China walked into his kitchen, now fully repaired from the Belarus Incident. He had been tired out from yesterday, teaching Belarus how to play music and how to paint. He was hungry too. He turned the rice cooker on, and started stir frying some food. He had remembered that he told Russia he was sick, and that Russia would tell the others, so China would have to stay out of the Allies way for a while. He had no problem with that. He put the stir fry into a bowl, and went to the tea cabinet, but remembered something as he picked up a box of tea.
"Aiyaa! I forgot to get the tea for Britain!" China put on some clothes (he was in boxers, as it was summer) and rushed out the door. He had to be careful of white foreigners. Any of them could be part of the Allies. China couldn't tell most of them apart. China made his way to the harbor, and bought a crate of tea from an old man with a stall near the boat. China had then put the crate on a wagon, and started to roll the wagon home. It was when he walked down the park, that he saw a face he had not expected in his country.
"Italy-aru! Why are you here?" China showed genuine surprise as he saw Italy picking flowers.
"Well, after-a fleeing from-a Russia, I headed southeast, and-a ended up here! Your flowers are-a very pretty, especially the lotus flowers-a!"
"Ah, well, thank you?" China was confused. Should he attack, because Italy was an enemy? Or should he thank him for the compliment, because Italy posed no threat. He went with the latter.
"Thank you-aru. You know, I used to know your grandfather."
"You did?"
"Yes-aru. To be honest, whenever I start to think of France as horny, I always remember your grandfather, and his crazy orgies with the other ancients... I still have nightmares to this day-aru."
"Yeah, he did have crazy times back then, and I think I inherited some of his horniness!"
"I didn't need to know that-aru!"
"I think-a Romano got most of it though," Continued Italy, giving no mind to a cringing China." I mean, yesterday, I walked into-a Romano's room, and I-a saw him with a lady on the ceiling, and another under the bed-a. You would have no idea how he-a managed to fit them-a together! And then when-a he-"
China wasn't having none of this. He grabbed 2 flowers from the ground, and stuck them in his ears. Italy had his eyes closed as usual, so he wouldn't know. As China put in the makeshift earbuds, Italy's story became a muffled string of words.
"Computer cord-(Random Babbling)-Tomato-(More Babbling)-Pencil dive-(Even MORE Babbling)-with a Skyrim disc..."
China was blissfully unaware of the story. But he suddenly felt very itchy near the ears. He then felt a sneeze coming on.
*ACHOO-aru!" China sneezed the flowers out of his ears, like a gun.
"And when he grabbed the pope's hat- hey, you don't-a look so good. Are you sick?" China started turning a bit red. Maybe he was sick, but he couldn't be. Belarus was coming over for another lesson.
"No-aru...*Sniff* I am perfectly fine. I had best be *Achoo!* ugh... I had best be going home now. Good bye Italy." China walked home with the tea crate, sneezing and sniffling on the way. When he went home, he looked in his mirror, and saw that he was, in fact, sick.
"Stupid allergy season-aru!" China suddenly had an idea.
2 Hours Later
*Knock Knock*
"China! I'm here!" Belarus was at the door, holding a flask of vodka. "I made a stop at the drinks store for a bit, so I hope your ok with that. Well, I really don't care if you are or not anyways."
"The door is *Sniff* open!" Belarus opened the door, and saw a note on the wall next to it.
Belarus,
I am my room. Your next lesson will take place there.
-China
"Uh oh," Went Belarus. "I hope this doesn't turn into a lemon fic." Belarus walked up the stairs, and entered China's room, to see China in a sorry state. He was wearing white robes, and he was tucked under the bed. He had a waste bin full of snot tissues, and he had a cold towel over his forehead.
"*Achoo-aru!* Belarus, I have the cold! Make me chinese medicine."
"Chinese medicine?"
"I got mail from the Allies, each having a lozenge or other western medicine. I don't *sniff" like western medicine. In my basement, I have a red box. It's about 30 cm long and 10 cm tall. Bring that upstairs. *Achoo!*"
"Uh, I thought you were only faking being sick.
"Well, it seems that karma is a bitch, just like they say-aru. I met Italy when I was returning home, and I stuck flowers in my ears to spare myself of his *sniff* story about his brother's sexual adventures. *Sniff*"
"Well, you must have been allergic to those." Belarus left and went to the basement. It was full of alot of China's old stuff. It was kind of creepy, but Belarus was pretty much the textbook definition of creepy, so she wasn't scared
"Okay, red box, where is it?" Belarus was looking in between old boxes and antique vases, until she saw a dusty red box. She picked it up, and dusted it off, and brought it upstairs, to China.
"I have the box."
"Good, it's pretty much a beginners set for *Achoo!* traditional chinese medicine. It has the stuff in it for basic crappy sickness *sniff* like I have."
"So, is it like western medicine?"
"Open it-aru." China blew his nose, as he watched Belarus open the box.
"...This is not like western medicine."
"*Sniff* Oh yeah, go into my closet, and pull out a white box-aru." Belarus opened the closet, and saw the box in question. She opened it, and scowled at China.
Britain's Place
"It's about bloody time you got here!" Britain was having afternoon tea as he saw America, France, and a floating bear enter the door.
"Oh my god, that bear is floating!"
"What? Oh, no man, that's just Canada."
"...You raised me when France wasn't around..."
"Ah, right, well Canadia!"
"Son of a bi-"
"Dude, why did you call us here again?"
"I think it's high time we discussed China."
"Can we 'urry it up, si vous plaits? I am 'ungry, and I am missing my lunch for zis!"
"Shut it frog! I still wonder how you manage to be so skinny and eat like that!"
"Because I eat consistently and in moderation, unlike you, who gorges 'imself only trois times a day!"
"Grr... Eitherway, about China-."
"What is there to say about him? Russia said he was sick, and he really isn't, so what's the big deal?"
"If he's faking being sick, he must be hiding something."
"Britain, is zis anozer one of your conspiracy theories?"
"What conspiracy theories!?"
"Remember when you said that gremlins were messing around with your planes last time a war broke out*?"
"Well, they were! Why else would my planes have so much issues!"
"Because you are a bad pilot, and you use your 'allucinations as an excuse for it, non?"
"Um, can we please get back to China?" Canada's small voice managed to penetrate it's way into the conversation."
"Yeah, Canada's right. This chapter's gonna go on forever if we keep arguing."
"Right-o, well, I say we try to get some foreknowledge on China first."
"Well, for starters, why did China want you to make Hong Kong un petit infant?"
"Er... What?"
"En anglais , France, si vou plaits." Said Canada to France. "Anglettere et Amerique parle anglais"
"Well duh, Canada, but 'ow else would I flaunt my elegant language in front of them?"
"Yo, Canada man, just translate for us."
"He said 'Why did China want you to make Hong Kong a little baby"
"Oh, well, he actually said he was going to give him to Belarus for a day or two. He wanted her to babysit Kong."
"Porquoi?"
"What?"
"Why," Canada translated.
"Hell if I know. Anyone else have anything on China?"
"No, dude."
"Non."
"Not really..."
"Now, if no one else has anything, I say we should head over to China's how now."
China's House
"I can't believe I still have to wear this stupid ass uniform for you." Belarus was wearing the H*llo K*tty uniform, while kneeling over the medicine kit.
"Ok, pour the licorice tea-aru." Belarus did so, giving a mug full to China.
"This will *sniff*help me recover from cold faster. But I still need a more direct treatment."
"Well, what do you want?"
"There are instructions in there that say how to do basic treatment." Belarus took out a slip of paper, but she couldn't read it.
"It's in Chinese! How the hell am I supposed to read it!?"
"*Achoo!* Get someone who can read Chinese!"
"Like who? Why not you?"
"I don't want to touch the paper with *sniff* my sick hands. You might get sick too-aru."
"Well, any suggestions?"
"Hong Kong is still *achoo!* pissed at me for turning him into baby, so he's out-aru. Taiwan is cozying up to Japan, and Japan can read Kanji, which is the traditional Chinese that the instructions are written in, but he's enemy. I should have taught you how *sniff* to read chinese-aru!"
"Well, what about that creepy ass panda you always hang out with?"
"You mean *sniff* Shinatty-Chan?"
"That's what you call him? He's an old man in a H*llo K*tty suit. Seems like a pedophile to me, so that's probably why he hangs out with your babyface."
"Babyface? *Sniff* Rude! Just get Shinatty-Chan-aru!"
"How?"
"Call him! His number is *sniff* on the table downstairs-aru."
China's Backyard, before
"France, did you bring the ladder?" Britain was wearing a leaf on his head, as to not be spotted
"Oui, Anglettere." France wore a leaf too, but it was on a beret.
"Come again?"
"Come on dude, even I know what that means!" America was also wearing a hat with a taped on leaf
"Shut it, you might alert China!" Canada needed no leaf. He could be invisible without it. "He said yes, England."
"I'm still confused whether to call you Iggy or Britty."
"Call me either England or Britain, or the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."
"Nah dude, imma just call you Iggy!"
"Grr... France, the ladder!"
"Oh, here it is!" France handed Britain a ladder, but it was only 25 and a half cm (25.5 cm is pretty much 10 inches).
"France, what the f*ck is this?"
"I got it from Amerique!" I sent 'im the measurement for 10 meters!"
"Dude, I don't know what a meter is! I assumed it was pretty much inches!"
"Just use the metric system like the rest of the world, git!"
"I ain't using no commie units!"
"God, how else are we going to get up to China's room?"
"...Angleterre, give me a boost!"
"What? No, if anything, you're giving me a boost!" Then Britain realized something.
"A simple boost will do nothing, but if we form a human totem pole, we might be able to reach China's window."
"But what order are we going in?"
A few minutes later
Canada was at the bottom trying to hold up (fatass) America, who was holding up France, who was holding up Britain. Poor Canada's neck was breaking under the pressure."
"America, you need to e-eat less." Matthew was wincing in pain.
"Hey, don't you eat, like, cheese gravy and french fries?"
"No,that doesn't get invented until Quebec makes it in 10 years!"
"America, don't you have superstrength? Why the bloody hell are you not at the bottom?"
"Meh, Idunno."
"Oh, Britain, your ass looks good from here, oui?"
"On second thought, France should be on the bottom."
"By bottom, do you mean when people have se-"
"No, now shut up and let me spy!" Britain looked through the window to see China sick in bed, blowing his nose and sipping licorice tea.
"*Achoo!* Belarus! Did you call him yet?
"Yeah!" Belarus' voice rang from downstairs, as she came upstairs. She sat down on a chair and started reading.
"Are you sure you *achoo!* should be reading when I'm sick?"
"I need to pass the time somehow, right?"
"Huh," went Britain. "Is China actually sick? If he gave Hong Kong to Belarus, she must have been on whatever China was doing, right? Or maybe China is lying to her as well.
*Ding Dong!*
"That must be him. Get the *sniff* door-aru." Belarus got up and put a bookmark between her book, 50 shades of pink. She walked downstairs and opened the door, to see no one there. She closed the door and turned around to come face to face with someone in a panda mask.
"Ah!" Belarus had a heart attack as she tried to regain her composure.
"Oh sweet Barishnikov, you must be Shinatty-Chan."
"..." He only nodded.
"Well, come upstairs. China needs you." China saw Belarus and Shinatty-Chan open the door into his room. Shinnaty-Chan simply sat down, reading the instructions, and jotted them down in english. Does that make sense? Belarusian? Sure, belarusian.
"Belarus, is he translating *Achoo!* the instructions-aru?"
"Yeah, though his handwriting sucks." Shinatty-Chan gave Belarus a translation of the chinese instructions, and he left out the door. Belarus actually tried to follow him.
"Wait, you forgot your pen!" Belarus opened the door to find that Shinatty-Chan had completely disappeared. She went back inside, holding the now transcribed instructions.
"Huh, weird." Belarus walked back into China's room. "China, why do you hang out with that guy?"
"The panda head makes me feel comfortable-aru."
"Well, eitherway, I have the instructions, so I just make the medicine with whatever is in this box?"
"Yes-aru." China blew his nose as he saw Belarus read the instructions.
"These are more philosophical than I expected."
"Well, let my try to explain. In theory, there are *Achoo!* 2 energies in the human body. Yin and Yang. One is negative, while the other is positive, and there must be a balance *sniff* between the energies. Imbalance between the energies is where sicknesses like mine come from. Each organ is in charge of a certain energy, with lungs being the key chi area. Because I have cold, there is problem in my lungs-aru."
"So, what, you want me to do surgery? I have no problems with that." Belarus held up a knife as she said that.
"No-aru! Just make me something edible with the herbs in there."
"How do I make it?"
"Aiyaa. Well, the instructions are a bit foreign to you, so I will *sniff* help you with it."
Outside
"America?"
"Yeah Canada?"
"Ask what Britain sees please?"
"Kay dude. Yo, Iggy! Canada wants to know what's going on."
"I think China's actually sick."
"But you said-"
"I know what I said! He seems as if he is under the symptoms of a cold."
"You don't zink zat 'e made 'imself malade on purpose, did 'e?"
"That's not a bad prediction France. We'll have to get a closer look. For clues."
"Anglettere, 'ow do we descendre?"
"What?" Canada's voice echoed from the bottom of the human totem pole
"He said how you would get down."
"Well, we can always... I think that we can..."
"You ain't got no ideas, do you Iggy?"
"Bloody hell, I was sure that we could... Shit."
"'Ow about you climb in through the windows, and sneak into le 'ouse?"
"Not a bad idea. Okay then"
"But what are the rest of us gonna do?"
"Just, find any way you can find!." Britain opened China's window, and snuck inside. He was lucky that Belarus was preoccupied with the medicine, and China's eyes were smaller then usual. He crept behind the curtains, behind the dresser, and eventually slid under the bed. He made a bad choice with that, as China's particular ailment had blessed him with the power of gas.
*Poot*
"Ah- Why?"
"China, did you fart?"
"Ah! No, I didn't-aru! Did you fart?"
"No. So, how do I do this?"
"Well, because it's a lung issue, take some peppermint, ginger, and chrysanthemum, and make tea out of it."
"What? Tea? That's how you're gonna get rid of a cold?"
"It's in a form in which I am comfortable with. Besides, it's better than a pill-aru."
"Okay then. Why can't you just use western medicine?"
"No-aru! That medicine, I don't trust it at all. It's not natural, that shit." As Belarus was making the tea, Britain peeked out from under the bed. He peeked at the paper in which the instructions were written in, and he swiped it when Belarus wasn't looking. He started to read it."
"The best medicine is food, says an old proverb. The medicine system is based around the idea of chi and the balance of yin and yang. For an imbalance of chi or yin and yang, a sickness will occur. Each organ is- Oh! What bloody rubbish this is!" Britain whispered, crumpling up the paper. "Everyone knows that lozenges from the pharmacy are the best medicine!"
"Okay, so, if Russia gets sick, I can always help with this medicine?"
"Yes-aru. But so far, I've seen that *Achoo!* Russia just scares away the sick. This is more of a thing if you and Russia have... children-aru."
"*Gasp* Is China, helping Belarus?" Britain whispered under his breath, but then China spoke up again.
"As long as we are talking about *Sniff* medical things, the western ideas of humans aren't far off-aru. For instance, what if *Sniff* you actually do have children with Russia? Of course, you would have too small of a gene pool-aru."
"...Well, maybe, if we add in Ukraine..."
"AGH! OH! WHAT THE F*CK-ARU!?"
"Just a thought..."
"That still wouldn't do anything! There's only one plug and 2 outlets-aru!"
"Good point. Maybe If I grab Lithuania..."
"Well, alot of people ship that."
"What!? They do!?"
"People ship you with him, and America, I believe."
"Really? Who do people ship you with."
"Well, Russia, America, Taiwan, Britain-"
"What!? People ship you and me!?" Britain jumped out from under the bed.
"Britain! Shut up! I'm talking to Belarus-aru! *Sniff* Now, I think I read a fanfiction with me and Hungary. To be honest, I kind of like that one, but it's because I wield a cooking appliance like Hu- BRITAIN!? THE F*CK YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?"
"Ah! I can explain!" Britain backed towards the door. Belarus put down a piece of ginger, and brandished a knife.
"Explain. Now."
"Ah, well, you see... I was wondering when you would have my tea shipment ready. You know, from the deal with Hong Kong?"
"It's downstairs, in living room. Belarus, make sure he doesn't *Sniff* do anything funny-aru."
"Okay. By the way, here's your tea." Belarus gave a cup of tea to China, while she escorted Britain downstairs.
"So, Britain."
"Y-yes?"
"Why are you really here?"
"Well, to-to collect my t-tea, of course." Britain was cracking under the fear of Belarus. "By the way, why are y-you wearing that H*llo K*tty c-costume?"
"China. Enough said. But seriously, you can't have snuck in to just take some tea. So what's the reason?"
"Ah, well, just the tea! Nothing else!"
"Ah, yes, of course. You tell me lies, but I don't really give a shit. Just take the box and go." Belarus pointed to a giant wooden crate in the living room, and Britain rolled it out of the house with the wagon. As Belarus showed Britain out, Britain walkedabout 5 feet out from the house. Suddenly, he received a phone call.
[I'm missing bargain hunt, what shall I have for lunch? Maybe some chips- doo doo doo do-]
"Hello? May I ask who is calling?"
"Dude, the hell you doin'?"
"America? Did you sneak in the house yet?"
"No. More like on top of the house." Britain looked up, and saw America and France on the ceiling. America waved at Britain, while France was using a crowbar on a vent."
"You're sneaking in through the bloody vents?"
"Yeah!"
"Ah. Going in James Bond style, I see. Be careful, Belarus is scarier in person than when you spy on her."
"Noted, dude. So why are you going home?"
"I was discovered, and I was let off easy, because China owed me a favor. Remember the tea?"
"Oh yeah. Well, we don't know where Canada went, so if you see him, call me, okay?"
"Who?"
"Nevermind dude."
*Boop*
"He hung up without saying goodbye? What horrid etiquette." Britain walked to an airport, while France broke off the vent covers.
"Ah! Merde!" China's vents are razer 'ard to break."
"Well, at least we can sneak in." America crawled into the vents, with France following after. They crawled through the vents, and saw a vent cover into China's room. The both looked through the grate, and observed.
"Ah, so, is Britain gone?"
"Yeah. You feeling better?"
"Yes, but now I need to *Sniff* smooth out the flow in my lungs. Take some Stessile Stamona root, and some of that..."
"Dude! He's really sick!"
"'Ow can we be sure 'e is not faking it?"
"Belarus... Can you also take the panda doll to your left and give it to me?"
"Which one?"
"The green one. He is Mr. Sick. He makes me feel better when I am sick-aru."
"Okay, 'e is malade. We still need to know why 'e is with Belarus. And why Belarus has that ridiculous outfit."
"Okay, now lets try using some good old fashioned acupuncture."
"You mean, needles?"
"The needles are able to aid in the proper flow of chi. *Sniff* Theres a smaller box in that box, with a chart for points that help with colds-aru." Belarus opened the box, and saw about 50 needles, and a small folded up paper. She unwrapped the paper, and saw a list of numbers, letters, and a chart of the human body.
"So, the first part where I stab-"
"Put. I don't know if *Sniff* this is safe or not, considering it's you-aru. Eitherway, just lightly place the needle into where the thing says it should *Sniff* go."
"Okay first area, B2. It seems to be near the place where your lower brow and nose ridge meet." Belarus took a needle and moved it rather close to China's eye. Belarus was perfectly still, and China, having been through this process several times. Belarus stuck the end of a needle where the chart had said.
"Good-aru. Now *Sniff* do it on the other side." Belarus grabbed another needle, and moved it towards the place where she was supposed to. Suddenly, there was a clanging noise.
*Clang!*
"AHH!" America fell out of the grate where he was hiding, and landed on Belarus. France came falling after. Belarus' hand moved to fast, and the needle landed in China's eye, with much more force than it was intended.
"GAHH!" The needle landed in China's eye, and he got up and started running around the room. His white robes where close to slipping off. Belarus was trying to get off from under America and France's weight.
"Get off fatass!"
"Oops! Sorry!" America stood up quickly, flipping France upside down and into the wall. Belarus stood up, brushing her uniform.
"What the hell are you doing here!? First Britain, now you 2 idiots!"
"Ah, Belarus! I can explain!"
"...I guess I can listen for a while."
"You see, France and I were looking for... Dirty mgazines! Cuz' France was jerking off, and he had no wank material!"
"Hey! I take great offense to zat!"
"Well, China doesn't have any dirty magazines, so you'll have to fulfill your nasty desires elsewhere." Belarus was telling the two to get out, oblivious to the screaming of a bleeding China in the backround.
"Aiyaa! My f*cking eye! Why!?"
2 Hours Later
Belarus, America, and France were in a building where chinese medicine was a specialty. They were in the waiting room, while China was inside the treatment room. The door separating the yandere, east european nation, the romantic, perverted nation, and the fatass nation, from the injured asian, had a sign on it, reading "Dr. Lau."
"Next time, I think I will talk to China in private." Belarus was still wearing the H*llo K*tty outfit, while a number of people stared at her. She didn't seem to care at this point, and neither did America or France.
"So, why were you talkin' to China? And why were you giving him medicine? Are you two... a couple now?"
"Shut. Up. Hong Kong made the mistake of saying that in the 2nd chapter, and now he still has issues peeing."
"Noted."
"But seriously, why were you in 'is room?"
"Well..."
"*Ahem* Ms. Arlovskaya? Mr. Jones? Mr. Bonnefey? The client is ready to see you now." A chinese man stepped out of the treatment room, calling this out. Belarus had decided that using human names would be less confusing for the common humans.
"Ah, that would be us. Come on, idiots." Belarus had said that calmly, as she stepped inside the treatment room. France and America followed after. As the three stepped in, they where met with the smell of tantalizing and bitter herbs, such as ginger, chrysanthemum, apricot kernel, and the such. Belarus was distracted by the different varieties of acupuncture needles, while America looked over at some of the herbs, muttering about losing weight with them. France was distracted by a diagram of the human body and the chi points. He was only interested in the private areas, however.
"Uh..." America started sniffing some of the herbs, France started wondering out loud if a chi point could be used in sex, and Belarus started testing the weight and sharpness of the needles.
"Hello-aru! I'm right here!" China yelled out loud, as the 3 turned to face him. China was seated on a chair, looking very pissed.
"Oh! Sorry dude! Got distracted by such a weird place."
"THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE SORRY FOR!?" China pointed at his left eye, which was actually in a jar."
"EW! Why is your eye in a jar?"
"You pushed Belarus into my face, forcing her to take out my f*cking eye! Do you see this eyepatch-aru!?" China pointed to his face, which had a black eyepatch on it. He stared angrily at America and France.
"Hehehe, about that..."
"Why the hell were you in my house?"
"Well, zere is a bon explanation pour zat."
"Why did you poke my eye out?"
"I didn't mean to. I accide-"
"Why was Britain in my house-aru? Are you conspiring with him?"
"Non, non. Angleterre-"
"And are you paying my medical bills!? Dr. Lau is expensive!"
"Okay, that, I am not-"
"And why did you land on me, out of all things!?" Belarus was also angry at the two. America and France cowered in fear, and they immediately rushed out of the room, screaming.
"RUN AWAY!"
"A PSYCHO FILLE ET UN ANGRY CHINOIS GARCON!"
"Get your asses back here-aru!" China stepped out of the room, shaking his fist at the two. He went back inside the room, and sat back down into the chair.
"Well, on the bright side, you don't have a cold anymore..."
"Yeah, at the cost of an eye. Economy really sucks, huh?" China gave a half-hearted chuckle, but soon sighed.
"You know, do you think this is going to work-aru?"
"What do you mean?"
"I lost an eye just teaching you medicine. That is the exact opposite of what medicine is supposed to do-aru..."
"Ah, well, Russia might love me if I become more like you."
"But what if he doesn't-aru? He might think that you love me now..."
"And what is there to show for it? An eye in a jar?"
"It's not your fault. It's those idiot's faults-aru." Belarus started to zone off, into the sight of China's eyepatch. "Uh, Belarus,are you okay?"
"Oh, sorry. It's a habit I have, just zoning off."
"Oh, whew! I thought it was about my eyepatch-aru."
"Well, you do look like a pirate now."
"Yeah. Feel like Xiahou Dun..."
"Who?"
"Oh, a soldier in one of my old armies. He lost his eye the same way I did, although in a more violent way-aru. See, I lost my eye to 2 idiots and a student holding a needle. Dun lost his eye in a bloody war against the greatest warrior in China at the time. He was shot by an arrow in battle, and he took out the arrow with his eye still on it. He then proceeded to eat the battle in the midst of combat."
"Really?" Belarus, for once, lost her stone cold expression, as her eyes widened at the anecdote.
"Needless to say, Xiahou Dun was quite the bad-ass-aru."
"He seemed friendly." Belarus had said that in a sarcastic tone.
"Yeah, well, he was a small bit of a great tale. A tale that I haven't told to anyone since my siblings have... moved on-aru..." China zoned off himself, staring at the floor. Belarus looked into China's eyes. She could tell that he was anxious to tell the story.
"China... If you want, I would not mind if you told me the story..." Belarus was a bit careful in her wording.
"Really-aru!? I mean, really?" China had regained his composure, after seeming too eager.
"Very well. Seeing as you have done some good progress over your impromptu lessons, I believe that it is time for a break. Tomorrow, I shall tell you a grand tale, of love and loss. A tale of bloody wars, and betrayal. A story of horrible pain, and yet, great beauty!"
"Are you done with the ham yet, geezer?" Belarus had managed a small smirk as she said that.
"Ah, yes, of course-aru!" China had chuckled. He moved his hand over his eyepatch, shifting into deep thought.
"Yes... Pain, and yet... Beauty." got up from his chair. "Well, no use telling it in the Dr.'s office! Especially when he pays by the hour-aru. I will tell you the story tomorrow. So, let's go home now. I need to find a way to blackmail France and America into paying my medical bills-aru." China and Belarus left the Dr.'s, and made their way to their own homes. China snuggled into his bed, hugging his stuffed panda.
"Oh, panda... I'm so happy-aru. Even if I might suffer injuries along the way, it feels nice to have Belarus around. She is a little rough around edged, yes-aru. But it's like I have another sibling again..." China smiled, as he drifted off into a deep sleep, embracing the stuffed animal.
Belarus went home, and immediately changed into her usual dress. She walked into the briefing room for the U.S.S.R., and found that Lithuania was there, doing some paperwork. Lithuania took notice of Belarus, and stopped his paperwork.
"Oh, hello Ms. Belarus! How was the lesson with Mr. China?"
"It went... I wouldn't say bad, but it was not planned, that's for goddamned sure."
"What happened?"
"America and France came, I was doing malpractice on China, and he lost an eye."
"He- he what!?"
"Lost an eye. He has an eyepatch on right now. Tomorrow, he agreed to let me take a break from lessons, and he's telling me something about his culture."
"Seems like my plan is working... I believe, to an extent. Would you like some tea?"
"No thank you. Whatcha doing there?"
"Paperwork. Hitler, he.. I wouldn't normally say this, but as America would say, Hitler 'F*cked up big time.' I have to sort out some of the equipment we took from the Nazis."
"Ah, I see. Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight Lithuania."
"Goodnight Ms. Belarus!" Lithuania blushed as he turned down to his paperwork, while Belarus left to her bedroom. As she entered, she plopped down into her bed, and started to get comfy. She felt something fuzzy on her arm, and she then picked up what seemed to be a brown bear. She remembered that it was the bear she brought when China brought her to B*ild a B*ar.
"...Sure, he's childish, but he's kind of nice..." Belarus smiled, as she drifted off into a deep sleep, embracing the stuffed animal.
Britain (The actual landmass, not the big eyebrowed shit of a cook)
"Hey! I take much offense to that statement, thank you very much! Have you tried fish and chips?" Britain was drinking some of the tea that China gave to him as part of the Hong Kong baby deal.
"Oui, and zey taste greasier zen America's burgers"
"Hey! Rude! At least I don't get drunk every night and hump a mannequin!"
"...Zat was one time, America. And zat was supposed to be our secret..."
"Ha! He actually did that? And you say I'm lonely!"
"Um, guys?" Canada was stuck in the middle of the three way (the argument, not the sex position. But if you look around the site, maybe, just maybe...).
"Oh, yeah! Canada just reminded me! We have to report what we found out about China!"
"Ah, yes. Well, I've learnt, America. LEARNT. That chinese medicine is bullshit, China needs to lay off of the spicy foods, I am shipped with China, America is shipped with Belarus-"
"WHAT!?"
"And that China might be helping Belarus get Russia's affection."
"But, porquoi?"
"I'd say that he figured out the fact that if Belarus and Russia get together, Russia will stop stalking him. That's what I would wager my rum on. Well, what about your info?"
"Well, today, me and France learned."
"It's France and I learnt, git!"
"Whatever. Eitherway, we figured out that... What did we learn?"
"We now know zat chinese people retain alot of blood in zeir eyes."
"TMI France. Now, that's all the info we have, so-"
"Um, I have some info..."
"Gah! Who said that!? Peeves the Poltergeist!? Is that you?"
"God, really?"
"Mon dieu..."
"I'm not a Harry Potter character Britain. We don't even have Harry Potter yet, it's WWII."
"Peeves! I'm warning you! I will get McGonagall on your ass again! She figured out how to use Rictumsempra on poltergeists!"
"Dude, just tell me the info, and imma pass it on to Iggy." Canada leaned in real close to America's ear, and he whispered something really fast. America nodded, and Canada backed off.
"Okay. Canada says that he was following the two around the whole day, from his house, to after we ran away in the Dr.'s Office, and he can verify that China is tutoring Belarus how to be more chinese so Russia can return her affections."
"That's blood stupid."
"You really want to get in ze way of zose two?"
"Not necessarily. Okay, tomorrow, I say we spy on them again." As Britain said that, Canada leaned in close to America's ear, and whispered again.
"Canada says there's no point. Chinas' telling Belarus a story about his past."
"Ah, well, I'd say that we take tomorrow off." As he had said that, The wall behind Britain had crumpled down, and bricks flew into the FACE family's... faces, I guess. Get it? Because their called the FACE family? And they... my humor is wasted on this site. Eitherway, the wall broke.
"My bloody wall? What the f*ck!?" Britain waited for the dust to clear, and he came face to face with a tank's turret, with an albino wearing a pickelhaube helmet peeping out of the hatch of the tank.
"Kesesesese! Guess vhat bitches! Ze awesome haz arrived to ze lame party!" Britain's face had curled into an immeasurable amount of angry.
"...ffffffFFFFFUUUUUUU-"