Daughter of My Heart, Chapter Twenty-Nine

Her mom was late getting home from work. Cassie frowned at the clock. Since taking a lab job, Sam had rarely been this late coming home. But nobody had called, not her Mom, not Janet or Uncle Jack, and mercifully, not General Hammond, so she had to assume everything was all right. The Earth wasn't under imminent threat, nothing cataclysmic had happened on base. Because when bad things happened, somebody always found a way to let her know.

Rising from her seat on the couch, she went to the kitchen, pulling some ingredients from the fridge. Whatever was keeping her Mom at the base late tonight, she'd still need to eat when she got home. Plus, Cassie was getting hungry. Assembling her supplies, she set to work, whipping up a large chicken Caesar salad, with wedges of cheesy garlic bread on the side.

She was just about to sit down to eat when she heard a key in the door. She went down the hall, watching Sam come in. Despite her earlier reassurances that nothing could be wrong, she looked pale, exhausted.

"Mom, are you all right?," Cassie asked, worried now.

Sam managed a wan smile. "Yeah, I'm all right," she said quietly.

"Did something happen? I mean, is everyone else okay?," she pressed.

Sam pursed her lips. "Cassie, sweetie, there's something I need to tell you...but I don't really know how to say it."

"You're kind of freaking me out, Mom," Cassie confessed. Sam led her to the living room, where they sat.

"I went through the 'gate today," Sam began. Cassie froze, startled. Her Mom hadn't stepped through the Stargate in over a year, ever since her dad had died. She'd promised she wouldn't put herself at risk, that Cassie would always have her... "We found your dad."

It took a moment for the words to sink in, for some sense of meaning to attach itself to what her mom had just said. "Did you get to talk to him?," she asked. "Is he all right?"

Sam smiled, somehow managing to look older and more tired than Cassie had ever seen her before. "He's retaken human form," Sam reported. "But he doesn't remember who he is, or who we are," she added.

"Can I see him?," Cassie whispered.

"Janet thinks the more familiar the surroundings, the more likely his memory is to return," Sam replied, nodding. "She's bringing him here tomorrow for dinner."

Cassie beamed. "This is amazing! I have so much to tell him...," she trailed off, looking to her mom. Sam looked...defeated. "You don't want him to come, do you?," she asked quietly.

"It's not that," Sam said, shaking her head. "It's just, you and I... This is a lot to take in, that's all," she explained vaguely. "I mean, it's great to see him again, but I'm not sure...I'm not sure I'm ready to have him move back in with us, especially with no memory of who we are, of what we mean to each other."

"It's okay, Mom," Cassie reassured. "It'll be great just to see him again."

These people, too, gave him clothes, food, and shelter, though nothing in his surroundings appeared any more familiar to him than they had on Vis Uban. He lay on the bed, admittedly more comfortable than his last, and stared at the drab grey wall opposite. There was a knock at the door, and then the leader, Jack, came in.

"I brought you some of your things," he said, proffering the box. "Stuff to help jog your memory."

"Thanks," he replied, not moving.

"Aren't you the least bit curious?," Jack pressed, jiggling the box a little.

"Did you know I have a daughter?," he asked, smiling wanly. "The doctor told me. I'm supposed to see her tomorrow."

"I did know," Jack replied, setting the box down on the desk.

"I don't know anything about her. Or her mother, for that matter," he replied, laughing humourlessly. "How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to live what feels like another man's life?" He swallowed hard. He'd known this wouldn't be easy, but...

"You've already met her mother," Jack said, standing at the foot of the bed. "Her name's Sam, remember?"

"Sam?," he asked, heart rate increasing.

"That's right. The two of you adopted a little girl left alone on a planet destroyed by the Goa'uld."

"What's her name?

"Look in the box, Daniel. See what you can remember." With that, he left, leaving the box sitting in it's place, an open invitation.

"Right. Thanks," he said to the empty room.

Sam had no idea how she felt. Elated. Nervous. Relieved. Terrified. Every time she thought she'd settled on an emotion, another one cropped up. Daniel was alive, and he'd asked...he'd asked about them, as if maybe...as if maybe he hadn't forgotten quite everything about his former life. And it had scared her.

He didn't remember anything. His name, his history. Hell, he'd called the Colonel 'Jim' three times on their way back to the 'gate, despite numerous reminders. She was so happy, so relieved that he was alive, healthy, but at the same time...at the same time, this wasn't the same Daniel she'd known. Her Daniel had never missed a beat. Never misplaced a name, never forgotten a single, solitary detail about anything. She didn't know this man, this man with a face to break her heart, who forgot his best friend's name as soon as he'd heard it, who sensed something between them yet showed no recognition, no emotion for her.

She hadn't cried in over a year, not since the week he'd died. Yet tears coursed down her cheeks now, the weight of emotion squeezing them from the depths of her heart. What she wouldn't give to have her Daniel back, intact, exactly the way she remembered him. To feel his arms around her, to share those moments of reaffirming love. She'd missed him so much, so completely, that it was impossible to accept this flawed impersonator. Impossible to believe that he'd ever be the same, that he'd ever remember enough...

It was almost better when he was ascended. When she could believe that he was out there, looking out for them, doing what Daniel did best: giving himself for the good of the universe. Even though she could never see him, never speak to him, she'd never felt entirely alone.

Now, however, she'd never felt so alone in her life.

The box was filled with images of people he didn't recognize, one of the woman called Sam, some old journals, books and knickknacks he'd evidently once treasured. He sighed, holding the image of Sam. In it, she was smiling, an act which rendered her beautiful far beyond what he'd seen in his tent back on Vis Uban. Her clothes were different too, less utilitarian, and much, much more flattering. She was certainly attractive, and something in the way she spoke, the way she addressed him, impressed upon him a sense of sincerity. And yet, she'd described their relationship as 'complicated.'

He rifled through the images once more. There was one of a young woman, hardly a child anymore, who could very well be his daughter. She had long brown hair framing a soft, open face. Her smile was more contained than her mother's, almost reserved, and yet her hazel eyes danced with some hidden mirth. He wondered if their relationship was 'complicated' as well.

Setting the images aside, he reached for the journal. Maybe he'd left himself some clues there as to who he really was.

The Tok'ra have confirmed what Jack and Teal'c have been trying to tell us. We were stuck in a time loop for over three months. I can't even begin to image what it's like for them, to remember all that time, all those repetitions... Still, you have to think it'd be an incredible opportunity to try things you wouldn't normally do, without consequences. I can think of a few things I'd do, given the chance. But it's too soon. I know it's too soon. Sha're has been gone less than a year, and things between Sam and I have always been platonic. Besides, telling her how I feel would only complicate things right now.-

I should have punched Jack harder when I had the chance. Not that any of this is his fault. Not that it's anyone's fault, really. But she loves him. And whether he'll ever admit it or not, I'm pretty sure he loves her too. Which leaves me precisely nowhere. What do I have to offer, anyway? A disgraced name? A broken-hearted widower? She's probably better off with Jack. They both are.-

To hell with Jack. The son of a bitch shot her. He shot her! And I'm such an idiot, for never having told her...How could I have never told her? I love her. I never expected to find someone who made me feel like this. With Sam... I would do anything for her, give anything for her. Not just to be with her, but to see her happy. If I could trade places with her right now, I would. I would give my life for her, if it meant she'd live.-

I held a gun on Nirti. I held a gun on a Goa'uld, bargaining for my daughter's life. I've never been so scared, or so angry, before. Almost losing Sam was nothing compared to the threat of losing our child. The Goa'uld have already taken enough from me. They've already taken enough from her. This time, I made sure they wouldn't win.-

He closed the book, shaken. What kind of a life had he led?

Janet parked the car in front of Sam's house, glancing at her charge for any sign of recognition. He looked tense, nervous. She couldn't really blame him. Coming back to life with no memory of who he was, only to be bombarded with the strange reality the SGC personnel faced each and every day... She doubted she'd know what to make of her life, either, if she were in his shoes.

"This is it," she announced, taking the keys from the ignition. "This was your home."

"With Sam?," he asked, for clarification.

"That's right," Janet replied brightly.

"Doctor Fraiser, may I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure. Anything," she said.

"Sam told me back on Vis Uban that our relationship was 'complicated'. What did she mean?"

Janet sighed, staring down at the keys in her hand. "Things have never been simple between you two," she said at last. "When you first met, you were still married to another woman."

"Sha're?," Daniel guessed, and Janet smiled.

"Yes. Do you remember her?"

"No," Daniel replied, shaking his head. "I read her name in one of my old journals..."

"Right. Well, as I was saying, you were still married to Sha're. The only reason you joined the Stargate program was so that you could save her from the Goa'uld. She was taken captive the year after you married her."

"All right...," Daniel said, absorbing what he'd been told.

"When your team, SG-1, found this little girl alone on a devastated planet, Sam knew right away that she wanted to adopt her. But General Hammond wasn't convinced she could stay on active duty and raise a child on her own, and he wasn't at all prepared to let her leave the front lines," Janet explained. "That's when you and I stepped in. Sam was the only one the little girl trusted, the only one she wanted to be around. So we said we'd help in whatever way we could, to make sure she always had a caring adult around, always people she could rely on, no matter what. It didn't take long for her to start calling you 'dad.'"

"So in essence, Sam adopted her, and she adopted me?"

"Precisely," Janet laughed. "You and Sam became close friends, and then, about a year before you died, things got really messy."

"What happened?," he asked.

"The members of SG-1 were all taken hostage, all brainwashed. It took a really long time for the four of you to come back to yourselves, and for a long time, the two of you barely spoke."

"But that's not all, is it?," he asked.

"No. You and Sam eventually became involved. And you were really good together, for a while. But then the accident happened."

Daniel frowned. "We became involved while I was still married?," he asked.

"Ah, no," Janet supplied softly. "Sha're had died nearly a year before you and Sam got together."

"Oh," he sighed. "So there was an accident?"

"One of the planets you visited, the people there were building a bomb. But the power core wasn't stable, and you...you risked your own life to save everyone there."

"Oh."

"What you have to understand, though, is that your death wasn't quick," Janet cautioned. "We had a chance to save you. But you wouldn't let us. You'd found a way to ascend to a higher plane of existence, and you felt you could do more good there than you could here. You never even said goodbye to them, Daniel," she said, shaking her head. "And you have to understand, that having someone you love, someone you've chosen to share your life with, suddenly up and disappear... it broke her. We've all tried telling her that it wasn't personal, that you weren't the sort of person to do something like this selfishly, but that doesn't take the hurt away. That doesn't change the fact that she was left alone to raise her daughter, your daughter, or that she had to give up SG-1 to do it."

"She must hate me," he said. "Why did we come here? Why not leave her alone?"

"That's why," Janet said, pointing. Cassie stood at the window, watching. "Sam would never do anything to hurt that girl. And denying you access to her life... it would be torment."

"We were close?"

Janet smiled. "See for yourself."

He stepped out of the car, surreptitiously watching the girl watching him. After everything the doctor had told him, he was even more nervous than before. Sam really hadn't exaggerated when she'd said it was complicated. 'Complicated' almost seemed like an understatement.

Janet rang the doorbell, and it was the girl, his daughter, he reminded himself, who answered. He still didn't have a name to put to her face.

"Dad," she said, her face lighting up. "It really is you!"

"So they keep telling me," he replied, taking a step inside. Janet came up beside him.

"Don't worry. They've already told me you don't remember anything," the girl said, trying to put him at ease. "I'm happy to see you anyway."

He smiled, appreciating the sentiment. At least his daughter didn't seem to demand or expect him to remember instantaneously.

"You're here," Sam said, coming into the hall. "Come in, find a seat. Supper will be another half hour."

"Do you need a hand with anything?," Janet offered.

Sam shook her head. "Nope. We're good to just sit and catch up."

The three women led him into the sitting room, each taking a seat. He settled into the remaining spot, next to his daughter on the couch. "Is this yours?," he asked, picking up a heavy book. She smiled.

"Technically it's yours," she said, grinning, "but I've been reading it."

He leafed through, careful not to lose her page. Not exactly light reading, he mused.

"What made you chose this book?," he asked curiously. She shrugged.

"It was referenced in another one of your books that I read a while back. It looked interesting."

"Is it?"

She smiled again. "It is."

"Tell me about it," he asked, closing the book to look at her.

"It covers a period in Ancient Egypt known as the Amarna Period, when this heretical king, or Pharoah, overthrew the pantheon of traditional gods in favour of worshipping the Aten, or sun disk. He moved the Egyptian capital, changed everything about how his people saw the world...He even went so far as to change his name from Amenhotep, in honour of the great god Amun, to Akhenaten, in honour of the Aten. He was so despised by his own people that by the time his son succeeded to the throne, he was advised to change his name from Tutankhaten to Tutankhamun and encouraged to obliterate the reforms made by his father."

"That sounds...intense," he replied, fascinated.

"It was! Akhenaten's reign was one of the most controversial periods in Egyptian history, both then and now."

"Would you mind if I borrow this, when you're done?," he asked. The girl laughed.

"I'm not sure you really have to ask to be allowed to read your own book, but sure. You can have it as soon as I'm done."

"Thanks," he said, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

Something beeped in another room. "That'll be supper," Sam said, excusing herself. Janet followed.

"You know, I still don't even know what to call you," he confessed, figuring one embarrassment may as well follow another.

The girl smiled. "Mom and Janet think you need to remember that on your own."

"Do they, now?"

She nodded.

"So, I'm allowed to know I have a daughter, but not what I'm supposed to call her?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, that's fun."

"It's really bothering you?"

"Wouldn't it bother you?," he asked. "I mean, what if you forgot everything, and people would fill in just enough of the blanks to leave you with a million more questions than when you didn't know anything at all?"

"It sounds frustrating."

"It is! And the worst part is, they all seem to expect me to remember. It's been two months since the villagers found me on Vis Uban, and I haven't remembered a thing. Not my name, not my family, nothing about where I come from. Yet everyone here expects it to happen."

"Come on," the girl said, rising to her feet.

"Where are we going?," he asked warily.

"If you think you'd like this book, there are a few others I can recommend," she said, leading him down the hall and up a flight of stairs. Opening one of the doors along the upper hall, she led him into a room overflowing with papers, books, and more of those knickknacks from the box Jack had given him. "This was your office," she was explaining, scanning the shelves. "Here," she said, pulling a book from it's slot, then another. She piled four books into his arms. "Give these a try."

"That's a lot of reading," he said dubiously.

"We'll see," she said with a grin. "If you like them, I'm sure I can find some more."

"Are you two coming?," Sam called up the stairs.

"Just a minute!," the girl called back. "Just promise you'll give them a try?," she asked, turning back to him. He nodded. After all, what could it hurt? "Good," she smiled, bounding back down the stairs. Bewildered, he was left to follow, bracing himself for the rest of the meal.