Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!
A/N: This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!
And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…
Labyrinth
Scene 1: A Horrible Mistake
Rogue wears a blouse and jeans under a flowing white costume that is tied at the waist with a cord. She has a wreath of fake flowers in her hair. For once, she is not complaining about her outfit. She is grinning rather profusely.
"You really like this play, don't you?" Jean asks her.
"Doesn't everybody?" Rogue says with a grin.
"Taryn seems to be enjoying it," Jean says with her eyebrow raised. The girl mentioned is twirling around in front of a mirror and Duncan in her skimpy fairy outfit. She is covered in body glitter.
Rogue grins. "She ain't gonna like it much longer."
Both girls laugh as they see Forge dragging in a very familiar device. (1)
Bobby screams when he sees it. "You can't do this to me!"
"He can, and he will," Raven groans as she and Lightning appear out of the shadows again. She points to the duct tape. "Stand on it. You too, Taryn."
Taryn waves cheerfully to Duncan and dances to the tape. She thinks she looks so beautiful in her costume that even Scott must be sorry he broke up with her. That is until she notices how nervous Bobby is. He is actually shaking.
Forge grins at Raven. "I recalibrated this to shrink them to four inches tall."
"Shrink… them?" Taryn asks.
Raven nods. "And the percentage it works?"
"I've increased that too. It works 92% of the time now."
"Excellent," she says with an evil grin.
"You are incredibly sadistic today, dear," Lightning says.
Her eyes flash, "Would you rather I was angry today, dear?"
"Maybe… but probably not," he says, adding a laugh.
"Forge…" she says.
Taryn looks as frightened as Bobby by the time the machine works.
"Too bad you can't really fly," Jean says to her as she picks her up with two fingers.
Taryn says something back that is too high pitched to understand.
Everyone looks at Forge. He shrugs. "What? She doesn't even have any lines!"
"Can Bobby talk?" Raven says with a grimace.
"I think so," Bobby says.
A wave of relief passes through the cast.
"Well, then. In that case, can we get started?" Lightning whines.
"Of course. Jean, just put her on that hook over there. Yes, the one with the string attached. Jubilee, can you protect Bobby until his part is over? Good. Places everyone! Lights!" The lights come on seemingly by themselves. "Camera!" The camera starts running by itself. "Action!" Raven calls out.
Music begins to play as bubbles fill the air. Jaime is blowing them off stage. The screen is black and dark. Slowly an IAR owl flies over a cardboard maze and by some mirrors. Pietro runs by holding a sign that reads "Labyrinth." The IAR owl flies past it. Gambit starts singing off-stage about how it's only forever… The IAR owl keeps flying…
"Okay, okay, why are we doing the introduction?" Lightning asks.
When he wakes up and pulls himself out of the bricks, Raven answers, "Because you need to be more patient. Gambit, start singing!"
Gambit starts singing about life not being easy… Lightning sits in his chair and pouts. The IAR owl flies over some water. Then it flies by the mirrors again.
"Oh, come on, Raven! Get on with it!" Lightning whines.
She frowns, holding the remote. The IAR owl lands on his lap. Then, it explodes.
Forge glares at her. He goes to get another one.
"Are you done complaining, Lawr?" Raven asks.
"Nope."
"Why are you in such a bad mood today? I'm normally the one in a bad mood?" Raven asks.
"My roommate kept me up all night," Lightning whines.
"Your roommate kept you up all night?" she says with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, he did… stupid Ghost…" he grumbles.
"You can't even see him… or hear him," she deadpans.
"No, but he can move stuff and bang things around!" he whines.
Raven sighs. "I'll talk to him."
"Thanks. Oh, look, Forge is back!"
"Finally," mutters Raven. "Back to work!" She starts the IAR owl again. Lightning groans.
This time the IAR owl flies into a park and lands on a statue.
Rogue runs across a stone bridge. The look on her face is incredibly urgent. An IAR swan sits in the stream behind her. No one asks how they got it in the sound studio this time. She stops half-way to the IAR owl. "Give me the child," she says seriously. She starts walking slowly toward the IAR owl. "Through dangehs untold and hardships unnumbehed Ah have fought my way here ta the castle beyond the Goblin City ta take back the child that y'all have stolen. For my will is as strong as y'all's and my kingdom is as great."
Thanks to Storm, thunder rolls causing Rogue to glance up at the sky. She looks back at the IAR owl and then down to the ground as if she lost her place. "For my will is as strong as y'all's, my kingdom as great. Damn. Ooo, Ah can neveh remembeh that line." She digs out a book from up her sleeve. She ignores the look from Logan. Kitty holds the script up showing him the curse word was in it. He still growls. She looks in the book and sighs, "Ya have no poweh oveh me."
The thunder rolls again and Rahne starts barking from her place on a stone bench where she has been watching the performance.
"Oh, Rahne," Rogue says with a sigh. That's when the big clock in the distance starts chiming. She look up to the clock tower and says, "Oh no, Rahne! Ah don't believe it! It's seven o'clock!" She lifts up her costume and starts running toward the bridge. "Come on, come on!" Rahne chases her.
The IAR owl watches them as they cross the bridge. The rain starts falling heavily.
The scene changes as Rogue and Rahne round a corner. They are both soaked to the bone. Gambit starts singing the same song again, still off-stage. The girls, well, Rahne is still in her wolf-form, but the girls run down a street and cross through a few yards to get to the front door of a rather large home. "Oh, it's not fair!" Rogue whines.
Gabrielle stands with a hand on her hip. She is dressed up and holds her coat. "Oh, really."
"Ah'm sorry," Rogue starts.
Gabrielle cuts her off. "Well, don't stand there in the rain. Come on." She nods towards the door.
"All right. Come on, Rahne. Come on."
"Not the dog!" Gabrielle insists, pointing at Rahne. Rahne growls at her.
"But it's pourin'!" Rogue whines.
"Go on, into the garage," Gabrielle says.
Rahne growls again and shakes herself off. She makes sure to soak Gabrielle.
"EW! Charles!" Gabrielle complains.
Raven bangs the clipboard against her head. "It started off so well, too…"
"That's because Rogue had a monologue…" Lightning decides to agree with her for once. This is mostly because he wants her to talk to his roommate.
"True," Raven agrees. "Pietro! Fix this!"
Pietro supplies Gabrielle with a new costume in the blink of an eye.
"Now get back to work!" Raven growls.
"Aww… Go on, Rahne. Go inta the garage," Rogue says sadly. "Go." Rahne grudgingly walks off the stage, where she shakes off and changes into her human form. Jubilee hands her a towel.
"Thanks," Rahne whispers.
Rogue heads into the big house ahead of Gabrielle. "Anna, you're an hour late."
"Ah said Ah'm sorry," Rogue snaps.
"Please let me finish," Gabrielle interrupts. "Your father and I go out very rarely."
"Y'all go out every single weekend!" Rogue contradicts.
Gabrielle talks over her. "And I ask you to babysit only if it won't interfere with your plans."
Rogue turns towards the stairs, "Well, how do ya know? Ya don't know what my plans are. Y'all don't even ask anymore."
Gabrielle follows her. "Well, I assume you'd tell me if you had a date. I'd like it if you had a date. You should have dates at your age." A toddler's cry sounds in the background. Everyone looks confused.
"Ah, Anna you're home," Charles says. He rolls in with a blonde two-year-old on his lap. The toddler is wearing a red-and-white striped jumper. The cast looks confused.
"Who is that?" Rogue asks.
"It's David," Raven informs her.
"But David is a teenager," Jean says.
"There were some complications," Xavier says, steepling his fingers around his infant son.
"Complications?" Rogue asks.
Suddenly, Lucas is the one sitting on Charles Xavier's lap. He stands up. He points at Raven. "She made me sign a bloody contract saying I would awaken David's personality as a toddler just for this play! In my sleep! How can she be more powerful than I am! I'm the most powerful telepath that has ever lived!"
"That is quite enough, Lucas!" Gabrielle snaps. "You're ruining my scene!" Everyone looks at her. They expect these kinds of outbursts from Raven – not the cast. "Well, it's my only scene! Lucas, bring David back now!"
The two-year-old giggles and lets Xavier pick him back up. Rogue stomps up the stairs. "We were worried about you!" Xavier calls up after her.
"Ah can't do anythin' right, can Ah?" she shouts back down. Rogue stomps to her room to change into dry clothes.
Xavier looks confused. He turns to Gabrielle. She shakes her head. "She treats me like a wicked stepmother in a fairy story no matter what I say."
"I'll talk to her," Charles says. He looks up the stairs and raises his eyebrow. Pietro speeds him up the top. David throws up. Xavier glares at Pietro, who only shrugs and cleans up the mess before Raven gets mad.
Inside the room, colorful dolls, toys, and books cover every available space. Rogue, now dry, sits at her vanity and repeats, "Through dangehs untold and hardships unnumbehed Ah have fought my way here ta the castle beyond the Goblin City…" A scrapbook lies open with newspaper articles covering the pages. The pictures are all of Mystique. "…Ta take back the child that y'all have stolen." Rogue wears a flimsy gold paper crown and talks to her reflection. Around the mirror are more pictures of Mystique. Some of the pictures also have Irene in them with her.
There is a knock at the door. "Anna?" Xavier calls. "Can I talk to you?"
"There's nothin' ta talk about!" Rogue shouts back. She takes off the crown and slams it down on the vanity. "Y'all betteh hurry. Ya're gonna be late."
"Listen, we fed David and put him to bed. We do have to leave now, but we'll be back around midnight."
Rogue gets offended and turns back to the vanity. "Y'all really wanted ta talk ta me, didn't ya? Practically broke down the dooh!" She slams herself down onto the bed, but sits up immediately. One of her stuffed animals is missing. "Lancelot! Someone has been in my room again. Ah hate that. Ah hate it!"
"Don't we know it," Ray says.
Rogue glares at him before stomping out of the room.
David is already awake and starting to cry. On the floor of Xavier and Gabrielle's room is a stuffed alligator.
Kitty looks at it. "Isn't that, like, the stuffed alligator Gambit gave you?"
Rogue's face turns red. "Shut up, Kit! Y'all're ruining the play!"
Gambit laughs. "Remy won t'at for Roguey at t'e carnival. She said she'd kept it only because he didn't steal it."
"Shut up, both av y'all!"
The cast starts to laugh until Raven and Lightning shout, "That is enough! Back to work!"
Scott starts banging his head against a brick wall and counting to ten.
"Ah hate ya. Ah hate ya!" Rogue screams as she crosses the room and picks up the much-loved alligator. She holds it closely. "Someone save me. Someone take me away from this awful place!"
"Remy'd be glad to, chérie."
The stuffed alligator hits him in the head.
Raven uses her telekinesis to send the alligator back to Rogue. "Now, let's get through this scene!"
Rogue and Gambit gulp and nod.
The thunder rolls again. David is still crying.
Rogue looks at him. "What do y'all want? Ya want a story, huh? Okay." She walks to her parents' bed and sets the alligator gently down. She sits next to it. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, young girl whose stepmotheh always made her stay home with the baby. And the baby was a spoiled child, and he wanted everythin' fer himself, and the young girl was practically a slave." She stands up and walks to a mirror. "But what no one knew was that the king av the goblins had fallen in love with the girl, and he had given her certain powehs. So one night," she says, putting on a hat that matches David's outfit, "when the baby had been particularly cruel ta her, she called on the goblins fer help."
Somewhere, a pile of goblins are sleeping. One of them wakes up. "Listen," Evan says.
"'Say yer right words,' the goblins said, 'and we'll take the baby ta the Goblin City and y'all'll be free.'" Rogue says, adjusting the cap.
The goblins are all awake. They gasp in anticipation.
She pulls off the hat. "But the girl knew that the king av the goblins would keep the baby in his castle foreveh and eveh and eveh and turn it inta a goblin. And so the girl suffered in silence until one night, when she was tired from a day av housework and she was hurt by the harsh words of her stepmotheh," she says as she walks near the crib, "and she could no longeh stand it…" David's cries grow louder as the thunder crashes. "Oh, all right! All right!" Rogue sighs, picking him up. "Knock it off. Come on. Stop it! Stop it! Ah'll say the words. No, Ah mustn't. Ah mustn't say."
The goblins gasp again.
She holds David a little away from her. "Ah wish… Ah wish…"
"Is she going to say it?" asks Mastermind.
"Say what?" Mesmero asks stupidly. He feels very demeaned at being given this part.
The other goblins shush him.
"Shut up!" and "Quiet!" are said by Calisto and Evan at the same time.
"Sorry," Mesmero says.
"You shut up," Mastermind tells one of the Random Goblin Extras.
"Listen," Evan says. "She's going to say the words."
Rogue holds David above her. "Ah can beah it no longeh! Goblin King, Goblin King, whereveh ya may be take this child av mine fah away from me!" David is still crying.
The goblins are disappointed. "That's not it," Mastermind whines.
"Where'd she learn that rubbish? It doesn't even start with, 'I wish'." Calisto shakes her head.
"Oh, David, stop it!" Rogue says, pulling him close. "Oh, Ah wish Ah did know what ta say ta make the goblins take ya away."
"'I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now'," Calisto says. "That's not hard is it."
Rogue suddenly looks as if she's had an epiphany. "Ah wish… Ah wish…"
"Did she say it?" Mesmero asks.
"Shut up!" the goblins squeal. Scott screams. Jean hits him upside the head to shut him up.
Rogue lays David down in the crib and covers him up. She walks to the door and stops at the light switch. David is still crying. "Ah wish the goblins would come and take ya away." She flips off the light. "Right now." Then, she walks out of the room. Suddenly, the crying stops. Rogue freezes. She turns around. She walks slowly back into the room. "David? David, are ya all right?" She flips the switch up and down. Nothing happens. "Why aren't you cryin'?" Slowly, ever so slowly, she walks towards the crib. Something moves in the crib and makes a strange sound. Rogue gasps. She walks closer and pulls back the covers. There is nothing in the crib – no David – no monster. The crib is empty. She gasps again.
"And cut!" Raven says. She sighs with relief.
"Remind me to, like, never let you babysit," Kitty says to Rogue.
"Oh come on, Kit. It's just a play," Rogue defends herself.
"What a totally horrible story to tell a little baby!" Kitty says.
"That baby is Legion, Kitty. Ah think he can handle it!" Rogue declares.
"Ugh," Lucas moans. "I hate this!"
"Wait a second!" Bobby cries out. "You mean you shrunk me already and you aren't even going to do my scene yet?" He is four inches tall and dressed in a blue worm costume.
"Precisely," Lightning acknowledges.
"That's not fair!" Bobby whines.
A high-pitched mumbling comes from Taryn's direction. From the way Taryn moves about on her string, everyone assumes she is agreeing with Bobby.
"Life's not fair," Rogue and Raven say. Scott runs screaming from the set.
"What is his bloody problem?" yells Lucas.
"Oh, we can't start naming that…" Toad says.
"Yeah, we'd be here all year!" Lance agrees.
"Can we go now?" Lightning whines to Raven.
"Fine!" Raven is obviously getting annoyed with his impatience. They leave, and we should go as well.
AN: (1) This is the same shrinking machine used in "Rogue White and the Seven Mutants."
Chapters will be shorter than Pirates, so they may come faster. It was possible for me to write this in one sitting. We will see how fast the rest come! I hope you all enjoyed reading this! Unfortunately, I didn't have time to proof-read it for several days! Sorry!