"I don't have anyone that is young enough to have babysat," China began, "They are all either too old or too hostile towards me. Both in some cases-aru."

"Are you sure you can't think of anyone?" Belarus was sharpening a knife near China. China was doubting whether he should place anyone into Belarus' hands.

"Well, I suppose that I could give you..." China was looking at a map of Asia. Japan was a definite no-no. Korea would drive Belarus mad. Taiwan and Vietnam were probably going to get into a cat fight with Belarus. Perhaps a literal fight with Vietnam.

"Ummm... Hong Kong... I could give you him."

"Didn't he teach me how to cook? Now I'm babysitting him? Isn't he old enough to take care of himself?"

"Well, he is the youngest of my siblings-aru. I can get Britain to do me a favor, though." China started thinking of a plan, while smiling.

"China, what are you thinking?"

"Oh, nothing. I'll be back though. I have to visit an ally of mine. Don't stab anything in my house, okay?"

"Ummm...okay?" China left the door, and got into his car. He had a plan that would both fulfill Belarus' request, and to get back at Hong Kong for a few pranks.

Great Britain, tea time

Britain was having high tea in his yard, enjoying watching the gnomes run around in his garden. He loved seeing them play with the fairies, and sometimes Flying Mint Bunny would fool around with them too. Britain was stressed, however. Stalin, the head of Russia, had talked to Winston Churchill about military formations, and now Britain had to reorganize some things.

Britain got up and went inside to fetch some snacks for the fairies and gnomes, but he was surprised to see India in his kitchen.

"Raj*, what the hell are you doing here?" Britain was most displeased his presence.

"Well," India began, "Japan was starting to press into my land, I was confused if he was going to help me, or be an enemy**. I came to you for counsel, seeing as I am a colony of yours."

"What? Well, can't you get China to help you?"

"Well, I am not completely on the Allied Forces, and China is biased against Japan. Perhaps Burma will-"

"Never mind that, how the bloody hell did you get in my house?"

"When I became a colony, you gave me a key to your house, remember?"

"Oh yeah, right. I wonder if any other of my colonies still have those keys." Just as he said that, China burst through the door, holding Hong Kong by the waist.

"Like, let go of me."

"No-aru, now, Britain! I need to have a word with you."

"Great, Raj, China, Hong Kong, when is another asian going to come through the door?"

"Britain, you know that America just bursts through the window." India continued to stir something in the pot on the stove."

"Hey! Did I say that you could use my kitchen?"

"I sampled some of that 'curry powder' that you are so fond of, and it tasted horrible. I decided to make some real curry."

"OOH! Theres curry-aru!" China didn't have curry in his cuisine that often, but he did have it occasionally.

"Ah, China! Would you like some? I made some rice to go with it too!"

"Can we sort this out without curry?" Britain was confused as to why 3 asians were in his house.

"Ah, yes, but let us discuss over curry dinner, yes?"

A while later, India, China, and Hong Kong were at Britains table, eating curry with rice. They were also drinking some of Britain's expensive Earl Grey Tea. Britain was pissed.

"Once you have finished eating that brown crap-"

"You're one to talk. You, like, burned the kitchen more than 4 times when I saw you making that crap you call 'Shepards Pie'."

"Shut up, Hong Kong! That's good food!"

"Either way, Mr. China, I believe you should talk to Britain first." India got up and went to Britain's yard, where he was going to steal Britain's tea back.

"Hong Kong, you better go with India-aru."

"Hong Kong got up at went with India. He was going to piss off Britain by ruining his fairies won't be happy at that.

"Britain, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Oh? And why should I help you?"

"Why-aru? Let me count the ways. Opium Wars, Hong Kong, tea imports, the fact that we are allies, stealing my cuisine and making it utter shit-aru. 'P*nda E*press', was it?"

"Don't look at me! That stupid Panda restaurant is America's thing!"

"I should have known. Orange chicken cooked by you would be black and crusty-aru. Either way, on to my favor..."

"China, if this is another import of sewing equipment to make panda dolls, I'm all out of thi-"

"No, no, no, that's not what I want. Well, actually, I do want that, but that's besides the point. You can do magic, right?"

"What? Who told you that?"

"I asked America about you. Said he saw you talking to imaginary fairies and leprechauns."

"Ugh. Fine, what do you need me to curse?"

"Curse? I thought that's America's Voodoo thing."

"Voodoo? Never mind. Point is, I can curse things, and summon stuff as well. What do you need me to do?"

"Well, I need you to turn Hong Kong into a baby."

"...What?" Britain looked outside and saw Hong Kong putting firecrackers in the garden.

"Hong Kong! The goblins are coming back! Piss off from there!" Hong Kong's fireworks went off, and goblins were taping gnomes onto them as they flew into the air. Britain cried out in horror, while China just looked at him in confusion.

"Well... I need you to turn Hong Kong into a baby. I need Belarus to take care of him."

"Belarus!? You already screwed up this child, and now you're planning on giving him to Belarus?"

"He's is your colony! You raised him! I just need to borrow him for a day or 2, and then you can have him back-aru."

"All right, fine. But you have to give me something to compensate for Hong Kong."

"Fine,what-aru?"

"Hmm... I suppose that your next shipment of tea will do."

"I thought you hated my tea! You say it's too bitter-aru!"

"Not if you add milk and sugar in it."

"Milk? So you're the reason why Hong Kong makes milk tea! You know what, fine! Just turn him into baby!" Britain got up and got Hong Kong from the yard. Hong Kong was putting firecrackers to the gnomes so they could defend themselves. He could see the creatures because he has the magical eyebrows.

"Kong! Stop that, you'll attract more goblins! Come here, I have something to show you!" Hong Kong walked to the door and went inside with Britain. China stepped outside, not wanting to witness Britain's time Britain summoned something, Russia found a new way to get to China. China plopped down on a chair near India.

"So, how did Britain managed to screw up your good food-aru?"

"I don't know. He says he does magic, but I think the only magic he does is summoning those abominations he calls 'dinner.'"

"Yeah. I'm surprised he didn't make an instant dim sum since Hong Kong is his colony." Just then, a loud POOF and a large flash of green light emerged from the house. Britain stepped out while holding a chibi Hong Kong.

"Hong Kong? You're cute again!"

"Here's the baby, China. Now, when you return him, return him in one piece along with my tea."

"Yes, yes, I got it."

"By the way, did you open that package I sent Korea for?" Shit! China forgot the package from the other day, when South Korea got into his house! He'll open it when he gets home. Yeah, that's a good idea

China's house

"Belarus! I have the baby!" China drove home to find Belarus through the window, in the kitchen. China lept out of the car with baby Hong Kong and kicked through the window.

"NO-ARU! NO COOKING FOR YOU!" Belarus was trying to make rice again.

"But why!? If I can't cook for the baby, how am I going to feed it?"

"I have baby food from Britain. Feed Hong Kong that."

"Hong Kong? Did Britain do something to him? Never mind; if it's Hong Kong, he'll want buns!"

"Just mold the food into a bun shape-aru. Now I have to leave, since I have to collect enough tea to pay Britain back. Good luck-aru!" China was out the door. He decided he wouldn't be in the room that Belarus was going to take care of one of his troublesome siblings. Belarus was left alone in the house holding a baby Hong Kong. China also took Britain's package with him.

"...How do you work? Is there a button or something?" Hong Kong was sucking his thumb. Belarus was disgusted at the saliva on Hong Kong's hand.

"...Mama?" Belarus had a heart attack. She was called mama by one of China's brothers

"No, I'm just babysitting you for the day. China's your mama."

"HEY! I AM NOT WOMAN-ARU!"

Ignoring China's yell, Belarus took Hong Kong upstairs to watch some TV. Hong Kong was very western, due to Britain, so Hong Kong might want to watch some TV. They went to China's room, because they were both intent on messing it up. Belarus changed the channel to K*i L*n, and set Hong Kong down.

"...Do you want food or something?"

"...Dim sum."

"Really?" Belarus went downstairs and grabbed a can of baby food. She muttered death threats to China while molding the nasty substance into a bun shape. She took it upstairs to Hong Kong, now mesmerized by the TV.

"Can you say, Ni Hao?"

"No, pok gai!"

"Hey, kid. I have your food." Belarus set the dish in front of Hong Kong, who stared at it weird. Hong Kong started poking at it too, and was thoroughly unimpressed with his lunch.

"Aren't you going to eat it?"

"No!" Belarus couldn't choke a baby, so she was thinking of ways to feed the Hong took the food and went to the kitchen again.

She grabbed some dough and put the baby food in it. She folded it into a bun, but realized that she wasn't allowed to cook in China's kitchen anymore. Meh, who cares? Belarus moved her hand towards the stove, when she got a text message.

[China: Don't touch the stove!]

[Belarus: How do you know that I was going to cook!?]

[China: Spidey Senses tingled, as America would put it]

Belarus was frustrated. She just decided to feed Hong Kong the uncooked bun. She went upstairs to see Hong Kong playing with a firecracker.

"Hey, I have your bun." To Belarus' surprise, Hong Kong actually ate it. But there is a downside to eating raw food.

"...Poopy!"

"What?"

"Poopy!"

"...God dammit China!"

Belarus took Hong Kong up into the change room to change his diaper. She set Hong Kong on the bed. Good so far. Then she motioned her hand towards the diaper.

2 EXCRUTIATING hours later

Hong Kong looked as if he was fine, while Belarus was traumatized. The one person in the world who can make Russia scared, and she was horribly traumatized. Belarus pulled out a phone.

"Who calling?" Hong Kong blabbered.

"The Church. We need to excorsize this madness."

Hong Kong went downstairs into the playroom. Belarus was too pre-occupied with calling Romano and apologizing about the mafia incident so that she could borrow the Pope for a few minutes, that she couldn't see Hong Kong climbing down the stairs into the playroom. When Belarus put away the phone, she saw that Hong Kong was missing.

"PIZDETS! Where did he go now!?" Belarus searched in every corner of the house, until she reached the playroom. She saw Hong Kong put firecrackers into teddy bears, and chucking them out the window, only to have them explode later.

*BOOM*

"OW! Hory Buddha, frying bears are attacking! Run for your rives!"

"OW! I haven't felt this much pain since my favorite korean drama cancelled!"

"NO! My bubble tea!"

"My boat!"

"Hong Kong was chucking them at the entirety of Asia, much to Belarus' content.

"Alright kid, that's not bad, but don't run off on me like that again."

"Bear?" Hong Kong gave Belarus a firecracker and a teddy bear.

"No, I'm fine. Let me show you how the pros do it." Belarus stuck a knife in the bear, and chucked it out of the window. It went much farther than when Hong Kong threw it. It even reached Europe.

"Mon dieu! That almost hit my rose!"

"Well it wouldn't have happened if your bloody dick wasn't nea- NO! My tea table!"

"...My Ikea store..."

Hong Kong actually broke his straight face, and started to laugh. Belarus started laughing too. Maybe this wasn't so bad.

Outside, in the park

China was taking a calm walk in the park. He was headed to the harbor, where he would buy a crate of tea for Britain. People were doing tai chi, and one person was making a tank. Nice to see the military efforts are well. China sat at a bench, and started to unwrap the package. Inside there was an envelope, and a picture of a panda. Nice touch.

"So, let's see what is inside this envelope. China opened it, and started to blush intensely. He was about to rip up the card inside, when he heard an explosion, followed by screaming.

"No! My McD*nalds! WHY!?"

"Son of a b- why did they have to aim for the hockey stadium?"

"My ice cream!"

China rushed back home, forgetting the tea, to see Belarus and Hong Kong on the balcony of the house. They were throwing knives and fireworks at other nations.

"Belarus! You are supposed to take care of him, not be a psycho with him!"

"...Mama?" Hong Kong pointed to China as he said that.

"Yeah, that's her."

"For the last time, I am not woman-aru! Now get down from there!"

"Fine..." Belarus grabbed Hong Kong and went downstairs to meet up with China.

"Do you know what you have done? I owe those nations alot of money now!"

"They don't know it's you, relax."

"Gah, fine! Either way, take a look at this card in the package Korea gave me." China held up the card that was in the package. Belarus took it, and read it.

China,

I asked Britain to send this to you because I know you won't open it if it said 'Russia' on it, you would not open it. I need to tell you something. I am very lonely all by myself, and even in this alliance, it is very dull. I have barely any company, since the Union is too busy hiding from me. Belarus is just giving me the wrong kind of attention. That's why I like you. You get along just fine on your own, and I know no one else who is more independant than you (besides Japan). That's why I like you. You have the longest history ever of beauty, music, and art. I know my advances are creepy, so I sent you this letter to tell you why I do it.

Russia

"I am still confused as to why Britain sent Korea to do give me the package-aru. Huh, maybe he is just a lazy ass like America."

"...Russia... He really likes you, huh..."

"Belarus, are you... okay?"

"I'm fine. In fact, I have a plan!"

"What?" Belarus grabbed China by his collar, and dragged him inside his own house, while China was crawling after them. Belarus sat China down on a chair, and she sat down as well.

"In the letter, it says he likes your music and art! Teach me how to play your instruments, and how to paint your art!"

"I believe you are missing the whole point of the letter-aru!"

"Just teach me, old man!"

"Fine, but you have to wear the H*llo K*tty costume for this lesson!"

"Why?"

"I forgot the costume for you because I was in a rush to leave a house with a pyromaniac baby and a stab happy woman who can scare RUSSIA out of all people." Just then, a weird smell emanated from behind them.

"*Sniff sniff* China, did you have szechuan food again?"

"No! Did you have spicy pierogies again?"

"Oh... My head, like, hurts so much." Hong Kong was on the floor, fully grown and back to normal.

"Hong Kong!" China yelled. "You're not cute anymore! Why!?"

"I can't believe you made Britain do that to me. I'm outta here, but watch your back old man. Oh, and Belarus. Thanks for taking care of me, because of some prick who made me into a baby." Hong Kong left out the front door, and China and Belarus were left standing there, alone.

"Well... That was awkward. So, are you going to teach me or not?"

"Fine! But tomorrow! It's late now!" Belarus looked out the window, and it was indeed late. The moon was almost up.

"Well, what do I do until then?"

"Don't you have a family or something-aru? I'm tired, and I have to sort out some weapons for the war!"

"Fine... See you tomorrow, I guess." Belarus was getting tired too, as she walked out of China's door. Suddenly, China remembered something.

"I forgot the tea! DAMMIT!"

*"Raj" was the name for India while it was a colony of the British. It means "Rule" in one of the languages in India

**India and Japan's relationships in the war aren't easy to determine as friendly or hostile