Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!
A/N: This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!
And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…
Labyrinth
Scene 4: The Oubliette
"Look, mate, I just don't know how many times I'm gonna have to apologize," Pyro is whining to Remy from behind Wanda.
"Oh, Remy don't know, at least ten million more," Gambit answers.
"But I didn't even want to do it! Raven made me! She threatened to blow up me flame thrower!"
"She really did," Rogue concurs. "She charged it and everythan'."
"Don' care," Remy says, "But t'at do give Remy an idea." He grins evilly and looks at the innocent flame thrower.
"Oh no, not the flame thrower, anything but the flame thrower!" Pyro cries out.
"Seriously, Gambit, you aren't over that yet?" Raven says stepping out of the shadows with Lightning in tow.
"Non, Remy is not!" is the reply.
"Well, get over it!" Raven and Lightning shout.
Scott was walking by, carrying a tray of tea for Jean. He jumps, and the tea crashes to the floor, clattering loudly.
"Scott! My tea!" Jean whines.
"Well, at least I didn't scream that time," he says.
"You will," Raven and Lightning say. Scott screams. "Told you," They say. He screams again. Raven grins.
"That is so much fun, but let's start the play. Lights! Camera! Action!"
Rogue is falling down a hole, but there are hands catching her. There is a black wall with a bunch of holes in it. A very large number of Jaime clones are standing behind the black wall and sticking their hands in the holes. The cameras are placed so it looks like Rogue is falling down a round hole. She screams as she falls, "Ah! Oh, help!" The hands slow her fall. "Stop it! Help!"
A few Jaime Clone hands form a face and say, "What do you mean 'help'? We are helping." Another Jaime Clone Hand Face, or JCHF, says, "We're helping hands."
"Y'all're hurtin'," Rogue says in a scared voice.
A JCHF asks "Would you like us to let go?" They do and she starts falling.
"No!" she screams. They catch her again.
Another JCHF asks her "Well then, come on, which way?"
"Which way?" Rogue asks.
A new JCHF asks, "Up or down?" The JCHF's are impatient and Rogue doesn't know which way to go. "Come on, come on! We haven't got all day," cries another one. "Well, it's a big decision for her," a more patient JCHF says. "Which way do you want to go, hmm?" another one asks. "Yes, which way?" Yet another JCHF asks.
"Well, since Ah'm pointed that way, Ah guess Ah'll go down," Rogue says as soon as the JCHF's let her get a word in edgewise.
"She chose down!" a JCHF says excitedly. "She chose down?" a JCHF says questioningly. They start laughing.
"Was that wrong?" Rogue asks as they start moving her down.
"Too late now," the JCHF's tell her.
She finally falls through a cobwebby hole in the bottom of the pit. She hits the bottom with a thump. Well, she would have, but Raven didn't want her mother getting hurt. So, she gently floats down with Raven's telekinesis and Jaime hits a drum into a microphone offstage to make the thump. Raven is really happy because they made it through the entire scene without a single interruption. She is even smiling at Lightning.
Rogue gets to her knees and starts wiping the cobwebs off her gloves. "Ugh," she says before she notices how dark it is. In fact, the only light in the room is coming from the hole she just fell from. She looks up and watches a door close over it. The door has a very small grated-window in it. The room is even darker now. She looks around, frightened.
Remy and the goblins are watching through one of his magic crystals. He's back in the black outfit again and balances the crystal on one finger. "She's in t'e oubliette," Gambit says. All the goblins start cheering. Scott shudders uncontrollably. Remy gets frustrated. "Shut up! She should not have gotten as far as t'e oubliette. She should have given up by now."
"Ah don't give up easily," Rogue says, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Believe me, Remy's noticed," He says, laughing.
Raven sighs, "And it was going so well too…"
Lightning pats her back, "It's okay."
"I thought maybe we could get through one time, just one time without any interruptions! I mean, is that really asking too much?" she says.
"Maybe," he replies.
She raises an eyebrow at him. "Whose side are you on anyway?"
"Yours, naturally," he says and kisses her cheek.
Raven blushes, turning her cheeks a bright purple. Remy glares daggers. "Lightning!" Raven says.
"What? Oh right… the whole no PDA thing… sorry!"
"Remy t'inks it's time to start workin' on t'is play again," Gambit says through clenched teeth.
Raven and Lightning both suddenly look over at him and shrink down into their chairs, "Yes, sir…" they say in very small voices. Scott screams.
Remy glares at Evan who isn't paying attention. Bobby clears his throat. "Evan… you wanna maybe say your line before Remy decides to kill one of our directors?" Bobby asks.
"Ohh, right, sorry!" He gets into position and says, "She'll never give up."
"Won't she? T'e cyclops is about to lead her back to t'e beginnin'. She'll soon give up when she realizes she has to start all over again." Remy laughs, but the goblins don't. "Well, laugh." So, the goblins decide to laugh heartily. After all, with Gambit in this mood, it's probably a good idea just to do whatever he says. Gambit joins in the merriment and throws the crystal into the air where Raven's TK keeps it suspended as the camera zooms in on it. In the crystal is a picture of Rogue.
As the crystal breaks, the scene changes. Back inside the oubliette, Rogue hears a noise. "Who's there?"
"Me," a voice sounds, followed by laughter. The striking of a match and a candle lights to reveal the voice's owner is none other than Scott.
Rogue stands up and pretends she's happy to see him. "Oh, it's y'all."
"Oh yes, well," Scott stammers. "I knew you were gonna get into trouble as soon as I met you. So I've come to give you a hand." He walks over to her cheerfully. He notices she's looking around at the glitter-covered stone walls, floor, and ceiling of the oubliette. "Oh, you're looking around now, aren't you? I supposed you noticed there ain't no doors."
"All Ah noticed is Pietro got ahold of the glitter again..." Rogue deadpans.
"I just thought the set looked a little boring! Okay? This is an improvement! Believe me!" Pietro insists.
Raven starts banging the clipboard against her head. Lightning thinks about patting her back again, but catches a glimpse at Gambit and decides against it. "Back to work, peoples!" He yells instead.
"Only the hole," Scott continues. "This is an oubliette. The labyrinth's full of them."
"Really? How do ya know that?" Rogue asks.
"Oh, don't sound so smart," Scott snaps. "You don't even know what an oubliette is."
"Do you?" she says, crossing her arms across her chest, and raising her eyebrow.
"Well, not until I did this play," Scott answers.
"Stop ruining our play!" Raven and Lightning yell.
Scott starts crying and runs offstage.
"Oh great, now look what y'all two did!" Rogue whines. "Now someone's gonna have ta go fetch the little baby."
Everyone looks at Jean. "What? Why do I always have to go calm him down?"
"Because you're the only one who cares?" Lance says.
"You're his girlfriend," Tabby says, "and boy am I glad I'm not you!" Amara, Rahne, and Tabby all giggle.
Jean glares for a full 90 seconds before saying, "Fine! I'll go get Scott so we can finish the scene."
They come back half an hour later, and Scott gets back into place. "Yes, it's a place you put people to forget about them. Now, what you've got to do is get out of here. And it so happens that I know a shortcut… out of the whole labyrinth from here."
"No, Ah'm not givin' up now," Rogue declares. "Ah've come too fah. No, Ah'm doin' okay." She sits down on the cold, glittered floor.
"Of course you are," Scott says sarcastically. He goes over and pats her gloved hand. "But it gets a lot worse from here on in."
She looks him in the eyes, er, well in the red sunglasses anyway, and asks, "Why are y'all so concerned about little ole me?"
He backs up nervously, "What? Well, I am, that's all. Nice, young girl; Terrible, black oubliette…"
Rogue looks at her bracelet. "Ya like jewelry, don't ya?"
"Not particularly, but for the sake of the play, why?" Scott answers. This response earns him glares from both directors. Raven's eyes are glowing. He gulps. "Sorry!" He now looks as nervous as the part calls for and he repeats the line as it was supposed to be read, "Why?" and backs up a bit to increase his distance from Raven.
During all of this, Rogue has taken the bracelet off. She holds it in her hand. "If ya help me solve the labyrinth, Ah'll give ya this." She holds it up. "Ya like it, don't ya?"
Scott definitely likes it. He recognizes it as a bracelet he gave to Jean last week. He's about to say something about it, but one look at Raven makes him instead say, "So-so," and turn away.
Rogue puts her hand down. "Oh, okay." She stands up and puts it back on.
Scott does not like to see Rogue wearing Jean's bracelet. He stammers and then says, "Tell you what… give me the bracelet, and I'll show you the way out of the labyrinth."
"Y'all were gonna do that anyway," Rogue exclaims, putting her hands on her hips.
"Yes, well, that's what would make it a particularly nice gesture on your part," Scott remarks, anxious to get his dearly beloved's bracelet back into his own hands.
"No," Rogue declines. "Ah'll, Ah'll tell ya what, if y'all won't take me ta the centeh, take me as far as ya can, and then Ah'll do it on my own." She holds out the bracelet again.
"What is that anyway?" Scott asks.
"Plastic," Rogue says.
"Hey, isn't that mine?" Jean asks, finally getting a good look at the bracelet.
Rogue shrugs. "Rems found it lyin' around."
"Lying around where exactly?" Jean asks angrily.
"Your jewelry box," Gambit says with a smirk, and takes a sip of his coffee.
Rogue giggles and Raven grins. For once, she seems to be enjoying the interruption. "Okay, back to the play, everyone!" Raven says.
Amidst Jean's mumbles about how her jewelry box is always locked electronically, Scott decides to listen to Raven and say his line. "Ooo, I don't promise nothing, but, uh, uh… I'll take you as far as I can. Then, you're on your own, right?"
"Right," Rogue answers with a nod.
"Right." The bracelet is transferred to Scott, who puts it on and admires it, "Ooo, plastic." CLICK goes Pietro's blackmail camera. Scott glares at him and starts leading the way to a board that's just lying around the floor of the oubliette. He uncovers it from under a cloth and blows off some of the glitter. "Here we go." The board looks like a door. He places it against the wall. A clicking sound is heard as Pietro sets up the right part of the set. Scott opens the new door. Brooms, mops, and buckets fall on him. He curses and starts kicking things around. Logan growls, but Kitty shows him the script to calm him down. "Broom closet." Scott shuts the door. "Well, can't be right all the time."
"Abouttimeyouadmittedthat!" Pietro remarks. He then finds himself flying across the room into a brick wall.
"Carry on," Lightning insists after he resets the set himself because Pietro is unconscious.
Scott opens the door from the other side. "Ah, this is it. Come on then." Rogue follows him through the door. On the other side of the door is a dark, but much-glittered passageway with as many twists and turns in it as the labyrinth above it. In the walls, standing in alcoves, are X23, Angel, Nick Fury, Storm, Caliban, Logan, and Hank. All of them are dressed in costumes that make them look like statues, covered in glitter. All of them are glaring at the unconscious Pietro. "This way." Rogue follows Scott blindly as they pass the creepy-looking actors.
"Don't go on," Laura growls.
"Go back while you still can," Logan demands in a low voice.
"This is not the way," Nick Fury insists.
"Take heed and go no further," Ororo commands.
"Beware. Beware," Caliban's voice seems to slither the warning. All of the New Mutants are actually starting to get a little frightened by this time.
"Soon it will be too late," Warren tells them.
"Ah, don't pay any attention to them," Scott tells Rogue. "They're just false alarms. You get a lot of them in the labyrinth. Especially when you're on the right track."
"Oh, no you're not," Warren calls after them.
"Shut up," Scott snaps.
"Sorry, just doing my job," Warren grumbles.
"Well, you don't have to do it to us," Scott remarks rudely.
"Beware," begins Hank, "for…"
"Just forget it," Scott cuts him off.
"Oh, please, I haven't said it in such a long time," Hank begs. He rolls his eyes, "From Shakespeare to begging…"
"We can do without the adlibbing, Beast," growls a very angry blue teenager.
"Oops, sorry, didn't mean to say that out loud," Hank says.
"Oh, all right, but don't expect a big reaction," Scott says, throwing up his hands in frustration. They stop to listen to Hank's warning.
"No, no, no, of course not," Hank says politely before clearing his throat. "Beware, for the path you will take will lead to certain destruction," he says with overly dramatized emphasis. "Thank you very much."
Rogue and Scott suddenly notice a crystal rolling down the path. "Uh-oh," Rogue says.
"Oh, no," Scott says.
The crystal rolls to a beggar goblin sitting against the wall and jumps, with the help of Raven's TK, into his cup. "What have we here?" the strange muppet-beggar-goblin thing says in a strangely familiar voice.
"Uh, nothing," replies Scott, backing up.
"Not'ing?" Remy asks taking off the disguise and standing up. "Not'ing'? Not'ing? Not'ing, tra-la-la?" Each nothing sounds angrier than the last.
Scott looks at Raven, "Do I really have to do this?"
"YES!" Raven and Lightning shout.
He screams. After he regains his composure, he bows to Gambit and says, "Your Majesty, what a nice surprise!"
"Hello, Spittoon," Remy says with a smirk.
"Scooterdinck," Rogue says, trying not to laugh.
"Scottle!" Scott remarks, remembering to say it to Rogue, not the Goblin King, naturally.
"Scottle, can it be t'at you're helpin' t'is fille?" Remy asks.
Scott stutters, "Helping? In what sense?"
Remy happens to be wearing gray tights, a white shirt, a brown leather jacket, black gloves, and a long black cape. Rogue is practically drooling, and she's not the only girl there feeling the same way. He sweeps the cape behind him. "In t'e sense t'at you're leadin' her towards t'e castle," he says with glowing red-on-black eyes.
"What? No, no, I was taking her back to the beginning, your Majesty," Scott says quickly.
"What?" Rogue exclaims.
"I told her I was going to help her solve the labyrinth… a little trickery on my part, but actually…" Scott explains.
"What is t'at plastic t'ing round your wrist?" Remy interrupts.
"Oh," Scott hides his hands behind his back. Then, he takes them back out and looks at the bracelet, "Oh, this." He laughs nervously. "Oh, my goodness, where did this come from?"
"Spittle," Remy groans.
"Scottle," Scott corrects.
"Oui," Remy says, "If Remy t'ought for one moment t'at you were betrayin' him, he'd be forced to suspend you headfirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench."
"No, your Majesty!" Scott drops to his knees, grabs Remy's leg, and begs. He's already had a preview of the Bog and can't imagine having to touch it. "Not the Eternal Stench!"
"Oh, yes, Scottle!" Remy says, kicking Scott off into the wall. "And you, Anna." He walks over to her and places a hand on the wall above her. He's only about a foot away from her. "How are you enjoyin' Remy's labyrinth?"
Rogue drags her eyes up from his tights and into his eyes… and completely forgets her line. "What?"
Remy laughs. "Got a little drool there, Chère."
"Oh, shut up, Swamp Rat, and give me my script," she says.
"I thought you said you, like, knew this movie by heart," Kitty remarks.
"I do," Rogue growls.
"Chère's, just a little distracted, no?" Remy laughs.
Lightning looks over at Raven, who is wearing that dreamy look she always wears when her parents act all in love. He waves his hand in front of her face, "Uh, Ravie, Ravie…"
She waves his hand away. "This is good stuff, Lawr,"
"It's ruining the play," he says.
"It's making Gambit forget about you kissing me earlier," she whispers.
"Shutting up now," he says.
Rogue looks through the script and finds the line. "Oh yeah, that's right." She throws the script back to Kitty. She looks back up to Remy, who has gotten closer than the script calls for. He's now only six inches from her face. "It's a piece av cake," she lies.
"Oooh," Scott sighs, and places a hand on his head.
"Really?" He says, taking a step closer. "T'an how about uppin' t'e stakes?" He points and suddenly a fancy clock appears. Apparently, Pietro has finally woken up. The clock is held in the air by Raven's TK. Remy moves the clock ahead an hour. Well, technically, Remy points at the clock, and Raven moves the clock ahead an hour.
"That's not fair!" Rogue shouts.
"You say t'at so often," Remy replies, walking past her, very close to her. "Remy wonder what your basis for comparison is. So, the labyrinth is a piece, is it? Let's see how you deal wit' t'is little slice." He readies a crystal to throw.
"And cut!" Raven calls.
Lightning starts to say something, but Jean cuts him off. "Scott, hand over the bracelet before you break it!"
"We need it for the rest of the play," he whines.
"So, you'll just have to go to the store you bought it from and buy one in your size then!" Jean demands.
"Fine!" he hands the bracelet over,
"And Gambit!" Jean shouts. Everyone looks at her. She's in full Phoenix mode. "Stay out of my jewelry box!"
Gambit's face goes slightly pale, but he otherwise keeps his composure, "Gambit will be sure to remember t'at, fille."
In the midst of this exchange Lightning and Raven have been sneaking towards the door.
"Wait a minute, Remy wants to talk to you two!"
Raven looks at Lightning, "Run!" He grabs her hand and does just that.
And it's probably a good time to leave, considering Blob just realized Toad ate the last jelly filled donut…
"Todd!" A table flies by.
AN: Okay, update on my life. The worst part of my illness is now, mostly, under control. YAY! Turns out the Chronic Migraine wasn't even the cause of that anyway. *rolls eyes* Stupid neurologist, thinks he knows everything… Anywho, I got a job! XD So, I have hardly any free time. The great part is, my three kids and writing these parodies actually help me deal with the chaotic environment at my job. I love my job. It's great… and surprisingly not that different than trying to write these plays… actually it's probably a little less dangerous. Lol
So, again, I am so very sorry for the long wait. I will try to update more frequently. In fact, I'm going to try to get a few chapters done before I upload this one. XD.
Next up, the cleaners and Pietro sitting on his daddy! XD