"Who was that?" Jenny asked her as Anna held the phone in her hand just staring at it. She wasn't so stunned over the sound of hearing Steve's voice as she was over the words that he'd spoken to her.
"Anna?" Jenny asked again, "Who was it?"
She looked down at her and then over at Eric who was staring back at her with the same confused expression. "It was…it was a wrong number."
She set the phone down and walked out of the room, stopping down the hallway once out of sight and leaned back against the wall, still reeling over what had just happened. Was he just asking for her forgiveness? Is that what she heard? Or was he asking for more?
She tried to recall the words in her head but her heart was pounding so hard she could hardly breathe. Hearing his voice again left her knees feeling weak, just like it had so many times before. There was no doubt in her mind after that call that she still had feelings for him, because they were skyrocketing out of control at the moment.
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It was done. He should have felt relieved that he had finally got through the one call that he should have made first, but as he sat there in the room alone he didn't feel the satisfaction that he was sure he would have, on the contrary, he felt more alone than he ever had.
It was out of his hands now. All he could do from this moment on was to hope and pray that Anna would do as he asked, and not give up on him. He didn't wait for her reply on the phone, not wanting to put her on the spot and have her say something she might later regret rather it be a yes or a no. He wanted her to be able to think about it. He prepared himself for it to go in a negative direction, but either way, no more lies and no more counterfeit feelings to hide behind. If he were blessed enough for her to accept his plea and they were going to start over once again, then it was going to be all or nothing from him.
He pushed himself up from the table feeling that heavy weight on his shoulders return. He couldn't stop thinking about what must be going through Anna's mind at that very second. He had a feeling this night was going to be longer than his first one in detox.
He came out the door and saw Emily leaning against the wall waiting for him.
She couldn't get a read on whether it had gone good or bad, but he did look painfully exhausted.
He never thought he'd be so glad to see her. Her presence was like a safety net that could catch him at his darkest moments, like now. He could trust her, knowing she'd lead him out of it. He ran his hands over his face as everything came flooding to the surface, trying to retain his composure as he looked over at her.
His voice barely audible as he spoke, "I think I'm ready to talk about Anna now."
He barely got the words out as he bent his head, trying to hide the evidence that was engulfing him.
Emily went to him, putting a hand on his back, gently stroking it in a motherly way. "Ok honey. Let's go outside. I know the perfect place."
The sun was just about to set behind them over the perfectly blue Pacific Ocean. It was going to be one of those spectacular Hawaiian displays, but Steve sat with his back to it on the bench facing the mountains. Emily took the seat next to him, handing him another tissue as he tossed the other one in the trashcan next to the bench. He almost laughed at the idea of it being put there for that reason.
She began by not asking about the call but from the beginning like she did with all of them. "Tell me about Anna."
He shook his head, not knowing where to begin. He glanced over at her and smiled. "Did I tell you that when I first met her, I couldn't stand her?" he laughed softly. "I mean I seriously detested her." He recalled the transition that quickly took over after that first night they spent together. The smile faded as he confessed the next line. "And then before long I knew I didn't want to live without her." He sat back and focused on the mountains and literally began from the start. "She woke me up at seven in the morning trying to back up this damn moving truck up."
Emily watched him for a long time and listened with amusement as he broke down the highlights of the relationship he had with Anna, Jenny and Eric. She laughed at most of it as he told of their first date and almost getting caught by the kids the next morning as he climbed out the window. Or the dreadful fear he had when the man had a knife at her throat. He confessed that he knew at that second that he loved her, because he would have taken that knife in the chest trying to get it away from her throat if he had to.
She watched closely his facial expressions as he confessed their final act together and how he had lied to her and to the kids. She could see the remorse clear as day as he described the day of the camping trip and how he lost control, looking back now he couldn't believe that was actually him doing and saying those things to she and Eric.
"Eric's a good kid," he said. "A really good kid, and I just made his life so much more difficult."
"He's ten," Emily reminded him, "he's very impressionable and you were probably larger than life to him. It's hard for kids to see adults that they admire as having faults. You might find it a little more difficult to work your way back into his good graces. He sounds like he can be very stubborn."
Steve rolled his eyes and almost laughed over that. "He is! He likes things a certain way and if it starts to drift in a direction that is unfamiliar to him, then he runs or he hides," he said, recalling the tree incident. "But he has a big heart too. He's very protective of Jenny and Anna."
"He's just like you," Emily smiled. "By what you tell me you two could be father and son."
Steve smiled over that. It was true, he just never thought of it before. Eric was just like him. "I hadn't said anything to Anna about this, but after we got married I was going to talk to her about adopting them. I don't think it would be fair to their father for them to take my name, but I just wanted them to know that they had someone they could count on for the rest of their lives in that way."
Emily shook her head at him, amazed over that statement. "Do ever listen to yourself and give yourself credit for the person you are?"
Steve looked over at her confused. "What?"
"You're a good man Steve. I think you need to cut yourself a break once in a while."
He shrugged, "I hope Anna can be as forgiving of me."
"Do you want to talk about the phone call?"
"There wasn't much to it. I wanted to talk to her but I got sidelined." He glanced over at her. "Jenny answered the phone. I didn't know what to say to her."
He closed his eyes, hearing her sweet little voice and then the fear that overcame him. "What if she feels the same way about me as Anna and Eric? I think that would kill me."
"Do you think Anna would tell her bad things about you?"
He huffed, recalling the women in his life. "You never know what a woman will do when she's angry."
Emily raised an eyebrow, "That's very stereotypical and male chauvinist of you. This woman you are describing, this is the woman you wanted to marry?"
He knew that statement was uncalled for. He couldn't see Anna doing anything like that, knowing how close he and Jenny were. Not so much for his sake, but for Jenny's. "You're right. That was uncalled for." He looked over at her guiltily, "No, I don't think she'd do that."
Emily knew first hand she wouldn't; it was one of the things that Anna had been most concerned with when they had spoken. She didn't know how she was going to deal with Jenny in Steve's absence. "No, I don't think she would either. So you didn't get to speak with Anna then on the phone?"
Steve's expression showed his disappointment over that. "No, not really. I couldn't bring myself to say anything and then some how, she knew it was me. She told me to say something or stop calling, so I said something."
"What did you say?"
"I asked her to not give up on me, and then I hung up." His shoulders slouched as he began to dwell again on what she was thinking at that moment. "It could go either way now."
"Yes, it could," Emily agreed, not sugar coating it for him. "Most marriages fail after drug rehab. You and Anna weren't even married, which could make your chances even slimmer."
He felt the reality of that in the pit of his stomach. "I wouldn't blame her. Her father was a drug addict and committed suicide." He shook his head, loathing himself. "I knew that, and I still did what I did!" He felt the certainty of a break up was going to be unavoidable. "How can she ever trust me again?"
"Do you think you're trustworthy?"
"Yes!" he replied without hesitation. "I'll never lie to her again, ever, about anything."
Emily had heard that line from her patients so many times before, but Steve was the first one she actually believed. "You know what," she said, patting his knee, "I think you are on the right track both mentally and emotionally. No matter what happens with Anna, I think by the time you and I are done here, you'll be prepared to handle whatever decision she makes."
He nodded, feeling it too. "I think if she does give me a second chance, I'll be a better man for it too." He put his hand over top of Emily's. "I think I lucked out getting you as my counselor. I can't even imagine making it through these past couple of weeks with anyone else."
She'd also heard that line many, many times over, but like before, coming from Steve she really took it to heart. He had fast become one of her favorite to date, hoping for him that Anna would make the right decision.
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Anna scanned the papers sitting in front of her. All she had to do was sign her name and the deal would be done. The house would be sold and she could move back to California, leaving behind her all the turmoil of the past year.
Adam sat next to her on the couch and went over what everything meant but she was a million miles away. Well, actually she was only two feet away. Her eyes staring at the phone where she had heard Steve's plea less than twenty-four hours before.
She could still hear his voice that was asking her to not give up on him. He sounded tired and not at all like the strong, resilient man she knew, knowing he must be going through hell in that place. It broke her heart as she pictured him all alone with nothing but his thoughts as he came to the realization of his actions over the past few months.
She knew the real Steve. She recognized him even in that quiet voice, knowing that he was punishing himself probably more than he deserved. She wasn't sure if things could ever go back to the way they were, or if she would ever see the man in him that she had once been in love with, but she couldn't bring herself to runaway after that phone call. She didn't know how much she needed that validation from him until she got it. If he was willing to put himself out there as he did, then she felt he deserved a chance.
"Anna?" Adam said as he held the pen out to her. "Could you please sign?" he asked again. "As I said, you have twenty eight days to vacate, which is a good deal of…"
"No," Anna whispered.
"What was that?" Adam asked, not hearing her fully.
She looked over at him. "I don't want to sell."
His eyebrows shot up, "Excuse me?"
She looked him right in the eye. "Some circumstances have come up that have compelled me to change my mind. I'm sorry for all the hard work you've put into this Adam, but I don't want to sell, not now."
He sat back and let out a disappointing sigh. "You're sure? This is full price, exactly what you were asking for."
Anna nodded, "Yes, I'm sure. I'm so sorry."
"Is it something I did, or didn't do? Did you expect more money?"
"No, no," Anna assured him. "It's just as I said. Something has come up and I've decided to stay here for little while longer. Again, I'm sorry."
"That's ok," he lied. It wasn't the first time a client had changed their mind about selling, just not one at the last hour as this. He gathered up the papers, "I understand. I'll let the buyers know you've had a change of heart."
His choice of words was more close to the truth than he knew.
"If you ever do decide to sell I certainly hope you keep me in mind, and give my name to your friends as well."
"Absolutely," Anna replied firmly as she stood up, walking him to the door.
They shook hands and he had to ask one more time if she were sure before he broke the news to the buyers?
Anna assured him she was. She closed the door behind him and bent her head, "I certainly hope you know what you're doing?" she said to herself, knowing very well she could be setting herself up for another heartbreak. But she also knew if she ran away after that call that it would be something she would regret for the rest of her life. If there were even the slightest chance of getting back to that place she was with Steve before the helicopter accident, then it was defiantly worth the risk.
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Emily knocked on Steve's door and heard the ok for her to enter. She stuck her head in and smiled, pleased to see him sitting at the small desk writing in his journal. "You do know you have an entourage outside waiting for you?"
He smiled back at her over his shoulder, "I'm coming right now." He closed the journal and stood up taking in a deep breath. "Who's all here? Do you know?"
Emily shook her head. "They sign in at the front desk, but the max is four guests. We don't want you to be overwhelmed on your first quest to the outside so we limit it, but you have the max of four."
Steve's heart skipped a beat, assuming it was just going to be Danny, Chin and Kono, but wondered now if the fourth was Anna. He stood in the middle of the room and couldn't get himself to move.
Emily went up to him, knowing exactly what he was thinking. She took his arm with both of her hands and began walking him toward the door. "It's going to be fine. Whoever came to see you wants to do so today, so let's go."
He came out the back doors and saw right away in the distance Kono's head above the rest as they stood over by some trees past the bench that he and Emily had sat on. She left him behind at the door, giving him a gentle nudge as she did.
He kept walking scanning the area where they were but had yet to see Anna, but he did see Chin next and then Danny as they all saw him. Kono led the pack with a bright smile as she came toward him. Once she was within reach her arms opened and she wrapped them around his shoulders, hugging him.
"Hey Boss."
"Thanks for coming Kono," he said giving her a squeeze.
"Wouldn't miss it."
She backed away as Chin came up next, holding his hand up for a bro-shake as the two men clasped and then pulled each other in for a hug too.
"You look good brother," Chin said, slapping his back with his free hand. "Really good."
"Thanks buddy." He smiled at him as he backed away and then glanced over at Danny, holding his arms open. "Come on Danny, you know you want one too." He smiled, but couldn't resist scanning the area over Danny's shoulder searching out that fourth person.
Danny saw the look as he gave him a hug, knowing exactly who he was looking for. "She's not here, Steve," he said quietly to him, hating having to break that news to him.
Steve felt his heart sink over that but knew it was a long shot anyway. "I figured." They released the hug and he pretended like it didn't bother him as much as it did, "I'm glad you guys came. It means a lot to me."
They all smiled at each other as Danny spoke up. "We did have this one person tagging along." Danny pointed over his shoulder.
Steve turned around and was beyond shocked when he saw her. A swell of emotions instantly washed over him becoming blindsided by the highly unexpected but greatly needed visitor. He went her as she smiled brightly at him.
"Hey Steve."
"Mary," he said, barely able to get the words out as their arms went around each other in the best embrace he'd had so far. "You crazy," he said laughing through the tears that began to form over her presence. "What are you doing here?"
"What do mean what am I doing her," she questioned his question. "Danny told me my big brother was having some trouble. Where else would I be?"
He squeezed her harder for that, kissing her cheek. "I'm glad you're here." He didn't let go right away like he always did in the past, feeling elated over having her there.
His reaction was even better than she had expected. It was always Steve coming to her rescue; she was overly pleased that for once she could do something for him.
They all sat at one of the picnic tables as he devoured the promised Puka Dog, saving the second one for later. It was as casual and easy going as if they were sitting outside of Kamakona's Shrimp truck eating lunch.
Emily looked out the back door, watching them as they laughed and joked around, seeing Steve reach across the table at one point, taking a swing at Danny. Her first reaction was shock, thinking it was an act of aggression until she saw all of them laughing over it, knowing then it was just boys being boys.
She was glad for their visit. Steve needed it, especially having Mary there. He was progressing nicely she thought, so much so she was contemplating an early release for him, feeling confident that he could make the transition back into everyday life with little difficulty. She could make routine calls to him just incase to make sure he wasn't slipping, but with the progress he'd made so far and the support team around him now, she felt a relapse was not at all in his future.
Steve hugged each one before they left, thanking them individually for coming. Mary held back talking with Chin and Kono as Danny said his goodbyes.
"You look good Steve," he said honestly. "You really do."
"Thanks Buddy. I feel good." He delayed the inevitable for as long as he could. "So you went by the house the other day? Everything's good?" he could have cared less about the house, but wanted to know if he'd seen Anna.
Danny nodded, "Yep, it's still there. Smelled a little musty, but good." He knew he needed to tell him now about Anna. He didn't want to blindside him when he got home. He felt he needed time to prepare himself.
Steve nodded as well over his answer and was about to ask him out right when Danny beat him to it.
"I need to tell you something." He let out a deep sigh, looking right at him as he broke the news. "When I was over there the other day…there was for sale sign in Anna's front yard. She's selling the house."
Steve felt his head begin to swirl, considering that the worst possible news he could have got. She was moving away from him. It was like the final nail in the coffin, ending the chance of any kind of reconciliation with her.
Danny could see the disappointment all over him, wishing now he wouldn't have said anything, but he felt he had too. "I'm sorry man."
Steve shrugged as if he expected it. "Yea, well," was all he got out, feeling his heart taking the brunt of the news. He put his hands on his hips and bent his head, taking in deep calculated breathes, wishing for the first time in days that he could reach for a pill and make it all go away.
"You ok?" Danny asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
He nodded; using the guidance that Emily had given him by not letting himself fall into that crevice. "I'm not feeling too hot right now," he whispered to him, not wanting the others to hear.
Danny took that the wrong way as if he felt physically sick. "You mean like sick?"
"No," Steve replied, feeling the sweat on his palms begin to form, "like I would cut off my right arm for a pill."
Danny stared at him, shocked over hearing that. He could see the strain on him over it too, now that he understood. "What do you need me to do? Do you want me to get Emily?"
"No," he replied somberly, "it'll pass. It just comes on fast, runs me over and then moves on."
Danny could hear the desperation in voice. He moved his hand up around the back of Steve's neck, squeezing it. "Listen to me. You beat this fucking thing head on. Do you hear me? You'll never go back, I'll make damn sure of that. Life is full of ups and downs that are going to kick your ass at every turn, you should know that better than me. But unlike before you now know that you need help and you also know that it's here whenever you need it. You understand?" he gently shook him. "Do you hear me?"
Steve nodded, "Yes." He knew he was right. As he accepted his words of encouragement the craving slowly faded away to that place that couldn't touch him at the moment, because he was amongst friends.
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Mary followed behind Steve after the others had left. He came in his room motioning with his arm. "Well here it is. My temporary castle."
She smiled, pointing out the window. "Great view."
"I love that part," he said, admiring it for the hundredth time.
She peeked inside the bathroom, seeing the broken mirror. "Wow," she chuckled, "bad day or something?"
Steve smiled sheepishly. "I kind of lost my temper."
"At who?"
"Myself," he replied.
Mary sat down on the bed. "You take everything too seriously Steve. You need to lighten up."
He sat down next to her. "You think so?" he wasn't above anyone's advice at the moment, even Mary's, whom he'd always thought was ridiculous.
"I've been wanting to say it for years, but yes, lighten up big brother. The world is waaaayyy to heavy for you to carry around all the time."
He'd been hearing that a lot lately, deciding that maybe she did have a point. He should have listened to her more but he was always too concerned about her, and now here she was, there because he was the screw up this time. "Did I let you down, Mary? I mean for being here? Did I disappoint you?"
She looked over at him, surprised over the sincerity of his voice. "God Steve," she scolded him, "I'm serious, lighten up! Being here doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a better one."
He put his arm around her getting her in a headlock and pulled her in, kissing the top of her head. "I love you Sis."
"When you get out of here you have to promise me to enjoy life more," she looked up at him, "and no more Navy stuff. That last accident you had is enough. And it pissed me off that I didn't even know about it until two weeks later."
"Danny said he tried to get a hold of you."
"You're in Navy Intelligence and run some fricking task force for the Governor and you can't find some screw up who lost her phone?"
"You're not a screw up. You have a great life, Mary," he squeezed her tighter. "Don't ever listen to me or anyone else who hounds you about settling down. If this is who you are and who you want to be, then be it."
She smiled graciously over that. "You know what? That's probably the most logical piece of advice you have ever given me, amongst the other thousands that you've tried to force on me, and its the one that I will listen to the most, unlike the other thousand ones."
Steve laughed over that, putting her in another headlock, playfully this time. "Smart ass."
Mary giggled, being reminded of when he would do that when they were younger. "I love you too Steve. You're like my rock, the only permanent thing in my life at the moment."
"You always know you can come to me for anything, don't you Mary?"
"Yes," she nodded, feeling it to be 100% true. "And the same goes for you."
"Good." He let go of her and stood up, feeling pleased over the conversation that had needed to take place for years. "Are you hungry? They've got great food here. We can go over to the dinning hall and get something to eat?"
"I'm starving. You have nothing to eat at the house." She followed him out the door.
"You're staying at the house?"
"Of course. Where else would I stay? A hotel?" she laughed.
"Right, of course." It wasn't that he cared if she were staying there or not, he felt it was just as much hers as it was his. It was the fact that she was in that close of a vicinity to Anna, having never met her before, but she knew of her. "Is everything good at the house?" he asked, "Danny was over there last week to check on it."
"Yes, except its lack of food." She knew of Anna and their separation, well as much information as she could get from Danny about it. "I saw the kids next door. They were coming home from school, very cute, especially the little girl. What's her name? Jenny?"
"Yes." He could picture her running down the street home with her backpack on and her blond hair flapping behind her. It just made him miss her all the more. "She's a character. Sweetest thing you'll ever meet." He looked over at her as they walked down the hallway. "Did you talk to her?"
"No, she and her brother went in the house." She looked over at him waiting for his next question, but when it didn't come she brought it up for him. "Aren't you going to ask me if I saw Anna?"
He wanted to more than anything, but the pain of knowing she was selling the house and that it was officially over was still a fresh wound. "Did you?"
"She was standing at the edge of the porch waiting for them. God Steve, even from a distance she's beautiful."
"I know," he replied somberly. "Danny said she's selling her house."
Mary pictured the front yard. "I didn't see a for sale sign out front."
That made him feel even worse than before, knowing she must have already sold it. He figured it would go quick. They were in a nice neighborhood, close to the beach and good schools but still away from the hustle and bustle of Waikiki. He'd had realtors leave cards on his door several times asking if he were interested in selling. She would probably be moved out, he thought sadly, before he even got home.
"It probably already sold," he replied with a heavy heart.
"You don't think there's any chance of you getting back together with her?" She was hopeful, knowing he had been happy with her.
"I don't think so. I did some pretty horrible things to her."
The disappointment was evident in his voice. It broke her heart to know what he was going through, wishing she had something to say to pull him out of it. So she said the only thing that made sense at the moment. "If you love her, then fight for her. Don't let her go. I can't believe that she loved you enough to marry you and then all of a sudden what? Poof, the love disappears? I don't buy it. And again, the things you did probably aren't as bad as you think. You beat yourself up too much. You were struggling with an addiction, it wasn't the real you, and if she doesn't see that then screw her. She doesn't deserve you. Move on and find someone else, because you're a great guy Steve."
He stopped and stared at her as she kept walking.
Mary stopped when she noticed he wasn't next to her anymore, looking over her shoulder at his glowing expression. "What?"
He went up to her and put an arm over her shoulder, giving her a squeeze as they continued on. "Do you have any idea how incredible you are?"
Mary huffed, "Finally! I've been telling you that for years."
Steve laughed. "You made my day little sister."
He held the door open for her as they entered the dinning area.
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Emily stood on the steps with Steve where they had met a little over three weeks before. He had his duffel bag packed and sitting on the ground next to him, Danny was standing by the Camaro in the parking lot below.
"How do you feel?" Emily asked him.
"Nervous, anxious, apprehensive," and then he smiled, "also good, strong and capable."
Emily returned the smile. "You know I'm just a phone call away. I will be available to you twenty four hours a day."
He nodded, needing to hear that but confidant that he wouldn't require it. "Thank you Emily, for everything." He felt himself getting choked up over having to leave her. She had been more than just his counselor over the past three weeks, she'd had become like a second mother to him. She wiped his forehead when he was sick and sweaty. She cleaned up his vomit when he couldn't make it to the bathroom. She'd comforted him, scolded him and guided him through the hardest and most stressful time of his life. She had literally been the gift from the Akua's that he'd been praying for.
She too was going to miss him. She recognized his decency the first day he arrived, but as she dug more into his personality, his compassion for people was what impressed her the most, even underneath all the pain and troubles he had.
It had been a pleasure watching him grow and recover into the person standing before her. She was just as proud of his recovery than he was. Society was gaining an upper hand by having him re-enter it.
She reached up and put her hands on his face, "You are going to do just fine. Stay on track with your journal. Keep your friends close and always, always remember that it's just one day at a time."
He nodded, feeling his eyes mist over as he leaned in and hugged her. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks right?" He knew he would, he just needed that reassurance that this wasn't goodbye.
"Absolutely. I have you on my schedule." She squeezed him hard before letting go. "Go on now, Danny's waiting for you." She smiled once more at him, feeling herself getting choked up as well.
He leaned over and picked up his duffel bag and began walking toward Danny. He turned around walking backwards as he held up his hand, giving her a shaka, "Aloha."
Emily returned his gesture, "Aloha Steve."
Danny popped open the back of the Camaro as Steve tossed his bag in.
"You ready to go home?" he asked him.
Steve nodded his answer. The only anxiety he had at the moment was seeing or not seeing Anna again. But that concern, he thought, would be resolved in less than half an hour.
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As they turned down the road to his house, Steve had his eyes focused on the house that was coming up on his right. There was no for sale sign that he could see just as Mary had said, but as they came around the group of trees he couldn't help but smile when he saw the white Lexus SUV parked in the driveway.
Danny reached over and gently slapped his shoulder. "Hey look at that. The for sale sign is gone." He pulled in Steve's driveway and turned the car off, but neither of them got out right away.
"I know. Mary said she didn't see one."
"Maybe Anna changed her mind," Danny announced.
Steve looked over at him. "Maybe she already sold it."
"Maybe you need to go over and find out?"
Steve gave a look that told Danny flat out how he felt about that.
"Alright, alright," he said to him. "Never mind."
Jenny heard a car and sat up, leaning on the back of the couch, looking out the window. She saw Danny's car parked in the driveway not thinking anything of it at first until she saw Steve get out of the passenger side.
"Steve's home!" she yelled out, jumping up and down on the sofa, hoping he'd look in her direction. "Steve's home!" she yelled out even louder the second time, announcing it to the house. She jumped off the couch and went for the stairs, going up as fast as she could.
Anna came down the hallway from her room after hearing the news, surprised that it was so soon. She saw Jenny stop at Eric's room first as he sat at his desk momentarily distracted from his homework over the news.
"Steve's home!" Jenny said to him excitedly.
"So what," he replied bitterly.
"I'm going over to see him."
Eric leaned over and closed the door in her face.
Jenny went in her room and got the welcome home picture she had made for him, carefully pulling it out from underneath her bed where she had kept it for safe keeping.
Anna came in and went to her window, seeing just a glimpse of him before he went in his house with Danny.
"Do you want to come over and see Steve with me?" Jenny asked, holding the picture.
"No," Anna replied. "And I don't think you should go over there right now either and bother him. He just got home."
Jenny ignored her and began walking toward her door. "I'm going right now!"
"Jenny," Anna said, "I said not now."
She ignored her again and went out and down the stairs at a fast pace.
"Jenny!" Anna chased after her. "I said not now." She caught her at the bottom just about to open the door, putting a hand on it. She knew in a matter of seconds that it was a huge mistake to try and keep her away.
"Stop it!" Jenny screamed hysterically at the top of her lungs. She dropped the picture and pulled on the doorknob with both hands. "Let me out! I'm going!" She yanked on the door, trying to kick Anna at the same time. "Let me out!" she screamed again only this time her voice penetrated her frustration as she began to cry.
Anna had only seen her lose control like that once before, in the backseat of the car when she was defending the same person she was desperately trying to get to now. Anna realized that it was fruitless to try and kept her away, but more than that she knew it would be cruel. "Ok, Jenny. Ok," she said apologetically "You can go." She let her hand off the door as it came open.
Jenny never looked back at her. She wiped her eyes and picked up her picture and resumed her task of running out the door and across the yard over to Steve's house.
"Hey!" Danny yelled up the stairs to Steve, "incoming across the yard. It's looks like a five year old on a mission," he laughed.
Steve tossed his bag on the bed and came out the door and down the stairs. "Jenny?" he smiled brightly.
"Three, two, one…" Danny pointed at the door as they both heard a knock and then another one as if the person on the other side was impatient. "For god sakes man," Danny laughed, "Answer the door."
Steve hustled over to the door and opened it, smiling down at her. His first reaction was elated but it quickly faded as he could clearly see the turmoil on her face as she panted heavily and tried to smile through whatever was upsetting her. He knelt down on one knee but before he could even ask her what was wrong she burst into tears, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, still holding the picture.
He hugged her back, stroking her back softly. "I haven't seen you in so long. Don't cry." He couldn't stand the sight of any woman crying, but this one in particular was breaking his heart.
She slowly released the grip around his neck and stood before him, showing him the picture as the tears still flowed freely. "I…I made this…for you," she said gulping air as she spoke.
He looked from her to the picture of the two of them eating pizza and then back at her. "I love it. You know how much I love pizza. I missed you so much. But why are you crying?"
She leaned in resting her hand on his shoulder, "Anna said…I couldn't…come over, but," she panted, "I got really mad…and she said ok." She put her arms around his neck again as he took the picture and her and stood up. He went over to the coffee table and sat down, setting her on his lap. He looked over at Danny, neither one had to say a word to know what the other was thinking, and it wasn't good.
"Come on now," he said to her. "Stop crying. You're going to make Danny cry and you don't want to hear Danny cry, he snorts really loud when he cries."
Jenny laughed, wiping the back of her hand across her nose.
"It's true," Danny pretended to cry and then snorted. "See!"
Jenny started laughing, "You're not really crying."
"No," he replied, "but I made you laugh, so you're not crying anymore either."
Jenny smiled and then looked up at Steve. "I saw you come home, from the window."
"I told you we'd see each other again," he said, shaking her until she started to laugh again. "That's what I want to hear. No more crying. I've been gone a long time and I want to hear all the fun stuff I missed."
Anna sat on the couch and looked across the way at Steve's door, watching to see if he would appear in the open doorway. She contemplated going over there, but quickly shut that idea down, not knowing what she would say to him. She was jealous of Jenny, being so innocent and having the ability to just run over and see him at the drop of a hat. She bit mindlessly at her thumbnail, lifting her head higher at one point thinking she saw movement, but it was nothing. Her stomach was in turmoil having him right there next door all over again. She would have to speak to him sooner or later it was inevitable. They were next-door neighbors; she was bound to run into him. She just hoped that it was him that made the first move. The phone call that had taken place confused her even more now. There had only been one call and she'd had no communication with him since then. Maybe he had a change of heart, she thought. Maybe he was in one of those stages of recovery where he was feeling lonely and nostalgic. Maybe, she thought sadly, maybe the loneliness and nostalgic wore off.
She sat up seeing Jenny come out the door. She strained her neck and then lowered it, trying to see beyond the tree branches in his front yard for an image of him, but once again to her dismay, there was nothing.
She came off the couch and went for the door as Jenny skipped across the yard home. Gone was the anger and tears, replaced with a smile. She was jealous of her once again, recalling several times skipping across that same path home after being with him.
She opened the door and greeted her with an apology. "I'm so sorry Jenny for trying to keep you home. That was wrong of me."
"It's ok," she replied, going past her and up the stairs humming a song that Anna knew but couldn't recall the name.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"I'm going to make another picture for Steve."
"How is he? Is he good?" she asked, and then cringed, feeling foolish for trying to interrogate a five year old over the behavior of her former fiancé'.
Jenny stopped at her bedroom door, looking down the stairs at her. "What?"
Anna shook her head. "Never mind. Did you have a nice visit?"
"Yes. He missed me," she said, before disappearing into her room.
Anna sank down on the bottom step, leaning her head against the wall. "Did he miss me?" she whispered. "Did he ask about me at all?"
Danny looked at the time on his cell phone. "You want to go grab a slice of pizza for dinner? That drawing is making me hungry."
Steve stuck another piece of tape to the top right corner of Jenny's picture, securing it to the wall in the kitchen because the front of the fridge was already covered with her other drawings. "No, I'm pretty tired actually. I think I'm just going to make something here and then crash early. I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed."
Danny looked around. "Mary left it in pretty good shape. Too bad she couldn't stick around longer."
"It's ok," Steve grinned, pleased with the time they spent together in the center. "We had a good talk."
"You want me to stick around for a while? I can. I can even crash on the couch if you want?"
"No. You can take off. I'm ok Danny, but thanks."
He felt a little hesitant about going but knew he had to trust him. "Ok. If you need anything call me."
Steve walked him to the door. "I will. Otherwise I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
"Yep." He went to leave and then stopped. "Are you sure you're ok? That whole thing with Anna not wanting Jenny to come over, that's kind of bugging me. Is that bugging you?"
Steve crossed his arms leaning against the doorframe. "Look Danny, I know what you're thinking, but its ok, really."
"Maybe you should just break the ice and go over and talk to her."
"I already did," Steve confessed. "I called her the day after I called you from rehab. I didn't say much but I kind put the ball in her court," he looked across the way through the trees at her house. "She made it clear today by not wanting Jenny to come over that she doesn't want to reconcile. I'm not going to go over there and put her on the spot. It wouldn't be fair. I'm just going to keep my distance until they move."
"Jenny never said anything about a move."
Steve shrugged, "Maybe she doesn't know yet. Why rock the boat, you know."
Danny ran his hands over his hair. "Shit. This really sucks. I was just sure…you know, you two."
Steve reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, "It's alright, Buddy. You'll be ok. The pain will go away in a few days."
Danny chuckled over his easiness of the subject, feeling a little better over leaving him now. "Ok, ok, I'm going."
"Good. I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said as Danny walked to his car, raising his hand over his head, waving goodbye.
Steve closed the door and got about two steps before the impact of it came crashing down on him. He tried to play it off to Danny, not wanting to worry him, but it was affecting him. It was killing him.
He bent over, bracing his hands on his knees taking in deep breathes, but it wasn't helping. He took a step back, falling against the door and slid down it. He wished he were back at the center in the comfort of his room that was like a sanctuary, protecting him from having to deal with what was happening to him now. He could hide there but he couldn't hide here. She was everywhere in his house. He swore he could even smell her perfume.
His eyes focused across the way into the kitchen, staring at the cupboard that held the spices, knowing there had been a bottle of pills in there when he had left. He didn't tell anyone about them, not because he wanted them, but because he wanted them there to prove to himself that he'd won. He beat it. The want was still there, it probably always would be, but his willpower was stronger.
He pushed himself up off the floor and bypassed the kitchen all together, going directly upstairs. He'd lost his appetite, but not from the fighting the craving, he had a new war to overcome now; the battle over his broken heart. He had a bad feeling it was going to be the worst fight yet.
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Steve pulled into the grocery store parking lot and parked. He pulled out his phone going over the grocery list he had started, adding a couple of things he'd thought of on the way there. Mary was right, he was pretty much out of everything, understating now why he had lost so much weight before. He never ate and what he did have in the freezer he ended up tossing in the garbage.
The food he ate at the center was good and had done the trick packing calories on him. He was almost back up to his regular size and with the workouts he'd been putting in, he felt pretty healthy, but if he kept eating the way he had been over the last three weeks, he'd end up over weight. He just needed a fresh start.
He added cinnamon bread to the list as he walked toward the opening. He'd snacked on that a couple of times with peanut butter, loving it. No point in denying all the good stuff, he thought as he slipped his phone in his back pocket and grabbed a cart from one of the three rows.
He turned around heading inside when he heard a familiar voice call out his name.
"Steve! Hi Steve!"
He stopped just after going through the sliding doors hearing Jenny's voice and feeling her arms come around his waist giving him a hug, but his attention was on Anna as she stared back across at him, her cart filled with bags of groceries blocking his way.
She felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest as she squeezed the handle of the cart. She couldn't believe that she was standing less than three feet from him but what had her even more flustered was that he looked so incredibly handsome that she could hardly catch her breath. It was like a flash back of the day he came strolling across the lawn in his Navy uniform. She felt the same flutter in her stomach now as she did that day. She was well aware of the fact that the attraction had not faltered whatsoever, if anything it had gained momentum. "Say something," she whispered, thinking it, but not realizing she had said it out loud in her spellbound state.
"It's good to see you," he said, not sure if that's what she wanted to hear, but it's what he was feeling at the moment. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He could feel his blood coursing through his body like a freight train. When she didn't reply he turned his attention to Jenny who had been talking to him but he'd yet to hear a word she'd said. Even looking down at her he could see her lips moving but he couldn't focus on anything other than the woman who was staring at him across the way.
"It's good to see you too," she finally said, repeating his words, not sure if it even came out coherently.
He looked back over at her and smiled and then saw Eric who had been standing off to the side, hoping to go unnoticed. "Hey Eric. How you doing?"
"Fine," he said coolly, moving in front of Anna, taking the handle of the cart. "Lets' go," he said stubbornly.
"I saw that you got home yesterday," Anna said, ignoring Eric's plea.
Steve nodded, trying to swallow down the dryness in his throat. "Yes, yesterday."
"Come on Anna. The ice cream is going to melt," Eric demanded, moving their cart around Steve's, as the two of them locked eyes. Eric turned away quickly seeing the hurt in Steve's over his dismissal of him but he still wasn't ready to forgive him just yet. He was still angry too that the move had been postponed.
Anna gave him the keys. "You go ahead and start unloading the groceries into the car. I'll be right there." She was slightly annoyed with the boy. She too could see the effect it had on Steve, feeling sorry for him over it. She couldn't bring herself to run off like Eric, not after that display. "I'm sorry about that."
He looked back over at Anna feeling a whole new set of emotions crash over him. "It's ok. He has right to be angry." He wanted to tell her that she did too and it was ok that she was moving away, he understood.
"He should learn how to forgive," she replied. "You shouldn't give up on people so easily. They make mistakes. We all make mistakes."
He almost felt as if she were responding to his phone call. If she were, then his whole theory of her not forgiving him was blown out of the water over that reply.
She looked past him seeing Eric struggling to put the groceries in the car by himself. She looked back at Steve regretfully. There was so much she wanted to say to him but knew the timing wasn't right. "We should get going. It was good to see you Steve. You look really good." She wanted more than anything to touch him but couldn't bring herself to do it; afraid she'd never let go. She took Jenny's hand instead.
"Anna," he said as she went to walk past him. "I know you had the house for sale and you're moving. I understand why you don't want to live there anymore. I'm sorry."
She looked up at him, hearing, seeing and feeling his apology, knowing now she had made the right choice. "I didn't sell the house. I took it off the market." She smiled at him, "Let's just say I had a change of heart." She held his gaze for another few seconds, enjoying his reaction over that news too much to turn away too quickly. "I'll see you around neighbor."
And once again he was run over by another set of emotions, only this time he was left with a tingling sensation throughout his body that was better than any drug known to man.