you could've say no, darling. And don't you fucking forget that I even let you speak to that shithead who blew up my men and then made me kill your friend! You know that the second one is on his hands.

I just realized that we were inches apart and that Negan was holding Lucille ready to attack at any time. I really didn't know what he wanted. I didn't know what he would do to me. So I said something true, something that wasn't a lie:

- I don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it. I don't know why you haven't killed me already. Obviously I'm not useful for you. I play by the rules, but it's only enough for staying alive. You say that trust must be earned. But why would you want me work for your trust when you can't have mine?

- You know, two days ago I was thinking about fucking killing you, but I gave you one last chance. I thought if I take Daryl with me for you to see his shitty face, you would be so kind as to fucking appreciate ME making an effort. But of course you were just staring at me with those sad and arrogant eyes. Then I finally fucking realized that what you do is just a fucking show. It's just a game.

He stepped closer. I stepped back. He made another move. I made another move back. Control what you can confront what you can't. My back hit the tree behind me, and Negan dropped Lucille as he put his hands on the tree making me trapped between him and the tree.

- So what do you want to do?

- I want you to know that the game is fucking on.

Control what you can confront what you can't…