Danny knocked on the frame of Steve's office door before coming in.
"Hey, you got a sec?"
"Yea, what's up?"
"First off, we got a lead on that guy from the mainland who purchased the boat that was used in the hijacking."
"Good, I'm coming with you on that."
Danny nodded but was a little surprised he was getting back in the game a week ahead of what they had planned. "Ok. You think you're up for it?"
Steve tilted his head just slightly in question, "Yes, why? You don't think I am?"
He raised his hands in defense. "It's up to you. If you think you're ready then I trust you."
"Good. What was the other thing?"
"The other thing?"
Steve leaned back in his chair, "Yea, you said 'first off' so that usually means there is more than one conversation."
"Oh yea," Danny snapped his fingers as if just recalling the other. "My Mom and Dad want to fly Gracie out to Jersey for a couple of weeks early next year, which I'm all for, but she would be livid if she missed the wedding. So have you and Anna set a date yet, or even a time frame?"
Steve toyed with the pen in his hand. He was wondering how and when this conversation was going to arise, not knowing just how to broach the subject with him. The pain and anger from it was still pretty raw, it had only been a couple of days after all.
"Actually, there isn't going to be a wedding."
Danny stepped inside the room over that surprising news. "What?! Since when?"
"A few days ago. We decided to split up."
He couldn't hide the shock over the break up, "Wow! Why didn't you say anything before?"
Steve shrugged, "It's not something I really want to talk about or dwell on, you know?"
Danny nodded his understanding, "I'm sorry buddy." He wondered if it had to do with Anna's suspicion over his use of the pills, but decided to just let it lie.
"Yea well…shit happens and then life goes on."
"You seem to be taking it pretty well."
"How am I supposed to take it? Bury my head in the sand? This was all on her. She wouldn't let up on me. I can only imagine what it would have been like after we were married." He shook his head in distaste over that.
"What do you mean she wouldn't let up on you?"
"Never mind. I really don't want to get into it." He focused back on his computer. "It's over and done with."
"Is that why you didn't take Eric camping?"
"Just drop it, ok?" he snapped. If he told him the truth then Danny would know he was lying about the pills to him as well. It was no ones business as far as he was concerned. He wasn't hurting anyone. Anna had brought this all on herself and had taken Eric and Jenny down with her. He hated driving by their house and seeing Jenny out front, only able to wave to her. He could only imagine what Anna had told her about the break up. The kids were the hardest part of the whole thing.
He hadn't had a chance to talk to Eric yet, wanting to explain his side, but could feel the anger even from a distance from the one and only time he'd seen him since the argument. He refused to look at him and even went as far as trying to stop Jenny from acknowledging him. He wished now that he would have done things differently, but under the circumstances Anna had pushed him over the edge and he'd reached his limit when she tried to take his pills. He once again blamed her for everything.
Danny stood in the doorway a couple more seconds, getting a clear picture that whatever happened between Steve and Anna wasn't mutual and assumingly ended with a big bang. The hostility was all over Steve, which was undeniable. It made him wonder how Anna was doing. The conversation they had about Steve's pills was still fresh in his mind. The thing that bothered him the most was that she seemed like a rational person and not high strung or paranoid as Steve put her out to be. He looked at his partner again and could still see the signs of neglect on his body that had brought the call to Anna in the first place. He assumed the break up had to be hard on him though, giving him the benefit of the doubt once again, after all he wasn't taking the pills anymore so it couldn't possibly be that.
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Anna slid back into bed after walking Eric and Jenny to the bus stop. She then began her daily ritual since the breakup with Steve. She pulled the covers up to her chin and reached over in her nightstand drawer and pulled out the only item of his that she'd kept; a T-shirt that still had his scent on it. It reminded her of better days.
The instant the aroma of his cologne hit her, the second ritual began. The tears fell relentlessly for approximately thirty minutes before she would calm herself and then just stare off into space thinking about him until she would finally doze of from a mixture of depression and lack of sleep from the previous night. It was hard sleeping in the bed alone and knowing he was just next door.
After a couple of hours she would finally drag herself out of bed and try to fill her day with chores and any other kind of nonessential thing she could think of just to keep her mind off of him, but most seconds of the day it was an impossible feat. He was everywhere, even when she stepped outside he was there, right across the way. She'd never felt so sad or heartbroken over anything in her entire life and was positive nothing could ever make her feel this bad ever again.
The last part of the day before the kids came home and she had to put on that fake smile was the final ritual, talking herself out of forgiving him and letting him explain himself. That lasted until the she met the kids at the school bus and was reminded how much Eric and Jenny had been effected by his behavior. She wised up almost immediately, telling herself she was doing the right thing, not only for them, but for her too.
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Chin and Kono pulled in behind the Camaro as Steve and Danny got out. The house where the man they were wanting to question was in an area of Oahu where the homes had larger lots and held more privacy for the owners. It was also the perfect location to neither be seen, nor heard by your neighbors.
There was a single story house in the front of the property and a larger structure behind that resembled a barn. The establishment looked deserted or at least uninhabited for several months, and then they saw the curtain in the house move.
Steve and Danny took the lead carefully as they approached the front door of the house. Their guns were holstered but the safeties were switched off, ready to fire.
"Jason Berg," Danny yelled out. "Police. We'd like to have a word with you. Open the door."
He and Steve looked at each other when there was no reply. Chin and Kono separated, one going to the left of them and one to the right.
"Jason Berg!" Steve yelled next as they stepped up on the porch. "Five 0, open the door and come outside so we can talk."
"I didn't do it!" a voice called out from inside.
"Didn't do what?" Danny replied, motioning for Chin and Kono to circle around back.
"Why are you here?"
Steve and Danny both slid their guns out from their holsters. "We just want to talk," Steve said, leaning back against the wall by the door.
"Leave me alone!" he yelled.
They both heard scrambling inside the house as if chairs were being knocked over.
"What do you want to do? Danny whispered across to him. "You feel up to it?".
Steve stepped in front of the door and raised his foot, kicking it open. "Five 0!"
"Holy shit!" Danny said, following in after him. He wasn't prepared for the physical response from him, assuming his back was still not up to par. It was only supposed to be a routine call that had suddenly turned into something more, but even so his question was more or less asking if he wanted to hang back and let them take the lead not for him to kick the door in.
They saw a man run down the hall and disappear through a door. They came down the hallway as Chin and Kono came in through the unlocked back door.
"We got a mole," Danny said, pointing with his gun toward the open door that led to stairs and a basement.
Steve felt pumped, his adrenaline was in full swing after being off the job for so long, needing to feel this high just as much as he did the Morphine one. He didn't hesitate and took the lead as he began to descend the steps, his gun held out in front of him and his team close behind.
"There's no way out!" he yelled out to Berg as he stopped on the bottom step, scanning the small room that had a hallway leading down to more doors. The scene looked familiar to him but he couldn't place where.
Danny and the rest of them went past him as he stared down the hallway that was lit with only one light bulb coming from the ceiling. Steve felt his insides tighten up, feeling the fear before he even knew why when suddenly the light in the hall went out, leaving them in the pitch black.
He could feel the sweat begin to bead on his forehead suddenly recalling where he'd seen this place before.
"Danny!" he called out ahead of him, seeing the dim lights from their guns. "We have to get out here," he mumbled, recalling the nightmare of when he'd found Chin and Kono dead and then had turned and unknowingly shot Danny.
His gun felt slippery in his hands as he trembled, frozen to the spot in the dark. "Danny!" he shouted again. "Chin, Kono!" his voice shuttering when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Danny reached out, putting a hand on him. The second he touched him he could see the fear in his eyes from the light on his own gun but never expected the reaction. "Steve."
It was as if everything was happening in slow motion just like the dream. He never heard their replies through the hysteria going on in his head, but he felt the presence of another person, pushing off of him and turning with his gun raised.
Danny raised his hands, "Steve! It's me!" he shouted to him, staring down the barrel of his gun.
He saw the familiar face as the scene came into focus in his head, all the while the gun still pointing at him as his hand trembled. "Danny," his voice shaky, "we have to get out of here."
Danny reached up and slowly lowered the gun from his face, "It's ok. Chin and Kono have him cuffed." He took the weapon out of his hand.
Steve stared at him hearing him but not reacting to it just yet, letting it soak in as his heart beat out of control.
"Steve," Danny said trying to get his attention. "Go up stairs. It's all good." He led him by the arm to the first step. "Go up. We'll be right there."
"You're ok?" he asked him, looking past him down the hallway, seeing lights at the end. "Chin and Kono…"
"We're good. Everything's good." He gently nudged him up and out. "Go on, go up."
He finally did as he was told, making his way slowly up the steps. He got to the top and looked back down at Danny as he stared up at him. He could see the concern on his face even if he had missed it in his voice earlier. Maybe it was too soon for him to be back, nothing like that had ever happened to him before. He'd never lost control on the job, but as he came outside the house the vision of the gun pointed at Danny's face came flashing back as if he just then realized it had actually happened.
His heart rate excelled once again as he walked toward the car, reaching in his pocket for his pills. He felt the empty space as a wave of panic swept over him until he remembered he put three in his vest after they had put them on. He leaned back against the car and flipped open the small Velcro pocket on his vest, reaching in with his index finger and fishing them out.
He leaned inside the car window on the passenger side and grabbed the Styrofoam cup that had Danny's cold coffee in it. He tossed the pills in his mouth and slammed back the less than satisfying beverage, but it did the trick, getting the nutrients to their destination.
"You ok?" Danny asked as he walked up to him.
Steve turned around, seeing him and then Chin and Kono coming out of the house with Jason Berg in cuffs. "Sorry about that Danny. Maybe it was too soon for me to be back. I don't know what happened."
"What was that you just took?"
Steve looked down at the empty cup in his hand, playing dumb. "What? It was your coffee."
"I know what was in the cup, what were the pills you just took?"
"Ibuprofen."
"Ibuprofen?" he questioned.
"Yes," Steve replied, looking him straight on. "Ibuprofen. That little stunt with the door didn't go over so well with my back."
"So what happened back there in the basement?" he questioned him again, not ever seeing that type of behavior from him before, it was borderline bizarre to say the least.
Steve shook his head, not sure how to explain it to him. "I don't know, it was just a bad feeling I got." He didn't want to mention the dream and have it become even more odd than it already was. "Hasn't that ever happened to you before?"
"Well sure," Danny replied as if it were a shared reaction amongst his peers, "but I've never pointed my gun in the face of a fellow cop." He walked up to him, "You were shaking and you're still sweating buckets."
Steve wiped his hand across his forehead not realizing it until just then. He looked at his wet hand, wiping it on his pants. "I'm fine now. I just got a little freaked out, alright?" he said flatly, getting annoyed with his line of questions, feeling his temper begin to flare.
"Freaked out?" Danny said almost laughing, but not finding it humorous in the least. "You were having a full on panic attack Steve."
He pushed off the car, "No I wasn't! Look, I had this dream a while back…" he ran his hand over his hair, "it was with you and Chin and Kono, all three of you…" he paced back and forth. "It didn't turn out well, ok? That place down there, it reminded me of it is all. But I'm fine now."
"What happened?" Kono asked as she and Chin came up to them after locking Berg in the car. "We heard you yelling for us. Did you find something else?"
Steve shot a look to Danny, mentally asking him to keep quiet about what had happened, but his eyes were more or less begging him.
They were a team, what affected one affected all of them, against his better judgment at the moment, he kept his mouth shut.
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Anna came out of the house for another load of groceries in the back of the SUV as Steve drove past, pulling into his driveway. She didn't make eye contact with him but looked in the reflection of the windows of her car as he got out, glancing in her direction. She could feel his eyes on her wishing it were like old times when those looks from him would set off a chain reaction inside of her that could leave her feeling weak, but now her heart beat rapidly for a different reason.
"Don't look at him," she mumbled to herself as she scooped up two more bags, wishing she could carry the whole lot in with her so she wouldn't have to come back outside. She carried what she could and hurried back into the house, seeing him again in the window of the car as he stood looking in her direction.
She set down the bags on the kitchen table and waited an extra minute before heading back out, hoping he'd be gone. As she came down the hallway she saw him standing at the front door, holding the other two bags she couldn't carry. He stood just beyond the threshold as if knowing he wasn't allowed past the doorway.
"Hi," he said barely above a whisper, not sure he would even be able to find his voice after seeing her. He'd almost forgotten how beautiful she was.
She couldn't deny that seeing him was pleasing to her. Even though he looked worse than he did four days earlier on the day they broke up, he was still the most handsome man she'd ever encountered. "Hello," she said, but her thoughts were the opposite. 'Don't give in Anna. Don't let him sway you. Be strong. Unless he can prove that he's stopped taking them you have to let him go.'
"I saw you unloading these. That was always my job. Old habits I guess."
"Thank you." She stood her ground in the hallway, not sure what she should do or say. Maybe he just wanted to apologize and that was it. And then a heart wrenching thought hit her, maybe he didn't want her back at all.
The incident earlier with Danny had scared him. He felt vulnerable at the moment, needing her to be there for him like she always had been before. She was like a security blanket. "Can I come in Anna. I want to try to explain what happened the other day."
"Why? I know what happened the other day. You lied to me."
"I know," he sighed, knowing she wasn't going to make it easy for him. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Sorry for what? Sorry for getting caught? Sorry for screaming at me? Sorry for scaring Eric? Sorry for grabbing my wrist that took a whole day to stop hurting?" she exaggerated that but wanted him to know the mental effect it had on her. "Or are you just sorry that you lied?" she could feel her anger growing just rehashing the moment. "Tell me please, what are you sorry for?"
"You're not going to give me even an inch are you?"
"Do you think you deserve it?"
"I think I deserve a chance to explain myself." His patience was beginning to wear thin. He'd come here before going home and getting a pill, regretting it now.
"I only have one question to ask you Steve. Have you taken the pills in the last two hours?"
He squeezed the bags in his arms, hating the way she would always corner him. He felt like a wounded animal and here she was ready to pounce on him once again. Backing him into that corner where he had no choice but to lie to her. "No."
She knew even before he spoke that he was going to say no, and that it was a lie. She didn't need to tell herself to be strong, at that second she felt nothing for the man standing in her doorway. He was dangerous as far as she was concerned. "You can leave the groceries right there and go. I think I've heard enough."
"Damn it Anna! Why won't you just hear me out?!"
She felt the fear go through her, his voice reminding her of the last. She could see the anger building in his eyes. "Please go."
He dropped the groceries on the ground where he stood, hearing glass inside the bag break but was unaffected by it. "You act like you're so goddamn superior! What do you want from me?!"
"I didn't ask you over here Steve! You invited yourself! What is it that you want from me?!" she yelled back.
"Nothing!" he replied in that low throaty growl he'd made his signature tone lately. "You know what, I was wrong about you. You're just like that stuck up, phony, bitch sister of yours. You two are exactly alike! You swoop down like vultures and clasp your claws into a man then when you feel you've had enough, you let go, and I bet you laugh your ass off as he falls."
She swore if she had something in her hand she would have hurled it at his head, wishing she did. "That's right Steve," she roared, contorting her hands like claws. "You were such an easy target for me to prey upon! You fell right into my trap you poor, helpless little creature. You better hurry and run away before this stuck up phony bitch decides to claw your eyes out!" She kicked the grocery bags out of the way and slammed the door in his face, making sure he heard her lock it.
"Go to hell Anna!" he yelled out to her as he backed away from the door and then turned, strutting angrily across the yard.
"I already am!" she screamed out, but he was already gone. "You put me here!" She kicked the bags out anger and frustration before collapsing on the bottom step of the stairs, burying her face in her hands and began to sob harder than she ever had.
It was over. There was no going back after that. She knew that now.
Steve tore into his house and straight for the pills that were still in the spice cupboard, because now he had to hide them from Danny.
He cursed Anna's name as he pulled the top off and didn't even bother shaking them out in his hand. He tilted his head back and let them pore into his mouth. He swallowed down three and reached over for a cup that was sitting on the counter and filled it halfway before drinking it down.
He leaned against the counter with his head down, trying to ward off the anger and irritation he felt from the confrontation with Anna. His hand squeezed around the glass as he replayed the scene in his head, wishing now he just would have stayed away. Her tone of voice and the vicious way in which she spoke to him was uncalled for. "All I was doing was trying to apologize!" he grumbled, slamming the glass down on the counter, feeling that anger growing. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he screamed out, stepping back as he raised his arm, throwing the glass in the sink. It shattered on impact, sending bits of glass flying.
He used his foot next and kicked another hole in the cupboard at his feet. His temper tantrum was interrupted as Danny yelled out to him.
"Hey! Hey! What the hells going on? What's wrong?"
Steve turned, hearing the voice behind him, surprised to see him standing there but was glad he had someone to vent his frustration too.
His voice mirrored the enraged expression on his face. "She's a manipulative, backstabbing, self righteous little bitch! We never should have helped her that morning she was moving in! We should have let that couch fall on her!"
Danny raised his hands up trying to calm him. "All right, all right, settle down. Take a breath, Steve."
"You don't understand, she's just trying to mess with my head! She's using those kids against me too."
"What happened?" he led him out of the kitchen, seeing the busted cupboard at his feet as well as the one at his head from a few days before, assuming they were both from today. He didn't however notice the prescription bottle sitting on the counter amongst the dirty plates, bowls and glasses. The mess was unlike him, just as much as the rant he was currently displaying.
"All I tried to do was apologize to her," he explained. "That's it. God!" he clenched his hands in fists. "She pisses me off!"
"Hey!" Danny said, putting a hand on his back. "You need to calm down." He pointed toward the door. "Let's get out of here for a while." He figured if he could get him in the car and away from wherever the confrontation had taken place, assumingly at her house, or here in his, then he might become a little more rational.
He agreed, wanting to get away from her. He got in the passenger side of the Camaro and glared at her house as Danny quickly backed up.
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They pulled into a fast food restaurant that was up the street from his house. Danny figured a public place like this would calm him and then maybe they could talk. He looked over at him as he rested his elbow on the armrest of the door and stared out the window, clearly still agitated.
He waited behind another car in the parking lot entrance as the driver spoke to a twenty something man who was standing at his window. It was apparent the man was tall even as he leaned over the car, his firm build was apparent as well. Danny tapped gently on the horn to alert them he was there when the guy glanced over at him for just a second and then resumed his conversation with the driver as if he didn't care.
Danny gave him about ten more seconds and then beeped again, raising his hands as if saying 'come on, move'. Both men ignored him all together.
Steve looked up from his trance as Danny laid on the horn and lowered his window. "Move it," he yelled out to him.
The guy stepped back, looking at the two of them in the car, "Fucking relax man, your burger and fries ain't going nowhere."
"Is this guy for real," Danny huffed. He leaned out the window again, revving the engine. "I said move your ass, now!"
"Fuck you, asshole!"
Danny looked over at Steve, partly laughing over the balls of the guy when he saw him get out of the car.
"Did you just call my friend an asshole?" Steve asked as he approached the man.
He stood up straight, puffing out his chest. "Yea I did. What are you going to do about it?"
Steve came around the front of the Camaro and never broke stride, walking straight up to the man as he took a step toward Steve. The next couple of seconds left the man with a shattered nose and Danny practically climbing on Steve's back, trying to get him off the guy.
He finally got a hold of his arm and pulled him away, shoving him back toward the Camaro. "Back off!"
The driver started to get out when Danny flashed his badge, pulling him out the rest of the way and laying him out on the ground. "Don't move!"
He bent over the wounded man, seeing blood pouring from his nose. He glanced over at Steve who leaned against the car wiping his bloody hand off on his pants, showing no regret whatsoever.
He stared at him as if he had no idea who he was. The man that had just lost his temper and inflicted this damage was not the partner he knew.
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Danny anxiously tapped his thumb against the side of the cold glass of beer. He ran his other hand over his hair, looking out over the side of the booth just incase he missed her come in. He glanced around the bar trying to take his mind off the events of the day and the conversation he was about have. It was the worst-case scenario and he knew it, he didn't need to be told. He was there because Steve was his best friend and he had to know fore sure before he moved on.
He looked up as the door opened. The bright sunlight surrounded her like a silhouette, but he knew it was Anna right away. As the door closed he saw that she was headed in his direction. He rose out of the booth to greet her.
"Hi Anna, thanks for coming."
"Hi Danny."
"Have a seat," he motioned to the other side of the booth. "Do you want a beer or something to drink?"
"No, I can't stay long. The kids will be home from school soon." She looked at the half empty beer in front of him. "Aren't you on duty right now?"
"Yes, but after the day I've had…" he picked it up and took a drink, "I needed one of these."
"Why am I here Danny? Please don't tell me you are trying to patch things up with Steve and I because…"
"Did you break it off with him because he was still taking the pills?"
She sat back in the booth, looking across at him and then at his beer, recalling his words of having a bad day. "Why? What did he do to you?"
"Its not what he did to me, it's what he did to someone else. I think he needs help."
Anna huffed, "You think he needs help? No Danny, he does need help."
"What happened between you two? If you don't mind my asking?"
"He didn't tell you?"
"No."
"Of course he didn't, and if he did tell you anything, I'm sure it was a lie."
"By the tone of your voice I'm guessing it didn't end well."
Anna smiled up at the waitress as she approached the table. "I'm fine thanks." Her smile faded once they were alone again. She looked back over at him, sadly recalling she and Steve's last argument. "He said some things to me Danny that…" she felt her throat close up. "I'm not sure I ever want to see him again."
He sighed heavily. Her words were like a wake up call, he couldn't ignore the signs anymore. "He broke this guys nose today, for nothing. He just lost…"
"Lost his temper?" she finished his sentence for him.
He didn't like the way she pulled that out. "He didn't hurt you, did he Anna? I mean physically?" He couldn't believe he was even asking that question about Steve, but after his odd behavior the last couple of days he wasn't sure about anything anymore.
She shook her head, "No. He grabbed my wrist when I wouldn't give him back the pills and shook me, but it wasn't…it wasn't really hard I guess. I don't think he meant to hurt me."
He was stunned by that, "Don't make excuses for him, Anna."
"You're right. Don't you either. And I know you do, only because you love him as much as I do and you finally see what I've been seeing. It's awful isn't it?"
He ran his fingers up and down the glass, staring at his beer. "How many do you think he takes in a day?"
She shrugged, "I don't know. I bet he doesn't even know. Its not about quantity, its about stabilizing that high and keeping it level or beyond."
"He told me about your father."
"That was his excuse to me, that I was paranoid because of my father."
"That's the same excuse he gave me, and I believed him. I'm sorry Anna," he said regretfully, "for not listening to you before."
She reached across the table touching his hand, "Don't you feel bad about anything that he's done. I learned the hard way that guilt is just as powerful as denial. I said that I don't want to see him again, but that's really not true. I don't want to see the man he is now…" her voice choked and her eyes instantly filled with tears. "The things he said to me." she sniffed, "maybe he was really feeling them."
"Hey!" Danny in turn took her hand, "listen to me. He loves you. I don't know what he said but you're right, it's not the man that you or I know. Before the accident I'd never seen him like that with anyone before. You and Jenny and Eric, the three of you became the center of his world. He loved it."
She reached over and took the napkin that was under his beer, using it to wipe her eyes. She looked out over the bar letting his words soak in, but she still wasn't sure she could move on with him after everything that had happened. At the moment she was heart broken and angry, but it went beyond her pain and had spilled over to Jenny and Eric. They both were feeling the effect of it as well. The mood in the house changed, regardless if she tried to shelter them from it. Eric was as angry as she was and they were both probably just as heart broken, but in a different way. Steve had become like a father to them. Jenny didn't understand the separation and didn't want too. She just wanted him back in the house, angry too that she wasn't allowed to go to his house and see him. That anger spread to Anna, she was the bad guy and Steve was still her hero. There was so much unhappiness in the house, which she had worked so hard to fill with joy, and it was all because of him.
Danny let go of her hand, seeing the pain and anger on her. "Something has to be done," he said. "Will you help me?"
"He won't take it. He doesn't think he needs it."
"There's going to be assault charges filed against him. He could lose his job. We're going to have to force his hand."
She looked back over at him, intrigued. "What did you have in mind?"
Danny smiled uneasily, "He's not going to like it."
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Steve came out his front door dressed in a long sleeve shirt, tie and dress pants, on his way to the routine monthly meeting with the Governor. He smiled, seeing Jenny at his gate. It was the first time they'd made physical contact since the break up.
Her hand waved excitedly as she did one of her signature leaps while he came toward her.
"Good morning sunshine!" he looked past her to the house wondering if Anna was watching.
"Hi Steve!" she lifted her arms out as he bent down on the one knee. She wrapped them around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I miss you. When are you going to start coming over and eating dinner with us again?"
He gave her a bear hug, forgetting how much he missed her. "I don't know honey. Maybe you and I could go for pizza or something."
"I want you to come over everyday and spend the night and have breakfast with us," her bottom lip stuck out as if she was pouting.
He reached out and moved a piece of hair from her cheek, stuck there from something sticky she'd eaten. "Does Anna know you're over here?"
She shook her head, "She's not home. A mom from Eric's school is watching us until we get on the bus."
"Where is she this early?" He felt his heart skip a beat, wondering if she had been gone all night. The thought of her being with another man made him want to run back in the house for his pills.
Jenny shrugged, "She left early and said she would see me after school."
He smiled, glad to here that. "Is Eric home?"
She nodded, "Yes. Why is he so mad at you? He gets mad when I wave at you. He tried to hold my arm one time, but I kicked him. I don't like it when he's mean."
Steve ran his hands down her arms, which looked tiny in his hands, "It's ok, don't be mad at him. I think he's mad because Anna and I had a fight and then we couldn't go camping like he wanted."
"You should buy Anna flowers and stop fighting," she whined. "I don't like it!" She moved up against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I miss our night time stories." She toyed with the tie he had on, wrapping it around her hand and then letting it fall off. "I want you to tuck me in."
"I know honey. I miss you too." He kissed her cheek, pulling her in a little closer.
"Jenny!" Eric yelled from the front door. "Get over here!"
"No!" she yelled back.
Steve looked down at her, putting his hand under her chin and lifting it so he could see her face. "You better go honey. We'll see each other again soon. I promise."
"You promise, promise?"
He nodded, praying he could keep it. "I promise, promise."
She hugged him once again tightly and then walked away, glancing over her shoulder as she made her way back across her yard. "Promise," she said again, only it came out more of a demand.
"Promise," he smiled but his insides were reeling over the sadness that was engulfing him. All the little things she reminded him of that she missed, he missed ten fold. The impact of the breakup was just now beginning to hit him. He'd been so consumed over his anger toward Anna that he didn't see the future as clearly as he was right then. He'd never be able to do those things with Jenny again, or the fun guy stuff he used to do with Eric.
He saw him across the way still standing in the doorway. He lifted his hand and waved at him, but even from a distance he could see the anger, or perhaps even the hatred that he felt for him. Eric ignored the gesture and closed the door after Jenny went inside.
"That house," he mumbled. "The women that come out of that house, they're cursed." Blaming Anna once again for the now separation of he and Jenny.
He turned away from the house, reaching his hand in his pocket and fishing out a pill. He put it in his mouth and swallowed it down, still not willing to admit to himself that they were the reason he wasn't able to have breakfast and tuck Jenny into bed anymore. He told himself he needed them for this meeting and then he'd start to cut back, he swore to himself that he would. He just needed to get through this meeting, hoping the Governor hadn't heard about the incident in the parking lot just yet. He needed a couple of days to get it straightened out before it got out of control. 'The little punk,' he thought bitterly. 'He deserved it.'
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Steve walked through the doors of the capital building and took the stairs up to the second floor offices of the Governor. It was his first meeting since he'd been back to work. The incident from the day before was still fresh and he glanced down at his hand that had caused the damage, telling himself again the guy deserved it.
As he came down the hallway toward the reception area he stopped at the men's room, going inside. He was pleased that it was empty and reached in his pocket once again, taking out one more just for good measure. He leaned over the sink and used his hand as a cup, taking a drink. The deal he had made with himself earlier was already forgotten as he made sure to leave enough for later incase he couldn't make it home before the other three in his pocket were used.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror adjusting his tie, not noticing his cheeks that had began to cave in under the weight loss, or the blue eyes that now looked sunken around the face that seemed narrower, even his constant whisker stubble that had always made him seem rugged, now just looked unkempt on a man that looked unkempt.
The receptionist looked up at him as he came down the hallway toward her desk. She picked up the phone, alerting the Governor of his arrival. She smiled brightly at his presence but it quickly faded as she tried to hide her concern over his appearance. "Yes Sir," she said into the phone and hung up. "Commander, its so nice to see you again."
"Hi Mary, how are you?"
"I'm fine Commander." She pointed over toward the Governor's office. "He's in his office. Go on in they're waiting for you."
"Office?" Steve asked surprised. "No conference room today for the meeting?"
"Oh, um," she stuttered. "Not today. A few are on vacation so the conference room wasn't necessary."
"Ok," he smiled.
He knocked once on the door as a courtesy and went inside as instructed. He saw Governor Denning first, sitting behind his desk and then as he came inside he was shocked to see Danny, Chin, Kono and standing in the corner was Anna. They were all looking at him except for Anna, she kept her eyes downcast.
"What the hells going on here," he asked, glaring over at Anna. He pointed at her. "Why is she here? What the hells going on?!"
Governor Denning rose up behind his desk shocked over the man standing in his doorway. It was the first time he'd seen in him since before he left for the reserves. He understood now all the stories that seemed out character for the man he had so much respect for. "Come in Commander and close the door." It wasn't a request but a demand.
He took a second, contemplating leaving and as if the Governor read his mind he responded to his hesitation.
"If you leave this office Steve, you leave your job behind." He motioned to the chair in front of his desk. "Come inside and have a seat."
His heart began to race out of control as he scanned the room, looking in the unwavering eyes of his team, trying to get a read on what was going on and the reason for Anna's presence. "Sir, is this about yesterday?"
"Sit down."
It suddenly dawned on him then as he walked over toward the chair. His attention focused on Anna, who had yet to look at him. "What did you tell them?" his voice low and threatening.
She knew it was her he was referring and slowly looked up, meeting the fiery eyes that she didn't recognize. "They asked me and I told them the truth. Nothing more."
"Goddamn it Anna," he growled.
"Sit down Steve! I'm not going to tell you again," the Governor roared.
His eyes angrily met the other three in the room as he sat down. "She's full of shit. You know that don't you?"
"Sit down Steve," Danny said calmly.
He could feel the betrayal in the room as his paranoia grew over what they were going to expect of him. He could feel the three pills in his pocket, wishing now he had left them in the truck for protection.
He looked straight ahead at the Governor as he sat back in his chair looking back at him as if he were studying him. "I had a hard time believing the things being said about you, but now that I see you…it's clear there's a problem. You look like hell."
"Gee, thanks for the compliment. If you aren't aware of it, a helicopter landed on me."
"I'm aware Commander."
Steve did everything he could to keep his temper under control. "Sir, if this is about yesterday, I can assure you it was all a misunderstanding."
The Governor ignored whatever excuse he was going to throw out at him. "Charges are being brought up against you. You'll more than likely have to go to trial, assuming you're going to plead innocent. The state won't help with your defense since you weren't on duty at the time. But," he held his hands up. "I can prevent all that from happening." He leaned forward on his desk and slid over two documents toward Steve. He tapped his finger on the one to the right, "This one is a copy of an assault charge that was filed this morning by the District Attorney's Office. " He tapped the other page. "This one is an admission form to an Oahu rehab center. You'll be admitted for no less than thirty days. Sign this one and when you get out, your job will be waiting for you. If you chose the other one, then when you leave this office, you'll leave your badge as well." He sat back in his oversized leather chair. "The decision is yours Steve."
He felt a shiver run down his body over the shock of what they were suggesting. "You can't be serious?" he said almost breathless, shifting in his chair searching out Danny first. "Danny, help me out here."
He slowly shook his head, "I can't. Sign the form Steve."
The blood in his body turned hot, showing on his face as he shifted again looking at Kono. "You're just going to stand there and let this happen?!"
She said nothing but just stood her ground with her arms crossed, telling herself to be strong.
"Jesus Kono, who's the one that put you where you are today? People at HPD respect you and look up to you because it was me that brought you in and trained you! And now you're just going to turn your back on me?!"
"No Steve, I'm standing here face to face with you. I'm here because I'm not turning my back on you. Sign the form."
He looked to Chin next. "I gave you back your job and when no one else would! I trusted you when no one else would! This is how you pay me back?"
"I respect you more than any man I've ever known," Chin replied. "I love you like a brother, that's why I won't let you destroy yourself. Sign the form."
He turned back around, facing the desk, his heart pounding out of fear of the unknown for the next thirty days and the anger at his so called friends and team. "Choice," he grumbled, "this isn't a choice. Do you have any idea what this will do to my reputation! I might as well quit!"
The Governor pointed to each person in the room. "The only ones that will know about this are the people here right now. As far as anyone else is concerned, you're on special assignment with the Navy."
Steve wiped his hands over his face as he began to sweat, wanting to run out of the room but knew he had no choice. He had nowhere to go if he did leave. This was his life. "Fucking bullshit," he said, pulling over the admission paper. "I'd take a bullet for anyone of you, I wish I could say it was mutual." He angrily scribbled his name and flung the paper back at the Governor.
"Steve…"
"Shut up, Kono!" he blasted her, "I don't want to hear anything from you." He finally looked over at Anna who stood off to the side. She stared back at him stoned faced. It was all her, he knew it. "I can't believe what you've done to my life," he said between gritted teeth. "I only hope your moved out in the next thirty days because I don't ever want to see your face again!"
She was surprised she didn't stumble over the impact of those words. They felt like a death sentence to her. She was glad when he looked away from her, so he wouldn't see her eyes as they filled with tears.
The Governor stood up handing Danny the form. "Danny will drive you to the center that's located at the base of Kualoa Mountains."
"I'll drive myself," he growled, not wanting to be in the car with him. "I have to go home first."
"No need. Anna and Danny packed you some things from your house. You leave right now, from here. You aren't allowed to drive yourself there. You have to be dropped off, so Danny will drive you."
He scuffed, "Well, isn't that quaint. You guys thought of everything now, didn't you!"
You may not see it now Steve," the Governor said, "but we're doing this for your own good."
He wanted to tell him to piss off, but held back, not wanting to jeopardize his job anymore than it already was.
He looked over at Anna, wishing he'd never met her.
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After what seemed like an eternity, Danny finally pulled in the gate of the Kualoa rehab center. The twenty-minute ride was silent as Steve stared out the passenger window trying desperately to figure a way out of this mess and still keep his job. But he couldn't come up with anything as Danny parked the car. The one thing he was certain of was that he was glad he was someplace where he could finally get away from him. Never before feeling the betrayal that he felt at that second from the only brother he'd ever known.
He got out the passenger side and looked up the sloping driveway that led to some dark, gray cement steps. They in turn led up to the glass door entrance with the word "Welcome" etched on it in a light yellow stain. The word was tacky and predictable for where he was at, but somehow the way it was designed on the glass didn't seem that way.
He reached in the back seat and grabbed the duffel bag of clothes and whatever Danny and Anna had decided that he would need for the next thirty days, still pissed off that she was in his house. What fucking right did she have to be there, either of them.
Danny got out the other side and closed his door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Steve asked, glaring across the roof of the car at him.
"I was going to walk up with you to the entrance."
"Never mind. I think you've done enough. You can leave now."
"I wasn't going to lie for you, Steve, or turn my head the other way."
"I would have for you."
Danny huffed, "In these circumstances? You can honestly stand there and tell me you would have?"
"Yes! I would!"
Danny leaned on the roof of the car, looking directly at him. "Then you better not walk in there, you better pick up that bag and run."
Steve squeezed the handle of the bag, jerking it out of frustration, wanting to punch him. "Why don't you go fuck yourself Danny," were the last words he said to him as he turned and walked away.
He made his way up the driveway feeling the heat of the day on his back even though it was only seventy-eight and cloudy, considered cool to native Hawaiians. His breathing intensified as he gripped the handle of the bag tighter. He stopped at the base of the stairs and glanced over his shoulder as Danny drove out the gate.
He looked up the steps and couldn't make himself take that first one. It wasn't from the lack of wanting to, he knew he had too. It was from fear. He'd never been so afraid in his entire life of any one place as he was of this one. He honestly didn't think he could do it.
"Hi Steve."
He looked up seeing a heavyset Hawaiian woman coming down the steps toward him. She had on a pair of white nurse's smocks and a colorful Hawaiian shirt. She smiled at him and he could see her perfect teeth behind the gentle smile.
She stopped two steps before him. "I'm Emily. I've been expecting you."
"I don't belong here," he said to her.
She nodded as if she understood. "You're free to go. This is an open center. No one is forced to stay."
"If I don't stay I'll lose my job."
"Hmm," she sighed. "Maybe there are others who think you need to be here."
"They're wrong."
"Let me just ask you a question. Is there anyone in your life that you care enough about to stay just one night? Someone that maybe you've lost along the path that led you to here. Maybe that person is worth staying at least the night."
He knew there was only one. She loved him no matter what and until that moment he hadn't realize how much he had let her down. He'd never had anyone look up to him the way she did. At that moment Jenny was the only person he could think of in his life that hadn't tried to hurt him. He promised her just that morning that he'd be back and the only way to get there was to please the others.
He'd stay for Jenny.
He took that first step, following the woman up to the entrance.