Steve came down the Five 0 headquarters after almost a six week absence. He wasn't ready to report fully back to duty just yet, but wanted to get in the office for two reasons; he missed the hell out of the job, and he and Anna's relationship was constantly on the edge at home. He felt like he was doing all the work of trying to keep her happy all the while still having to sneak around with his pills because of her lack of confidence in him. It was taking its toll on both of them. Not only did he have to hide the extra doses he'd been taking to keep his pain level at bay, but now he had to hide all off it as well. It was exhausting at times.
He glanced inside Chin's office as he passed it first, surprised not to see him there, the same with Kono and Danny as he walked by there's, wondering if they went out on a call, feeling jealous over that, wishing he were with them.
As came toward his office he smiled seeing the reason for their absence.
"Surprise!" Kono yelled out as they stood by the entrance to his door.
"Welcome back," Chin added.
Danny held up a bag of Malasadas' as Chin and Kono each held a balloon that was in the shape of a helicopter. "You're welcome back breakfast party," Danny said, shaking the bag.
"Watch out for the helicopters," Chin teased.
"Yeah," Kono laughed, "don't turn your back on these bad boys." She held out the string of the one she was holding to him as she hugged him. "Welcome back Boss."
Steve laughed at all three of them, "You have a warped sense of humor, all three of you." He took the balloon from her. "I love it!"
Chin stepped up next, giving him a bro shake before they put an arm around each other for a hug. "Welcome back Big Kahuna. We missed ya."
Danny had spoken to him quite a bit in the last couple of weeks but hadn't physically seen him in almost two. He was a little taken back by the loss of weight as well as Chin and Kono but all three of them automatically attributed it to the accident and his lack of physical activity that he was accustom too.
Danny handed him the bag. "Eat these, you need some meat on those bones."
"The compliments are never ending," Steve laughed, taking the bag and looking inside. "Only a dozen? Those'll be gone in sixty seconds."
Kono reached over and stuck her hand in, "Give me one before you devour them."
"Take two or even three. Anna made me a huge breakfast for my first day back," he lied. She'd made him eggs and bacon, which he dumped half down the garbage disposal while she was upstairs.
"If that's the case," Chin spoke up, digging his hand inside the bag as well, "give me one of those."
Steve held the bag over to Danny who hesitated. "Come on, you know you want one."
He held his hand up, "I had four on the way in, plus I know you, you love Malasadas', big breakfast or not, you'll finish those off before lunch."
He folded the bag back up and went into his office followed by each one of them.
"Home sweet home," Steve smiled, taking a seat behind his desk in the oversized leather chair. "I can't believe how much I missed you," he said to it, rubbing his hands up and down the chair's arms.
"I think you hit your head just a little too hard bro," Chin said of his happiness. "You're just a little too happy to be here."
"I missed you guys. Plus I was afraid you'd start to realize you could handle things without me. Made me nervous."
"Well to prove you're needed," Danny said, "I gathered a stack of paperwork that could use your touch." He set his hand on a pile of files he'd left on his desk. "I sat in on your monthly meeting with the Governor and his flunky's." He shook his head as if confused. "I have no idea what the hell they were babbling about."
Steve laughed, "The trick is to nod a lot, and if they ask you how things are at headquarters you say, and I quote, 'we are working on a couple of high profile cases and ready to wrap them up any day, Sir'. They love to hear that for some reason."
"So then you lie to the Commander in Chief," Kono laughed.
Steve shrugged, "Not really, most of the time it's true."
"It actually has been the truth around here lately," Danny said. "That's why I'm letting you take over some of the duties. You're incredible articulation will be greatly appreciated."
"I can't fill out police reports," Steve argued. "I wasn't at the bust."
"Look at my notes," Danny argued, opening up the first file on top and setting it out in front of him. "You know how I work better than I do. It's not like you've never filled out a report with just my notes, Mr. 'I keep it all up here'," he tapped his forehead with his finger, "that is until the paperwork comes around and then who do you go to for backup notes?" he leaned over as if encouraging him to speak, "That's right, c'mon you can say it. Ol'e Danny Boy."
"All right! All right," Steve caved, "I'll take care of it."
"Good because we got other work to do. We have to run, we'll be back in a while."
"Where?" Steve asked, eyeing each one of them wishing he could go with them. "What do you got going on now? What's the case?"
"Settle down." Danny said, "You can read the notes when we get back."
"I'm still the boss incase you forgot."
"Not now you're not," Danny said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "right now for the time being you're MY flunky."
The three of them laughed.
"Bite me," Steve growled, trying to act serious but found it just as humorous.
They started out of the office as Danny yelled back at him. "Have those done by the time I get back and maybe I'll let take you for a ride along tomorrow." Steve heard more laughter as the doors to the office closed behind them.
"Little bastard," he chuckled.
He flipped his laptop open and brought up a blank form, filling out the top portion and then shuffling through the papers in the file for Danny's notes.
It felt good to be back. There was no pressure here, not like at home where he felt eyes were constantly on him and judging the way he acted. He and Anna hadn't even had sex since the night he'd dumped the pills in the toilet. Not from lack of trying, but he refused to believe his lack of stamina was due to the medication, it was the pressure from her. If he didn't preform to her satisfaction then he could almost read her mind that he was sure was filled with accusations. It was better not to rock the boat, he thought.
He glanced at his watch anticipating the top of the hour. He'd tried calling Carrie on the ship earlier but was told she was on land in San Diego. He tried her again on the base and was told she had office duty at nine o'clock.
He didn't wait out the extra ten minutes wanting to get the call out of the way before the others returned and more than that, he wanted to be assured his supply wasn't going to run out. He was dangerously low, having only a few pills left. This was plan A, if he had to resort to plan B, he was going to need an extra day and didn't want to do that, hoping Carrie would come through for him.
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As they came out of the doors of the Police headquarters Chin stopped, turning to the two of them. "Is it just me, or does Steve look a little…" he thought of the right word, "underfed."
"I know!" Kono blurted out. "I mean, I know he was in the accident and all but you would think that sitting around and not being as active as he normally is that he'd gain weight, not lose it. He's really ok isn't he?" They both looked at Danny for an explanation.
"Yes, as far as I know."
"He'd tell us if it wasn't something else," Kono said it came out more of a statement of fact. "Wouldn't he?"
Chin huffed, "You know Steve, talking about something like that is not in his vocabulary."
"Maybe a call to Anna would answer it," Kono suggested.
She and Chin both looked to Danny again.
"What? Me?" he point at his chest.
"Yes you," Kono replied as if it were expected of him to be the one to do it.
"It should be you," Chin agreed as they started walking toward the parking lot, "you said it yourself, he's your flunky. Look after your people."
He and Kono laughed as they separated from him going to Chin's car.
"Fine," Danny caved. "I'll call her."
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"Dr. Lieutenant Hershey speaking," Carrie said into the phone.
"So how is my favorite doctor?" Steve said. "Saved anyone else's life lately?"
Carrie smiled, "Well looks who's back from the dead. Even a helicopter can't keep you down. How are you, Steve?"
"I'm doing ok. Things are coming around slowly."
"I'm glad to hear that. To what do I owe this pleasant surprise? Or are you just calling to give me your undying gratitude?"
"You'll always have that, Carrie, but there is something else I was hoping you could help me out with. If you can't, I understand completely."
"What is it?" she smiled, taking a seat behind the vacant desk in the small office she was occupying.
"I'm back to work as of today."
"That's great Steve!"
"It is, I'm pretty happy about that. But the issue is that Anna and I spent a couple of days over on Maui for a little getaway and I left my pain pills over there, and to make a sad story sadder, I can't go to my doctor for a refill."
"Why not?"
"I'm a little embarrassed to say, but ok here goes. This is the second prescription I've lost, well technically I didn't lose the first the one. It was stolen out of my car the day I got out of the hospital. I even had to file a police report. So this is kind of humiliating having lost another one."
Carrie laughed. "So what then, do you need a prescription?"
"If you can. If you can't I completely understand. I'll put my tail between my legs and go see my doctor. It's my own fault. I really don't even need them that bad, but being back at work I thought I might need them at night." He held his breath hoping he'd convinced her enough.
She'd never been asked that before and being new to the whole prescription writing aspects of being a doctor she had to take into consideration her career first, but after thinking it over she decided it should be fine. He was after all a patient of hers and she knew him well enough that he wouldn't abuse them. "Ok. Let me know what pharmacy you go to and I'll send one over. Two weeks ok?"
He was hoping for more but settled for that. "That's perfect, more than I'll need but it'll be good just incase. Thanks Carrie. I'll text you the pharmacy as soon as I look it up."
"No problem. Take care and keep in touch. Have you set a date yet for the wedding?"
"No, probably sometime early next year though. You'll get an invitation if you're in the country."
"I can't wait. I'll talk to you soon."
"Sounds good." He hung up and leaned back in the chair, letting out a deep sigh, problem solved, for now he thought. He had Eric's camping trip in less than a week and needed them for that, looking forward to getting away with just the two of them. He'd noticed him being standoffish lately, wondering if Anna had got into his head about all this pill crap.
He didn't want to think that she would ever do that, but ever since the night they argued she too had been noticeably distant. So much so that he'd begun to spend the night at his own house several times a week and even when he was with her in bed, it wasn't the same. She was distant there as well.
He cringed over the memory of the night before. He'd been in a good mood knowing he was back to work the next day and she seemed genuinely happy for him. Dinner had gone well and so had the evening as they all hung out together watching TV.
The mood was right once they got into bed as they both instigated the sex, but when it came down to his time to perform, he couldn't do it. It was the first time, and he prayed the last time that that would ever happen to him. It was humiliating, and in his head he blamed her for all the pressure he was under. It was even worse as she tried to console him, wishing she hadn't said anything at all. It didn't matter what she said, by that point he was furious with her, rolling over with his back to her. The next morning they both pretended like it never happened, but it was just another brick in the wall that they were building up between them.
He reached in his front pants pocket and took out two of the four pills that were in there, and then walked over to his mini fridge, finding a bottle of water.
He took the medication and sat down on the couch, laying back, resting his head on the cushioned arm. He couldn't figure out what happened between them. She'd changed so much since he got out of the hospital. Even while he was in there he felt the pressure of her constantly watching him as he just tried to ease his pain, like he was doing now. Why couldn't she understand that he needed the pills. It's not that he wanted them like he knew she thought, he needed them, forcing his hand once again on keeping them a secret from her just so he could live comfortably. He felt that no matter what he did lately he couldn't please her, no matter what.
He stared up at the ceiling coming to a startling realization that this relationship was starting to sound a lot like the one he had with Becky.
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Danny sat in his car outside headquarters and pulled up Anna's phone number. She answered on the third ring.
"Hi, Danny?" She quickly pulled the car over onto a side street, not sure why he would be calling her unless something had happened. "Is everything ok?"
"Yes, everything's fine," he assured her. "Steve's back at the office. I'm calling because I wanted to ask you something."
"Ok" She felt a wave of relief over that, but the tone of his voice sounded a little concerned.
"I hadn't seen Steve in a couple of weeks before this morning, but I was," he paused correcting himself, "actually we all were a little shocked when we saw him. He's lost some weight. Is everything going ok with his recovery?"
There was another sign that was unmistakable. They were everywhere as if reality were holding them up in front of her face, screaming for her to acknowledge them. If she voiced her concerns to Danny now, there would be no turning back. She saw it as a way to have someone else in her fight to help protect him, but it also scared her that it could potentially be the end of her relationship with him too. She saw what it did to her parents. They had been in love once too like she and Steve, but she also saw how that turned out once her mother had enough. Like her mother she had children to think of.
"Anna?" Danny asked as the silence on the other end became far too long. "What's going on?" He felt suddenly sick to his stomach as he began to think the worst.
She felt tears stinging her eyes as she spoke to him. "I think he's become dependent on his pain pills."
Danny's concern turned to shock, never in a million years considering that would ever be an issue. "What do mean? Like addicted to them?" Just asking it seemed ridiculous to him.
She could hear the denial in his voice wondering if she'd made a mistake saying it. They were partners, but their friendship was even beyond that. They shared a bond for one another that was on a level you would have for a family member. She knew that even if he didn't believe her now, he'd figure it out for himself, the same as she did. He already saw the first sign. "I'm worried about him Danny."
He in turn couldn't deny the tone of her voice, but what she was saying sounded crazy to him. "Are you sure Anna? How often does he take them?"
"He said he quit about a week ago, but I'm not sure that's true." She closed her eyes, knowing if this ever got back to Steve that it could very well be the end.
"I've never known him to lie. Maybe he did stop taking them. What makes you think he didn't?"
She didn't want to tell him about the night before in bed knowing it would be like the ultimate betrayal. "He's very moody lately and irritable. He doesn't eat as you can see, and he wakes up sometimes at night in a pool of sweat."
Danny didn't necessarily see that as signs of an addiction, especially in Steve. "Maybe its because he's in pain from not taking the pills. That would make anyone irritable. Why did he stop taking them?"
"He stopped because…" she knew then as soon as she told him why that it was going to be like talking to a brick wall about this. "He stopped because I asked him to."
Danny wiped his hand over his mouth, not sure where to go with this. She sounded like she had some valid concerns but he knew Steve just about as well as anyone in his life and couldn't imagine this being an issue. If he had to make a list of all the people in his life and rank them on the level of becoming an addict, Steve would be so far down on the list that he wouldn't even be a factor. "Ok, I'll talk to him."
"Danny, our relationship is already on the brink…" she shook her head, knowing she couldn't ask him to lie about talking to her. She'd made the decision to tell him and now she had to stand behind it. She loved Steve and had to trust her instincts that she was doing the right thing. "Ok, you talk to him, Danny."
It wasn't hard for him to read between the lines with her. "I'll casually bring it up and keep you out of it if I can."
She was only slightly relieved to hear that, but knew if he pushed the subject like she had, then that relationship would be in jeopardy as well. She'd seen her father alienate everyone in his life until it was too late. She recalled her and Alyssa over hearing family and friends regret at the funeral, wishing they had done something to help him before it was too late. She hated them for that, but as she got older she realized in the end it was up to her father and no one else. He just chose the easy way out. She wasn't going to let that happen to Steve. "You know what Danny. I don't care if you tell him we talked. Do whatever you have to. You can even say I called you if you want."
"You're really concerned about this aren't you?" He needed an explanation for this questionable conversation and decided right then and there to go to the source.
"You talk to him." She knew she'd never be able to convince him, he'd have to figure it out, and if she was right, which deep down inside she knew she was, then Danny would get it too.
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Danny came down the corridor not seeing him at his desk. He came inside the office and saw him lying on the couch.
"Hey," he said tapping his foot, "you asleep?"
Steve opened an eye. "No, just stretching my back out," he lied.
"Does it still hurt?"
"A helicopter landed on me, what do you think."
He sat on the other arm of the couch, "Are you taking your pain pills?"
Steve contemplated that answer. If he said yes to Danny, then that might get back to Anna. "No, I'm not allowed to," he huffed.
"What do mean? Did the doctor cut you off?" He wondered if it went beyond Anna.
"No," he slowly sat up. "Anna did."
"Why? Did she have some concerns over them?"
Steve looked over at him, "Did you talk to her?"
"Why, should I?"
His raised his voice, asking again. "Did you talk to her?"
"Yes."
"Jesus!" Steve yelled, pushing himself up off the couch. "She's relentless."
"What's going on," Danny asked, feeling like he just stepped inside a family dispute.
"What did she say? Did she call you?!"
"No. I called her."
That surprised him even more. "Why?"
"Because you've lost some weight and I was a little worried that something else was going on."
"Like what?"
Danny threw his arms up, "I don't know, like you were sick and something else had come up besides you're back that you weren't telling us. All three of us were worried. Is it from the pills you were taking?"
"No!" he quickly shut that down, needing him to be on his side and not Anna's, not sure what she had told him. Whatever it was, he was furious with her over it. She'd crossed the line bringing his team into her crazy accusations. "Listen to me Danny. Her father committed suicide because he was addicted to drugs. I guess it started with his addiction to Morphine and escalated from there. She'd got it in her head that anyone that takes Morphine is suddenly an addict." He ran his hand down his body as if showing it off, "You know why I've lost weight? Because I lost my appetite trying to fight of the constant pain in my back because I can't take the pills anymore because I'm also trying to appease Anna's freaked out emotional state over them. I swear to God Danny she's relentless in her pursuit!"
He held his hands up. "All right calm down." He could see the tension in him over this subject, not sure who to believe at the moment but knowing Steve the way he did, he was leaning more toward his side. "What made her start to feel this way? I mean besides her father?"
"I don't even know. It all started when I was in the hospital and they had me hooked up to the IV. She didn't like that at all," he said sarcastically. "Even though it was regulated. It's not like I could just press the button anytime I felt like it." He took a step closer to him, needing him of all people to be on his side. "Look Danny. I love Anna. I don't want her to feel afraid or to be upset about this or anything else in her life." He shrugged, "That's why I stopped taking them. I didn't want to hurt her."
"So you're not taking them at all anymore?"
"Nope." He pointed towards the couch, "Even though sometimes it hurts so much I have to lie down."
Danny ran his hands over his face, wishing now he hadn't made that call. He should have just talked to Steve first. "I didn't know it had come to that. I don't think she believes that you've stopped."
"Why?" he eyed him suspiciously, "What did she say?" He couldn't believe that Anna gone behind him like this. If she said anything to Danny about the issue they had in bed the night before, he'd go through the roof.
"She said that you've been irritable, you don't eat, you don't sleep, you sweat a lot at night."
Steve began to count on each finger the result for each one. "Pain, pain, pain and oh yea, pain! Everyone jokes around about it, but how would you like to have a helicopter fall on your head and then be told you couldn't take the pain medicine because someone, not even in your family, had once been addicted to them, and on the slight chance that might happen to you, its forbidden." He made it sound so ludicrous that he knew he left Danny no choice but to believe him.
Danny ran his hand over his hair, not realizing she had gone off the deep end like that. "Damn Steve, do you have any pills left?"
"No, I flushed them down the toilet about a week ago to prove to Anna they were gone." He hated lying to him, feeling the ones in his pocket burning a hole through his conscience, but once again he blamed it on Anna, he wouldn't have to do any sneaking around if it weren't for her. She was becoming just like Becky he thought. The physical cheating might not have been there, but the emotional one was, and it hurt just as bad.
In the end, Danny thought, he had to believe Steve. He was his partner. They had been through the best and worst of times together. He had to believe him because in his mind he couldn't believe he would lie to him, he wouldn't believe it, besides, in the end his explanation out weighed Anna's.
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Steve came home to his own house, closing the door behind him and heading straight for his pills that were in the kitchen. He opened up the door to the spice cupboard and moved the olive oil and a bottle of vinegar out of the way, reaching in the back for them. He shook out three and went over to the sink, bending over and drinking from the faucet, swallowing them down.
He leaned back against the counter knowing he was due over at Anna's for dinner, but just didn't feel it. The damage of her talking to Danny still felt raw, deciding he needed a night away to let it settle before he saw her again, afraid he might say something he'd regret.
He walked over the freezer and took out a frozen vegetable lasagna that had been in there for months. He hadn't needed to cook since Anna had been doing most of it. She'd got better over time, using YouTube videos and even went as far as buying a cookbook. He had to admit she'd come along way in her culinary skills from when he first met her.
He put it in the microwave and turned it on. As it began to cook he went in search of his phone, letting her know that he wouldn't be over. He thought about a text but knew that was really over stepping it and decided on a call instead when he heard his front door open.
They were way beyond the courtesy knock before entering each other's houses.
"Hi. Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes." she said a little uneasily, not sure anymore what kind of mood she would be walking into, and with the conversation with Danny earlier in the day, she was really apprehensive. He'd called her back after his chat with Steve and didn't come right out and say that she was dead wrong, but by the time they hung up she knew Danny didn't agree with her. She once again began to doubt herself, wondering if it was all in her head.
"How was your first day back?" she asked trying to lighten the mood, but he wasn't going to let her get away with it.
Seeing her ignited the anger that had been building all day, the same anger that he was hoping to extinguish some before seeing her, but here she was. "Well it could have gone better, but you probably already know that."
"What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean, Anna," he replied bitterly. "Don't pretend like what you said to Danny wasn't going to come back and haunt us both."
She let out a sigh, hearing the hostility in his voice. "Steve," she went to explain when he cut her off.
"What were you thinking telling Danny all those things?"
"He called me, Steve. He was concerned about you."
"So you spill your guts about that goddamn story of me being addicted to those pills!" he took a step toward her. "To those goddamn pills that I flushed down the toilet?"
"Was that all of them?" She knew she risked the beginning of yet another fight, but they already seemed to be in the middle of one. It's all they seemed to do lately was fight.
"Jesus Anna," he shook his head, tired of arguing with her over this. "What do you want from me?!" he asked straightforwardly with a hint of sarcasm that she heard clearly. "Seriously, what?"
"I want you to look me in the eye and swear to me that you haven't taken any since that night." She felt she was laying all her cards on the table and now it was up to him.
He did as she asked, looking her straight on. "I haven't taken any since that night." He felt the impact of that lie in his gut. She had a way of backing him into a corner, forcing his hand. Why did she have to ask that? Couldn't she just take his word for it? It angered him even more that he was forced to lie to her once again. "Why won't you believe me Anna?" The sincerity in his voice was heartbreaking.
She was wrong, it wasn't all up to him, it was all up to her and whether or not she was able to believe it and let it go. She felt this was a turning point in their relationship. "Tell me the truth Steve. Please, just tell me the truth."
He came up to her, "Please Anna, just believe me and let it go. I'm begging you, let it go before it…" he paused, holding his tongue knowing he was close to that point he'd been fearing, afraid of saying something he might regret, but he also felt that saying it might just scare her into letting him be. He took her hand that had his ring on it, gliding his thumb over it. "Before it comes between us for good."
His threat was a dead on hit. She felt her heart sink to her stomach. She'd sensed it hovering over them for the past couple of weeks but to be put right out there was frightening to her. Maybe she had been pushing him over nothing. Her father had been a weak man, at least the man she remembered, and she'd never known Steve to be weak. The conversation with Danny wasn't helping her fight anymore either. He knew him as well as she did, probably better, and if Danny wasn't worried, then maybe she had overreacted. The guilt over what she had been putting them both through suddenly hung heavy on her. She was so confused in her emotions. She wanted to believe him more than anything else, feeling her heart pull her in the direction where her head had been holding her back.
"I'm sorry Steve," she felt the tears stinging her eyes. "I'm so sorry. There were just so many changes that I didn't understand."
He saw the first tear fall but he didn't feel guilt over lying to her, or the deception he used which resulted in he being the one to make her cry because of his lies, he only saw the victory of what he had set out to do. She believed him. She finally believed him. "You put so much pressure on me Anna."
As she began to go over the last few weeks the guilt over what she had put him through hit her even harder. "Oh God Steve," she put a hand on her chest over her startling realization. "Was it all my fault? The weight loss, the mood changes? Were they all because I was pushing you over this?"
"It didn't help." He knew most of his anger came from her not believing in him, assured that the stress was all her fault, especially now that she was offering it up to him. It just made things so easy to blame her. It was the only explanation in his eyes.
She felt sick over that, certain now that it had been her fear over her father's death which had backfired and been causing him all this stress and anxiety. It wasn't because of the pills at all. It was all her fault. She'd been the one torturing him and he'd taken all of it on and accepted it, just to please her. "I'm so sorry." Praying she hadn't damaged their relationship for good over this. "Can you ever forgive me?"
He smiled as he put his arms around her. "There's nothing to forgive, it's over, and we'll just let it go."
The microwave beeped, letting them know his dinner was done. As he glanced over in the kitchen, he spotted the pills sitting on the counter from his last dose.
Anna pulled away from him, feeling a little relieved over his forgiveness, but the regret of what she had done to him still weighed heavy on her. "Are you cooking something, or do you want to come over?" She couldn't blame him if he didn't want to.
He kept an arm over her shoulder, leading her toward the front door and away from the kitchen. "I was, but now I'd rather have dinner with you and the kids."
She laid her head on his shoulder as they walked out. "I love you," she said to him.
"I love you too," he replied, looking over his shoulder at the bottle, knowing he'd dodged that bullet.
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Eric ran down the stairs carrying his sleeping bag that was folded up tightly as could be after the fourth try.
"Is Steve here yet?" he asked excitedly.
"No," Anna said, coming out of the kitchen zipping the bag shut that was filled with granola bars for their three day camping trip. "I saw him pull in a couple of minutes ago so he should be here anytime."
He set the sleeping bag down with the other supplies. Anna dropped the bag of granola bars with them and continued out the front door. She looked over toward his house, seeing his front door open and some gear sitting on the porch.
"Did you remember to pack your toothbrush," she asked Eric.
"Why? We're going to be in the wilderness. I don't need it."
Anna gave him a look and pointed up toward the bathroom. "Go get your toothbrush. Steve doesn't want to smell your bad breath after the second day."
Eric rolled his eyes and stomped up the stairs.
She came outside as he was coming across the yard carrying his duffel bag and some camping supplies. They greeted each other with a warm smile; the past couple of days since the last argument and the results from it had been put to rest. He'd been staying with her every night now that her suspicions were gone, he felt he was sleeping better too, not taking into consideration that he'd also increased his dosage before bed.
"Are you ready for this?" she asked him with a kiss.
"Absolutely."
"Well Eric is about ready to jump out of his skin if we don't get a move on pretty quickly. Oh, and by the way," she huffed, "will you please make sure he brushes his teeth. He thinks just because he's going camping that he doesn't have too."
"Oh damn it," Steve snapped his fingers, "I forgot my mine. Be right back." He turned and dashed across his yard to his house. Anna watched with amusement and a little surprise too that he was running like he was and seemed to have no qualm over his back.
Eric came outside waving his toothbrush. "I got it, but I don't have any toothpaste so I guess I still won't be able too."
Anna squatted down over Steve's duffel bag. "I'm sure Steve does." She unzipped it and searched around for his travel case that he used on trips. She felt the soft leather and pulled it out, unzipping it. She saw the toothpaste and smiled up at him, "Sorry Eric but Steve has a full tube."
"Whatever," he moaned.
She chuckled over that and zipped up the case. As she lifted the two neatly folded shirts in his duffel bag that she'd taken it out from under she froze, seeing a bottle of medication tucked in between them.
She felt the air leave her body as she read the word 'Morphine' and then reached down and picked up the prescription bottle. Her eyes scanned the label, searching out the fill date.
She sank down to her knees from the squatting position, seeing that it was filled a week before and just two days before he had looked her in the eyes and sworn to her that he wasn't taking them anymore. Two days before he had made her feel like she was to blame for all the changes she'd been witnessing.
She took the top off and shook out the quantity. They filled her hand there were so many. She looked at the label and read what was prescribed, which was only twenty-eight, but she knew she had at least that many in her palm and then looked inside seeing twice as many still in the bottle. They were combined from another prescription.
"What are you doing?" Steve asked angrily, as he stood over her. "You're going through my bag?!"
She looked up at him, shocked that his anger was because she found them and not that he had been caught lying. She saw no remorse over that at all. "No, I was looking for toothpaste for Eric." She felt her blood begin to get hot as she stood up still holding the pills. "I can't believe you lied to me like that. That you…" she took in a deep breath as her anger built, "that you stood there and lied to me!"
"Put em' back," Steve replied in a low growl.
Anna glanced over at Eric who was standing there watching them. "Go inside the house Eric."
"But we have to go soon or we'll miss the bus," he said, seeing both of their expressions and knowing something was up.
"Go inside right now!" Anna said sharply.
He did as he was told, but wasn't happy about it, slamming the door shut behind him.
She turned back to Steve holding her hand out with the pills. "You never stopped! Look at these! How many prescriptions do you have here? And where are you getting them?!"
"It's none of your goddamn business," he snarled at her, reaching out and snatching the bottle from her hand.
She closed her hand into a fist, holding the others in her grip. "It is my business when it involves my life and the lives of Eric and Jenny!" She backed away from him as he took a step toward her holding his hand out.
"Give them to me." When she didn't move he raised his voice to startle her. "Now!"
She stared at him, shocked, frightened but more than anything else angry with herself for letting him dupe her into believing she was to blame and he was the innocent one. "No. I'm not giving them to you and you're not taking Eric out of this house either."
"Anna," his voice was low and held the most demonic threat she had ever heard. "I'm not fucking around with you about this anymore. Give them back to me."
"What is wrong with you? Can't you see what these are doing to you? God Steve, listen to your self. You're threatening me."
He heard nothing from her, all he could think of was how difficult it had been to get those pills that she was trying to take from him and how impossible it might be to replace them. "Goddamn it Anna. I'm not going to tell you again," he shoved his hand forward, "give them to me!"
She took another step back, "I can't do that. I think you need help Steve. Please, let me help you."
"Help me?!" he practically laughed in her face. "What do I have a sign on my back that says 'help me Anna'? You're the one that needs help!"
"You can't stop taking them can you?"
"Don't start laying this bullshit on me again about how I'm addicted to them just because your old man offed himself! It's no wonder he did if your mom badgered him like you do me!"
She stood there stunned over the words that were coming out if his mouth. Gone almost completely was the man she'd fallen in love with. The person standing in front of her was only a shell of whom he had been. "Go home Steve," she said, backing up toward the house. "I want you to go home."
He shook his head walking toward her. "No, Anna. I'm taking Eric on that camping trip and I'm taking back those pills you have in your hand too."
She could feel her fist begin to shake over the tight hold and the frightening look in his eyes. She never dreamed in a million years she would ever be afraid of him, but at that second she had no idea what to expect from him. She remembered her mother taking the abuse and giving in to her father every time she confronted him. No one stood up to him and the results were the ultimate betrayal from not only him but also the ones who turned their backs. She wasn't going to let that happen with Steve.
"You don't understand Steve," her voice was calm yet firm, mirroring the intensity of the situation. "You're NOT taking Eric anywhere and I'm NOT giving them back." She turned and went for the door, hearing him coming up behind her as she reached for the doorknob.
"Goddamn you, Anna!" he yelled. "I'm sick of this shit!"
They both came through the door at full force from him slamming his fist into it. Anna stumbled and reached out for the bottom of the handrail on the stairs steading herself as she backed down the hallway toward the kitchen away from him. "Get out! Get out of my house!"
"Who the fuck do you think you are?! He screamed at her. "You're just like every other fucking woman in my life that thinks you're entitled to whatever they want! You're making my life hell, Anna! Hell!" he screamed, all the while making his way toward her.
"I'm going to call the police if you don't leave, right now!"
"Fine," he spat, lunging toward her, taking a hold of her wrist that held the pills. "Drop them!" he growled, holding his hand beneath hers.
"No!" she screamed back, trying to jerk her arm away.
"Stop it!" Eric yelled, standing behind them. "Stop it! Let her go!"
Steve looked over his shoulder at him, his voice in the same angry tone. "Go get your stuff and get in my truck!"
Eric just stared at him, shocked over what was happening. He'd never seen that look on him before, or worse yet, that tone that was even more frightening.
Anna shook her hand again, trying to get loose over his distraction. "He's not going with you and I'm telling you to get out!"
Steve turned back to her, tightening his hold and shook her. He was blinded by the fear of not getting those pills back and the anger over Anna's betrayal once again. "Why do you have to be such a fucking tease," he said through gritted teeth. "That's all you are to me anymore, a fucking tease. You're ruining my life just like every other fucking woman that's entered it!" He pinned her hand against the wall.
Anna looked down and away from his face that held so much hatred she felt honestly sick to her stomach over it. She opened her hand and let the pills spill out as most fell to the floor while a couple stuck to her sweaty palm. She felt the release on her wrist as he scooped up the remaining ones in her palm and then dropped down, picking up the ones on the floor.
Eric backed away from him as he gathered them up quickly.
Steve looked up at Anna during his quest to get each and every one. "This is on you Anna! This is all on you! No me!"
She said nothing but just stood still knowing he'd be gone in a minute. She looked over at Eric as he slowly met her gaze, the tears in his eyes were from shock and fear. She didn't speak but mouthed the words to him to go upstairs. He just stared at her as if trying to compute what was happening. "Eric," she finally said, not wanting him there if Steve began another rant.
Steve looked up at him after gathering up the last one. "I told you to get your stuff and get in my truck!"
Eric shook his head.
"Leave him alone Steve," Anna said, thanking God that Jenny was at school and not there to witness any of it. It was bad enough that Eric saw it and it broke her heart to see the look on his face over it.
"Now you're turning him against me too!" Steve shouted at her.
"Go home!" Eric yelled at him. "Get out of here!"
"Don't talk to me like that Eric!" he scolded him.
"Steve," Anna said calmly, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice. "Please, just go."
"Fine," he said standing up, slamming his hand against the wall as he did. "I'll leave," he pointed at Anna as he left. "This is on you! Do you hear me? You Anna!"
She nodded in agreement to appease him as he walked out and slammed the door shut.
Eric ran up to the door and locked it behind him as Anna came up to him, putting her arms over his shoulders and pulling him against her body.
"It's ok honey. He's just angry. He won't hurt us." She said it but she wasn't sure she believed it after that outburst.
"I hate him!" Eric yelled. "I hate his guts! I don't want him to ever come back here!" He burst into tears as Anna bent over, hugging him tighter. He turned around and buried his face in her stomach.
She leaned forward bracing a hand on the door as she held him with the other. The impact of what had just happened finally hit her as she bent her head down and cried with him. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."
"I hate him," his voice calmer but with the same conviction.
"Shhh," Anna whispered trying to soothe him.
"I hate him so much," he cried, knowing that not only was the camping trip canceled but that with the horrible things he said to Anna that he was sure their relationship was over now too. He was scared more than anything else, like Anna he didn't know who that person was that was standing there screaming at the two of them, and he didn't want to know him, not anymore.
Steve came into his house and slammed the front door. He went straight for the kitchen and pulled a bowl out of the cupboard dropping the pills in his hand into it for safekeeping. He poured the others from the bottle into it as well, taking out two and popping them in his mouth as he went for the sink, taking a drink.
"Fuck!" he roared angrily over the confrontation that had just taken place. He gripped the side of the sink with both hands until his fingers turned white and the anger in him built up so much that he had to let it out somehow. He took his right hand and hit the cupboard door above his head. His fist left a noticeable imprint on the hollow wood. He hit it again and a hole appeared.
He gripped the sink again, trying to get his anger under control.
He finally turned around and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He took in deep calculated breathes, calming the hysteria inside of him until he just sat there and stared ahead going over the scene in his head that had taken place.
He closed his eyes, seeing the fear in Anna's. He opened them back up again and looked at his hand that had grabbed a hold of her and had even shaken her. He felt sick to his stomach over it, trying to come up with an explanation for it, but he couldn't. He'd lost his temper, but it was even beyond that. He'd lost control.
He laid his head back against the counter feeling completely mortified over what he had done and for letting himself loose it like that. He didn't blame Anna this time, he blamed himself.
He didn't know how long he sat there but knew that every second that went by he was closer and closer to the point of no return with her. He finally pushed himself up off the floor and went for the front door.
He came across the yard and saw his things for the camping trip sitting by her front door. As he came closer he saw some other clothes on top of his duffel bag that he recognized as ones he'd left there over the course of their relationship, but the one item that left him dazed was the ring he'd given her that was perched on top off all of them.
He reached for the doorknob and realized right away that it was locked. "Anna," he said calmly as he knocked. "Anna, please I'm sorry." He said loudly, not sure if she could hear him.
She stood on the other side of it with tears steaming down her face, holding the doorknob and bracing herself against it, praying he didn't try to forcibly come through. The phone sat only a couple of feet away just incase. Eric stood at the top of the stairs fighting back his own tears with his hands bound into fists if he tried to hurt her again.
Steve knocked again. "Anna, are you there? Please, let's just talk about this."
"Go away," she said.
"Honey please. I love you Anna. I'm sorry."
She wiped away fresh tears with the back of her hand, prepared for his sincere apology but knew that no matter what he said she had to stand her ground, not only for her own welfare but for Eric and more than anyone else, Jenny's. She couldn't let what happened earlier happen again in front of Jenny, and at that moment she was sure there would be another outburst if she allowed him back in. It was her father all over again and she wasn't going to stand for it.
"I said go away." She knew Jenny would be home soon and wanted him gone before then. "If you don't leave Steve, I'm going to call the police. I mean it, I will."
He stepped back away from the door surprised over that. "So this is it?" he said to her. "This is how it's going to end, through a door and my stuff piled on the ground?"
She didn't answer, not wanting to get into a conversation with him.
When she didn't reply he felt that anger building once again. "Fine Anna! I'll leave you be. I'll go back to my house and my old life that was just perfect until you came along! Perfect!" he snarled.
She heard him gather up his things and leave. She tried the best she could to hold back from crying but it was impossible.
She felt Eric's presence next to her, looking down at him as he leaned in next to her, resting his head on her. She put an arm around him and they stood there both still in shock over what had taken place, but knew what they had to do was for the best. She understood now why no one helped her father, he needed to find that bottom before he could crawl back up again, she felt that Steve was in that same hole, digging himself deeper in, praying he found the bottom soon.
She loved him still, more than anything, but knew the best thing for him right now was to take it away.