Authors Note: Yo! Panda here! Obviously... Then again, it could be one of my cousins hacking into my computer. I will leave you to decide which option it is ^_^

Eitherway, I won't be updating for the next 2 weeks. I know I'm a slow motherf*ck when it comes to uploading these fanfics, but this time, I have an excuse! I'm going to visit Italy and France! All I will think of is Hetalia when I get off the plane.

Eitherway, enjoy this fic! It's a wee bit of a bonus, because it's a bit different from the usual format of these chapters. (As if they did have a format.)

*Ding Dong*

"Ah! I'm awake, I'm awake!" China was woken up in his bed, holding his panda. He rushed to get dressed in the most respectable clothes he could put on the fastest. All he could find was an old hanfu, from 1800 years ago. He put on his eyepatch, as he had lost an eye due to an acupuncture accident.

"I'm coming-aru!" China rushed to the door, and opened it, to see Belarus standing there.

"China, you didn't specify a time, so I just came now."

"I never specify a time! And out of all times, why did you choose 3:00 in the F*CKING MORNING!?" China pointed to the sky, which was still dark.

"Don't worry, I brought some coffee."

"Coffee? I don't like that-aru."

"Well, drink some tea or something."

"I think I will get ready, thank you very much." China went upstairs, and he remained up there for 20 minutes. After he came back down, his hair was smoother and less, frizzy, his eyes were less bloodshot, and he had his usual outfit on.

"Okay-aru. Do you want breakfast?"

"Sure. What do you have?"

"Congee. That's what I usually eat"

"You mean that rice soup?"

"Sure, something like that-aru." China went into his kitchen, and fiddled around with the rice cooker. After a few minutes, he grabbed two bowls of the contents of the rice cooker, and gave one to Belarus.

"So, do you just put raw rice in a water boiler?"

"No. You just put a little more water in the rice cooker when you make the rice, not that you are cooking-aru."

"So, you said you would tell me a story or something?"

"Yeah. It's a story based off of my actual history. I actually have an assortment of stories for you, as this one that I am telling is rather long-aru. I'm just going to tell you one of the first parts."

"What's it about?"

"War time and blood, which I am sure that you are interested in!" China smiled as he said that. China invited Belarus to his living room, and they sat down on some chairs.

"Tea?" China had some tea in the living room, and Belarus politely declined.

"So, it's a story about your history?"

"Based off of the events in history. The characters were real, but a bit romanticized. *Ahem*

Japan's Place, a little bit before Belarus arrived

Japan was kneeling at his table, reading over some military maps, wondering if Italy was going to not run away from their next campaign.

"Mr. Honda?" A soldier had walked up to Japan. Japan had looked up to respond to the soldier

"Yes?"

"Our spies have reported that there has been unusual activity to the west."

"To the west? Rike, Britain and France?"

"No, a little close to us."

"You mean, China?"

"Yes." Japan had stood up.

"Werr, what is happening?"

"There has been an unusuar visitor to his house."

"Who?"

"Uh... I berieve, Berarus."

"Berarus? They don't rearry know each other though..."

"Hmm, I berieve that spying on China might revear some questions."

"I see. I wirr reave at 12:00. Take care of Pochi for me, prease." Japan folded up his maps, and left the room.

China's place

"A long time ago, I was not a complete unified land. I was a fractured empire when this story took place-aru. This, is the story of 'The Three Kingdoms.'"."

"Well, go ahead."

"...Well, It was the year 184 AD..."

A man named Dong Zhuo was usurping the Han Empire, as he was a greedy man-aru. He took advantage of many things in the empire-aru. He drank and ate all day, he executed people for fun, he had beautiful women kidnapped, and he... I don't need to explain what he did to those women-aru...

Among his employ of ministers, were two people very crucial to the story. One was Wang Yun, and another was Cao Cao-aru. Cao Cao was a cunning, ambitious man, and was very calculating. Wang Yun was a man very discontent with the way the things were running-aru. Well, many people were, but he decided to do some shit about it-aru. You see, he met up with Cao Cao in secret, and they made a plot to assassinate him. You see, Wang Yun plotted the murder of Dong Zhuo with Cao Cao one day, in secret. The Wang clan-

"Wait, the Wang clan?"

"Yes-aru"

"Are you related to Wang Yun? I mean, Wang Yao and Wang Yun sound very similar."

"Ah, I had never really... I never really considered that. Eitherway..."

Outside China's Place

"Arr right, ret's see what you are up to, China..." Japan was wearing a camouflage ninja outfit with a stealth leaf on. He peeked through the window, to see Belarus and China sitting on a chair. He then saw that China was holding up and assortment of old scrolls.

"Those scrorrs. I recognize those scrorrs. China used to read me that story before. It seems he has found someone else to terr the tare to..." Japan moved in closer, so that he could hear the story. He looked close into the house, and listened to China telling the story to Belarus, wondering why he would tell her of all people

China's House

Cao Cao had finally come up with a plan with Yun. He would murder Dong Zhuo in his sleep, but Wang Yun had found a flaw in that plan. You see, Dong Zhuo had taken precautions against these kind of treacheries-aru. Dong Zhuo wore armor underneath his robes that could stop any normal blade. Therefore, Wang Yun had granted Cao Cao a precious heirloom to the Wang family. This was the 7 star dagger, and it was a particularly sharp and strong weapon, potent enough to cut through Dong Zhuo's armor.

Cao Cao, being someone in Dong Zhuo's office, was allowed mostly free roam around Dong Zhups quarters-aru. Cao Cao came upon Dong Zhuo sleeping, and brandished the 7 Star Dagger that Wang Yun had granted him. As Cao Cao unsheathed the dagger, the flash from the brilliant blade reflected into the sunlight, and Dong Zhuo woke up-aru. Seeing that he had woken up, Cao Cao kneeled down and hled the dagger in both hands. As so he would not be executed for attempted murder, he feigned kindness, as he presented the dagger as a present to Dong Zhuo. As the dagger was a well known treasure, Dong Zhuo was very pleased with Cao Cao. He congratulated him, and suddenly, Lu Bu had walked into the room.

"Who?"

"Ah, yeah, well, I guess I forgot to explain some of the characters in the story."

Lu Bu was the strongest warrior in the land at that time. He had immeasurable skill with archery, melee weapons, and horsemanship. Dong Zhuo had him murder his adoptive father, by bribing him with the position as a general in his army. He also granted Lu Bu one of the most well known horses in China, Red Hare. Lu Bu became Dong Zhuo's adoptive son and bodyguard ever since. Eitherway, Lu Bu walked into the room where it all went down, and Cao Cao left swiftly.

Dong Zhuo bragged about Cao Cao giving him the dagger, but Lu Bu quickly explained that Cao Cao must have been attempted to murder Dong Zhuo. Upon hearing this, Dong Zhuo told Lu Bu to gather people to search for Cao Cao. Unfortunately, Cao Cao had ran away, with one of Dong Zhuo's employees, Chen Gong.

Hearing about Cao Cao's failed attempt of murder, from one of many wanted posters with Cao Cao's name, Wang Yun devised another plan. He would have his adopted daughter, Diao Chan, seduce both Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu. Seeing as how they would probably compete for Diao Chan's affection, Lu Bu would probably kill Dong Zhuo over it, seeing as how he was rather arrogant.

One day, Wang Yun invited Lu Bu over to his house. There, he met Diao Chan. Falling in love with her immediately, Lu Bu asked to marry Diao Chan, and Wang Yun allowed it. What wasn't planned was Diao Chan developing actual feelings for Lu Bu, making their love real. Sadly, Diao Chan had to seduce Dong Zhuo as well, and he was a perv.

"So, is this story going to end soon?"

"It just started..."

"*Sigh* If this is only a part of the story that you are telling, care to tell me the premise?" Belarus looked impatient.

"Fine-aru. It's about Cao Cao and how he becomes a warlord, the fates of Lu Bu, and Dong Zhuo, and the confrontation between Lu Bu and Cao Cao."

"What does this have to do with your eye? Isn't your missing eye the reason why you're telling me this?"

"Not really. We haven't gotten to the part where Xiahou Dun and the other officers come into play. Is this story too long for you?"

"Well, can you just give me a copy of the book? That way I can read it in my spare time."

"Well..." China pondered. "I do have a spare copy of the book in belerusian, but be careful with it. If some of my countrymen find this, they will destroy it."

"Why? It's a f*cking book."

"It's Mao. He is modernizing China, but in the process, he is destroying the ancient history of my people and me*."

"Okay then." China looked to the bookshelf next to him, and took out 3 books that looked similar. He gave them to Belarus, who looked at them with a exasperated face.

"Three volumes!? Is this going to be like Britain's Lord of the Rings!?"

"It's a good read though, so just keep it. Not like I can read belerusian anyways."

"Well, is there any other stories you wanna tell me?"

"Why-aru?"

"This chapter is called 'Story time with China,' and you cut the first story short. You gotta fill in the chapter space."

"Damn. I thought only France and I were aware of the 4th wall-aru... I guess I can tell you this one story..."

"What story is it?" China shifted in his seat for a bit, and started to clear his throat.

"This story is called 'the Butterfly Lovers.'" China was unaware that Japan was spying closer on him.

"So, I presume it's a love story?"

"Yeah-aru. *Ahem!*"

This was the Jin Dynasty, the dynasty that preceded the Han. There was a 9th child of a wealthy family, called the Zhu clan. Her name was Zhu Yingtai, and she was the only daughter in her family's generation. She wanted to go to become a scholar, buther father wished against it. However, Yingtai eventually convinced to go, under the guise of a man.

"So it's pretty much Mulan, just no war."

"You know what Mulan is now?"

"I had America show me the movie after the martial arts thing."

"Ah..."

Yingtai goes to a university far away from home, and meets a man named Liang Shanbo. They start talking, and develop an affinity for each other. Over the next three years, Yingtai falls in love with Shanbo, but he is oblivious to the fact that Yingtai is a woman. Eventually, Yingtai received a letter from her father, asking her to return home. Yingtai wishes to profess her love to Shanbo, but doesn't have the courage. She bids him farewell, but Shanbo wished to see her off before she left.

Still oblivious the the fact that Yingtai was a woman, and that she loved him, Shanbo accompanied Yingtai 18 miles closer to her home. Yingtai eventually got the idea of playing 'Matchmaker.'

"Matchmaker?"

"That was a thing in my day-aru. Someone whose job it was to get people to be married.

Yingtai said that Shanbo should visit her house sometime, so that he could marry her 'sister.' In reality, as an only daughter, she had no sister. As they bid farewell, Yingtai went home, while Shanbo went back to the university.

Months later, Shanbo visited the Zhu household, and asked to see where Yingtai's sister was. He discovered that Yingtai was, in actuality, a woman. Upon knowing this, Shanbo immediately fell in love with Yingtai, and asked to marry her. Things seemed to be going their way, until Yingtai's father stepped in. Yingtai's father had arranged Yingtai to be married to the son of another wealthy family, and Shanbo couldn't be together. Shanbo left in despair and sadness, and eventually found a job as a county magistrate. However, he found no joy in this new job, and eventually succumbed his life to sickness.

The place where he was buried happened to be on the path to where Yingtai headed towards for her wedding. Upon seeing Shanbo's grave, she broke down immedately, and sobbed next to his grave. As there was a thunderstorm going on, a bit of the storm hit Shanbo's grave, opening it up.

In her despair, and her desire to be with Shanbo again, Yingtai threw herself into the grave. After she did this, the storm cleared up. and 2 butterflies emerged from the grave. The butterflies were the spirits of Yingtai and Shanbo, never to be seperated again.

"Wait, their spirits turned into butterflies?"

"Yeah. It's one of my favorite stories. Did you like it?"

"...Yeah, I loved it... I hope that Russia and I can have a love like that..." Belarus zoned out, while China looked at her.

"You know, whether or not you get Russia to love you, that kind of love is one that seldom appears-aru"

"How do you know?"

"...Let's just say, I have had my heartbroken on several occasions." China feigned a smile as he said that, but Belarus saw through it.

"Is that why you smile all the time? To hide that pain?"

"I'm- I don't have any pain-aru!" China stood up. "I'm a strong nation! I have grown- I have become resistant to pain!"

"...What about your siblings leaving you?"

"What?" China looked at Belarus, who seemed to break her stone cold face for once. It was replaced by a look of understanding.

"I know how you feel. Your siblings leaving you one by one, just like how mine grow scared of me, and alienate themselves from me, one by one..."

"...*Sniff* Aiyaa..." China's soft voice rang, as he walked towards Belarus. He began to move his arms around her, eventually embracing Belarus in a hug.

"I guess we're not alone anymore, huh?" China chuckled slightly, while Belarus hugged him back, in pure silence. "Haven't hugged anyone I actually... I guess, cared for, in a while... Feels good..." Belarus broke her silence by responding.

"...Yeah, it does." While they hugged, Japan looked from out the window. Feeling a bit sorry for China, and unexpectedly a bit for Belarus, Japan decided to leave them alon,e and return to his own land. As he walked towards the border, and took the boat back home, his soldiers began talking to him.

"Should we commence the attack now? He seems to not be responding to any of our movements."

"...No. We're going home."

"What?"

"We'rr attack tomorrow. Just- today is a bad time..." Japan's boat took off for Japan, leaving China and Belarus to their peace for today.

*When Mao began the 'Great Leap Forward,' which was the modernization of China, many people destroyed ancient Chinese relics and pieces of China's ancient history. Vases, paintings, old books and stories; nothing was spared.

Sorry about the seriousness in the chapter! I know it's a humor fic, but I just needed a quick change in tone. We'll get straight to the funny in the next chapter!